Tattoos & Tears (Complete Collection)

by Amiee Louise

  Cole and Amy’s daughter, Addison Rose Benedict, is my goddaughter. The day they asked me to do the honour of being her godfather was up there in the top five moments of my life. It’s an honour to have someone entrusting you to look after their child in event of their death and to be someone for that child to look up to.

  The night of her birth Cole was doing security for us at a gig; he wasn’t supposed to be working that night, but all his guys were out doing various jobs, and Trey, the guy who was meant to be standing in for him, called in sick. He reluctantly agreed to work the gig, and halfway through, he got a call from Milo that Amy was in labour. He gave me a look from the pit in front of the stage, and I instantly knew something had happened. I made an executive decision to cut the show short that night; much to J.D’s disgust, but I explained family comes first, always. I pulled a few strings, and I personally drove Cole to the hospital, breaking a few major speed limits along the way, but we got there just in time for him to see his daughter being born. It was a beautiful moment for us to see and welcome a new addition to the Rancid Vengeance family. I held Addison when she was just a few hours old, and I instantly fell in love with her. Now, at five years old, she is a little firecracker. She worships the ground I walk on, and that is why, six months ago, I reluctantly agreed to be her ‘date’ for her fifth birthday party.

  34

  Sam - Six Months Ago

  “Uncle Sammy!”

  Addison comes bounding into my bedroom, with her black curly hair in pigtails. She is wearing a neon pink tutu, black tights with silver glittery guitar shapes all over them, her beloved pink Converse, and a black Rancid Vengeance t-shirt with our band logo on the front and the number five and ‘Team Bolt’ on the back. She looks like a tiny rocker, and she is adorable. The glum face I had sported previously disappeared as soon as I saw her. I am getting ready to accompany her to her fifth birthday party, and six months after Peyton’s death, it is becoming easier to paint on a smile and pretend everything is ok. I am dressed in jeans, black Doc Martens, a black v-neck t-shirt, and black blazer with the sleeves rolled up. I am styling my hair into soft spikes in the mirror as she stands in front of me with her hands on her hips.

  “Uncle Sammy, are you ready yet?”

  She sighs dramatically, and I chuckle softly.

  “Give me five more minutes, princess.”

  She rolls her eyes.

  “My mummy says you take longer than a girl to get ready!”

  I cock my pierced eyebrow and try to suppress my smirk.

  “Did she now?”

  She giggles cheekily, and I continue to spike my hair. She moves slowly to my left and stands on her tiptoes. She reaches out for my collection of aftershaves on my dresser and points to my Joop aftershave, my personal favourite.

  “Uncle Sammy, I think you should wear this one, you have to smell nice if you’re going to be my date for my party,” she says animatedly.

  I finish spiking my hair, wipe the excess gel on a black towel, which is slung over the back of my black leather chaise lounge, and I pick up the bottle she has chosen. Joop, my favourite and Peyton's favourite.

  “Good choice, baby girl, that one happens to be my favourite.”

  I wink and splash on some aftershave while she watches me like I’m the most fascinating person she’s ever seen.

  “Do you miss Aunty Peyton, Uncle Sammy?” She asks curiously.

  My smile fades, and I screw the lid on my aftershave bottle.

  “Every day, baby girl, but I know that she’s in heaven looking down on us right now.”

  I pick her up. She clings to my neck, and she wraps her little legs around my waist. Even though it is the middle of the afternoon, I go to the window of my bedroom and point to the sky.

  “You see at night when the stars come out, princess?”

  She looks at me and nods. I’m not sure I can find the right words to say to her, to make her understand, so I go with my heart’s instinct.

  “Well, one of those stars is Aunty Peyton. When we’re lost, she’ll guide us. When we’re sad, she’ll comfort us, and when we’re lonely or confused, she’ll put us back on the right track.”

  She grins at me and points out of the window.

  “I think she’s definitely the brightest star in the sky, Uncle Sammy.”

  I swallow back the lump in my throat and nod.

  “Yes, she is. Come on then tiger, let’s get the birthday girl to her party.”

  We arrive at Cole and Amy’s house, which is a converted barn next door to my place, where the party is taking place. It is a bright, open space with floor to ceiling windows that showcase the miles and miles of rolling green hills behind the property. The house looks like every little girls’ fantasy. There is pink glittery shit everywhere, and it looks like someone vomited a Disney film. Addison clings to me tighter as we enter the room, and everyone applauds as they see the birthday girl. But I can’t help but hear the audible gasps of her friends’ mums as they see who has entered the room with her.

  “I’m going to put you down now, princess. Uncle Sammy is going to chat with your daddy, but I’ll be right over there, I promise.”

  I wink, and she giggles girlishly. The sound makes my heart slam against my rib cage. She plants a wet kiss on my cheek, and I set her down on her feet. She runs over to her friends, and I saunter over to Cole. He is wearing dark jeans, a navy v-neck jumper, black shoes, and a dark grey flat cap. He cocks his eyebrow as he hands me a bottle of beer.

  “You do realise that you’ve just made all of the women in this room cream their knickers? There’s going to be a rush for the bathroom any second, they’re all going to be checking their makeup, sorting out their hair, and doing all that girly shit.”

  He chuckles, and I smirk cheekily.

  “I can’t help the effect I have on women, can I, mate? It must be my devilish good looks and my dazzling charm.”

  Cole lets out a deep rumbling laugh.

  “Yeah, that and the contents of your bank account,” He says drily as I take a sip of my beer and roll my eyes.

  “So cynical, dude. It has to be my dimples and the size of my cock too!”

  Cole punches me in the arm playfully.

  “I see that ego of yours hasn’t deflated!”

  I shrug, and a look of amusement crosses my face.

  “I promised Amy I would be on my best behaviour today.”

  Cole almost chokes on his beer.

  “Fuck off! You, on your best behaviour? Is that some kind of joke? I didn’t think you knew how to behave, Newbolt!”

  I shrug nonchalantly, and we both laugh as Amy joins us. She looks stunning as ever. Her dark, inky hair is pulled up into a bun, and she is wearing black skinny jeans, black heels, and a red off the shoulder top. She is tall and slender compared to Cole's large muscular frame. She and Cole complement each other as a couple.

  “Hey, Sam.”

  She kisses me on the cheek and the fruity scent of her perfume envelopes me as I hug her.

  “Hey honey, looking stunning as always.”

  She rolls her eyes.

  “Your charm doesn’t work on me, sugar, but thanks anyway! You don’t look so bad yourself, handsome!”

  She laughs.

  “Thanks for bringing Addy to the party. She’s been so excited, and she hasn’t stopped going on about you all week.”

  I smile, and that is the moment I look around the large, light area that is the living room and find that all eyes are on me. Lock up your daughters, it’s time to channel Bolt, my alter-ego and inner showman. I plaster on my famous dimpled smile, and I see at least ten women, some clearly with partners, visibly swoon on the spot. It does wonders for my ego, but it can be incredibly annoying and boring. Especially when I just want to be a normal guy, celebrating my god daughter’s birthday. I feel almost out of my depth without the boys with me.

  I scan the room, and my eyes settle on a gorgeous, flaming redhead, with mid-length wavy hair, light green eyes,
pale complexion, a rocking bod, and huge tits. She is wearing a black pencil skirt, a pale green camisole that compliments her eyes, and a pair of sky-high heels that make her porcelain legs look like they go on forever. I notice her because she is the only woman in the room, apart from Amy, that doesn’t seem to be checking me out. She catches my gaze for a split second then looks away, and Cole nudges me.

  “The woman you’re quite blatantly eye fucking, her name is Fiona Sheehan. She’s a therapist, and she’s Addison’s friend India’s mum, just in case you were wondering. I know it’s a miracle if you know, or even remember, their names these days.”

  He takes a sip of his beer.

  “Give me some fucking credit, man, I’ll be making her scream my name by the end of the day,” I say shamelessly, and Cole almost chokes on his beer again.

  “Not at my daughters’ party, you fucking animal!”

  We both laugh.

  “Please wait until the party is over at least, mate. Amy will have your balls on a platter if you do that at our daughters’ party. But I can tell you now, she’s not going to fall for your moves. She’s extremely hard to please...or so I’ve heard.”

  I cock my eyebrow, and he shrugs nonchalantly.

  “What? Us dad’s talk!”

  I chuckle, and Cole slaps me on the back.

  “Go for it, Casanova, but I bet you fifty quid she turns you down!”

  I finish my beer and shake his hand.

  “Make it a ton, and you’ve got yourself a deal, Benedict.”

  He nods, and I grab another bottle as I saunter coolly over to her. She looks up at me.

  “Can I help you with something?” she says in a soft Southern Irish lilt.

  Instant boner, easiest hundred quid I’ve ever made.

  “I don’t believe we’ve met, I would definitely remember someone as beautiful as you,” I rasp, and she laughs melodically.

  “Wow, aren’t you quite the charmer?”

  I smile, bringing my famous dimples out, and she looks at me like I’m from another planet.

  “So, I’ve been told, sweetheart.”

  She raises her eyebrows.

  “Cocky as well? Must be my lucky day.”

  I smirk. Christ, it’s never usually this hard to chat women up.

  “So, am I going to get your name before we fuck?” I say boldly, and she widens her eyes.

  “How many sexual harassment charges have you had against you since you’ve been famous? Just out of curiosity.”

  Strange question, but I’ll go with it.

  “None, sweetheart.”

  She looks defiantly up at me.

  “Well, I’m going to be your first, if you don’t get the fuck away from me,” she hisses and storms off, leaving me in a stunned silence.

  Cole joins me laughing loudly.

  “Take it that it didn’t go as planned, Romeo!”

  I take a sip of my beer and process what just happened. A woman actually turning me down, I never thought I would see the day. My thoughts are interrupted by Cole’s deep baritone voice, which is laced with amusement.

  “You must be losing your touch; Sam and you owe me a ton!”

  I shrug casually and take out my wallet. I hand him one hundred pounds, and he pockets it.

  “You win some, you lose some, dude. There's plenty more willing participants.”

  I wink, and he smirks as I put my wallet back in the inside pocket of my jacket.

  “Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, mate!”

  He slaps me on the back and Addison comes bounding over to me.

  “Uncle Sammy!”

  She tugs on my jacket.

  “That’s my name, sweetie, don’t wear it out,” I joke, and she giggles.

  “You’re funny, Uncle Sammy; will you come and dance with me, pleeeeeeeeeease?”

  Cole snorts, and he slaps me on the back.

  “Good luck with that one, mate.”

  I chug on my beer and put the empty bottle down. Fuck me, how can I say no to someone as sweet as Addison? She uses those deep brown puppy dog eyes as a weapon against me, I’m sure of it.

  “Uncle Sammy, please?”

  Her bottom lip starts to quiver, and I scoop her up in my arms.

  “Come on then, baby girl, show me those moves.”

  She giggles and plants a wet sloppy kiss on my cheek.

  “Yaaaayy! India! India!”

  She calls out to her friend, who is a tiny blonde-haired girl with wide green eyes. She smiles a toothy grin, and I start to question my decision in agreeing to come here in the first place. That is until Fiona’s pale green eyes lock onto mine. She immediately looks away, and I try to hide my smirk.

  I set Addison down on her feet, and the pumping beat of Beyoncé’s ‘Single Ladies’ comes through the speakers. Cole is doubled over laughing, and that’s when I see the Jax, Ruby, Brody and Lucas arrive. Just in time for the ultimate humiliation, fucking great.

  “You’re just in time for Sam’s big moment, boys!” Cole booms and Jax starts wolf whistling.

  Addison is standing in front of me tapping her foot impatiently with her hands on her hips.

  “Uncle Sammy!” She reprimands, and I take off my jacket.

  Fuck me, I wish I’d had more alcohol.

  “Yeah, Uncle Sammy, do as you’re told,” Ruby mocks.

  Ok, here goes nothing. This is going to be the longest five minutes of my life. I can’t dance for shit; I actually look like I’m having a seizure, which is why I stick to singing. I twist my large frame awkwardly around, and Addison dances animatedly around me. I clap my hands and pop my head to the left, then back to the right. I can hear the boys cheering and laughing loudly. Addison moves and shakes her bum to the music in the style of Beyoncé. Fuck me, this kid watches way too much MTV! She circles me and points her finger at me. Everyone in the room is watching, and even though I’ve been in the media spotlight for over ten years, I feel more exposed here than I do when a camera is thrust in my face. Come on Newbolt, time to bring the showman out to play. Let Bolt take the reins.

  I spin around and move my feet from side to side, popping my head and shaking my hips. Ruby is whooping, and there is a circle of around fifteen kids gathered around me. A few parents are filming me with their camera phones. Great, I’m going to be a YouTube sensation, for all the wrong fucking reasons. I circle my shoulders and bust out my best moves, whilst trying not to look like I’m being electrocuted. Addison is copying me and giggling girlishly. We continue this way until the song finishes. As the song ends, the whole room erupts in a rapturous round of applause. I grin widely and take a dramatic bow. May as well milk it for all it’s worth! I sweep my hand out to the side and Addison takes a bow too. She holds up her arms, and I scoop her up in my arms. She plants a sloppy kiss on my cheek, and I walk over to Cole.

  “Well done, baby girl, you got the moves. I can't say the same for Uncle Sammy though!”

  He kisses his daughter on the forehead and pats me on the shoulder.

  “Please stick to the day job, man!”

  He laughs, and I cock my pierced eyebrow.

  “Very funny, you fucker.”

  Addison widens her eyes, and her mouth forms a perfect ‘O’ shape.

  “Uncle Sammy said a bad word, daddy.”

  Cole narrows his eyes at me.

  “Language in front of my daughter, man,” Cole reprimands me, and I set Addison down on her feet.

  “I’m sorry for using bad words, baby girl.”

  She stands with her hands on her hips and looks up at me.

  “How can I make it up to you, tiger?”

  A mischievous look crosses her sweet face, and I start to regret my decision at saying those words.

  “Can I have a puppy, Uncle Sammy? Pleeeeeeeeease.”

  Fuck my life. Cole chuckles throatily.

  “You’re on your own on that one, man.”

  I crouch down to Addison’s level, and we are interrupted by an average height blo
nde with stunning, deep, azure blue eyes. She is wearing a floral printed maxi dress, and her hair is tumbling down her shoulders. She clears her throat.