Bring Me to Life

by Scarlett Parrish

  Bed. Adam Locke. In the same room. With me. Oh stop it, Nathan. You're just horny.

  No, I'm not. I'm angry. Anger's good. Stay with anger.

  I gulp back nerves and try to force myself not to think what I want to think about.

  "Hold on...Will meets someone and sends you to me. Why? To distract me? Does Will think I'm in love with him? That I need a lure to take my attentions away from him?"

  "No, he---"

  "Wait, wait." Adam waves a hand in my general direction, as if swatting away my irritating interruption. "Will met someone and decided it was time for you to insert yourself back into my life again, or at least to put yourself back on my radar. Why? To take my mind off Will and his new love, who I never even knew about, incidentally."

  "Will thought you'd find out eventually. You have a way of getting into people's business."

  "Smothering them, I suppose? Is that right? Jesus, way to make me feel rejected, Sergeant."

  "Nathan."

  "Nathan, then. Honestly, what did he think I was going to do?"

  "Cause trouble for him and Kieran, just like you do for everyone else."

  "Oh, Kieran, eh? Nice name. Irish, is he?"

  "No, just---"

  "So Matchmaker Bosworth thought that now that he was all cozied up with his true love, that I should have, what? A plaything? You as my little pet? To take my mind off Will and Kieran playing happy families. For fuck's sake, the pair of you make me laugh..." Adam grimaces. Anything but laughter falls from his lips.

  "He thought you'd cause trouble if and when you found out he was happy with Kieran."

  "What on Earth for? No, don't tell me. Let me work this out. Let me talk myself through this. Will hooks up with this Kieran character but gets antsy about me finding out because, what? I'll be jealous that he's got someone and..." Adam turns on his heels to face me but stays on the other side of the room, smirking in triumph. "Ah. I've got it. I'll be jealous that he's got someone, and I'm sad and lonely, having believed I killed my one and only true love, for whom I've been pining for decades. So, to avert my unwanted attentions from his happy home life, he thinks, hey, why not throw Nathan back into Adam's social circle? That way, he'll be too distracted with the realisation that Nathan's not dead after all to bother me and my new, lovely, shiny boyfriend? Yes? Am I right? How close am I to the truth?"

  I gesture with one hand, a surrender or some sort of dismissive wave. A silent way of saying, "Okay, you got me."

  "But how did he think I'd find out about this Kieran character? We only ever spoke on the phone, the odd email. Just in passing. Of course, look what happens when you mention the name of your favourite nightclub to an old friend..." Adam makes a sweeping movement with one hand, arcing through the air in front of him. Meaning me.

  "Another old chum tracks you down, and hey ho, let's sit down and talk about old times. For God's sake, let us sit upon the ground and tell sad stories of the death of kings, hmm? I mean, I didn't find you in the past however many years. Then again, I didn't know you were still alive. No reason to look for you. So what are you? My gift from Will? A reward for behaving? Please, Adam, stay away from my lover and don't kill him.

  Distract yourself with Nathan. Fucking hell."

  Adam's jaw drops, and now he nears me again, enlightenment spreading across his face. "Did Will actually think...Christ, I should just phone him to ask. I still have his number in my mobile, although I haven't used it in a while---"

  "No." Before Adam can go fetch his jacket and root around in the pockets for his phone, I grab his wrist, and the look of surprise in his eyes is almost comical. "Don't. Leave him."

  "Busy on a date night, is he?" Adam bats his eyelashes comically. "Wouldn't want to disturb the lovebirds, would we? Oh, he's probably expecting me to call at some point. How dare you be happy when I'm so alone, because yes, Nathan, I've spent the past fifty, sixty, seventy years jealous of other people's happiness and pining for you."

  " Yo u have been seeing my ghost after all, haven't you?"

  He hisses in air then shakes his head. "That was a low blow, Nathan, even for you. One would have thought you'd be pleased. Doesn't the fact that you haunted me for years show I have a conscience? That I actually regret killing you? Or believing I had?"

  "Do you? Are you really sorry?"

  "Of course I bloody am! Do you think it was easy for me, going all this time knowing, thinking, even in the back of my mind on what constituted a good day, that I had accidentally killed the man I loved because I was so over-keen to keep him with me forever?"

  I think my mouth works, my jaw's pathetic twitches a vague attempt to get sound to come out, but there's nothing. Nothing but a half-hearted, "But you didn't."

  "No." Adam gives a single nod. "No, I didn't. But you let me think it, didn't you? And given that I've got form for killing, nearly killing, and/or attempting to kill, delete as applicable, Will obviously thought I'd kill his lover out of jealousy or bloody-mindedness or out of a desire to ruin the whole world because I'm some sad, lonely figure who's destined to wander the Earth, pining like Romeo for his fucking other Romeo."

  "No, he doesn't. He doesn't think that at all."

  It's easier to defend Will, who isn't even here, than it is to discuss myself or Adam, for some reason. Avoidance, thy name is Stephenson.

  "Oh? Really? You can look me in the eye and tell me Will isn't scared of me raging about the unfairness of it all, tracking him down, and killing his lover?"

  "Yes." I nod. "I can." Although looking him in the eye is a tad difficult now that we're getting to the nub of the matter.

  "And why is that?"

  "Uh, you see, we already did it. Will and me."

  "You and Will already...? You already what? Killed...? Oh, wait a fucking minute..." Adam covers his face with his hands, shoulders shaking in what I think is laughter. He definitely doesn't seem in a crying mood right now. He raises his head, fingertips dragging down the skin of his face.

  "He fell for someone mortal and got you to help him change the poor bugger because he had done the same for you." Another burst of laughter, but not full of humour. There's sarcasm there, or bitterness. Likely both. "He changed you, you changed his lover, and so now you're quits, yes?"

  I don't want to think about what I've gone through with Kieran. His experience; he was the one who died and was brought back. He was the guest of honour. But it was something I never wanted to do, and I only went along with it because it was Will asking. Anyone else, and it would have been an instant no. Even with Will and Kieran, it took a bit of persuasion.

  "I still don't get why you had to reappear.

  Will couldn't have thought I was a danger to Kieran once he'd changed. You could have kept this all quiet, you know. I would never have discovered it. At least, there was a good chance of that being the case. You could have gone abroad; they have vampire safe houses there too, you know."

  " I know that." More and more countries are accepting us every day. Legally. You can't legislate people's hearts unfortunately, but Britain is relatively safe. I mean, here we are, in a hotel specially built for vampires. We can dot around the country quite happily as long as there are safe houses to hide in while the sun passes overhead.

  "Where are they now?"

  "Who?"

  "Will and Kieran, you idiot. Who else would I be talking about?"

  "You think I would tell you?"

  "For fuck's sake, Nathan; when is this suspicion going to stop?"

  "I don't know. How about when you, oh, I know! When you stop attacking people?"

  "I haven't done that in ages. The last time was aeons ago, and the guy deserved it. He said some very unsavoury things about my mother, and ---"

  "But she's been dead since the nineteenth century."

  "Yes, she has, but I still didn't want to hear her called a whore." Adam shakes his head once, briefly, as if trying to rid his mind of thoughts of his immediate ancestry, and brings himself back into the present. "That wa
s over twenty years ago. I've been a good boy since then."

  "Really," I deadpan, crossing my arms and looking him up and down. "I find that very hard to believe."

  "You'd be surprised. You don't know everything about me, Sergeant." He makes a show of doing exactly the same thing, looking me up and down, focusing for longer than is necessary on my crotch. I send up a silent prayer that anger and sexual frustration won't manifest itself in an obvious, embarrassing way.

  I want this conversation over and done with so I can go have a shower and take care of business.

  "Admit it; you were curious," he says.

  "About...?"

  "Will comes to you with his new bit of fluff ---"

  "Boyfriend."

  "Whatever."

  Adam's dismissive shrug reminds me of my reaction to Will telling me off when I referred to Kieran as loverboy. "Will comes to you with his new boyfriend, asks you to help him change him so they can be together forever and experience twu wuv, and you're a good little boy, obedient---"

  "It wasn't like that!"

  "No? Then how was it? You told Will no? You refused to help him out after all he'd done for you?"

  "Yes. That was exactly it. I refused because I never wanted to help change someone after what I'd experienced, and he pulled the after all we've been through together bullshit, and when I saw him and Kieran together, I fell for it."

  "And my name came up in the conversation, and you were all twisted up over killing one of those pesky mortals, so, what? You thought you'd come and see the one person on Earth who could make you feel good about yourself?"

  "You sure reckon yourself very highly, don't you, Locke?" I don't like the way this conversation is going. Last time we had an argument---last time barring the time he tore my throat out, I mean---we ended up having the angriest, most violent, hottest sex in living (or dying) memory.

  "I mean, I make you feel good about yourself because while you're guilt-racked for taking someone's life in a way, you can look at me and think well, at least I'm not as bad as him. Not as violent. Am I right? I'm right, aren't I?" He doesn't even look me in the face as he carefully lifts my arms away from each other, unfolding me, before letting go.

  I let my hands drop to my sides. Not in that stiff, militaristic stance from earlier. I let him unfold me and am a hair's breadth away from giving in.

  "Or. It could be something else."

  I lift my eyebrows and give a brief go ahead nod.

  "It could well be..." Adam steps closer, and there's not much air between us, hardly any light from the overhead strips or the lamp in the corner.

  "You didn't come here to make me feel guilty after all this time."

  "No?"

  "No. You came here because you do."

  Chapter 12

  ADAM GRABS MY LAPELS and pulls me toward him; I could resist, but don't. I don't resist because I don't want to, and the first taste of his lips on mine pulls me back into the past in an instant.

  Fuck, I needed this, is the only coherent thought running through my mind. His kiss is surprisingly tender, his head tilted slightly and lips brushing over mine. No forceful tongue in my mouth, or fingertips scratching at my scalp, pulling my hair. Adam used to like to lie in bed, one or two of my curls twined around his fingers, and---

  "No. Stop." Seconds into a kiss so gentle, it surprises me; I would have thought Adam's would be more aggressive than this. I push him away.

  "This is too weird. I don't..."

  "Looks like I'm not the only one who's gone straight." One corner of Adam's mouth lifts in a smirk, and the tip of his tongue shoots out to lick his top lip. He's not moistening his lip; he's tasting whatever trace of me is left there.

  "I don't know what you're talking about."

  "I'm being a good boy these days. Well, as best I can. And you push me away when I kiss you. Turning straight too, eh, Soldier Boy?"

  "Oh, I see. Right. Because the only reason I could say no to you is I'm heterosexual all of a sudden."

  "The only reason you'd say no to me is fear."

  "I'm not scared of you." It's only partially a lie. He worries me sometimes. But now I'm of the undead too, we're on more equal footing. I could handle him.

  "Nathan. You're scared of you and all you are. All we are."

  "I didn't come here for this."

  "No? Then for what? To torture me with your presence? To say, you know that ghost you've been seeing on and off for years? He's not dead after all; he's real, and now, you know that? You can't have him. No, sorry, Nathan. I'm not buying it. And no, I'm not going to force you into anything. I'm just saying you know you want me. That bulge in your trousers says you do, whether you want to admit it or not. You want to fuck me, even if it's for old time's sake. Or because you're angry. Remember how it went when one of us was angry?" Adam smirks, running a hand over the front of my trousers, and my cock hardens instantly. "Thought so."

  "Fuck you."

  "Please do, Nathan." He leans in and whispers in my ear, "I know you want to." He nips my earlobe, and I shiver with the memory of what happened before. "You want to fuck me, and I want your cock inside me."

  Lightheaded with sheer want, I let my head fall against his, a silent surrender.

  "Nathan." He whispers his lips across my skin to my mouth, but doesn't kiss me, speaking again instead. "You're going to fuck me like you're trying to hurt me."

  "I will, you know."

  He stands up straight, bracing me with a hand on either of my shoulders. "You already have." A second's pause, then he heads for the door.

  I spin round on my heels, which makes the spinning in my head even more disconcerting.

  "Where are you going?"

  "Don't worry." He roots around in one of his jacket pockets, smiling triumphantly when he finds whatever it is he's looking for. "Just trying to find this." He tosses something at me from a few feet away, and I reach out to catch it without thinking.

  A small plastic lube bottle bought from a chain sex shop. Chain being an interesting choice of words, I think, smirking. He might be undead, but he's not totally dead. "You just happen to carry this stuff with you?"

  "Think about it, Nathan. Where did you first see me tonight?"

  "In Vlad's."

  "Blood isn't the only need vampires have, in case you hadn't noticed. Unless you've been celibate for the past seventy years? No, don't answer that." He scowls. "I don't want to know. Let's just say I have people I can call on to attend to certain desires, of whatever nature."

  "And I cramped your style by showing up."

  "Never mind." He shrugs and takes a few slow steps toward me again. "You can make up for it." In the absence of any coherent reply from me, his smirk grows more pronounced. "You do remember how, don't you? Do you need instructions?"

  "Talking down to someone isn't a good seduction technique."

  "Who says I'm trying to seduce you? I'm just, out of the goodness of my heart---"

  "Ha!"

  "---trying to rid this room of the awful sexual tension between us."

  "Sexual tension. Right."

  "Yeah. I'm horny, and you're tense. Between us, we can figure something out." Adam undoes the top couple of buttons on his shirt as I watch then pulls the whole thing over his head. Impatient or pragmatic, I'm not sure which. "No point taking our time undressing, is there? Not when we've so much to get through."

  Pragmatism it is, then.

  "Well? Aren't you going to get your kit off?"

  I toss the lube bottle onto the bed and take a few slow steps closer, walking round him. "You were never this practical and logical about it before."

  "Oh, we fucked in a hurry."

  "Many a time," I mutter. Using Vaseline as lube, or just tossing each other off, naked grinding, anything to feel skin on skin. Quickly, so we wouldn't be caught. I don't think there were any nights we spent more than a couple of hours together. And even then, we were lucky to get even that much time together. If we were caught together, it
would have meant much more than temporary embarrassment. In fact, I'm amazed we didn't get caught out. "That was lust talking back then. Not a case of oh, let's just get this out of the way."

  "You think I want to get this out of the way?"

  Adam turns on the spot, hands on hips. Displaying himself, I shouldn't wonder. "What are you doing?"

  "Looking at you."

  "Hmm. Well." He turns around again so I can see his back. "Don't let me stop you from admiring my half-naked form."

  "Not naked enough," I blurt out, and his shoulders flinch. It's easier to admit what we're about to do when his back's turned.

  And I get a flash in the back of my mind, an image of the first time I was inside him, my eyes watering with the sheer wonder of it. At that moment, the rightness, the knowing, overrode any guilt or shame or fear I might have felt. Even if there was no afterglow, even if it never happened again, I was sure I'd never feel that good with a woman. I was grateful then that Adam couldn't see me, fucking him and crying like an idiot.

  "If you insist."

  His hands go for his belt, and I stop him with a simple, "No."

  His back's perfect; well, of course it would be. Any injuries heal within hours. Bullet holes knit back together; burns blister, pucker then iron out. Cuts join up again like a zip made of flesh.

  Marks on the outside remain; the inside sorts itself out, then hours or sometimes days later, the outer shell catches up. So whatever Adam's been through in recent times, I wouldn't know. There'd be no sign of it.

  I place a hand on his bare back and nearly whimper with the thought of that phrase lingering in my mind. Bareback. We always did that. Never once did we use condoms. Adam joked back then, "It's not like you're going to get me pregnant, is it?" And rubbers back in those days truly did make it feel like you were going swimming with your wellies on. Now I fully appreciate what he was getting at but not saying outright: as a vampire, disease couldn't live in his body. He could neither catch it nor pass it on. Microbes and infections don't stay alive in his body long enough to multiply or find another host.