Tattoos & Tears (Complete Collection)

by Amiee Louise

  At the same time, he growls out his release, coating my insides with his seed. I cling to him and look into his clear green eyes, as if I'm experiencing it for the very first time. He smiles his famous dimpled smile, and I immediately forget my own name and why I shouldn't have let this happen again in the first place. He pulls out, and I start to shake with tiny aftershocks. He collapses on top of me and sags against me. Both of us are panting out laboured breaths.

  “Fuck me, that was amazing, angel.”

  I chuckle softly and press a kiss to his wide shoulder.

  “Pleasure was all mine, Mr. Newbolt.”

  He laughs silently against my neck before finding the strength to pull out of me and roll over so he is lying next to me. I crawl over to him, needing to be close to him. He wraps his thick, corded, tattooed arm around me and places my hand over his heart. We are both content to just lie there, relishing the feel of skin on skin in absolute silence, for what seems like an eternity. I felt truly connected to him for the first time in a year.

  6

  Sam

  The truth is, I don’t know why the fuck I came here. Some twisted part of me wanted to be the hero and come to the rescue after she called me to tell me Brody was here. Another part of me just needed an excuse to see her again. Even though it's only been a few days, it feels like a lifetime since I saw her, and the painful reality of it is, I missed her. When I came here earlier this evening, I never thought that we would end up in bed together.

  I’m lying in the dark, in bed next to her, and I can’t sleep. I’m lying awake, with my hands behind my head, just watching her sleep. She looks so peaceful and serene when she’s at rest, she’s so beautiful. My heart slams against my ribcage as she shifts in her sleep, and an overwhelming sense of guilt washes over me. I have no idea where it came from. I have this uncontrollable urge to run, run as far away as possible. I slowly pull the duvet off myself and get out of bed. I pull on my jeans, my boxers and my shirt. I jam my feet into my Doc Martens, without tying the laces and the leave the bedroom as quietly as I can. I grab my keys, my phone, and my wallet and slip silently out of her flat. Momentarily feeling ashamed and full of remorse, I know deep down that it’s a dick move on my part, sneaking out in the middle of the night. But every instinct I had inside of me was screaming at me to run. Run away from the woman I love more than life itself. It doesn’t make sense. None of it makes any fucking sense.

  I take the stairs two at a time and leave the building. As I exit through the front doors, Jimmy, the security guard from my old building in Greenwich, greets me. Jimmy Frazer is an ex-boxer and was a big deal in the boxing world in the sixties. After I sold the building, instead of putting Jimmy out of a job, I moved him here, along with three security guys from Cole’s team. He smiles warmly and tips his hat.

  “Mr Newbolt.”

  He nods, and I smile, tucking my hands into my pockets.

  “I’ve been telling you for years, Jimmy, call me Sam. How are you?”

  He leans against the door.

  “You know, good thanks, son, I’m in tip top form.”

  I pat his shoulder.

  “Good, good. How's the Mrs?”

  He smiles tenderly at the mention of his wife Pru. They have been married for almost fifty years, and they’re still so in love.

  “She's magic thanks, Sam. Still complaining, so I know she's alright.”

  We both laugh, and I feel a pang of jealousy. Jealous of his perfect relationship, his perfect marriage. Fuck me, get it together Newbolt. I pull my phone out of my pocket and call Cole.

  “Cole, yeah, it's me.”

  His deep growl comes through the phone.

  “Do you know what fucking time it is?”

  I look at the time, it says one fifty-seven a.m. and I suddenly feel bad for calling him so late.

  “Man, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. It's cool,” I say sincerely, and he pauses briefly.

  I hear a creak and footsteps walking across the floor.

  “It's ok; it’s fine. I'm up now anyway, where the fuck are you?” he says grumpily, and I run my free hand through my hair, suddenly wracked with guilt for running out on her.

  It has to be this way, it has to be.

  “I'm at Peyton's,” I say quickly, bracing myself for a lecture, Cole Benedict style.

  “What the fuck were you thinking, Sam? She doesn't deserve that, she's the mother of your child, you prick.”

  I squeeze my eyes shut; knowing that every word he says is true.

  “Look, I know, I know. Spare me the lecture, please. At least until tomorrow. I just need to get out of here, Cole.”

  As he says those words, I see Kai sitting in a black 4x4 Land Rover with tinted windows.

  “It's ok, Kai's outside. I'll get him to drive me.”

  I hear Cole curse.

  “Fuck me, Kai's on my payroll; he's there to protect her, not to drive your lazy arse around!” he barks, and I puff out my cheeks, feeling exhausted.

  “Just this once, Cole, please? I need to get home. I can’t drive, I’ve been drinking.”

  He growls.

  “This is the last fucking time, Sam. Next time, you either drive yourself, or you're on your own.”

  I wink at Jimmy, saluting him goodbye and rush across the street.

  “Thanks Cole, I owe you one mate. Kisses to Addy and Amy.”

  I hang up to Cole cursing and I bang on the window, startling Kai from his game of The Sims. He pushes a button to let the window down.

  “Mr. Newbolt,” he says in his Texan drawl and nods coolly.

  “Is this what Cole pays you for? Sitting outside Peyton's flat, playing The Sims when you're meant to be watching out for anyone suspicious?” I say sarcastically as his face flushes red at being caught.

  He gestures with his chin for me to get in the back. I climb in and lean my head back on the headrest as Kai pulls away from the kerb. My head is fucked with a capital F and I'm an absolute mess. That is exactly the reason why I shouldn't be anywhere near her, and that is the thought I cling to as I drift off somewhere between Camden and Hertfordshire.

  7

  Peyton

  I am glad I agreed to go on a date with Jack tonight since I woke up this morning to an empty bed. If I wasn't so deliciously sore when I move, I'd be almost sure that I dreamt that Sam was here.

  Fucking stupid infuriating man.

  I cling to the molten rage I feel towards Sam as I set about my day. I call Ruby and Danny to arrange a shopping trip for my date tonight, anything to take my mind off Sam. I take my morning shower and bathe Freddie. I dry off and dress quickly, opting for black skinny jeans, a turquoise bat wing top and green Converse. I pull a black beanie hat on, apply natural make up, and slick on some clear lip gloss. I admire my handiwork in the mirror in the living room and decide I look good. Take that, Newbolt, I don't need you. As I'm getting Freddie dressed, Kai pads out of his room wearing long black basketball shorts and a white vest which clings to his deeply tanned muscles.

  “Mornin', doll,” he says in his American drawl, which has become familiar to me.

  I smile as he sets about making himself a cup of coffee. I pull Freddie's jeans up and nuzzle his nose with mine.

  “Aren't you a handsome boy? Yes, you are.”

  Just like your daddy. But I don't say those words out loud. I will not allow Sam to ruin my day. He chuckles, and I tickle his belly, causing him to squeal with delight.

  “The little guys in a good mood this morning, darlin'.”

  I nod.

  “Yeah, he is. I'm taking him shopping with Danny and Ruby in a little while, just giving you a heads-up.”

  He nods curtly and takes a welcome sip of coffee.

  “All good with me, doll. Give me twenty, I'll go take a shower.”

  Kai finishes his coffee in two mouthfuls and makes his way to the bathroom. The door closes, and as I finish dressing Freddie, the door knocks. I pick him up and pad over to the door.

  “Is
this Uncle Dan Dan, ready for our shopping trip?”

  I swing the door open expecting Danny, but I am greeted by my brother, Dexter. His eyes are rimmed red and his usual highlighted hair is now back to his original dark brown. It is unstyled, flat, and dishevelled.

  “Sis.”

  His voice is thick with tears, and I look down at the suitcase at his feet.

  “Oh, Dex, come in.”

  I pull in his suitcase. He steps into my flat, and I close the door behind him. He plucks Freddie from my arms and holds him close.

  “Hey dude, look at you. Come to Uncle Dex.”

  I look at Dexter with such concern in my eyes. It's clear that he's hurting, otherwise he wouldn't have shown up here out of the blue.

  “Dex, do you want to talk about it?” I say softly, and as I say those words, he lets out a stifled sob.

  “Shit, sis I'm sorry. I’m sorry to just show up like this.”

  I shake my head.

  “You know my door’s always open for you, you’re my brother and I love you. I’m here for you.”

  He hangs his head, and a tear rolls down his cheek.

  “I promised myself I wouldn't do this. Fuck.”

  He sniffs and hands Freddie back to me. I take him and strap him in his buggy. I sit down on the sofa and pat the space next to me.

  “Come and sit down.”

  He sits down, and he scrubs his hands down his face.

  “Grace left me, we split up.”

  My eyes widen at his revelation. My brother Dexter and his fiancée Grace have been together for around eight years now. They met in college and have been together ever since. I always thought they were solid. Grace grounds Dexter and he’s a calming influence on her feisty nature. Their personalities perfectly complement each other, he’s the quiet one and Grace is definitely the outspoken one. Grace is the same age as Dexter at twenty-five. She is a tall, slim, and feisty redhead, with curves in all the right places and a fiery personality to match the shade of her hair. Dexter and Grace are like a Hollywood couple in the looks stakes, with Dexter’s chiselled cheekbones, tall, lithe, and muscular physique, blue eyes and his dark hair. When they are out in public they definitely turn heads, they are literally made for each other…or so I thought.

  “What happened, Dex? I always thought you two would be together forever.”

  He shakes his head.

  “She said the wedding was off, she needed some time apart and told me we were over. No word of warning, just totally out the blue.”

  I'm about to speak, when the bathroom door opens, and Kai steps out, still wet from his shower, with a towel around his waist and a folded towel around his neck.

  “Is everything ok, doll?”

  I nod, trying not to gawk at him.

  “Everything's fine, Kai, this is my brother, Dexter. Dex, this is Kai.”

  He nods and makes a dash for his bedroom, closing the door behind him. Dexter cocks his eyebrow.

  “Something you want to tell me, sis?”

  I roll my eyes and Dexter smirks.

  “Get your mind out of the fucking gutter, Dexter James Harper!”

  I hit him playfully, and Dexter laughs.

  “You've got to admit, it does look a bit dodgy sis, a half-naked man stepping out of your bathroom, looking like he should be modelling Armani.”

  I cock my eyebrow.

  “I'll pretend you didn't just say that! Kai works for Cole, Sam’s bodyguard. he's my security detail.”

  I air-quote 'security detail' and Dexter nods.

  “Right, we've definitely got some catching up to do, sis!”

  I spend an hour filling Dexter in on the events of the past few weeks, and by the time I’m finished, I feel like a load has been lifted off my shoulders.

  “Sam fucking Newbolt needs to watch his back. His face won’t be so pretty when I’ve finished with him, the fucking selfish son of a bitch.”

  Even though he is three years younger than me, Dex has always been fiercely protective of me.

  “He can’t go around fucking treating you like that, sis; he’s got no right. Where the fuck does he get off?”

  I touch Dexter’s arm, and he opens his arm out to the side, inviting me in for a hug. I crawl into the space, and he pulls me closer to him.

  “I had no idea, sis. Why didn’t you call me or mum and dad? They’re really worried about you.”

  I smile softly. The truth is, I didn’t call my family because I hate it when they worry about me. I know it’s what families do, but I hate being the cause of their upset.

  “Call mum to check in, sis, put her mind at rest. I’ve already had six missed calls from her.”

  He reaches into his pocket and shows me his phone. I suddenly feel bad for not calling sooner. He hands me his phone.

  “Go on, call her. I’ll stick that fancy pants coffee machine on and watch F-Dog.”

  I roll my eyes at his ridiculous nickname for my son as he smiles and winks. God, I’ve missed my over-protective, pain in the arse, baby brother. I kiss him on the cheek and take his phone. I dial my mum and she answers the phone on the first ring. I go into my bedroom and look absentmindedly through the window, observing the hustle and bustle of a regular day in Camden.

  “Hello? Dexter? Please tell me your sister’s ok. I’ve called six bloody times! It’s common courtesy that you answer the phone to your mother, Dexter James Harper!” she reprimands, and I chuckle softly at her outburst.

  “Mum, it’s me,” I say tenderly, and she sighs.

  “Peyton, is that you, my darling girl? Oh, thank the bloody Lord!”

  Her soft, soothing voice instantly calms my racing thoughts.

  “I’m fine, honestly, mum. I’ve just been busy, that’s all. Work’s been mental, and I haven’t had a spare minute,” I lie, not wanting her to worry.

  “That’s a pathetic excuse, Peyton Leigh Harper. I know you don’t want us to worry, but no matter how old you get, me and your dad still worry about you. How’s our beautiful grandson, darling?”

  I smile as she swiftly changes the subject to Freddie.

  “He’s fine, thanks, mum. Growing every day. He’s sitting up on his own now, and he reminds me so much of Sam.”

  I sigh and drop down heavily onto my bed.

  “How is he doing? Do you see much of him now you’re not together?” she asks probingly. I bite my lip, and for some reason, I can’t lie to my mum. She sees right through me.

  “On and off; he makes an effort to see Freddie,” I say vaguely, and she laughs.

  “You’re still sleeping with him aren’t you, sweetie?”

  My eyes widen, and I slap my hand to my mouth.

  “Mum!” I squeal.

  I do not need my mum quizzing me about my sex life. That’s embarrassing.

  “You can’t lie to me, I know that tone when I hear it, Peyton. Just because I’m your mum, doesn’t mean...”

  I stop her.

  “Mum, please! I don’t need that image in my head!”

  We both laugh.

  “I take it you’ve heard about Dexter and Gracie?”

  I look up at the ceiling.

  “Yeah, he looked heartbroken when he showed up on my doorstep.”

  My mum sighs heavily, and I hear Dexter call through the slightly open door.

  “Close the door if you don’t want me to know you’re gossiping about me!”

  I throw one of Freddie’s teddies at the door.

  “Dex!”

  He laughs.

  “Hi mum, ask her about her date tonight,” he shouts, and my mum shrieks excitedly.

  Bastard.

  “Date? You have a date? Who’s the lucky man? It’s not Sam is it?”

  I squeeze my eyes shut and bite my lip.

  “No, his name’s Jack. He owns a bar; we met, hit it off, and he asked me out on a date. It’s no big deal, mum.”

  If only she knew.

  “Don’t go rushing into things, my darling girl. I know you still
love Sam; any idiot can see that. You don’t need any other complications; you have that beautiful boy of yours to look after now.”

  I roll over onto my stomach and kick my legs up behind me.