Pushing Over 40

by S M Mala

  ‘We’re here for the party,’ he smiled, holding a bottle of wine. His wide smile and grey blue eyes startled her as he was very good looking. ‘We’re the new neighbours.’

  ‘Oh blimey,’ she said, forcing a grin and standing to one side realising why Dee was making the effort for the handsome man. ‘They’ve been waiting for you. I’m Maya by the way, Harry’s sister.’

  ‘Hi,’ he said, holding out his hand to shake hers. ‘I’m Tony and these are my daughters Alice and Eve.’

  ‘Pleased to meet you,’ Maya smiled, hoping they were going to give Dee hell with their teenage antics.

  ‘Hi,’ the older one said grinning while the younger one looked away. ‘Is the party pretty rank, that’s why you’re leaving? I told you dad.’

  ‘Believe me it usually gets better after a few drinks,’ Maya looked as the man frowned. ‘If you’re old enough to drink of course as I don’t condone teenage alcoholism.’ She watched the older daughter, Alice, shake her head and laugh. ‘Enjoy the party!’

  ‘Are you leaving?’ he asked as she stepped around him.

  ‘I’m not dressed properly,’ she smiled and was transfixed on his face for a second before dashing off. ‘See you later.’

  As she ran down the road, passing some of the recognisable guests who seem bemused by her exit, there was a gripping pain in her womb. Slightly tearful she quickly walked to her flat and threw off her clothes before taking a shower.

  Her period was only two days late but in that time she had such hope the sperm donation would work.

  Opening up her laptop she went into her calendar and typed in the start date then logged into her website ‘Pushing over 40’.

  ‘I will have a baby… I really will,’ she said, gulping back the tears before flinching at the pain and glancing at her pregnancy books that hadn’t been read since she miscarried over a year ago.

  The mobile started to ring.

  ‘Where are you?’ Shona asked.

  ‘I’m on my way,’ she replied, deciding what to wear and went for her good old black top and trousers… her uniform of choice.

  ‘Eadie said you turned up looking like a tramp and Dee doesn’t look too happy. I see Adam is here,’ laughed Shona. ‘Has that got anything to do with your great escape?’

  ‘No!’ she replied, feeling flustered then looked in the mirror, realising she was tired.

  Grabbing her expensive highlighter stick she dabbed it all under her eyes.

  ‘The boys are here and I can’t stay long so get your arse over now. You’re still okay to come for lunch tomorrow?’

  ‘Yes, she laughed then sighed heavily. ‘So you’ve seen Adam then?’

  ‘I’m actually going to talk to him when I get off the phone.’

  ‘Please don’t Shona! Don’t say anything to him.’

  ‘What would I say? ‘Is it true she tried to get a cheeky snog in and head butted you instead? Aren’t you curious why you’ve not seen her? The shame meant she avoided a family get together for eighteen months due to her criminal sexual assault.’ Is that what you mean?’

  ‘Thanks for that.’

  ‘He didn’t press charges so I’m sure it’s fine and all forgotten.’

  ‘Some bloody best friend you are,’ she said, then realised Shona had hung up.

  After drying her hair she quickly flung on her clothes and trainers then took two strong pain killers and ran back to the party.

  As she entered there were groups congregating in corners and it was getting noisy. Spotting Dee, she hid behind a curtain only to see Shona and Harry talking to Adam in the conservatory.

  Shona did a double take and shook her head as Maya peeped out. She saw Shona walking towards her then stand with her back to her. Admiring her very well turned out friend and noticing the newly cut pixie hair and immaculate make-up, Maya knew it would only make her look scruffier.

  ‘Really Maya, your behaviour is certifiable,’ her friend mumbled so no one would notice.

  ‘I don’t want to see Dee as she’ll rope me in for something and I don’t want to speak to Adam,’ she groaned. ‘And you look nice. Why can’t you look a bit rough and then I’d be let off.’

  ‘Honey, it takes a lot of money to look like this,’ her friend laughed out loudly. ‘You can’t stay behind a curtain all evening, can you? Stop being a chicken and face the music.’

  ‘My period came today,’ she whispered sadly and saw Shona poke her head around the curtain. ‘I’m not in the mood to party.’

  ‘Oh, I’m so sorry,’ she said sympathetically.

  ‘I feel so useless,’ Maya replied and looked up at her friend who was pulling a sad face. ‘I’m not destined to have babies am I?’

  ‘It takes time,’ Shona replied.

  ‘How long have I got?’

  ‘Women get pregnant when they’re in their seventies now don’t they?’

  ‘I haven’t got enough savings to go for that long,’ Maya laughed half-heartedly.

  ‘Your time will come. Just don’t think about it too much.’

  ‘I can’t stop looking at pregnant women and wishing it was me. I’ve started to count how many people I think look over forty so it’ll give me some hope,’ she gulped stepping closer to her friend. ‘I’m even totting up the ages of the women on the website.’

  ‘That website hasn’t helped you, you know. It’s made you more anxious about things,’ Shona quietly said.

  ‘But look at how many women are there supporting each other! We’re not dried up, we know we can put back the clocks on looking good on the outside but our insides get older, regardless, and mine are probably the same as a sixty year old!’

  ‘The clinic wouldn’t be letting you have the sperm if they didn’t think you could conceive,’ Shona whispered.

  ‘Or they like fleecing desperados like me for cash.’

  ‘Don’t give up yet. If it’s what you really want you can’t give up,’ Shona sympathetically said, stroking her hair. ‘You could always pin down Adam and get him to give you one.’

  ‘He’d definitely press charges against me then he’d need therapy. The man looks at me like I’m the ugliest thing he’s ever seen.’

  ‘Has he looked at his mother?’ gasped Shona as they both laughed.

  ‘Where’ve you been?’ Dee asked, popping out of nowhere as Maya’s smile faded completely at getting caught. ‘Come and help with the drinks. What are you wearing?’

  ‘What’s wrong?’ Maya replied, looking down at her clothes.

  ‘Don’t you wear any other colour than black? You could at least have worn something a little smarter.’

  ‘This is smart,’ she defensively replied, looking at Shona for some support only to find her looking across the room.

  ‘Five minutes and you’re on drinks duty,’ sighed Dee as she flicked her hair and walked away.

  ‘You should be nicer to your sister in law,’ Shona gently said, still focussing on something.

  ‘I am nice to her. That woman had two perfectly healthy pregnancies. She popped out Eadie when she was thirty eight and not a twinge of any problems. That’s not fair,’ moaned Maya feeling a little weepy. ‘Dee thinks I’m a failure and she’s not too wrong about that.’

  ‘No she doesn’t,’ laughed Shona. ‘She likes you but doesn’t want to show it.’

  ‘She thinks I’m going to seduce her baby brother and leave him mentally scarred.’

  ‘Come on, I’ll do the drinks with you,’ Shona said and dragged Maya to the table. ‘And we all know you’ve left physical scars on the poor bloke.’

  Maya stood behind the drinks table with Shona, who had drunk through half a bottle of Pinot Grigio in fifteen minutes. She noticed the new next door neighbour smiled at her a few times, so she grinned back.

  ‘Who is that man?’ Shona asked, pointing her glass towards him. ‘He’s gorgeous!’

  ‘Have you been eyeing him up?’ Maya said, dismayed by her friend. ‘Your husband’s in here you know.’

  �
�Window shopping,’ Shona replied, shaking her head.

  ‘He’s their new neighbour,’ Maya whispered. ‘He’s pretty fit for a husband but he’s going grey.’

  ‘What are you like!’ Shona screamed with laughter. ‘You should check your roots.’

  ‘I’m not going grey as I dyed them only two weeks ago,’ Maya panicked and grabbed her hair. ‘Are they showing?’

  ‘Who cares? Have you taken a good look at him? Too handsome, that’s his problem.’

  ‘Not my type,’ dismissed Maya who was looking out for Adam.

  ‘But your sister in law’s brother, who thinks you’re a joke and calls you names behind your back, is okay?’ scowled her best friend.

  Maya shook her head and poured herself another drink.

  ‘I think I’ve got a reputation that I want to get laid for a baby. All the women won’t let their men near me. Notice no one talks to me,’ sighed Maya pointing at the people in the garden getting drunk.

  ‘You don’t speak to anyone that’s your problem. You’ve got some lovely clothes why don’t you try dressing up a bit?’

  Maya glanced at her friend who was avoiding eye contact with her.

  ‘You agree with Dee then? Actually, if I leak… you know what I mean… I don’t mind these trousers getting wrecked.’

  ‘And that’s another reason why they don’t talk to you. It’s too much information,’ her friend said, shaking her head. ‘Use a good sturdy pad and look like you’ve got a pole stuck up your arse then you’ll be fine.’

  ‘Now I know what Dee uses,’ Maya snorted looking around the room. ‘I can guarantee the new neighbour’s wife will be told to put an eight foot fence to prevent me from climbing over and stealing her husband’s sperm.’

  ‘You can ask him yourself,’ said Shona with a wide grin. ‘He’s coming right this way with the sister in law.’

  Maya noticed he was smiling brightly at her as she glanced at Adam in the background, flirting with one of the neighbour’s daughters. She sadly groaned then saw Dee forcing a smile in her direction.

  ‘And this is Harry’s sister, Maya, manning the drinks before she consumes the lot,’ she said cheerfully to Tony, who nodded. ‘Been on the gin again, Maya?’

  ‘No. Just crack cocaine,’ she replied as Shona giggled and Tony smiled. ‘Are you alone today? I bet your other half is probably relieved to be spared this neighbourhood get together.’

  ‘Probably,’ Tony said and grinned.

  ‘Maya, stop being so rude,’ Dee said, looking up at Tony and Maya could tell she fancied him. ‘My sister in law runs a little website. Tony is a publisher and has many websites and magazines.’

  ‘That’s nice,’ said Shona and Maya eyeballed her flirtatious friend before looking back at Tony and Dee.

  ‘We have many websites, that is true,’ Tony smiled towards Shona before looking at Maya. ‘Dee says that yours is like a chat room for women who can’t get pregnant over forty?’

  ‘That’s not exactly true,’ Maya snapped flashing a glare at Dee who was smirking. ‘It’s called ‘Pushing over 40’ and is for women who want to get pregnant over the age of forty. They come together to give support and advice.’

  ‘Getting laid should be simple enough,’ smirked Shona as Maya then saw her look sheepishly away. ‘Sorry.’

  ‘It’s not all about sex you know,’ defended Maya.

  ‘You might find that it is,’ piped Dee.

  ‘Okay,’ Maya said, holding up her hands. ‘My website is not appreciated by everyone but after two years we’re going from strength to strength.’

  ‘Except you,’ smiled Dee, looking up at Tony who Maya realised was staring at her.

  ‘So Tony, where’s your wife?’ Maya asked, smiling brightly through gritted teeth and watched Dee’s face drop.

  ‘Dead,’ he said as Maya’s smile was wiped off her face and Shona spluttered her drink.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Maya said, going red and seeing Dee glare at her in disgust then shake her head.

  ‘She died three years ago,’ he said, still smiling, as Maya looked at Shona whose mouth was slightly open.

  ‘Excuse my sister in law,’ Dee said apologetically to Tony.

  ‘Drink anyone?’ asked Maya, holding up a bottle of wine trying to alleviate her gaff.

  ‘I’ll have what you’re having,’ he smiled as she filled his glass with wine but noticed he was still gawking at her.

  ‘Where are your daughters?’ she asked, glancing at Shona who was now blatantly eyeing Tony up while balancing against the table.

  ‘Talking to Adam,’ replied Dee who turned Tony around to walk away. ‘Let me introduce you to my brother… and Maya?’

  ‘Yes,’ she said, putting a cork stop in the bottle.

  ‘Don’t upset Adam, okay?’

  She waited for Dee to cross the room.

  ‘If this cork was stuffed up her arsehole you’d never know the difference,’ Maya said, twisting it in hard. ‘I still don’t know why Harry married her?’ She turned to Shona who was still looking at Tony. ‘What are you doing?’

  ‘He’s bloody gorgeous, that man. I’d give him one. Did you look at him closely? And a widower? What a catch!’

  ‘Dee’s tongue was hanging out. I’m going to tell Harry.’

  ‘Tony was actually looking at you, didn’t you notice?’ Shona hissed then grinned at Maya.

  ‘You’re being stupid and stop drinking all the booze as you’re drunk!’

  Maya pulled the bottle away from Shona.

  ‘You really have no idea, do you?’

  ‘I have an idea. You’re going to get stinking drunk and I’m going to get the blame from Rohan about being a bad influence … anyway that man wouldn’t want to be a sperm donor,’ she said, glancing towards Adam and smiling.

  ‘Is spunk all you think about?’

  ‘It has to be because the chance of getting a big dickhead to go along with it is looking pretty slim.’

  Now

  The pain in her chest was crushing as she lay on the bed. Nothing could help her breathe. Sleep wasn’t coming easily as she thought about what she could have done differently.

  For a moment she panicked and wondered if it was a mistake and they got it all wrong. Then she remembered looking at the results, knowing that the only thing wrong is that it happened to her baby, her flesh and blood.

  Every time Maya tried to inhale there was a pain. She tried to stop breathing hoping she might suddenly fall asleep forever.

  That was it.

  She didn’t have the will to live any more. What happened to her had taken every last bit of hope and happiness.

  She wished she was dead.

  Then

  ‘Ah ha!’ Maya announced on finding a bottle of sparkling white wine in the kitchen a few hours later as the party was now in full swing.

  She quickly popped the cork and poured it into her plastic glass but the contents fizzed out and onto the floor. Maya put her mouth over the top of the bottle to stop the flow.

  ‘Pure class,’ Adam said, appearing at the kitchen door. ‘Practising giving blow jobs now?’

  Maya did all she could to stop spluttering and stood up straight.

  ‘Do you want some?’ she replied, holding out the bottle.

  ‘Can’t stand fizzy wine,’ he replied, striding over towards the door to take a look in the garden. ‘Especially if you’ve been slobbering over it.’

  ‘I thought you were going home?’ she said, trying to establish how pissed she was by holding herself up against the kitchen unit and seeing if she could stand on her own without swaying.

  She could… just about.

  ‘I was,’ Adam replied before turning to look at her. ‘And then I changed my mind as I needed a laugh.’

  ‘I see,’ Maya replied, knowing he meant her. ‘I better join the party.’

  She promptly took one step to walk across the kitchen but lost her footing due to the wet patch, slipped and landed flat on her backside, her glass
bouncing off the floor.

  Adam started laughing loudly.

  Maya looked up and saw him in stitches but tried not to smile.

  ‘That was so funny!’ he said, in between gulps for air. ‘Classic!’

  ‘I’m pleased for you,’ she replied, knowing he’d tell everyone about it. Maya stood up quickly and patted herself down before grabbing a kitchen towel and quickly getting on her hands and knees to wipe up the spillage. ‘Okay, bye then.’

  She got up and took small steps to walk past him but he grabbed her arm.

  ‘Why the rush to leave so quickly?’ he said, turning her around so she was inches away from his face.

  ‘Just…’ she was lost for words as she always was when near Adam.

  ‘Listen, you’ve made my day,’ he said, releasing her arm and taking a step back. ‘And that’s pretty hard, considering.’

  ‘Oh pray tell me,’ she said sarcastically, knowing his day would probably be more exciting than the whole of her year.

  ‘Penelope has kicked me out. I can’t move back into my old flat and to top it all, today I find out that the new firm I was going to work for can’t hire me for a few more months so I’m effectively jobless.’

  ‘Why’d she kick you out?’

  Maya knew he was too good looking for words and probably deserved some back luck.

  ‘She said I was immature.’

  ‘She has a point.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘‘The Sperminator?’’ she said, pointing to herself. ‘All because I told you, in secret, if Vince couldn’t deliver the goods I’ll go and find it somewhere else.’

  ‘Well,’ he replied, looking sheepishly. ‘It was funny at the time.’

  ‘But at my expense?’ Maya sighed and shook her head. ‘Anyway your nose looks fine.’

  ‘It was a mess,’ he grimaced. ‘How could you have head butted me by mistake?’

  ‘I didn’t head butt you,’ she replied, stepping closer and noticed he backed away a bit. She liked the feeling he was scared and smiled. ‘I slipped, for a change, and hit you on the nose.’