Capturing Forever

by Erin Dutton

  Jacqueline cupped a hand over her cards and lifted the corners just far enough to see the faces. She stared across the table, obviously trying to read Casey. She lifted one side of her mouth in a lazy grin that Casey had never been able to resist, but Casey kept her expression neutral. “Your poker face has improved.”

  “Yours hasn’t. Same old tricks.” Casey smiled, hoping to take any sting out of her words.

  Jacqueline glanced once more at the cards faceup on the table between them. “Were you chasing?” she murmured.

  This kind of across-the-table talk used to fluster Casey into giving away her hand. With the cards showing, Jacqueline would also be worried Casey might have the flush or straight as well. Unless she had king/jack or a couple of high hearts, then she’d know she had Casey dominated.

  “I’m all in.” Jacqueline pushed her three stacks of chips toward the center of the table. She had Casey covered, so if Casey called her bet and lost, she’d be out of the game.

  Casey met her eyes and Jacqueline didn’t look away. In the past, Jacqueline might have made a small bet or even checked it down and let them both get away from the hand still in good shape. So was this a bluff? Or was she pushing today only because she’d had a little too much to drink? Or did she have the cards and want to knock Casey out of the game that badly?

  Casey checked her cards again, considering her options. She’d always had a hard time folding trips, but if Jacqueline caught either of the draws, she had Casey beat. Casey flashed back to their very first time meeting—playing poker, when she’d so brazenly made the bet to obtain Jacqueline’s phone number. God, she’d been so incredibly attracted to Jacqueline right away—every sarcastic, expressive, beautiful inch of her. And when Jacqueline had grown flustered by Casey’s attention, she’d been even more interested.

  She met Jacqueline’s eyes one more time and slid her cards into the center, conceding defeat. Jacqueline looked surprised, and a flicker of disappointment gave away her hand. She’d had the cards to win and had wanted Casey to call.

  “Can I see one?” Casey asked because she knew Jacqueline didn’t like to show her cards.

  Jacqueline narrowed her eyes and hesitated. Casey gave her the sweet smile that used to get her whatever she wanted. Jacqueline flipped over the king of hearts, letting Casey know she’d probably made a good choice in her fold. But a part of her wondered what would have happened if she’d pushed her stack in and made another bold side bet. She glanced around the table and knew she’d never have done that in front of the others. Apparently nineteen-year-old Casey had possessed way more guts than the contemporary version of herself. And probably more stupidity, too. Flirting with Jacqueline wasn’t a good idea. She glanced at the beer bottle next to Jacqueline’s elbow. Especially not tipsy-Jacqueline.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “What are you doing?” Kendra whispered as she hurried around the kitchen counter, holding a stack of plates. She glanced at the door to Casey’s studio as if making sure none of the guests followed her out.

  “Hey, the guest of honor does not clean up.” Casey took the plates and set them on the counter.

  “Don’t change the subject. I don’t want to be saying this because I love you both, and I’ve tried to be Switzerland when it comes to you two—”

  “We’re getting along. Isn’t that what you’ve been hounding us for all these years? All of us being able to hang out together?”

  Kendra pointed a finger at her. “No. I know better. The tequila—”

  “You brought out the tequila.” Casey grabbed Kendra’s finger and gently pulled her hand out of her face.

  “And the flirting. I’ve played enough cards with you to know it’s like damn foreplay to the two of you.”

  “Poker party was your idea.”

  Kendra yanked her hand free. “You and Nina broke up. And you’ve been spending a lot of time with Jacqueline these last couple of months.”

  “I haven’t seen her in weeks. I helped with Teddy, that’s all.”

  “I don’t want her to get the wrong idea.”

  Casey started to respond then stopped. At first she’d thought Kendra was looking out for both of them. But now, she suspected Kendra wanted to protect Jacqueline. She hadn’t told Kendra about the kiss and assumed Jacqueline hadn’t either, but maybe she’d been wrong. Kendra must have some reason to think Casey would hurt Jacqueline.

  “The wrong idea about what?”

  “About why you and Nina didn’t work out.”

  “Not that it’s either of your business—”

  “Casey—”

  “No, don’t Casey me.” She didn’t know why Kendra’s warning made her angry. She was a little embarrassed that Kendra had called her out on her behavior, but she had no reason to be mad when Kendra was clearly only concerned about them.

  “Just be careful, please.” Kendra raised her hands, palms out in surrender. “I won’t say anything more about it.” She headed back toward the studio and left Casey standing there contemplating their conversation.

  She had danced dangerously close to a line in the boundaries of her relationship with Jacqueline today. She’d caught Jacqueline looking at her a couple of times, and instead of realizing that alcohol and familiar surroundings probably fueled the heated glances, she’d basked in the attention. And she didn’t want to admit that one of the reasons she and Nina hadn’t worked out was because Nina’s passionate stare had never inspired even half the reaction in her that Jacqueline’s did.

  *

  “Thanks again, Mabel, you were great,” Casey called through the open doorway, then closed the door.

  Jacqueline slumped on the couch next to Kendra. The rest of the guests had already left. Jacqueline had stopped drinking tequila in plenty of time to avoid complete embarrassment. But she’d continued to maintain a healthy buzz with beer throughout the night. She’d downed a glass of water after every third drink in an effort to stave off a hangover tomorrow.

  Casey glanced at them, then walked into her studio. Jacqueline wanted to get up and follow her, but she couldn’t make her muscles obey. They might know better than her brain or her heart what was best for her, but if that were true they’d be propelling her out of this house right now. She’d spent more time in her old home tonight than she had in years, and she might have reached her limit without turning into a sappy mess.

  “Come on, Jacq. I’ll drive your drunk ass home.” Kendra tapped Jacqueline’s thigh and stood up.

  She looked toward the studio and found Casey propped against the doorframe staring at her across the darkened room. “That’s okay. I’m staying at Dad’s tonight. I’ll walk.”

  Kendra glanced at Casey, back at Jacqueline, then threw her hands up. “Suit yourself.” She bent to hug Jacqueline and whispered in her ear, “Be careful, sweetie.”

  She hugged Casey on her way to the door. “Thank you for hosting. This was great.” She glanced back at Jacqueline before she left, her expression indicating she thought Jacqueline was an idiot.

  “Yep. I am,” Jacqueline mumbled as the door closed behind Kendra.

  “What?” Casey asked as she moved farther into the room, picking up discarded plastic cups as she went.

  “Nothing.”

  “Tonight was fun.” Casey rounded the counter into the kitchen and threw away the trash.

  “Yeah. Best bridal shower ever.” Jacqueline rested her head against the back of the couch and closed her pleasantly heavy eyelids.

  Casey laughed, and the low throaty sound felt too familiar. They used to do this—unwind after a dinner party, talking and laughing about their evening. Then they’d secure the house and go to bed together. Jacqueline vividly recalled watching Casey across the span of the bed while each of them undressed in only the moonlight, then sliding under the covers with her.

  “I should go.” Jacqueline heaved herself off the couch way too fast for her still-fuzzy head. She took a quick step to her right to correct for the sudden motion.

&
nbsp; “Hey. Hold on.” Casey rushed over and grabbed her arm.

  “I’m good.” She pulled her arm free. “I’m okay.” She was, except for a tiny bit of slurring, but she’d get a handle on that in just a minute.

  “I’m not letting you walk. You can stay here.”

  “S’only a few blocks.” Jacqueline patted the pocket of her jeans, making sure she had her phone before she left.

  Casey grasped her chin and turned her face until Jacqueline met her eyes. “You’re staying. Or I’ll drive you to Teddy’s.”

  “You can’t drive. You did shots.” Jacqueline jerked her face free from Casey’s soft fingers. She didn’t want to see the dark-blue flares that ringed Casey’s pupils and feathered into lighter blue around the edges. Even more, she didn’t want to know that those subtle color changes were there without even looking. But she did.

  “Hours ago.” Casey captured her chin again, but instead of holding on, she slipped her hand against her cheek. “Please, stay. I’ll worry if you don’t.”

  Jacqueline relaxed into her hand. She needed Casey so badly that she couldn’t keep it all inside. “How do you still wreck me?”

  “I think that’s the tequila.” Despite Casey’s even tone, something in her eyes indicated she hadn’t been unaffected by Jacqueline’s words.

  “No.” The drinking had dulled her inhibitions. She struggled to regain control before she embarrassed herself further. “I should go.”

  “Please. Stay in Sean’s room.”

  Jacqueline nodded. But she wouldn’t get any rest just down the hall from their bedroom—their former bedroom. Casey took her hand and led her to Sean’s room. Neither of them turned on the light.

  “Are you really okay?” Jacqueline didn’t release her hand as they stopped next to the bed. She tugged Casey closer and rested her hand on Casey’s hip.

  “Because I lost at poker?” Casey flattened her palm against the center of Jacqueline’s chest. She didn’t push her away, but she exerted enough pressure to keep her from getting too close.

  “About Nina.”

  “Yes. It’s been a few weeks. I’m okay.”

  “Good.” Jacqueline took a step back, letting Casey know she was serious and sober enough to not be a threat. “You’ve been there for me with Dad. I don’t know how I would have handled it all without you. So, if you need anything—I know with, well, everything else, it may not always be comfortable, but I’m here for you.”

  “I know.” Before Jacqueline could react, Casey stepped close and wrapped her arms around her.

  “Casey.” Jacqueline encircled her waist and rested her hands in the hollow of her lower back.

  “Shh, just let me hold you for a second.” Casey stroked down the back of Jacqueline’s head and cupped her neck.

  Jacqueline closed her eyes, desperate to absorb the feel of Casey, her scent, the dance of her fingers across the base of her neck, and the soft brush of her hair against her cheek.

  Far too soon, Casey released her. She looked like she wanted

  to say something serious. But, seeming to make some private decision, she shook her head once and said, “I’ll bring you something to sleep in.”

  *

  Jacqueline rolled onto her back and sighed. She untangled the sheet from around her legs. After a night of restless dozing, which she attributed only partly to the alcohol, she’d finally fallen into a deep sleep, only to be awakened by a sound somewhere in the house. She listened intently, trying to determine if she’d heard Casey in the kitchen or if she was still in her bedroom.

  She sat up, still not sure exactly what woke her. Maybe she could sneak out without saying anything to Casey. She hadn’t done anything wrong. She’d maybe been too flirty and a bit more vulnerable than she wanted to be. But Casey had, too. And she was the one who was most recently single. She got out of bed and, hearing noise from the kitchen, headed downstairs. She’d face Casey, not because she was brave, but because she was willing to endure the awkwardness in order to spend a little more time with her.

  “I hope you have some strong coffee,” Jacqueline said as she rounded the corner into the kitchen. But she stopped short and gasped when she saw Sean standing in front of the stove instead of Casey. “Geez, Sean, you scared me.”

  “What? You didn’t expect me to be here to witness your walk of shame?” He sprinkled cheese, mushrooms, and spinach into a pan of cooked eggs.

  “Watch your mouth.” She shoved him to the side as she angled close to the Keurig machine. As she waited for her coffee, she looked over his shoulder. “Are you going to share that?”

  “Sure. Bacon’s already on the counter.” He gestured behind him with the spatula. “It’s turkey bacon. Mom doesn’t have any real pig in the house.”

  “That can’t be right. She loves bacon.”

  “Nope. She gave up pork ever since she saw some video on the Internet about how badly pigs are treated on corporate pig farms.”

  “Cows are, too.” Jacqueline took a bite of a strip of meat that barely resembled bacon and shook her head. “She giving up red meat too? And chickens?”

  “Please, don’t get her started. Once we got passed on the interstate by a truck hauling a bunch of chickens in crates, and she was a vegetarian for almost six months. But she’ll never give up steak.” He held up the frying pan. “Plate?”

  She grabbed a plate and he tilted the pan over it, simultaneously sliding out and folding the omelet. “Want half?”

  “I’ll make another.” He poured some more beaten eggs into the hot pan. “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing.” She rested against the counter and forked a bite of egg into her mouth.

  “Then what are you doing here? Other than sleeping in my room.”

  She shrugged. “Drank too much at Kendra’s thing last night, so Mom made me crash here.”

  He gave her a look of disbelief. “Be careful. She’s vulnerable right now.”

  She smiled. He was always more protective over Casey. “Don’t worry about it.”

  She might have laughed at his stern stare if he didn’t seem to be trying so hard at it. “I’m not a kid anymore.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You guys tried to hide your problems from me back then. But I heard you fighting. I felt the tension, even if I didn’t understand it. Now—something’s different again.” He kept his eyes on the eggs, working the edges in so the uncooked liquid could fill in around them. Omelets had been his specialty since Casey first taught him the technique when he was nine. He would set his alarm on Sunday mornings and get up early to surprise them with breakfast in bed. As he grew up, the omelet remained the same, but the fillings got more sophisticated—graduating from shredded cheese to the gourmet creation she currently enjoyed.

  “My relationship with your mom is between the two of us. It has no impact on how much we love you.”

  “Your relationship does impact me. It always has.” He removed the second omelet from the pan but looked at it like he’d lost his appetite. “I heard you tell her you wished you’d never gotten Elle.”

  Jacqueline knew right away which argument he referred to. She remembered saying it, weeks before they finally broke up, as clearly as she recalled the stricken expression on Casey’s face. She’d hated herself for inflicting that pain, and knowing Sean had heard it brought a new wave of self-loathing. “I didn’t mean that. I was hurting and I didn’t handle it well.”

  “I used to wonder if you’d ever felt that way about me, but you were stuck with me because you adopted me and couldn’t give me back.” Having clearly lost his interest in breakfast, he set his plate on the counter next to the turkey bacon.

  “Oh, Sean.” Her heart ached for the twelve year-old version of her son. “We didn’t give Elle back because we didn’t want her. We did, so much. Just like we wanted you. We didn’t have a choice. It tore me up to let her go, and I said some things I shouldn’t have. I took my grief out on your mom.”

  He stared at his han
ds and bent his fingers back one by one until his knuckles popped. “I wasn’t always easy.”

  “You were ours. And we loved every bit of you.”

  “It doesn’t matter now, anyway.”

  “It does—” She grappled for what to say, but he was gone before she got a chance. She set down her own plate and went after him, but as she rounded the corner she ran into Casey lurking in the hallway. The door to Sean’s bedroom slammed.

  *

  Casey let Sean pass by her without a word. Like Jacqueline, when he was hurt or angry he needed space. She was debating whether to enter the kitchen when Jacqueline barreled into her. She caught Jacqueline by the shoulders when it seemed like she wanted to run over her to follow Sean. She gave a little squeeze, but Jacqueline still tried to force her way past her. She pivoted and pushed Jacqueline against the wall to get her attention. But when Jacqueline’s pain-filled eyes found her, she almost wished she’d let her go. They’d had too many of these emotionally charged moments lately, and given the conversation she just overheard, she didn’t think she had the armor for where this was about to go.

  “How much of that did you hear?” Jacqueline’s voice was rough. She grasped Casey’s waist, her hands flexing as if trying to imprint her anguish into Casey.

  “Only enough to break my heart.” She’d heard Sean’s warning about the status of her current relationship with Jacqueline. But her worry about that was eclipsed as soon as he started talking about Elle.

  Jacqueline shook her head. “I thought he understood at the time why we couldn’t keep Elle. To find out he carried that around with him all these years shakes me up.”

  “I know.” Casey fought the urge to embrace her as she had the night before.

  Jacqueline looked down at her own hands, then deliberately opened them. Casey stepped back, giving her room to escape.