Hidden in the Heart: An LDS Novel

by Roseanne Evans Wilkins

  Chapter 13, Dance

  It didn’t take long for Garrett to find a swimming suit. He didn’t even bother to try it on. As he was hurrying back through the mall, he noticed a sporting goods store. He stopped and detoured inside. The camping aisle should be over there. Pepper spray should be there. Sure enough, the canisters hung on a peg. He picked up a green canister then traded it for a purple one. Cathee might like this color better. It matches her wallet. He quickly made his purchase then hurried back out into the pouring rain. Even though he had parked close, he was soaked to the skin when he entered the car.

  “Oh. Man. You’re sopping wet.” Cathee reached back and grabbed the towel Garrett had draped over her the previous day. “Here, this might help.”

  “Thanks. I should have stopped to pick up an umbrella, but I didn’t want to keep you waiting.” And there were other things on my mind, he admitted to himself. He rubbed his hair vigorously, then used the towel to soak up some of the moisture in his clothes. “I’ll change when we get to the hotel.”

  “Can we go swimming when we get there?”

  Garrett caught Christina’s eyes in the rearview mirror. “Marco Polo, wasn’t it?”

  She smiled and nodded.

  “We can swim before dinner, if it’s okay with your mother.”

  Cathee agreed. “Since you need to change anyway, we might as well.”

  He reached over the seat to drop the bag with the swimming trunks behind his seat, then he handed the bag with the pepper spray in it to Cathee.

  Her eyebrows went up in question. “What’s this?”

  “Pepper spray.”

  “Pepper spray? What do I need pepper spray for?”

  Garrett’s face looked grim. “I hope you won’t ever need it, but I’d feel better if you carried some with you.”

  “Okay? So...” Cathee looked perplexed, “how do I use it?”

  He pulled the canister out and showed her how to use it. “There’s only one dose, so use it wisely.”

  “I really don’t see how I’ll ever need it.” She grumbled but obediently stuffed the purple canister into her purse. The only one I’d ever want to use it on would be Juan. She suppressed a shudder and refused to dwell on the possibility. A flashback of his inhuman strength threatened to engulf her. She concentrated on the rivulets of water running down the window and took a steadying breath. She needed to stay focused–for her and for her daughter.

  They were at the hotel in about ten minutes. Garrett pulled into the curved driveway so Cathee and Christina could avoid the rain. The covered drive was dry, even in the heavy downpour. After they stepped out of the car, he pulled out into the parking lot.

  He turned off the ignition and stared at the sky a moment, hoping for a break in the weather. It didn’t look promising. Resignedly, he picked up his package, grabbed the wet towel, and made a dash for the side door.

  Cathee had worked her way over to the door closest to the parking lot. They were waiting when he burst through the door. Christina giggled. “You look funny.”

  Garrett grinned. “I’m sure I do. Let’s go change.”

  They rode up in the glass-walled elevator, Cathee staring at the door.

  “You really don’t like heights, do you?” Garrett asked.

  She shook her head. “My dad was the same way. I’d swear it was inherited, but Christina doesn’t share my fear.”

  Christina and Cathee stepped off the elevator on the sixth floor. Garrett stepped off with them, and Cathee stared at him a moment. It would be rude to tell him not to bother. She suppressed a sigh and turned to her room. Christina had already skipped down the hall to their room.

  “Sorry, Cathee.” Garrett’s voice was calm and reassuring. “My mother taught me to walk my dates to their door. She said it was a safety issue–like wearing a seatbelt. ‘Don’t ever leave a girl until she’s safely inside.’ It’s been hard letting you go to your room alone.”

  “I...I guess I never saw it like that.” She fumbled with her room key. “It makes perfect sense when you say it like that. I’ve just had...different... experiences with my dates.”

  Garrett looked down at her a moment. “How many dates have you actually been on?”

  She dropped her gaze. “Before or after Juan?”

  “Does it matter?”

  She sighed. “I...I guess not.” She finally got her key card in the slot and opened the door. As Christina skipped into the room and started to dig through the dresser to find her swimming suit, Cathee turned to Garrett. “I only dated a few times before Juan, and I haven’t dated anyone except you since.”

  “Why not?”

  She lowered her lashes. “I didn’t feel like I could trust anyone after that.” Anxiety darkened her eyes as she met Garrett’s gaze. “You’re the only one who ever tried to get past my barriers. Why did you even try?”

  He stared into her eyes, uncertain how to answer. “I have to admit that it was on a dare.” He could see hurt and anger fill her eyes. He hurried on. “But I wouldn’t have accepted the dare had I not been interested in the first place. When we spent the morning together, I was impressed with what a wonderful, caring mother you are.” He paused and cupped her face in his hand. “You are a beautiful woman with an immense amount of love to give. Don’t you think it’s time to think beyond Christina?”

  “Wh - what do you mean?”

  “I mean...don’t you think it’s time to think about an eternal companion?”

  Her eyes held shock. We've only known each other since Saturday. This is Tuesday. What's he thinking?

  He could see the shock on her face. “I don’t mean me, Cathee. It doesn’t have to be me, although honestly, I wouldn’t mind if you started thinking that way.” A half smile broke out on his face. “I just think you should start dating again. Christina needs a father. Most men aren’t like Juan, you know.”

  The shock faded to be replaced by a lurking fear. “How can you ever know another person?” she blurted out.

  He looked steadily down at her. “‘By their fruits, ye shall know them.’ Christ himself said that. You can find it in 3 Nephi 14:20.”

  “But what does it mean?”

  “Watch what people do. See how they behave. Generally, happy, well-adjusted people who are active and caring don’t have any deep, dark secrets.” He paused and started to toy with one of her curls. “Usually, it takes time to get to know people, but we’ve been walking through fire the past three days. I probably know you better than anyone else does.”

  A small smile formed on Cathee’s face. “I’m sure you’re right. I am honestly grateful for everything you’ve done for me, but I’m still burned from my past. I’m not sure I’ll ever be whole again.”

  “I can wait.” Garrett assured her, then dropped the curl and headed back to the elevator.

  She stared at his back until the elevator doors closed before she stepped into her room. She leaned back against the closed door and took a deep breath.

  “Mommy? Are you okay?” Christina had asked that too many times the past few days.

  She smiled for her daughter. “I’m fine, Sweetie. Let’s get ready to go swimming. I’ll dress in the bathroom. You can dress out here.”

  “Okay.”

  They were both ready when there was a soft knock at the door. Cathee checked the viewing hole before she opened the door to Garrett. “That was fast.”

  He grinned. “Doesn’t take much to change into swim trunks. Shall we?”

  His casual, relaxed attitude calmed Cathee. She hadn’t known how she’d be with him after his announcement about eternal companions, but he acted as if nothing had happened.

  They headed to the elevator and down to the pool. A red-headed man looked up as they entered the pool area. He was sitting next to a curvy blond just shy of being plump. She looked up from the infant she was holding and smiled. A small red-headed boy was splashing on the pool steps in front of them. He had inherited his mother’s blue eyes.

  Garre
tt greeted them with a friendly wave. “Hi, Darrin. I wasn’t expecting your family.”

  “Benjamin has been begging to go swimming in the pool, so I told Sally she could come and visit today.” His eyes shadowed over. “I wasn’t expecting the weather to turn out so bad. I don’t want her traveling in this storm.”

  “I don’t blame you. If you want them to stay, you can request a crib for your room.”

  Darrin looked worried. “Jarod isn’t sleeping through the night. Do you think his crying will bother the other guests?”

  “I’m sure the rooms have some soundproofing. I haven’t heard any of the other guests. Don’t worry about it.” Garrett turned to Cathee and Christina. “This is Cathee Laurenson and her daughter, Christina. We’ve been doing some sightseeing in Topeka.”

  “Sightseeing?” Darrin asked.

  Garrett laughed. “You’d be surprised by what there is here. Believe me, I have been.” He gestured to the group gathered on the pool steps. “Cathee, this is my friend Darrin and his family. Sally’s a brave woman to come here with her two kids. Jarod is two months old.”

  Sally interrupted. “He just turned three months this week.”

  “Oh. Sorry.”

  She smiled. “No worries. Benjamin is three. How old is Christina?”

  Cathee liked Sally’s open, friendly face and casual attitude. She returned Sally’s smile. “She’s nearly five.”

  “Is she going to Kindergarten this year?”

  “Yes. She turns five in July.” Cathee was startled to see Garrett’s face go white and wondered what was going on. She continued talking to Sally, but she was concerned about him. What could be wrong? “She’ll be attending Kindergarten this fall.”

  “Benjamin was born in June. I haven’t decided whether to start him the year he turns five or wait a year. I’ve heard boys usually do better if you wait.” She didn’t seem to notice Garrett’s strange coloring. Jarod started to fuss, and she turned her attention back to the infant.

  Cathee stepped over to Garrett and touched his arm lightly. When he looked down at her, she whispered, “Are you alright?”

  He put his hand over hers. “I’m fine. I was just thinking about...things.”

  She suppressed a shudder. There were far too many ‘things’ for him to be thinking about.

  Christina pressed herself to them. “Can we play Marco Polo now?”

  “Of course, Sweetie.” Cathee turned to Sally. “It was nice meeting you.”

  “Thanks. I feel the same.” Sally smiled and then turned to take care of Benjamin, who had stubbed his toe on the top step of the pool. “You’ll be alright, Sugar. It won’t hurt very long,” she assured him.

  Christina, Cathee, and Garrett moved away from the steps to play. They stayed in the shallow end so Christina wouldn’t get over her head.

  Benjamin was still wailing about his stubbed toe when Darrin decided it was time for his family to head to his room. He waved good-bye, addressing Garrett. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  Garrett nodded, then said “Polo” after Christina said “Marco.” He danced just out of her reach. Christina managed to tag Cathee. Garrett moved to deeper water when Cathee was ‘it.’ He wanted to challenge her, and she didn’t seem to mind.

  They played for another forty-five minutes before Cathee climbed out of the water, wringing out her wet hair. “I’m hungry. Where did you want to go for dinner?”

  Garrett turned to stare at the river of water coursing down the pool’s window. “I vote for staying here.”

  “Me, too,” Christina chimed in.

  “I can order room service and have it delivered to the suite.”

  Cathee hesitated a moment, then agreed. “That sounds fine. Christina and I will change. We can meet at your room in forty-five minutes.”

  “It takes you that long to dress?”

  “I want to shower to get the chlorine out of my hair.”

  “Ahh. Makes sense.” He looked at the clock on the wall. “I’ll expect you at 6:00 then.”

  He dried off with one of the pool towels while Christina and Cathee did the same. They headed to the elevator. Cathee didn’t protest when he followed her to her room. When he’d explained what his mother had taught him, she was more comfortable with him following her. She pulled the keycard out of the pocket of her black wrap. When they’d stepped inside, Garrett headed to the elevator without a backward glance. Apparently, he wasn’t going to re-address the subject he’d brought up earlier. She was relieved.

  “You can watch cartoons while I shower.”

  The TV was playing Flintstones when Cathee stepped into the shower. She spent extra time with her makeup and hair. It was almost twenty-five minutes later when she emerged from the bathroom. “It’s all yours, Sweetie. Just make sure you wash your hair so the chlorine doesn’t bleach it, and remember to hang your suit on the shower rod.”

  “Okay, Mommy.”

  When Christina jumped into the tub, Cathee hurriedly switched to a news station. She watched carefully, but there was no new news on Juan. She switched her cell phone on and did a Google search on him. Nothing new. She bit her lip. She knew she wouldn’t be safe until he was behind bars again, but she didn’t want to stress her daughter.

  She would have to be careful how she handled things. It wouldn’t do to be giving too much information. She didn’t want her daughter to share the agonies of PTSD. One in the family was enough.

  She switched off the TV, walked over to the window, then opened the curtains. Angry gray clouds filled the sky. I hope we don’t get hit with a tornado. I don’t even know where the tornado shelter is. She pressed her forehead against the cool glass and closed her eyes. Martha pointed out the shelter at the Capitol. I hope I don’t have to hunt one down here. After a moment, she straightened up and walked over to the flowers at the desk. She bent down and breathed in the heady scent. A sigh escaped her lips. She wasn’t sure what she wanted any more.

  She wondered at the symbolism of the flowers he picked. There were a variety of flowers, and mixed among them were a dozen yellow roses whose edges were tipped with coral. She’d read somewhere that yellow meant friendship. Did Garrett know that, or did he just order a generic arrangement with the florist choosing the flowers? If he knew her at all, and she suspected he did, the yellow flowers of friendship would mean more to her than the deep red flowers of courtship.

  She was caressing the coral edge of one of the yellow roses when Christina emerged from the tub. She looked up. “You’re all ready. Awesome. We’re going to be on time.”

  She grabbed her key cards and stuffed them in her purse, then headed out the door. She turned away from the elevator.

  Christina looked confused. “Where are we going, Mommy?”

  “We’re taking the stairs, Sweetie. It’s only one floor up.” She’d had her fill of the glass-walled elevator. An enclosed stairwell seemed much safer.

  The fire door to the stairs was as heavy as her room’s door. It shut behind them with a thud when they were about halfway up the set of stairs. When they emerged from the stairwell, Cathee had to take a moment to orient herself. She’d only gone to Garrett’s room from the elevator, and she had to look at the room numbers to find it again.

  The door flew open at Cathee’s light rap. He’d been waiting for them. He handed Cathee the room service menu as she stepped through the door. “I haven’t ordered anything. I thought I’d let you choose.”

  Cathee perused the menu. “I’ll have the oriental salad.” She looked down at Christina. “Did you want chicken again, or do you want a pizza?”

  “Can I have macaroni and cheese?”

  “Of course, Sweetie.” She placed the menu on the desk next to Garrett’s computer. “Water for both of us.”

  Thirty minutes later, the knock at the door signaled the arrival of their dinner. “Put it on the counter, please.” Garrett directed, then handed a bill to tip the deliverer as he was leaving.

  “Cathee, could you ble
ss the food, please?”

  Obediently, Cathee offered a simple prayer, then quietly ate her dinner. Garrett didn’t interrupt her thoughts, and Christina was unusually quiet. When they finished, Garrett gathered up their plates, scraped them, loaded and started the dishwasher, then wiped the granite countertop. “So, what would you like to watch?”

  “Can we watch the same movie we watched last time?” Christina begged.

  Garrett checked his watch. “We could. We have another thirty minutes to start the movie.”

  “We wouldn’t be able to finish it, would we?” Cathee asked.

  “The movie doesn’t cut off at 7:15. If we started playing it then, we would be able to watch the entire movie, but we can’t access it after that time.”

  “Oh. Okay. I didn’t know how it works.” Cathee was quiet a moment. “Do you mind if we watch something else?”

  “Not at all.” He picked up the remote and ran through the ‘movies still in theatres’ list. When Cathee didn’t show any interest, he moved to the ‘Hollywood hits’ list.

  “How does this one sound?” It was a romantic comedy he thought she might like.

  Cathee shook her head. “That’s a PG-13. I don’t let Christina watch those.”

  “Oh. Yeah. Right. Sorry.” He continued through the list and stopped at a PG-rated film. There weren’t any ‘G’-rated films other than the one they’d already watched.

  Cathee sighed. “That one’s okay, but I guess I’d prefer Christina re-watch the other one.”

  “No problem.” He retrieved the movie, re-wound it to the beginning and pressed ‘play.’ “I’ll make us some popcorn.”

  Cathee nodded, then moved from the bar stool to the couch, pulling Christina to sit beside her. She wasn’t giving Garrett a chance for a different seating arrangement.

  Garrett stifled a sigh. Her wall was back up, and he didn’t know how to break it down.

  Christina fell asleep before the movie was over. When it ended, Garrett switched to the music channel. He stopped at the 80s section. He liked music from that era. He stood up to put away the empty strainer he’d used to serve popcorn and moved to the fridge. “Water?”

  “No, thanks.” Cathee whispered. She didn’t want to wake her daughter. She moved out from under Christina. She needed to freshen up. When she emerged from the bathroom, Foreigner’s “Waiting for a Girl Like You” was just starting to play.

  Garrett’s strong arm pulled Cathee close. Her quick intake of breath made him cautious. He’d seen her melt down, and he didn’t want to destroy the moment.

  As they swayed to the music, Garrett’s lips found hers in a gentle touch. It was the lightest touch. Like butterfly wings on a flower. The gentleness melted her wounded heart.

  His touch was a soft summer rain on the dry earth. She could feel her shattered heart heal under his lips. As his sweetly tender kisses worked their way down her neck to explore the soft hollow of her throat, salty tears found their way down her cheeks. When his lips moved back to gently explore her lips again, she was surprised to taste the salt of his tears. Garrett’s own tears mixed with hers.

  He could feel his wounded heart becoming whole again. The emptiness he had carried with him since Jill’s death was filling up. He had spent five years waiting for his heart to mend, and it had taken Cathee in her pain to help him heal his.

  In the midst of this tender moment, Cathee suddenly pulled back and glanced at the empty couch. “Christina. Where is she? She was right there.” She didn’t know how she hadn’t heard Christina wake. Their kiss had just happened. It had been such an overwhelming moment. She was ashamed to think that she had been totally incoherent.

  She raced to the door and found the inside lock unset.

  Garrett was right behind her. “I’ll check the hall.”

  “I’ll search the room.” While Garrett raced down the hall, Cathee searched the suite. Around the bed. Behind the furniture. Finally, she found her quietly crying daughter curled up in the closet. She swept her into her arms and hugged her tightly. “Christina, what’s wrong?”

  Her bottom lip quivered. “I don’t like you touching Garrett like that.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like when your lips touch. It makes you cry.”

  Cathee half laughed and half cried. “Sweetheart, that was a happy cry.”

  Christina turned up her puzzled face. “What’s a happy cry?”

  Cathee hugged her again. “It’s when you’re so full of happy that the happiness has to leak out of your eyes.”

  She still looked puzzled, but the hurt in her eyes was gone. She thought a moment, then asked, “So when your lips touch it makes you so happy the happiness leaks out?”

  Cathee put Christina on her feet and patted her head. “Only with someone special, and only sometimes.”

  She bit her lip, still tasting the salt of Garrett’s tears. What am I doing? How can I do this to my daughter? I’m not ready for a commitment. I can’t accept Garrett. I can’t. A different thought whispered, Why not? but she didn’t want to hear it. She gathered up her daughter and moved to the door. Garrett burst through, worry on his face, then a flood of relief.

  He gently smoothed the hair from Christina’s brow. “You found her.” His voice was tender.

  Tears glistened in Cathee’s eyes. “Yes. I did, and we’re going to our room now.”

  “Cathee...” It was an anguished cry, but he could see the steel in her eyes. Resignedly, he said, “Let me at least carry Christina for you.”

  “I’ve been doing this for four years, Garrett. I think I can handle it.” She paused and looked up into his pain-filled eyes. “I’m a mother, Garrett. I need to consider the needs of my daughter.”

  He gripped the edge of the door as she walked to the elevator, and whispered. “You’re running, Cathee. It’s time to quit running.”

  She pretended not to hear and loaded into the elevator without a backward glance. She stared unseeingly at the glass walls, remembering the tender kiss and wondering why she was running. She hadn’t felt at that moment like a second love. She’d felt like he absolutely loved her for herself, but she wasn’t ready to tear down the wall she’d built around herself. It was that moment of forgetting she was a mother that had scared her. She’d never been a lover and a mother both, and she didn’t know how to function that way.

  Christina was still groggy from sleep. When Cathee put her down so she could open the door, she rubbed her eyes. “Where’s Mr. Garrett?”

  “He’s in his room, Sweetie. We need to go to bed.”

  “I’m tired.”

  “I know you are.” She picked her daughter back up as she pushed the door open, then moved to put her in bed. The door shut behind them with a thud. She quickly changed Christina into her pajamas, then changed into her own and climbed into bed. The heady smell of roses permeated the room. She rolled over into her pillow. For the second night in a row, she cried herself to sleep.