by Charity B.
“When does it open?”
“Ugh!” He throws his arms down as he sits up and glares at me. He’s barely even trying to make it believable. “Fine. You win.” He throws his legs off the side of the bed and lights a cigarette. He sure is smoking a lot. “Let me shower and we can go get breakfast.” His face lights up in remembrance. “Oh my God, Tavin, we can get pancakes! You’ll love the shit out of some pancakes, I promise you that.”
“But I saved my cupcake for breakfast.”
“Trust me, you want pancakes.”
“Well…I guess it does have the word ‘cake’ in it.”
He laughs as he takes a drag. “Yeah.”
Pancakes are AMAZING. I also have strawberry milk and I think it may be the best drink ever made. Toben says the mall is open by the time we finish at the food place, so we take a cab.
We’re dropped off in front of a humongous building and pass underneath a huge archway to get to a set of wooden doors. As soon as we walk through, my voice gets stolen and I think I’m imagining this. My eyes climb up and up until they finally find the ceiling and I can see the sky. It must be glass or else everyone would get soaked when it rains.
There are people everywhere, and I almost want to cover my ears because it’s so loud. Toben says there are stores on every level and I count four levels above us. There’s no way we’re going to be able to see everything today.
It isn’t scary at all. Nobody is being mean to us and we don’t see any police.
“Where do you want to go first?” I have no idea. There are so many choices! He must sense that I’m overwhelmed because he says, “Let’s get a smoothie.”
I drink my ‘smoothie’ as Toben had called it, while I flip through clothes and wait on him to try on jeans.
“The girl’s section is over there, you know.”
It’s a boy’s voice and it’s not Toben’s. I turn slowly, and the mouth that the voice is from is smiling at me. He’s taller than I am and probably shorter than Tobe. He looks about our age and is wearing a bright orange T-shirt and faded jeans. His eyes are thoughtful blue and his brown hair is short.
He seems nice so I smile back at him. “I know, but I’m waiting for my friend.”
Tilting his head to the side, his face hardens. “You look familiar, have we met?”
I shrug. “I don’t think so.”
His features relax as he stuffs his hands in his pockets. “Huh, that’s weird. Well, anyway, hi. My name’s Christopher.”
“Hi. I’m Tavin.”
He smiles at me again before I hear Toben’s bossy voice. “Tavin, come here.”
I turn to see what has him so upset when Christopher gasps, “Toben?!” Toben turns white instantly. “Holy crap, dude, are you back from boarding school?”
What the heck is boarding school? Toben looks about to bolt, he’s freaking out. I think Christopher is an old friend from when he went to school.
“Uh…hey…yeah, I’m back in town for a while.”
He keeps shifting his weight and his eyes keep flickering to the exit. What’s he talking about?
“God, man, are you not allowed to text or email? You just up and vanished,” Christopher says.
Toben adjusts his beanie and a sad, nervous laugh jumps from his lips. “Oh, yeah well, the headmaster’s an epic douche bag.”
He doesn’t want this boy to know that he’s been with me this whole time.
“If you’re going to be in town awhile, you should hit me up and we’ll party.” Christopher takes out a pen and writes on Toben’s hand. “I need to be back before third period, but it’s good to see you.” He turns to me and smiles. “Later, Tavin.” I smile and nod to him before he leaves the store.
Toben lets out a huge breath and leans over the clothes rack.
“Are you okay? Why did you lie to him?”
His composure is slowly coming back. “We can’t tell people about our lives, Tav. Nobody can know.” I remember Logan telling me that last night, I just never thought of a lie to tell.
Christopher is our only hiccup in an otherwise perfect day. After we finish buying clothes, we get ice cream and play mini golf.
I sift through rows of CDs and I don’t know any artists besides what Toben tells me, so I look at titles and covers. Then I see it. I can almost hear it calling to me. It has a girl in a black dress and she’s removed her face. If I could remove my face nobody would ever touch me again. I pick it up and look at it closer to see she has chains around her neck that come up into a crown behind her head like a wicked princess. House of Secrets is written on the front.
I guess I live in a house of secrets, too. I can’t ever tell anyone what happens there, not that I know anyone to tell, anyway.
Written next to it is ‘Otep’. I wonder if that’s the girl’s name. “I want this one.” I hand the CD to Toben.
“You know this is metal right?”
“So?”
He shrugs. “Fine by me, I’ve never heard it before.”
As we leave the music store, I see a place that sells cameras. I’ve been out of film for the camera Logan got me for my birthday last year, so I drag Toben inside. They say they don’t sell the kind we need, but that we could probably order it online.
When we leave the camera store, I ask Toben, “Where’s online? Is it in the mall?”
He laughs and laces his fingers between mine. “It’s not a place, Love. I’ll show you when we get home. We can get more film, we’ll just have to ask Logan because I don’t have a credit card.”
I don’t understand how you can get something from somewhere that isn’t a place, but he says he’ll explain it later, so I forget about it. We play games at the arcade and we get a pretzel, before deciding to leave.
After we drop off the stuff we bought at home, I talk Toben into going to the park. He says we’re too old, so I have to beg a little. I’ve missed swinging on the swings and they are just as fun as I remember. Afterwards, we go to the beach and lie in the sun as I sit between his legs with his arms around me.
Everything is perfect until we hear a high pitched musical ping coming from my pocket. We look at each other, both scared of what will happen when I answer it. The screen reads Logan’s name and after I push the button, I’m able to find enough of my voice to scratch out, “H-hello?”
“Hello, Lotus. You have a playdate in a few hours.” My heart sinks. “If you’re not home, get there and clean up. He will arrive at five p.m.”
I don’t want to cry, I’m just scared. What are the chances he will be as nice as Bjørn?
“Yes, Logan.”
Apparently, Tavin’s first client wasn’t that bad. Her second one is, though. The last I saw, he was hitting her with his belt and God knows what all he’s saying to her. I did hear him say something about her ‘decorating his cock’. He doesn’t want me around and that’s fine with me, because watching her with Logan is bad enough. I have no desire to see her get destroyed by yet another man.
As I turn to leave, right before I shut the door, her eyes lock with mine. I wink to tell her to be brave. She’s gotten accustomed to Logan and she knows him. She doesn’t know these new men or what they will do.
She keeps the tears away until he leaves, and I’m proud of her for it. As soon as he’s out the door, I take her into my arms as I let her cry it out all over me. Once she composes herself, which is fairly quickly, she picks up her phone to call Logan to tell him about her playdate. I know he says he wants to know what happens to make sure that they follow the rules, but I think he gets off on her humiliation. He’s probably jerking off while she explains it.
Apparently, everything the Client did is within his boundaries so if he ever wants to reschedule, he’ll be able to. After hanging up, she lies down on the couch and I lie down behind her, holding her hand and smelling her hair.
“Lacie got fucked on this couch and now I have too.” Her voice is cold and I hadn’t noticed how raspy it has become, until now. Even though the words are
ugly, they almost sound pretty.
“Come on, Love, don’t do this to yourself. You’re nothing like Lacie. That heartless whore was born trash. You weren’t, you’re pure.”
“I’m not pure anymore.”
I sit up so I can see her eyes. “Yes, you are. You’re never hateful or malicious even when it’s surrounded you your whole life. I have never heard you demean anyone besides yourself. You have a caring and gentle nature and whatever these men do to you doesn’t change that.”
I know she doesn’t believe me, even as she nods. “I just hope Logan hurries.”
“He’s coming over?”
A little smile peeks out. “Yeah, he’s bringing us some dope.” She’s been holding caramels in her hand and she hands me one before popping the rest in her mouth. “Thank God.”
While I won’t be thanking God, it’s definitely good to hear. He never lets us have it two days in a row.
He doesn’t make us wait long for his arrival, but doesn’t just hand over the drugs either. The bastard actually makes her play first. As if she hasn’t been through enough today.
It breaks my heart because recently, she’s become almost neutral when it comes to sex with Logan. I know she still despises it and it takes away little pieces of her, but if someone were to ever walk in on them, she would appear to be a willing participant. Whenever they finish, she acts completely normal, and on most days, if I hadn’t seen it myself I wouldn’t be able to tell it had happened.
Right now, though, she’s clearly uncomfortable and I don’t think it’s because of the doubled-up playdates. We’re in her parents’ room. She never talks much about her past with them. Then again, I don’t talk about my past either, really. I can’t help wondering what all she saw, heard, and endured in the years before I met her. I still don’t see how she survived it.
Her eyes dart around the room and she won’t stop fidgeting. We’re kneeling in front of her parents’ bed as Logan returns from his shower. Her head tics as he runs his fingers through her hair,
“Alright, Lotus, you can get up.” He nods at me. “You too, Plaything.” We stand as he nods toward the door. “Come now. I want to speak with you before we go.”
We follow him back downstairs and I have to suppress a groan. I’m beyond ready for the needle.
My thoughts shift back to Christopher like they have a hundred times since seeing him in Macy’s. I want to hang out with him, see how much he’s changed. It would be nice to forget this life for a while. I love Tav, she’s my world, but she’s also a constant reminder of our tortured existence. He would be a breath of normal air. Then I remember I’ve been locked in a basement for five years. I have no clue what the popular movies are or the newest iPod or whatever, is out now. I would have to avoid him for months at a time to keep up the pretense of boarding school and I have no clue how Logan would react if I asked to text him.
“Sit.” We hold hands and obey. “I know the Clients are a new dynamic in our relationship. I’m feeling my way around just as you are.” He pulls out a cigarette and lights it before throwing the pack to me. “There are rules that need to be followed for everyone’s safety.” He waits until I light mine. “Rule number one: they must wear a condom. Every time.” His head snaps toward me. “Toben, if you will be inside them, you must wear one also.”
Whoa, whoa, whoa what?! I’m going to have to fuck them back?! The thought had honestly never occurred to me. Somehow that’s so much worse. I need dope. Right now. I don’t want to feel this fear, this disgust, this hate. I need the nothing.
“There are absolutely no exceptions. It’s the most important rule and must not be broken under any circumstances. If a Client ever forces himself into either of you without one on, you must inform me immediately. He rolls his neck and begins to pace. “Rule number two: they are only allowed to mark your backs, from the bottom of your necks to the top of your thighs. While I understand accidents happen, marking your face or genitalia at all is unacceptable. If any evidence remains from it, I need to know.”
The sun is setting causing the rays to highlight the smoke in the room. For whatever reason, the sight allows me to relax a bit. Just let him get through his stupid ass rules so we can escape this place.
“Rule number three: no outside sex. If it’s not me, each other, or a Client, you may not fuck them.”
I think we’re both made uncomfortable by that statement. He knows we haven’t done anything, yet he would obviously be cool with it if we did. I’ve always kind of wondered about that. He doesn’t mention Nikki for obvious reasons, and she’s clearly part of the okay-to-fuck list. He flicks his cigarette and the ash falls to the floor.
“Rule number four: they must lubricate you before they enter. You will know if you aren’t correctly primed. Rule number five: they can hurt your backside in any way they see fit, however they’re not permitted to break bones or remove large pieces of flesh or body parts, and they cannot beat you to excess. You must be able to move around fairly easy afterward. Rule number six: they may not defecate, urinate, vomit, or bleed on you.” Gross. Why would anyone want to do that? “In case I haven’t made it clear enough, if any of these rules are broken, the first thing you do is call me. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Logan.”
“A playdate is a five-hour session and is spent at your playmate’s discretion. There are also one-hour playdates available at a prorated cost, which will be a large part of your business.” He gets down on one knee in front of Tav with his hands on her thighs. “When I find a prospective client, one of my selling points is your silence. You will be playing in offices all over the city and doing so quietly is essential.” He lets out a frustrated sigh because Tavin has let a mess of tears pour out of her eyes. “What is it, Lotus?”
“I just…I thought I was your Lotus, your plaything. Why do you want all of these other men to be with me?”
“You are still my plaything, both of you are, I’m just letting my friends play with you, too, is all.” He holds the cigarette to her lips and she takes a drag. “One last thing. You two do not come cheap. It’s forty thousand dollars for a complete playdate, so you must do your best to please and pleasure them. I know neither of you are particularly fond of this, though the Clients mustn’t know that. Apparently Tavin was quite exemplary, however, I forgot to ask Mr. English and by the time I remembered, he was unable to speak correctly.”
I feel two very different things. The easily overpowering emotion is fear. I not only have to let these men do whatever they want, I have to act like I like it? Pretend to be willing? That’s asking a lot. Although, the thought of Logan beating Mr. English so bad he couldn’t speak, does make me want to smile.
Logan stands and smashes the butt into the ashtray. “Most Clients will address you by your names, however, if they request your titles, simply tell them ‘Sweet Girl’ and ‘Sweet Boy’. If they ask to see your logo, then show them the brand.”
He’s really dedicated to us being ‘products’ isn’t he?
“Once a month, the doctor will come take your blood and I will be bringing you to the dentist next week.” He straightens his suit sleeve. “I’m trusting you two and I’m not fond of regret.”
“Yes, Logan.”
Oh, hallelujah, he just pulled out his kit. “Alright, Lotus, are you ready?”
He barely gets the question out before she answers, “Yes, Logan.” She scoots back to lean up against the arm rest and he kneels down to fix her up. I lick my lips in anticipation as I watch her drift away.
He stands, while making no move to prepare more.
“We will have ours in a moment. There are some more things I want to discuss.” Aw, come on, you dick! “Nikki has started bleeding, so we won’t be playing with her until I get her on a birth control regimen. Tavin still hasn’t gotten her period?”
“Ewe! God, I don’t know.”
He smirks at me. “Believe me, you would know.” Reaching into his pocket, he pulls out a fresh pack. He’s chain sm
oking so something’s eating at him. “It has become increasingly more difficult to take on more girls. Since I have decided to leave Tavin alive, as well as take on this new business endeavor, I’ve decided not to get another Lotus until Nikki expires.”
I’ve had so much on my mind, I didn’t think about it being time for another girl. His words still relieve me and my stomach loosens a notch.
I nod. “Yes, Logan.”
He places a hand on my shoulder, right over the lotus, “Alright, let’s go get high.” Thank fuck. As he opens the needle package, I lie next to a far-away Tavin, and he says, “When she starts her period, I need to know immediately. I can’t have her getting pregnant. She’ll bleed for days and I’m sure it will freak her out, so don’t worry about not being aware of it.”
“Yes, Logan.”
My mind keeps flipping to Christopher. Seeing him today made me feel like a ghost. The boy I was when I knew him, is dead. I didn’t know how much I missed him until I saw him. I take in a deep breath.
“Um…Logan?”
He doesn’t look at me as he adds the water into the spoon. “Hmmm?”
“I saw an old friend from school today…I want to hang out with him.”
He completely stills. I think I crossed a line until his eyes flick up to meet mine and understanding shines in them.
“I sometimes forget that you had a life before you became mine.” He furrows his brow and huffs. “While I trust that you’ll keep your mouth shut, in case you ever feel like opening up to him, remember doing so would put him in the ground. I won’t hesitate to break some little shit’s neck. Spin whatever story you want, as long as you do not breathe a word about me or anything that’s happened since you came here.” For good measure, he reaches up and grabs my throat, cutting off my oxygen. “I’m untouchable. Do not become disillusioned, otherwise. Trust me, Plaything, if a word is spoken to anyone, you will find out what real pain is and so will she.” He releases my neck as I gasp in the air.
I croak out, “Yes, Logan.”
