by KL Donn
“Do you have a name?” The nurse who has been with me this whole time gazes at me expectantly.
“He was so strong,” I say, staring down at his pale cheeks.
“He was.” Her caring smile should soothe me.
“I failed you,” I profess to my son.
“No dear, you didn’t. Sometimes these things just happen.” Her hand grips my arm, and I want to scream at her, but my voice is hoarse from the crying I’ve been doing for almost twenty-four hours.
“I did. He’s dead. I’m here. It should have been me.” A lone tear drops from my chin and lands in the soft, dark hair dusting his head.
“Oh, Codie. No. God has big plans for this one.” I hate the mention of a higher power.
Glaring at her, I hiss, “He’s supposed to be faith. He’s supposed to be love and light. He wasn’t supposed to take my family from me. Not now. Not him.”
“What’s his name, Codie?”
“Lucas. His name is Lucas Ray, and he was too good for this unforgiving world.” Another nurse enters the room, and I know it’s time. Time for me to hand him over. To allow my life end. “I’m so sorry, Lucas.” Leaning down, I kiss his cold cheek, and for once, I don’t pray.
Instead, I curse. And I curse until I have no words left in me.
As they take him from my arms, I know it’s time I lock myself away for good. My life is over before it’s truly begun, and I won’t allow myself the hurt of loss again.
The world is a cold hell I’d rather stay away from.
Ryder
* * *
“Say that again?” I glare at Theo and Nix as they stand at the end of my bed. Both of their big bodies poised for action. Likely to hold me down because if I heard them right through the fog from these fucking drugs, they said Codie is missing.
“Codie wasn’t at her house this morning. I watched her walk inside last night. Close the door. But now she’s missing.” Theo explains again.
I’m raging inside. “If I had a gun right now, I’d shoot you both,” I roar as I start ripping cords and IV’s from my body. The machines start going haywire with noise. “Who’s checking the cameras on her house?”
Nurses come running in, but I ignore them and wait on Nix. “Foster is watching the video. Weston is on his way to her house for evidence that the police may miss.”
“Where are my clothes?”
“Mr. Morrison, you need to get back in bed.” one nurse demands.
“No,” I snap. “I need to find my fucking woman.” Pain or not, I’m searching for her. “Is anyone tracking her phone?”
“It was in her purse on the floor,” Theo explains as he hands me pants.
Fire races through my leg as I stretch the stitches in my thigh. “Give me your phone.” I hold a hand out for one of them.
“Who are you calling?” Nix asks.
“Her fucking parents. I should have done this days ago. I should have done a lot of fucking things.” Regret burns an acid hole in my gut.
“Shit.” I hear Theo through the ringing of the phone.
“Get the fuck out!” I shout at the nurses as they try to push me back in bed.
“Get him discharge papers. He’s leaving.” Nix’s take no shit tone has them moving.
“Hello?” A feminine voice finally answers.
“Is this…” I blank because I don’t remember her fucking name. “Mrs. Ray?”
“Yes, who’s this?” she asks back.
“My name is Ryder Morrison. I’m your daughter’s other half.” Silence greets me, and my temper flares. “Codie is missing.”
“Oh.” Her lack of response makes me blink.
“Oh? Are you fucking kidding me? Your child, the one you tossed out like fucking garbage, is missing and all you can say is oh?” Jesus fucking hell.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Morrison, you’ve caught me by surprise.”
“Poor fucking you. Have you even thought about her in the last three years or was she so easily forgettable?” I have a lot of opinions regarding these fucking people, and she’s not going to like any of them.
“No, of course not. I just… Codie left, and she wanted nothing to do with me when I tried to reach out. Do…do…the baby, is he missing, too?” I pull the phone away from my ear to look at it, wondering if she’s lost her fucking mind.
“Lucas. His name was Lucas. And no, he’s not missing, he’s dead.” I won’t sugar coat shit for her.
“Damn,” Theo mutters.
“Dead?” Horror and fear finally break through the line.
“He was still-born, Mrs. Ray. But right now, that’s not the concern. Codie has had someone harassing her for weeks. I need to know who the fuck in her life before she came here had it out for her.”
“Cold, man,” Nix says as I slip my shoes on.
Not bothering with a shirt because it’ll cause the stitches in my shoulder to rip and the medical staff will try to prevent me from leaving again, I walk out of the room with Nix and Theo hot on my trail.
“Like an enemy?” Is this woman stupid?
“Yes.”
“Jason’s father came around about a year ago wanting to know where she was. Where the baby was.”
“What did you tell him?” I know I’m already going to hate the answer.
“Well, the truth. We have no idea where Codie is. She never told us and hasn’t contacted us since she left.” There’s a tremor in her tone.
“You keep saying she left. Your husband kicked her out because she wouldn’t get an abortion. You put her on the streets for six months. She was seven-fucking-teen!”
“I’ll regret that till the day I die.” I can hear tears in her voice now.
“You fucking better.” I hang up before I really lose it and do something I’ll regret. “Anything from Chaos or Shaker yet?” The elevator ride down to the parking lot is slow as hell.
“Nothing. Police are canvassing the neighborhood, but there’s been no signs of anything. Not many people even know who they’re talking about. She’s made it easy for this perp,” Nix explains, regret in his tone.
He’s not wrong. Codie’s reclusiveness has made it easier to put a target on her back. “I need her phone.”
“Okay?” Theo questions.
“Her therapist. I need to talk to her. She might know something,” I comment. If anyone knows my girl, it’s going to be her.
“I’ll text Shaker.” Theo pulls out his phone and does just that as the elevator doors finally open. Climbing into Nix’s truck, pain rips through my broken body and worry stammers through my heart.
Where the fuck are you, Codie?
Chapter 19
Codie
“Please.” I wail with a dry throat, making it feel like I’m swallowing pins. “Turn it off.” I know this guy’s watching me. I can feel his eyes, sometimes his breath, on the back of my neck. He’s enjoying my suffering. The constant screams. My eyes are dried to the point they’re swollen now because I have nothing left.
I don’t know how much time has elapsed since he took me, but it feels like weeks, maybe even months. I don’t know if anyone is looking for me, or if they know I’m gone. I’m trapped in this time loop of crippling emotional agony, and I see no end in sight as I try to reason my way out.
The constant infant cries make my ears feel like they’re bleeding, and I wish I were deaf. I wish he would do whatever it is he wants done and move on. “Please, make it stop.”
“Why? It’s not like the baby got to experience life. You should suffer for your failures.” The voice is raspy, and I know I recognize it, I just don’t know how.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper again, licking my cracked lips and praying for water.
“I don’t care if you’re sorry. You destroyed so many lives with your selfish actions, and then you killed your baby. You deserve everything I plan on doing to you and more.” It’s there, right at the front of my brain. I know this man. If only the sounds would stop, I could figure it out.
“
Water, please,” I beg. Maybe if I can get him to keep talking…
“That infant never got water.” My head drops to my chest at the truth.
“I know.”
“There’s no better way for you to suffer than depriving you of everything he missed out on in life. You took it from him.” Who is he?
“I did.” I’ve never said anything less. I failed Lucas because I was a scared teenage mom who had no idea what she was doing. While it’s not an acceptable excuse, it is the truth. I’ve come to accept it. Accept how it played a major role in not noticing that something was even wrong until it was too late.
“I didn’t know. I had no idea there was a problem,” I try to explain.
“I don’t care!” he screams, and the backhand comes out of nowhere. Pain explodes through my skull, and my blindfold falls off my face.
Blinking into the light rays of the sun, I capture a glimpse of his face for the first time, and it clicks. “Mr. Jones?”
“Don’t you Mr. Jones me, baby killer.” I flinch at the moniker. I’ve blamed myself for so long. I was finally beginning to see that there was nothing I could have done to prevent the loss of Lucas’ life. But the more he says it, the more my subconscious tries to tell me it’s true. It was my fault.
“I’m not.” I try valiantly to object to his accusation. “There was nothing that could have been done. Lucas was destined to be with the angels.”
“Lucas?” He breaks down. Until I found out I was pregnant, the Jones family had always been so kind to me. They welcomed me with open arms. Jason’s grandfather, this man’s father, Lucas, is the man I wished was my own dad. Naming my son after someone so selfless and caring seemed fitting to me. Even though he passed months before I became pregnant, and thankfully before he could see how vindictive his own family could be, he was a man that I respected deeply.
“After your father,” I whisper, another tear slipping freeing. Sliding down my cheek.
His agonizing cries are the only sounds to be heard in this room I’m held in. I don’t even know where I am. But the fear of being outside my home starts to kick in, and I feel the anxiety attack climbing its way up my throat. With the heat of a fire breathing dragon, my esophagus closes, and inhaling becomes difficult.
“I need to go home,” I mumble hoarsely. I’m ignored, and I have to close my eyes and count in order to think properly. “One,” I inhale. “Two,” I exhale. “Three.” Ryder, where are you?
It’s an unfair thought. He likely has no idea I’m missing. I can’t count on anyone to come to my rescue but me. I have to be my own savior in this chapter of my story, or I’ll never make it out of here alive.
Ryder
* * *
“Well?” I gaze around the room, it’s been a full forty-eight hours since Codie has gone missing. Four computer screens blaze in front of me, and none of us have a fucking clue where her ex’s father disappeared to after his wife killed herself upon hearing about the death of the baby six months ago. “There’s nothing?” A man can’t just ghost off the earth like that.
“Look, Ry, man,” Theo starts and glances to Foster and Weston before he continues. “You need to stop thinking like the boyfriend and remember why you were chosen for this team.”
“What are you talking about?”
Nix watches us from his office while making phone calls and pulling all the favors he can.
“Your computer skills, man. You created an entire secure network just for this team. Use that. Use what you have and track this son of a bitch down like the dog he is,” Foster tells me.
“Shit.” They’re right. My emotions are getting in the way of discovering the information that we need to find Codie. “Alright.” I have to get the thoughts about what could possibly be happening to her out of my head and treat this like any other operation.
She’s the target we have to find, and that’s it.
“You got this, man.” Wes smacks my shoulder from his seat next to me. I ignore the searing pain of the movement from the shot in my shoulder and power through. Codie is counting on me to remain objective enough to find her.
Opening the server, I search the man’s name and all properties he’s owned over his lifetime. Discovering only three, I first verify the new owners and then move onto his deceased wife’s name. Nothing stands out for her, either. Only thing she’s ever owned that didn’t have both their names on it is an old car.
I have to think outside the box.
His parents.
A search in the mother’s name yields nothing. The father, however, shows four houses, a warehouse, and an old general store. The houses are scattered across the country, and all are occupied or demolished. Only one house is in driving distance, roughly eight hours away in Scranton, Pennsylvania. The warehouse was turned into an apartment complex in Idaho in the seventies. The general store, though, has been abandoned since the late nineties and is in the same town in Pennsylvania as the house.
“I think I’ve got something,” I say as I continue to look for property deeds. The store is still listed in the father’s name, but the majority owner is his son. “Scranton, Pennsylvania.”
“Shit. He could have driven her there no problem,” Foster chimes in.
“He’d have had to shoot her up with something, though. I don’t think she would have slept for that long,” Theo muses.
“Nix!” I shout.
“Yeah?” He pops his head out of his office.
“Can you get a plane?” No way in hell am I leaving her in his hands for eight hours more.
“On it,” he says, going back to his call.
“Are you sure this is where she is, though?” Foster wonders.
“And that it’s him?” Theo echoes.
“It’s all I’ve got. There’s nowhere else. Jason isn’t even in the country, so it can’t be him.” I fucking hate this.
“Pack your gear! If Tac says that’s where she is, that’s where she is. Let’s go bring her home. Shaker, make sure you have supplies. Chaos, no explosives. Phantom, nothing too big.” Foster and Theo walk away mumbling about their orders while Weston rushes to the supply room. “I’d like to tell you to sit this one out, but I know you won’t. So do me a favor, let me handle this creep. You get your girl.” Nix offers his hand, and I know if I don’t agree, he will sideline me.
“Sure. Codie is all I want, anyways.”
Nix eyes me critically. “Take a seat, Ryder. You look ready to fall over.” I should deny it, deny him. But I’m exhausted. The past few days is catching up to me, and my body isn’t nearly as ready as I need it to be.
“Yeah, sure,” I agree as my frame drops into the chair beside me without permission. I need rest, but that’s not going to happen without Codie. I need her safe and with me more than anything else, and there isn’t a soul who will convince me otherwise.
Pulling out my phone, I scroll through a few photos I took of Codie when she was sleeping. Some when she wasn’t looking and a couple of us together. The sounds of my friends—my team—gearing up to help me save her is comforting but not nearly as much as physically being with her. The photos will hold me together when all I want to do is blow everyone off. Go after her myself.
“Plane’s ready!” Nix shouts as they all come carrying bags full of gear that we may or may not need to rescue her.
“Come on, man.” Theo grips my elbow, helping me to my feet as we load into the elevator and head back down to the trucks.
Forcing my body to move forward, I prepare for the flight ahead and subsequent battle that could ensue. Jones is one man. How much damage could he possibly inflict on us?
Codie
* * *
I float in and out of consciousness as I wait on death or rescue. My heart races out of control so often, I’m terrified it’s going to beat right out of my chest.
My time on this earth is coming to an end, and I have so many regrets. More than what’s healthy. The most significant being that I shut down after losing Lucas. I di
d him a great disservice by allowing the pain of his loss to defeat me.
Instead of celebrating the joy he brought to my life for a few short months, I cowered and ran away. I didn’t confront my parents about their treatment of me. I didn’t tell Jason what happened to his son. I didn’t healthily grieve for my boy. I let it become my excuse to close myself off and never allow anyone else into my heart again.
Until Ryder Morrison.
A man of so many convictions and good intentions. A man worthy of the world and a woman who doesn’t fall apart because she’s scared.
But lord have mercy, I want him. I want so much more with Ryder than we were granted. I want to be able to be the woman he desires without question.
“Mr. Jones?” I try calling. My voice is a hoarse whisper that can barely be heard, though. “Please let me go.”
The blindfold was replaced after I was drugged, and I can’t see anything once again. Being left in the dark is working in my favor, however. I don’t have time to obsess over my surroundings.
“I don’t deserve this!” I call out louder.
“And Allison did?” he snarls in my ear, his hot breath burning my flesh. Shivers race up and down my spine as he shakes the chair I’m sitting in violently. Infant wails still play in the background.
“No. None of us do,” I cry out.
“You do!” he screams, and I flinch away. “Jason won’t even come home!” His anger radiates like an inferno, and I feel it to my core. “He says he can’t bear the memories of his mom, of what you caused.”
“I didn’t do anything.” I know reasoning with him is impossible. “I was seventeen. I was just as scared as him, but I didn’t have anyone to help me. I dealt with the heartache and loss on my own. I had the attachment to Lucas, not any of you!” My temper flares. “You all wanted me to abort my son!”
