by S M Mala
‘The man you’ve fancied for years who won’t give you the time of day!’ sighed Shona before laughing. ‘What is it about him?’
‘He’s willing to give me his sperm for a price!’ Maya blurted out.
‘You’re going to pay him to shag him now?’ Shona said, looking disgusted.
‘No, a turkey baster, I think,’ replied Maya grimacing and seeing Shona wasn’t impressed. ‘He wasn’t interested in the physical thing.’
‘Did he say that?’ Shona wryly asked. ‘Or are you too shy?’
‘He said …’ she unhappily sighed. …‘no sex’.’
‘Oh, that was brutal. What about his woman?’
‘They’ve split from what I picked up.’
‘Why.’
‘He didn’t say.’
‘And now he wants to donate sperm to you?’
‘For a price.’
‘Maya! What did you say?’
‘He’s taking the piss. I know he’s going to say something to Dee then I’m stuffed, well and truly, without the sex.’ Maya buried her hands in her head. ‘Harry will go ballistic.’
‘You shouldn’t have opened your big fat gob in the first place,’ Shona said, tapping her fingers on the table.
‘I was a bit drunk. It sort of just came out about the sperm donation,’ she replied, continuing to sip on her drink just to avoid eye contact.
‘You know the score. He’s not for you because of who his sister is and the fact she’s married to your brother. The painful and awful truth, the man’s not interested. Enough said.’ Shona stood up and walked towards the stove. ‘I know it hurts but if he was interested then he’d have done something by now but he doesn’t do anything.’
Maya could tell from Shona’s body language she was now in ‘mum’ territory.
‘You don’t have to tell me, I know,’ Maya said, sadly feeling the full brunt of her friend’s honest observation. ‘I was just born too early.’
‘Or he was born too late. Actually if Adam was born on time he’d still be wrong, one way or another because he plays with you.’
‘I still fancy him, you know. I never usually go for younger men,’ sighed Maya thinking of Adam. ‘There’s something about him that makes me go… dunno… stupid.’
‘He strings you along when he’s out on a limb, then when you think he’s going to finally realise you’re perfect for him, which you’re not, he goes off with a younger, hotter woman, actually girl, well more like teenager.’
‘Your point is what?’ Maya scowled knowing her friend was right and feeling the sharp blunt edge of an invisible knife going into her chest.
‘Don’t get mixed up with him again.’
‘I wish I had the chance. He’s looking really good,’ she groaned remembering his beautiful face from the night before. ‘Very manly.’
‘And how many times has he called you recently?’
‘I avoided him for eighteen months as you well know.’
‘And did he notice?’
‘No,’ Maya grumpily replied.
‘Don’t give him the time of day. He’ll tell everyone what you’ve talked about because it’ll be ‘a laugh’, then everyone’s going to think you’ve gone round the bend.’
‘Do you think I’ve gone round the bend? Do you think going to the clinic is a little strange?’
‘Maya, oh Maya,’ her friend sighed. ‘You want a baby and if you can’t find a man then this is the way to go. What did you ask your donor to be again? A nuclear scientist?’
‘They’re easy to get hold of. It seems they like wanking into tubes.’
‘Truly vile,’ Shona said, starting to laugh. ‘What was the description?’
‘He had to be funny, average height, dark hair, brown eyes and good looking but creative if possible. Not many of those about, that’s the problem.’
‘You never told me all that before,’ Shona said, in astonishment.
‘What?’
‘The description.’
‘It’s nothing abnormal,’ Maya defended seeing her friend looking oddly at her.
‘You can’t see anything strange about it?’
‘No,’ Maya said, thinking hard about what she said.
‘You’ve described that little shit.’
‘What little shit?’ she asked, shaking her head in confusion.
‘Adam Brady. You’ve described Adam.’
‘Can’t have done! I didn’t use the word ‘wanker’.’
‘Don’t mock it love, you might end up using him to knock you up. Imagine if you end up with a little Dee!’
‘You are really trying to put me off aren’t you?’
‘I’m saving your soul,’ she laughed.
‘Talk about saving lost souls I got asked out last night,’ Maya groaned before putting her head on the table.
‘Really?’ Shona sat opposite her. Maya felt her prod her head with a hard object and looked up to see it was a wooden spoon. ‘Who asked you out?’
‘The neighbour.’
‘Tony? Sit up Maya I can’t have a conversation with your dandruff.’
‘I haven’t got any,’ she said, slowly raising her head. ‘Yes Tony.’
‘No!’ exclaimed Shona holding her wooden spoon in the air. ‘He’s a honey!’
‘He has no sperm,’ Maya announced. ‘He’s had a vasectomy.’
‘How the hell do you know that?’
‘He told me. So there’s no point going there. I said I’d meet him on Wednesday for a drink,’ she said unenthusiastically.
‘He’s bloody, bloody gorgeous. I’ll go instead of you if you want.’
‘Do you think Adam was serious about donating his sperm?’
‘Forget about it Maya and concentrate on the lovely Tony.’
‘Yes, Mr Perfect, a widow, with grown up daughters, in his early fifties, lives next door to my brother and his tyrannical wife… and no sperm… gosh, I can’t wait.’
‘You’re an arse, do you know that?’
As she looked at the website when she got home, Maya noticed a few complaints about a certain email sent the previous evening. Maya opened it up and read it.
‘What gives you the right to have babies? You’ve all left it too late and now you want your cake and to eat it too… I hope you all choke on it! You’re too old and what about the child? Have you ever thought that having a baby so late means you won’t be there for them when they get older? If god had intended for us all to have babies then we wouldn’t have the menopause and IVF would never be needed. You’re all a disgrace and I feel sorry for your souls as you have no idea what you’re doing and how you’re playing with Mother Nature… she will have her revenge. Anon’
All it took was one press of the button and Maya deleted it but kept a note of the email address before sitting there and deciding what to do. The little devil in her started to compose her reply.
‘Thank you for your email it was an enjoyable read.
Not all of us found Mr Right when we were ready to have babies, not all of us can have babies due to many medical ailments but we have a right to a baby, by hook or by crook. The media says that we all put our careers first but that’s not always the case.
We are not hurting anyone and yes, Mother Nature is a weird and wonderful thing and if you remember, once upon a time, it wasn’t frowned on to have babies forty plus before the time of contraception.
We are not a disgrace, we are an inspiration and if you want to vent, go pick on someone else but leave us alone. And yes, we all love cake and some of us will have both.
Maya
Pushing Over 40’
‘Fuck them!’ she said, pushing the send button so all and sundry could see her reply.
Sometimes she could laugh at the rude emails but on other days it made her angry and she knew someone would read it and take heed.
That was the last thing she wanted.
She saw an email from Judy come through immediately.
‘Hi there girl!
Some people are
just fucking shits!
Nice reply but I’m surprised you didn’t tell them to fuck off.
I’ve been looking at the bereavement pages, really not good at the moment. Seems too many people are having miscarriages and fatalities. It’s heart breaking.
See you on Thursday. I’m having a hormonally challenged time at the moment.
He ain’t shagging me!
Judy’
Maya laughed and knew the area of the website she left well alone was the ‘Bereavement and Grief’ section.
There wasn’t a time when she didn’t cry.
She wrote on it when she had a miscarriage but couldn’t cope with the good wishes and the other stories. Her weakness was that section and she knew she’d have to, sooner than later, get on top of it but Judy didn’t mind looking after it. She had suffered a few miscarriages and felt it gave her strength while it only had the reverse effect on Maya.
Now
The paperwork was by her laptop as she glanced over. She didn’t know about the twenty four week rule when this all happened. Maya thought she could get some closure.
Her baby couldn’t even get a certificate to acknowledge her life.
She had been under twenty four weeks.
It was if she hadn’t existed.
But she had.
In Maya.
In the space that was now her empty soul.
Then
Maya stood on his doorstep, as close to the door as possible, so she wouldn’t be spotted by her sister in law and gently tapped on the knocker. She leaned her head back to see if Harry was driving past and pressed herself as tightly as she could against the door.
Suddenly losing her footing, Maya fell forward and landed face down in the corridor and looked up at a stunned and half amused Tony standing by the entrance.
‘Hello there,’ he said laughing, pulling her up as she dusted herself down.
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be spotted by the De Freitas clan just in case they need me to do something urgent… like mind their children,’ she smiled, trying to hide her embarrassment.
‘It’s a great entrance. I’d ask you to come in but you’re already here,’ he said, grinning before laughing. She liked the sound. ‘Would you like a drink?’
‘Sure,’ she said and followed him into his home and stopped to gasp. The whole place was open plan and very well designed by someone professional. There was a bright conservatory area which made the white brighter. ‘This is an amazing place.’
‘Thank you, it took a while but we got there in the end,’ Tony said, turning to smile at her before walking into the kitchen. ‘What’s your poison?’
‘It’s midweek so I have to be good. Make it a large whatever!’
‘White wine, I think,’ he said, opening his fridge and getting a bottle out. ‘How was work?’
‘HR Consultant side a little dull but pays the bills,’ she grimaced. ‘Website? Great! I wrote a reply to one of the stinker emails telling us it’s wrong to want babies when we’re so old even though in this day and age, we’re positively teenagers.’
‘Oh dear,’ he sympathetically smiled. ‘You obviously care deeply about it.’
‘I care about the women and we all need a little bit of support now and again,’ she sighed. ‘What publishing company do you run? You didn’t say.’
‘It’s not that interesting.’
Tony walked towards her. She admired his jeans topped with a baggy blue shirt then saw he was barefoot. The man, on the two occasions she had met him, was obviously proud of his physique and dressed in a trendy way… for a fifty something. Maya decided he looked like an advert for aftershave.
‘Cheers,’ she said as they chinked glasses. ‘Welcome to the neighbourhood.’
‘I’m looking forward to living here,’ smiled Tony.
‘Your neighbours are a bit odd but I’m sure you’ll fit in,’ Maya grinned taking in the very handsome man standing in front of her. ‘The woman’s a bit of a pain in the arse but she’s the mother of my niece and nephew so you’ll have to put up with it… like I’ve done for twelve years.’
They stood there for a moment looking at each other. She was attracted to him and wondered if this was showing in her lack of social grace or if she was drooling. Maya quickly checked her mouth for spit.
‘I hope you don’t mind me asking,’ she eventually said, trying to break the silence. ‘And tell me to mind my own business but how did your wife die?
‘You’re blunt, I’ll give you that much,’ he laughed. ‘Would you like to sit down?’
‘Thanks’ she said and placed herself on the light suede sofa as he sat next to her. ‘I hate dancing around things, I’m straight to the point so you can tell me to sod off if you want.’
‘Sod off then,’ he laughed sipping his drink. Maya had a similar feeling as she did when looking at Adam but put it down to her lack of sex. His hair was a nice length with grey strands and he had a sparkling smile. ‘She died of breast cancer. Emily was seven years younger than me and decided she wanted another child at forty two, though the girls weren’t particularly pleased, I thought I’d go along with it.’
‘Another ‘Pushing over 40’ the NHS would rather take up knitting instead of baby making and the same age as me,’ Maya sighed and felt a little sad. ‘What happened?’
‘Emily went for a check-up to see if she was healthy and they found a lump in her breast on the off chance. She had to undergo a mastectomy then they realised the cancer had spread so she did chemo…’
Maya noticed his smile fade as he winced for a moment.
Her heart squeezed for the guy knowing he was still coming to terms with it.
‘It’s okay, I understand,’ she quietly said. ‘The more you go drinking with me, the more you know I’m straight to the point. I’m sorry if the question upset you.’
‘No that’s good. I’m sick of people treating me with kid gloves,’ Tony quietly replied. ‘The chemotherapy looked like it was working then it all went horribly wrong and she died.’
‘I’m really sorry to hear that. It must have been tough on your daughters.’
‘They lost their mother and left with their workaholic father at a time when they needed her most, especially Eve,’ Tony replied, sipping his wine and breathing deeply then smiling. ‘Within minutes you’ve managed to find out what people take weeks to build up to.’
‘Then I’ll do the same for you so as not to waste an evening, if that’s okay?
‘Tell me,’ he grinned. ‘I think this might be far more interesting.’
‘Oh, it certainly isn’t if you listen to Dee!’ she laughed out loudly. ‘I’m forty two years old, like I just said, and I want a baby.’
‘I heard about that bit,’ Tony said and she noticed he hadn’t deflected his eyes, which most men would have done by now.
‘My boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, left me after he got someone pregnant… that was over a year ago. I, in the meantime, found out I was pregnant with his child afterwards then miscarried at eight weeks which was pretty devastating. It took me months to come to terms with it.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Tony said, sitting up to face her and Maya smiled at the man listening to her every word.
‘I decided, now this is something not to mention to your neighbours, I’d have a baby without a man. Less complicated.’
‘Relationships are indeed strenuous.’
‘And I found a clinic that would deal in sperm donations for single women.’ Maya waited to see his reaction but there wasn’t one. ‘I’ve had a couple attempts and the most recent one failed four days ago, so I’m taking time off and may start again later,’ she said brightly, though there was a deep sinking feeling in her gut
‘Bloody hell, now that was a lot of information.’
‘I’m not going to ask you for a sperm donation now I know you’ve had a vasectomy,’ she laughed trying to break the solemn mood. ‘You know more about what’s going on with me than my bloody brother.’
‘He won’t approve?’
‘He doesn’t understand why you’d have to pay for sperm when there’s so much of it about especially down the pub when people are watching football. Harry also jokes about it being a good idea to humour me but deep down he has a moral view on it. He morally thinks it’d be an embarrassment to the family and for him if I paid for semen,’ Maya laughed and noticed Tony smiling at her quizzically. ‘I bet you’re asking yourself why you asked me for a drink?’
‘I thought you looked cute covered in dust when I first met you,’ he laughed and sipped his wine. ‘What would you like to do tonight? Stay here? Go for something to eat? It’s up to you.’
‘It’s a school night and I’ve got a meeting tomorrow with some of my ladies from the website to talk about why we can’t get up the duff, so a drink is fine by me.’
‘Are they all doing the same as you?’
‘Goodness no, that would be too dull. They’re having sex, can you believe it? Actually that’s not true as some of them are going down the medical route and now there are so many possibilities but at a cost if you’re the wrong side of forty.’
Maya examined Tony’s face as she said it and totally understood why Shona was all agog when she met him. He had lines on his face that got deeper when he smiled and his laughter was infectious. The man was drop dead gorgeous.
‘As you’ve been quite frank with me can I ask you a question?’ he said, turning to her.
‘Sure,’ she said, trying to stop grinning like a mental patient.
‘Why don’t you have a one night stand and get pregnant that way. It’s an old fashioned thing to do.’
‘If only life was that easy,’ she said, sitting back on the sofa. ‘If I was in my twenties, sure, but my forties… I’ve lost some of my confidence and muscle tone. I’m more likely to pull granddads, literally, than eligible men. Plus, you don’t know where they’ve been. Going through the clinic they screen everything.’
‘And they take money for the honour of it. You know we have a pregnancy title, you should write an article about the forty something dilemma about having babies.’
‘My ‘Pushing over 40’ lot are the only ones who should read my ranting about getting pregnant.’
