The Healing Power of Sugar

by C. L. Stone

  “Same way as his?” she asked.

  I glanced quickly at Luke, who was nodding at me. If he said it was good, I’d at least give it a try.

  “Yes, please,” I said to the waitress.

  “And you have the mocha iced coffees, right?” Luke asked.

  The lady scribbled on her notebook. “Of course.”

  “Then she’ll want one of those. Me, too.”

  The waitress looked at me to confirm.

  I nodded. I wasn’t sure if it would be the same as the Frappuccinos I was used to. I was going by Luke’s eager eyes. He seemed to really like this place.

  “I guess I’ll get the same thing she’s getting,” Gabriel said. “I can’t just have pancakes by themselves right now, or I’ll go to sleep.”

  The waitress collected the menus and left us alone. We sat quietly in our booth for a bit, fiddling with water glasses. Gabriel tried to fix his hair, having me hold up his phone to use as a mirror. Luke picked up my feet, took off the flip-flops and massaged my toes in his lap.

  I was sitting back, trying not to fall asleep. I pulled my phone out, turning it in my hands, touching the scratches on the back. I turned it on to look at the screen and turned it back off. I had a feeling the boys were fidgeting to keep themselves awake. I was starting to do that, too. “That football game was crazy,” I said, talking to keep myself from nodding off. “I’m sore and tired, and I didn’t even play much.”

  “We played nearly the whole time,” Gabriel said. “Next time, I want to coach.”

  “Yeah, but the kids have more fun when we play,” Luke said.

  Gabriel smirked. He nudged me. “Last year, I braided one of the girls’ hair because she was worried the boys would pull it. Then next thing I knew, I was out the entire game braiding hair. Girls and boys because some of them wanted it. I’m glad they forgot about it this time. My fingers were stiff for a week.”

  “And yet you still go out for Black Friday,” I said with a tired, but playful groan.

  “Trouble,” he said dramatically. “I promise you, you’ll thank me. Getting gifts for the umpteen-shit-ton people we have to get presents for is hard work. I love shopping, but fucking god damn Christmas is a bitch.”

  “There can’t be that many to get,” I said in surprise, and then turned to Luke. I knew he was exaggerating, but I wanted to know what I was in for.”

  Luke started to count on his fingers. “The ten of us plus Uncle, Pam, Erica and Jessica...”

  Gabriel raised his fingers to add to the count. They weren’t really counting, they were just holding up more fingers at every point they made. “Dr. Roberts…we should get something for him. And some of the people at the diner, right? Tony?”

  “Uncle will take care of Tony,” Luke said. “But then there’s Jasmine and George?”

  “Ugh,” Gabriel said, shaking his head. “Should we even bother?”

  “I don’t know,” Luke said. “It feels wrong to ignore them.”

  “They ignore us,” Gabriel said. “We can get Charlie something.”

  The continued adding to the list of people, becoming more animated as they discussed who they wanted to give gifts to. Some of the people they talked about, I hadn’t met yet.

  My father usually bought my sister and me gifts at Christmas. My stereo had been one of them. He occasionally purchased books and new clothes. One year when the television had broken during the summer, he bought a new one at Christmas and claimed it was gift for everyone.

  That was it for Christmas. He allowed Marie and me to decorate a small fake tree, with the same old Christmas decorations every year, though it never felt very festive. Marie and I never exchanged gifts with each other. Our mother received chocolates or a new bathrobe.

  She eventually got a smaller television for her room.

  Would our father send gifts this year? Should I get one for him? I wondered.

  “Marie,” I said quietly over their discussion. “And my stepmother.”

  The boys grew quiet and both looked at me.

  “Sang,” Gabriel said. “Are you sure about your stepmom? She’d never get you anything.”

  “I don’t want to leave her out,” I said. “She’ll be in the hospital for Christmas, won’t she? I can give it to Marie to give to her. I don’t know if she’d accept it if she knew it was from me.” Maybe she didn’t deserve it, but she was sick, and had been through a lot. It seemed wrong to exclude her, when her husband was gone, and she only had Marie now. Would Marie think to get her anything? Or would she be able to?

  Luke and Gabriel shared a glance, a silent conversation I didn’t bother to try to interpret.

  “We’ll have to come up with something,” Luke said quietly.

  Gabriel nodded solemnly. “We’ll find something nice.”

  I swallowed a little bit of emotion, too tired to quell it entirely.

  But then, excitement started to spark inside me. Once I’d gotten gifts for my sister, stepmother, and my dad out of the way, there were the boys to think about. What sort of gifts did you get for nine different, wonderful people who could get whatever they wanted for themselves?

  I wished the boys had prepared me for this. It would have been nice to have had time to think about what they would all want, or to listen for hints of things they were thinking about getting. My mind was blank for ideas. I hoped I’d find something that would jar my brain and make sense. Maybe when I saw the perfect gifts, I’d know.

  Our food finally arrived. For a while, we were quiet as we ate. Luke stole one of my pieces of bacon. I tried my pancakes with the whipped cream, and was about to eat it without syrup until I noticed Luke grab the jar and drizzle a lot, right on top of the whipped cream. I tried his method, and the result was a delicious sugar rush.

  The coffee was more coffee and less milk and mocha than what I was used to, but it was still good and I drank it all. By the time we left the diner, I was full to almost bursting and buzzing at the same time. My skin prickled and my spine quivered with energy.

  “God damn, Sang,” Gabriel said as we walked toward the car, watching me move. He put a hand on my neck, steadying me. “Are you going to bounce off the walls?”

  Bright laughter sprung from Luke. “Sang’s going to run a marathon with that energy. Might have been a bit too much sugar.”

  “She needs water,” Gabriel said. “Fuck, Luke. She’s not you. She can’t have sugary pancakes and coffee.”

  We got in the car and then Luke stopped at a gas station to fill up the Jeep. We used the time to get dressed properly in the bathrooms. Luke bought each of us a water. I was so full, I wasn’t sure I could down some, but once I got a sip, I was able to take several larger sips, slightly calming my sugar buzz.

  By the time we got to downtown, I was awake, although now uncomfortably full. I was looking forward to walking so I could work off some of the food and expel the energy.

  Gabriel checked the time on the dashboard and then on his phone. “Hurry, we’re late.”

  Along the way, while everyone was quiet, I stole glances at Luke. I considered the masks, and found it strange he would post them again on the windows.

  He didn’t say anything about it now. Kota didn’t either. I haven’t had a chance to ask Luke directly.

  Gabriel hadn’t said anything about it, either.

  I wondered what was going on. If Kota said it was okay I joined them, would this be an opportunity to talk about everything?

  Maybe even the plan?

  If Luke was stressed out about the plan, maybe this might help. Being out with Gabriel didn’t seem like he or Gabriel got jealous. Maybe it would help him picture what life might be like in the future with all of us.

  I knew it helped me, knowing the two of them knew about this plan, and yet here we were, like we’ve been before. We were hanging out, up to a little minor mischief. Luke had rubbed my feet. Gabriel took care of me. Neither of them seemed at odds about it.

  Maybe that’s what I needed.


  Maybe that’s what they all needed. To be next to each other when I was around, and goofing off, and then realize it was okay. If they were calm and comfortable and happy, then maybe I, too, could learn to relax.

  I was starting to get that way before I knew about the plan. Maybe that was what I needed to feel more confident about making the plan work for us.

  Close to midnight, Luke pulled into a parking lot at the mall I was familiar with. We’d been there before for clothes shopping.

  The parking lot was jam-packed filled with cars and people heading toward the doors. The interior looked open. I could see the inside of the food court from when we drove by. Clusters of shoppers were standing around it, looking on toward shops.

  “How much money did I actually bring?” I asked. “I’ll have to divide it out evenly.”

  “We’ll take care of Charlie and Pam and all of them,” Luke said. “Just think of your sister and mom.”

  That sounded reasonable, but then I thought of Luke and Gabriel. How could I get them something if they were right here?

  We got out of the car and I folded my arms across my stomach as we stepped into the cool air. Even with the light jacket I wore, the chill was stronger. Awake, I was feeling the cold more than before. “I should have picked up a thicker jacket.”

  “We’ll be inside soon,” Gabriel said, stretching after he got out of the car. He was wearing a black sweater, but with a bright green T-shirt sticking out the edges, making his outfit look more punk than formal. “And it’ll be hot. You’ll want to get back outside.”

  Luke had on a blue jacket, and wore a nice pair of jeans and boots. Everything was clean, but he was still casual.

  I studied their clothes and then mine: the nice skirt and dressy blouse. “Why am I in such fancy clothes?” I asked. “You guys told me to dress up. Why are you all so casual?”

  Gabriel snickered. “Trouble, you look gorgeous. What are you talking about?”

  Luke covered his mouth with his fingers, but I could tell by his eyes that he was grinning.

  I rolled my head back, sighing. Boys.

  Luke and Gabriel led the way through the parking lot.

  Once we were inside, I could feel the buzz from all the excited shoppers. Some of the shops were dark and closed but carts had been set up in front of them. People at the carts were giving out free coffee, small cups of water and offering samples from a local bakery. We didn’t take any more coffee or the samples, although they did look delicious.

  Above us, there were more Christmas lights. Holiday music played over the sound system.

  However, some stores had crowds of people in front of them. I presumed they were waiting for them to open.

  We passed the jewelry store, where a few men eagerly talked, pointed to the displays, and looked impatiently through the still-closed doors at sales clerks.

  Down the hall, a gift shop was already open.

  “They’re catching people early before the rush,” Gabriel said. “Let’s check it out.”

  “We should get to the toy store,” Luke said. “We should get to that one first.”

  “We’ve got time,” Gabriel said. He checked his phone again. “Seven minutes. We spend five here. We’ll run to the next store.”

  Luke emitted a half-chuckle, half-groan. “We’re starting the running now?”

  The gift shop we stopped at was brightly lit, and a woman wearing a very flattering pink suit greeted us as we entered. The aisles were a little crowded with shoppers. The shelves were lined with a dazzling array of novelty items: little pillows embroidered with Charleston tourist attractions, sweet grass baskets, pineapple-themed desk sets. Each of the items was nice, but to me, they felt very impersonal. None seemed suited to the boys. Would Uncle like a desk set? He didn’t seem the type.

  I combed through the entire store and the boys seemed to do the same. It wasn’t a large store but it had many shelves with lots of little knickknacks. I was disappointed that, among all of the various items, nothing seemed to stand out. Would picking out the right gifts be more difficult than I realized? Perhaps I didn’t know enough about the boys to pick the right item at all.

  I studied a stack of coffee mugs, trying to think if Kota might like one, when an arm went around my waist.

  Luke stood beside me, checking out the mug. “I think we ate too soon,” he said. “I’m drawing a blank right now. Maybe I did eat too much sugar.”

  I tilted my head to rest it on his shoulder, breathing in his sweet vanilla scent. “Who are you looking for right now?”

  “Something for you.”

  I lifted my head, looking at him. His face was close now. “What do you think you’ll get me?” I asked, teasing.

  “Not enough,” he said, breathing out slowly.

  My breath caught, heat rising through my face. I hadn’t forgotten what he’d said to me at his house. Since then, we’d been apart and busy—never alone. I wanted to ask him what he meant: Don’t leave.

  I kept my face close, but still. “You don’t have to get me something to make me happy,” I said. I wanted to say more, but was having trouble coming up with what to say that was honest and helped him to understand, I didn’t want to leave.

  He loomed close, quiet, looking at me with an intensity in his brown eyes.

  My heart was jittery, but I didn’t think it was all the coffee anymore.

  “Shit,” Gabriel said behind us.

  The moment between Luke and I was suddenly over, but my heart was still buzzing with warmth. Luke glanced at me once, a pained expression on his face.

  I loved being around them, but sometimes, it was awkward. Had Mr. Blackbourne had a chance to talk to him yet? I desperately wanted to know, because I had so many questions, especially about the plan and how he felt about it.

  Gabriel was gazing at a set of silver boxes and picked one up. “Would Pam want one of these? I don’t even know.”

  I placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, directing his attention. “If you don’t know,” I said, “then it’s the wrong thing.”

  Gabriel nodded slowly and put the box back on the shelf. “I think we started in the wrong store.”

  I reached down to take his hand. The boys had been up all night, and it seemed after food, they were starting to crash hard. “Come on,” I said. “We wanted to get to the toy store. We don’t have to get it all tonight, do we?”

  “All tonight,” Gabriel said, his crystal eyes sharpening a bit. He tugged on my hand.

  “Then let’s try another store,” I said, squeezing his fingers. “One person at a time. Who are we looking for at the toy store?”

  Luke looked at his watch and then frowned. “Hey, we’ve got two minutes.”

  The boys jumped into action then, leading the way through the crowded gift shop to the front. Out in the hallway, they stopped briefly to orient themselves before, as one, they turned left and started to walk off. They stopped ,looked at each other, and then each grabbed one of my hands and dragged me forward, so I was walking between them.

  THE DEAL

  The toy store was just starting to open their doors when we got there.

  The crowd made a sort of circle around the entryway that was still gated. Could all of those people fit into the shop? I supposed around Christmas, most people were shopping for children.

  As we waited, store employees were passing around sale flyers that included what was going to be put on sale.

  There were also several security guards, directing people to stand back.

  I was about to tell the boys that maybe we should wait, when the doors opened.

  Gabriel and Luke grabbed my hands.

  “Hang on,” Gabriel said.

  Luke tugged me along, closer to him. “Don’t let go,” he said. “Just stay with us.”

  There was a rush, and the boys dove in, pulling me with them. They weaved their way around the group trying to get in.

  My heart was in my throat as I stayed very close to them, gripping them for
dear life. What were we doing? Why were we rushing?

  Once the boys got inside, the crowd seemed to disperse. People ran for displays, grabbing items off a shelf and then rushing for the registers.

  Thankfully, the boys had stopped just inside the doors and looked around.

  “What should we get?” Luke asked. He went to one display that wasn’t particularly popular. “Kinetic sand? Do you think Kota would like it?”

  “Too messy,” Gabriel said, his eyes scanning the area. He dodged a couple that was trying to get around the crowds to get to a wall display of video games. Gabriel turned, caught a Nerf display and then gasped. “Holy shit fuck, let’s get swords!”

  I followed his gaze toward a huge display of various Nerf guns, foam bullets, and a lineup of various styles of swords.

  There was a large barrel full of blue-handled, foam-padded swords and Gabriel pulled two out, holding them up. Then he pointed one in my direction. “Sang, check out what we’re getting for Nathan.”

  I smirked. “We’re getting him foam swords? Do you think he’ll like them?”

  “Of course he will,” Gabriel said. “Are you kidding? We’ll spend a week wearing these things out.”

  Luke pulled two more out. “If we get them, we have to get four. Remember what Kota said about buying toys?”

  “Are we buying for Nathan or us?” I asked with a small smile.

  Luke and Gabriel shrugged, but tucked the swords under their arms, seemingly sure of this purchase.

  I pulled one out, just to look at it. The foam was thick. Wouldn’t it hurt if we were battling things out? “Shouldn’t we get something like a gun?” I thought it’d be better to have the Nerf guns; the bullets were light, and I imagined getting shot at would be better than being beaten by a sword.

  The boys paused at the same time and then looked at the row of guns.

  “Kota wouldn’t like it,” Luke said. “The bullets would get all over the place and the dog would eat them. We could play at my house, but Sprinkles might drag them all into his house.”