Built

by Jay Crownover

  Something dark flashed across Zeb’s face as he considered me carefully. “Seriously?”

  “Seriously.” I made sure he could see the conviction in my gaze.

  He made a noise low in his throat and I saw his hands curl into fists. “Hey, buddy, why don’t you go grab your coat for a minute so I can talk to Sayer real quick.”

  “Are you gonna get my money?”

  Zeb barked out a laugh. “Yes. I’ll get your money.” Little feet scurried out of the room, and as soon as we were alone Zeb prowled toward me and backed me into the island until I was caged between his arms.

  “You ready to choose us, Sayer?”

  It reminded me of the time he backed me into my car after court and kissed me stupid. I wanted to do the same thing to him, but we didn’t have much time before we were interrupted by a five-year-old and it was obvious the wounds I left on him needed to be tended to.

  I put a hand on the center of his chest and looked up at him with my newly thawed-out heart in my eyes. “I’m swimming, Zeb. I’m not at the shore yet, but I’m trying to get there. You’ve trusted me with Hyde this entire time. I just need you to trust me a little bit longer.”

  “Why should I?”

  I fisted his heavy flannel in my hand and pulled him down so that we were nose-to-nose. “Because before I can choose you, before I can choose Hyde, I have to choose myself, and that’s what I’ve been trying to do.” I hoped that made sense to him because it was the first giant step I needed to take. “It’s not that easy.”

  He huffed out a breath and it ghosted across my lips like a phantom kiss. “I’ve been waiting on the shore for a long time, Sayer.”

  “I know, Zeb. Please, trust me.”

  He pushed off the counter when Hyde came rushing back into the room. His eyes didn’t give anything away and his mouth was unsmiling when he bit out, “You’re still my only plan, Sayer. That never changed.”

  That made my heart swell because I had no intention of letting him down this time around either. We could both win and this time it would be a victory that lasted forever.

  CHAPTER 18

  Zeb

  I wasn’t sure what to make of Sayer’s sudden revelation that she was trying to make her way to me through the viscous water of her past and I wasn’t sure I could do what she asked and simply trust her. But when the weekend rolled around I found myself calling her and asking if she was still game for taking Hyde for the day. He hadn’t stopped talking about her since I picked him up at her house, so I figured it couldn’t hurt anything to let them spend the day together. She told me of course she would watch him, then caught me off guard by asking me what my favorite color was.

  Obviously the answer was blue. Sparkling, turbulent ocean blue. She got quiet on the other end of the phone for a second and then told me she would come pick Hyde up and drop him off if that was okay. She said she had a few errands to run and would take him with her. I tried to warn her that a five-year-old, even one that was as well behaved as Hyde, added at least an hour onto the time it took to get errands done. She laughed it off and said they would be fine. I tried to warn her again when I moved Hyde’s car seat from my Jeep into her Lexus. She just smiled at me and told me it would be okay. She also looked at me like she wanted to pull all my clothes off and have her way with me right there in the parking lot of the condominium complex. It was all pretty confusing, and only head and heart were at war with what it all meant.

  I sent her a text to let her know I was heading home from the jobsite. I had recently bought an old Victorian not too far away from where her house was and was working on switching it over from multiple apartments and living spaces back into a single-family home. It was a massive project, but I knew once the work was done, the return on my investment would be huge. I told her I could just come get my kid since I was so close, but she texted back NO! in all caps and said she would drop him off within the hour.

  When she showed up at the condo both she and Hyde looked a little wilted and worse for wear, but my son’s green eyes were alight with mischief and glee. He also had splotches of what looked like blue paint in his hair and on his hands. He hugged me around my knees and took off running for his room so he could ditch his coat and gloves.

  Sayer also had blue streaked across her cheek and splattered in her pale hair. Her normally sharp appearance was nowhere to be found as she hovered in my doorway in stained jeans and a too-big-for-her sweatshirt.

  “Did you guys get into a paint fight?” I reached out and plucked a colored strand of her hair up and let it fall.

  She laughed a little and shook her head. “Kind of. We’re working on a secret project.”

  That piqued my interest, so I leaned against the door and crossed my arms over my chest. I had to admit it was a stroke to the old ego when her eyes widened at the motion. She stuck the tip of her tongue out to trace her bottom lip and I growled at her. I wanted to follow the trail of moisture with my own tongue and then bite on the lush curve that pouted out. Aside from my time locked up, this was the longest I had ever gone without sex and it was starting to make me a little crazy. Every move she made seemed like a come-on or like it was designed to entice.

  “What kind of secret project?” My voice was gruff and I saw her shiver.

  “You’ll find out soon enough. Can I come get Hyde next Saturday, too?”

  I wanted to tell her she could only have my son if she was willing to take me, too, but I understood whatever she was working her way through was thick and snarled. She was slowly picking her way through it, though, and all I could do was wait on the other side.

  “Yeah. You can come and get him next Saturday. I think my mom actually likes having a day for herself. Do you want to come in and have dinner with us? I’ll probably let Hyde order pizza.”

  She cocked her head to the side and then nodded. “Sure. I would like that.”

  The three of us spent the rest of the night eating pizza, watching some silly family-friendly movie, and laughing. I tried repeatedly to get Hyde to tell me what special project he was working on at Sayer’s house and each time he just giggled at me and shared a conspiratorial look with Sayer while telling me over and over again it was a surprise. He also told me his favorite color was red, that Sayer’s favorite color was green, and that Poppy liked purple. I wasn’t sure what that had to do with anything, but when I walked Sayer out to her car when it was time for her to leave, I pushed her up against the side and trapped her between my body and the chilly metal.

  “Your favorite color is green, huh?”

  The corner of her mouth kicked up in a grin and she lifted a hand and put it on the side of my face. Her fingernails raked lightly through the side of my beard and it made my entire body go tight. “Your favorite color is blue, huh?”

  I grinned back at her. “Touché. I hope you figure your shit out sooner rather than later, Say. I sure do miss the fuck out of you.”

  I pushed back from her car and watched her long lashes drop over her eyes. “I’m working on it,” she said.

  I sighed and my breath fogged up in front of me. “I know you are. Renovation takes time and there is always something unexpected behind the walls when you knock them down. I’ll see you next weekend.”

  WHEN SHE SHOWED up the following weekend she looked different. She was dressed like she had raided the Salvation Army for their most used and abused jeans and I recognized the T-shirt she had on as the one I left at her house on our last night together. She seemed so much less polished and worried about being put together than she typically did. Even though her clothes were casual and even slightly sloppy, she still made it all look really good and I wanted to peel her out of it.

  I let my gaze skim over her and told her, “Nice outfit. More secret projects on the agenda today?”

  Hyde clapped his hands and squealed a little. “Yeah, Sayer, are we finishing our surprise today?”

  “You bet, but I have a small stop to make before we do, okay, buddy?”

&n
bsp; Hyde pouted a little bit, but I think the kid and I were in the same boat when it came to this woman. Any chance we got to spend time with her we were going to snap it up and hold on to it with greedy hands. I walked them to her car and helped get Hyde situated in the new car seat she had bought for him. It tugged at parts of me that were forever tied to her. She went and bought a car seat for my kid. That had to mean she was planning on keeping us around. Didn’t it?

  “I’ll see you guys in a little bit. Be good.” I wasn’t sure if I was talking to Hyde or her, but either way the warning felt fitting.

  When she showed back up at the condo later that evening, at first I didn’t know it was her. I heard a car pull up and looked out the window to see who it was, but there wasn’t a Lexus parked behind my Jeep. Instead, a brand-new, cherry-red Jeep Grand Cherokee was where she usually parked. It wasn’t as tough looking and as masculine as mine, but it was still rugged and made for more than looking pretty. I thought it must be a neighbor until her blond head emerged from the driver’s side and she walked around to let Hyde out on the other side. She had to heft the boy down from the height, and as they walked toward the front of the building hand in hand I knew that was everything I was ever going to want in my life.

  They were perfect together.

  They were perfect for me.

  I couldn’t ask for anything more and I would do everything in my power to keep them and to keep them safe.

  I pulled open the door when I heard her quiet voice and Hyde laughing. They pulled up short when they saw me and I watched both their smiles turn just a shade brighter.

  “New car to go with the new hair and new duds?”

  She smiled and let go of Hyde’s hand so that he could throw himself against me like he liked to do. I picked him up and mock-growled at him as he put both his hands on my cheeks. I almost died laughing when he growled back at me like a little animal.

  “Sayer let me pick the color. Red. It’s my favorite.”

  “I saw.” I looked at her over her shoulder and she lifted her hands and let them fall.

  “I never really liked the Lexus and the Jeep makes more sense for winter.”

  “You bought a Jeep?”

  She shrugged again. “Yeah. I like yours.”

  I wanted to growl again, but instead I flashed her a predatory smile and muttered, “I like yours, too.” I wasn’t talking about the Jeep and she knew it. “Want to stay for dinner?”

  This time she shook her head. “No. Not tonight. I have a few things I need to finish up at the house. But thank you, and I’ll see you next weekend, if that’s okay.”

  “It’s okay, but one of these days I want my shirt back.” I stared at her so that she knew I meant I wanted to peel it off of her while she was wearing it and get to all the pretty, pale, and pink things underneath.

  “Soon. I’ll see you guys next weekend. Bye, Hyde.”

  “Bye, Sayer. I can’t wait for Dad to see the surprise.”

  “Me, too, kiddo.” She smiled at me and both my heart and my dick responded. “Next weekend, Zeb. I’ll see you soon.”

  She disappeared back down the walkway and I looked at my son. “Waiting for this surprise is killing me, you know. I better like it.” I was only half kidding around.

  His little face got really serious and he leaned in close so that our noses were touching. “You have to like it. Sayer worked real hard. You can pretend if you don’t so you won’t hurt her feelings.”

  “I’ll pretend. Just for you, little man.”

  “Good. Can we have pizza for dinner?” I groaned.

  “How about we make tacos or something else?” I was going to have pizza coursing through my veins by the time the kid was old enough to buy his own food.

  “It’s the weekend. We get to have pizza on the weekend.” His eyes twinkled at me and I knew I was going to cave in, even though the last thing I wanted to eat was another slice of pizza.

  “Fine, we can order a pizza.”

  “Because you love me.” He threw his arms around my neck and squeezed so hard I had to pry him loose.

  “Because I love you.” I put him down and pulled my phone out of my front pocket.

  “Sayer loves me, too.” I blinked down at him.

  “Did she tell you that?” I was going to burn in hell for being envious of my own kid yet again.

  He shook his head in the negative. “No, but she let me pick out the color of her new car, so she has to love me, right?” If only it was that easy to tell what the beautiful blonde had working under the surface.

  I chuckled. “That seems like solid logic to me, little man. Let’s get cleaned up and dinner ordered.”

  The next week passed in a blur. I ran into a major issue with the roof on the Victorian, which was going to be nearly impossible to fix, and the power was iffy at best, which meant my crew was working intermittently in the cold and pissed about it. Hyde also came down with a cold and was cranky for three days. I think by the time Saturday rolled around, my mom was more than ready for a break. When Sayer came to pick him up she was bundled up, so I couldn’t see if she was still dressed like she was working for HGTV and she seemed far quieter and almost anxious as we made small talk. I told her Hyde was on the end of a cold, which had her going into a flurry of touching his forehead and fussing over him like he was going to keel over on her at any minute. She was so busy rattling on about how they would make chicken noodle soup and watch all his favorite movies that she didn’t even tell me good-bye when she drove off.

  It annoyed me all day until she sent me a text in the afternoon asking me if I minded coming to get Hyde after work instead of her dropping him off.

  I replied that was fine and asked her if everything was all right.

  She sent back a message saying everything was fine, she wanted me to come inside the house and take a look at something.

  When I asked her what she wanted me to look at, she didn’t respond. Needless to say, her silence and my curiosity made me hurry my ass up and had me hustling to get through the bathroom teardown I was working on. The guys were happy to call it a day a few hours early, so I texted her that I was on my way over and asked her if I needed any tools for what she needed me to fix.

  She sent back a smiley face and the reply:

  Just one tool.

  Care to elaborate?

  You’ll see when you get here.

  I parked my Jeep behind her fancier one and practically jogged up the front steps. I didn’t have to knock because she was already at the door and pulled it open as soon as I lifted my hand.

  She reached out and grabbed the front of my flannel shirt and hauled me inside, and before I could ask her what in the hell was going on, she pushed me back against the front door she had just closed behind us.

  It had been so long since I tasted her, had her lips on mine, that my brain short-circuited. Her hands curled around my neck and she stood up on her tiptoes so that she could press into me. I wrapped an arm low around her waist and hauled her closer. I felt her breasts flatten against my chest and her knee work between my legs so that it rubbed against the erection that was stretching my jeans to extreme limits. She sighed against my mouth and twisted her tongue around mine until I pulled back with a gasp.

  “My kid is walking around here somewhere, so unless you want to help me explain to him what the hell is going on . . . or maybe you want to explain it to both of us . . . What the hell, Say?” I gave her a little squeeze and set her away from me. She pushed the long, multicolored layers at the front of her hair back and smiled up at me.

  I noticed she had on a sweater that looked really soft and kind of fuzzy in a bright coral color. She also had on teal pants that looked like they were painted on. It was a riot of color and it all looked really good on her, especially with the dreamy little smile toying with her now puffy lips.

  “I took Hyde to your sister’s house an hour ago, and Poppy is with Salem and Rowdy for the rest of the weekend.”

  I leaned back
against the door. “Why? What’s going on, Sayer?”

  She reached out a hand and waited patiently until I put my much larger and rougher one in it.

  “I want to show you the surprise I’ve been working on. Come with me.”

  I was hesitant and curious in equal measure. I’d been dying to know what she was up to, but that kiss had thrown me off stride. I jerked to a stop as soon as we entered the living room.

  Gone were the sterile walls with no life or color. In their place was a pretty mossy green that was covered with bright and lively artwork. The ugly couch was gone as well and replaced with an oversize sectional that looked inviting and perfect for curling up on. It didn’t look like the dentist’s office anymore. It looked like a home. It looked comfortable. It looked loved.

  I didn’t say anything as she took me into her office, which was now a pale lilac. I looked at her and then at the space and then back at her again. “Is that a Buffy the Vampire Slayer poster behind your desk?” I couldn’t keep the humor and stunned shock out of my voice.

  She laughed and pulled me toward the kitchen. “Team Spike forever.”

  The kitchen hadn’t changed much; there was still the poppy-colored wall, but on the big blank wall there were black vinyl decals of giant poppies that gave the room more movement and warmth. She had been busy. Every room was a different color and decorated in a haphazard way. There was no order. There was no rhyme or reason to any of it and I could tell she loved it. She had gone out and found things she liked, things that spoke to her, and made the space her own.

  One of the bigger spare rooms was painted in train conductor stripes and the door was covered in a million handprints. All small and going every which way. Obviously that had been my son’s contribution to the project. It was sweet and I wanted to ask her if she made room for my boy not only in her home but in her heart as well.

  The last stop on the tour was her bedroom. Finally, I found the source of the blue paint that had been all over Hyde and in her hair a few weeks ago. The room had been transformed from a tranquil oasis to a Caribbean villa. It was the ocean and so much more. It was her eyes and her heart all tangled up and put on the walls.