The Roommate Problem

by Mariah Ankenman

  She laughed softly. “All right, but it’s true, isn’t it? You asked Mo to keep something from me, too.”

  He supposed she did have a bit of a point with that. But hiding a relationship and hiding a loan and surgery were two very different things.

  “It’s not the same, Gran.”

  “I know, dear.” She patted his hand. “But just remember: Mo wasn’t trying to hurt you. She was trying to help me. I know that girl. It must have killed her to keep such important things from you. I suppose it wasn’t very fair of me to ask her to do that, and for that, I am sorry.”

  Thinking back, he did remember at times glancing a bit of turmoil on Mo’s face and finding it odd. Still didn’t erase what she’d done. What she’d kept from him. How was he supposed to just let that go? Just because someone’s intentions were good didn’t make their actions right.

  “I’m getting tired.” She snuggled into the covers, closing her eyes. “I think I’ll rest my eyes for a bit now.”

  He glanced over her with concern, but her color was good, breathing steady—it appeared she just needed a rest after the long day she’d had. Probably for the best. Still…

  “I’ll be right in the other room if you need me.”

  She cracked one eye open, glaring at him with a shake of her head. “Stubborn.”

  “What?”

  “Nothing.” Her eyes closed once more. “You just sit out there and think about your life and what really makes you happy. You can grow flowers anywhere, Auggie, but love can only grow in your heart if you open yourself up to it.”

  What the hell did that mean?

  “Go on now. And while you’re waiting, there’s a folder on the kitchen table that I think you’ll find makes a good read. Look it over,” she said with a yawn.

  He rose from the bed, slipping out the door to his grandmother’s soft snores. He made his way into the kitchen. The folder was on the table, right where Gran had said. Patricia was in the living room watching some game show on TV.

  But August didn’t sit down to read. Instead, he pulled out his phone and started searching for nearby hotels with open rooms. He couldn’t go back to the apartment. Just the thought of facing Mo again…his stomach cramped. No. No way could he go back there now. The pain was still too fresh, the wound too raw. A shit-ton of information had been dumped on his head tonight, and he needed time. He needed space.

  He wished he could believe his grandmother. Believe that spark in his chest that roared to life when she said Mo loved him. The tiny part that whispered he might love her, too…

  He finished booking a room, his gaze settling on the blue folder on the table. A slim slip containing sheets of paper and months’ worth of lies.

  A cold ache spread through his chest. His hand fisted, crushing the phone in his hand to the point where it made an ominous cracking sound. He eased his grip, but it did nothing to quell the misery within.

  He wanted to believe in Mo so badly, but how could you love someone when they hadn’t been honest with you?

  Chapter Twenty-One

  “Mo!” Pru gasped. “What happened, sweetie?”

  Mo looked up as she entered the Mile High Happiness office. She blinked, her eyes puffy and heavy from all the crying she’d done this weekend. She knew she should have called her friends over right away after her argument with August—argument? Try epic breakup fight—but she’d just wanted to crawl into bed and lick her wounds.

  “Why do you think something is wrong?”

  Lilly stood, moving around her desk to Mo’s side and reaching out a tentative hand. “Your hair…”

  Pru also hurried to her side, her friends surrounding her, staring with horror and concern.

  “What?” She shrugged, not even attempting to try for a smile. “I dye my hair all the time. You guys know that.”

  “Yes, but honey.” Pru snuck a quick glance at Lilly before pointing out the obvious. “It’s black.”

  Not all of it. She’d simply replaced the orange streaks with black. Her hair always matched their current wedding or her mood, and since they had no wedding at the moment, mood it was.

  “So? Black is a color.” Technically, it was more like all the colors combined. Which was exactly what she felt right now. All the emotions fighting for dominance in her soul, blocking out any light that tried to get through. It sucked.

  “Pru,” Lilly said softly, leading Mo to the large, plush chairs in front of her desk they usually reserved for clients. “Go grab the leftover cheesecake from the mini fridge.”

  Pru rushed off to do their friend’s bidding, but Mo knew no amount of cheesecake was going to help her. She’d tried an entire bottle of wine last night and nothing. No rich, creamy dessert or fuzzy-headed alcohol high could erase the fact that she’d lied to August, broken his trust and her own heart, all because she thought she was doing the right thing. She felt the need to reiterate the suckage of this whole situation.

  “Here.” Pru set down the four slices of strawberry cheesecake they’d taken home after lunch at the Cheesecake Factory Friday afternoon. They always bought a full cake in order to have emergency leftovers. “We don’t have any plates.”

  Lilly grabbed three spoons from the tin by the small coffee maker that they used to stir in cream and sugar. “It’s fine. We can eat from the box.”

  That got Mo to perk up from her pity party. She raised a brow. “Wow. I must look like crap if you’re forgoing the propriety of a plate, Lil.”

  “You don’t look like crap,” Lilly responded, handing her a spoon. “But you do look like you’re in need of sugar, carbs, and the loving ears of your best friends immediately. So we can forgo plates. This one time.”

  “Now, come on,” Pru insisted, nudging the box of dessert closer. “Why the new emo look? I didn’t even know you owned black clothing. And why is that sweater so huge?”

  She glanced down. Technically, she was wearing dark navy blue pants and a dark gray sweater. Okay, fine. It was August’s sweater, and the thing swam on her. Totally not work appropriate, but she found it in the dryer this morning when she’d been searching for something to wear that wasn’t so bright—all her colorful clothing had been hurting her eyes and mocking her pain with their cheery vibrant hues—and she just slipped it on.

  Big mistake.

  His scent still clung to the garment, wrapping around her, making her miss him more than she’d ever missed anyone or anything. She hadn’t been able to take it off. But it wasn’t comforting—if anything, it was making her feel worse. Even though she didn’t think it was possible to cry any more tears, she felt the warm drop of one sliding down her cheek.

  Lilly knelt by her side, her brow pinched with worry. “Moira?”

  She glanced at her friend, shaking her head, her lips trembling as she opened her mouth to confess. “I screwed it all up, Lil.”

  “Screwed what up, sweetie?”

  “Everything. The plan, our relationship, my chance at a soul mate.”

  “Whoa, hold on a second.” Pru scooted in closer, grabbing Mo’s hand in hers. “What plan? What relationship? I think you should go back to the beginning.”

  She started to explain but only got two words in before the dam broke and she was heaving out giant sobs of misery. Lilly grabbed the box of tissues she kept on her desk for emotional couples and pushed them toward Mo. With a grateful glance, she accepted and mopped up her mess of a face, trying to get herself under control so she could explain everything to her friends.

  Two more people she’d lied to and kept things from. Wow. No wonder August stormed out. She was a crappy friend. She felt lower than dirt right now and just as trampled on.

  Once the tears subsided, she took a deep, shuddering breath. “Okay, so I have something to confess to you both.”

  She launched into the events of the past two months. Taking August out to the Botanic
Gardens, getting closer to him. She glossed over their bedroom activities, implying, but not describing in detail as she normally would. For some reason it felt too private, too much of a betrayal to share her stories of intimacy with August with her friends like she would have with any other guy.

  No. Not some reason. She knew the reason. It was because she loved him. Completely. With every bit of her soul. He wasn’t just a wild night out or a steady boyfriend she was having fun with. He was the real deal.

  Or had been. Until she screwed it all up.

  “Don’t say ‘I told you so,’ Lilly.” She glared at her friend.

  Lilly held up her hands in defense. “I wasn’t going to say it.”

  “Yeah, but you were thinking it. I could see it on your face.” Or maybe that was just her own judgmental guilt reflecting back on her.

  Pru squeezed her hand. “Mo, everyone knows sleeping with a roommate is a bad idea, but we would never stop you from pursuing something meaningful with someone you care about.”

  Lilly reached out to grab her other hand. “And I would never taunt you about being right when you’re hurting so much.”

  She knew that. She was just so upset, and it was making her lash out.

  “Now, what did he do?” Lilly asked. “Do we need to kick him in the balls? Burn all his clothing?”

  “Oooh.” Pru’s lips curled in an evil smile. “Give us your nonna’s special laxative brownie recipe and we’ll make a batch for him.”

  She let out a watery laugh. Seriously, she had the best friends in the universe. “No, no. You don’t have to do any of that. Honestly, this whole thing is my fault, and I’m sorry for not telling you August and I were together sooner.”

  “You’re allowed to keep things to yourself.” Pru patted her hand with a soft smile.

  “Yes,” Lilly agreed. “Sometimes things aren’t meant to be shared.”

  But that’s exactly why she was in this mess. Because she hadn’t shared.

  “I’m afraid that’s where you’re both wrong.”

  She spilled out the rest of her story. Sharing with her friends how she kept the loan application from August—to which Lilly side-eyed her but graciously said nothing—and how she kept Agatha’s surgery a secret at the woman’s request, culminating in the explosion that happened Friday night when August arrived home and all her secrets blew up in her face. The anguish on his face haunted her every time she closed her eyes.

  “I ruined everything,” she cried, grabbing another tissue as the tears threatened again.

  “I’d hardly say you ruined everything, Moira,” Lilly said with a small shake of her head.

  “Yeah,” Pru agreed. “I mean, sure, you withheld information, but Agatha did ask you to keep her health matters confidential. If you were a doctor, you’d be violating HIPAA laws by telling August.”

  But she wasn’t a doctor. Just a woman who’d hurt the man she loved, deeply.

  “And the flower shop does belong to Agatha, so August can’t get mad at you for not including him in that decision. I mean, he can…” Pru gave a little shrug. “But it’s kind of a dick move, considering he doesn’t own a lick of the place. Not his business, not his call.”

  It wasn’t about the shop being his. It was about being left out of important decisions regarding his family. She’d done the very thing his parents used to do to him, and she felt awful about it. But she didn’t share that part with her friends. Lilly was right. Some things a person was allowed to keep to themselves. Even though he hadn’t asked it of her, she knew August did not want his tempestuous childhood blabbed about.

  Grabbing a spoon, she dug into the cheesecake, but the delicious treat didn’t have the answers she was seeking. All it had was sugary goodness, berry drizzle, and a graham cracker crust. It did, however, fill her stomach. Which she hadn’t realized had been so empty. The zucchini lasagna still sat in the fridge, a mockery of what she’d expected her weekend to be. Aside from the entire box of Lucky Charms—which she consumed in her bed while watching reruns of Scrubs to try and cheer herself up—she hadn’t eaten much.

  As she finished the first piece, Pru slid a second slice in the box toward her.

  “Are you guys going to let me eat all the cheesecake because I’m sad and pathetic?”

  Please say yes. She was wallowing right now, and everyone knew cheesecake calories didn’t count when you wallowed.

  “No.” Lilly grabbed a spoon of her own and dug a dainty portion off the third piece. “You get to have the extra piece because you’re sad, but you’re not now nor have you ever been pathetic, Mo. Not since the day I met you.”

  “Awe, Lil.” She placed a hand over her heart. “I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

  “Shut it and eat your extra cheesecake.”

  A small smile tilted her lips. At least she still had her friends. They meant the world to her, and she’d be lost without them. Still, August had come to mean a lot to her, too. And she suspected he’d come to be a lot more because…

  “I think he’s my soul mate. August.”

  Her friends stopped eating, putting their spoons down to give her their undivided attention.

  She stared at the bite of food on her spoon. “I never thought the universe would send me someone so…unlike who I thought my soul mate would be, but August…he might be a bit grumpy and prefer solitude to going out, but he’s also kind and sweet, and he really cares about the people around him.”

  “And I bet he’s dynamite in bed.”

  “Pru!” Lilly admonished.

  “No, no, she’s right.” Mo lifted her fist, which Pru bumped with her own. “He’s amazing in bed.” Understatement of the century.

  “What if I screwed it all up?” She glanced at her friends. “Ruined my chance at a happily ever after?”

  “Wow.” Pru gave a small shake of her head. “You really have gone full mopey, Mo. That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

  “Hey!” Way to kick her when she was down.

  “It’s true.” Lilly nodded in agreement. “Who’s the one who’s always telling us love conquers all? The one who kept pushing us to believe in true love and soul mates? The one who never gave up on us no matter what? The one who helped us find our happily ever afters even when we thought they might never be possible?”

  Pru leaned in, wrapping an arm around Mo’s shoulders. “Finding the person you love doesn’t mean everything works out perfectly. You’ll still fight, argue, disagree. You’ll do things or say things you shouldn’t, apologize, and have to learn to forgive. But the true test of love is if you both realize that what you have is worth fighting for.”

  Lilly inched closer as well, placing a hand on Mo’s knee. “I still don’t know if I believe in all this soul mate stuff, but I do know love is a very powerful force, and it hits you when you’re least expecting it, sometimes with a person you’d never imagine yourself with, but that’s the beauty of it. You complete each other. And it doesn’t go away because of one or two mistakes or misunderstandings. If it’s real love, you fight for it. And the Mo we know has never been a quitter.”

  She snorted, shoving another bite of cheesecake in her mouth, chewing and swallowing before scathingly responding, “Maybe she’s just watched too many princess movies and thinks fairy tales are real, but she should really grow up and face the dark, harsh reality that life can suck.”

  Lilly pulled the box away.

  “Hey!” Mo protested. “I was eating that.”

  “No extra pieces if you’re going to totally disregard your best friends.”

  “I’m not disregarding you.” She let out a heavy sigh. “I’m just…hopeless right now.”

  “It’s okay, Mo.” Pru hugged her tight. “You can be a little hopeless right now. Everyone is after a major blowout with the person they love.”

 
“She’s right, but you can’t let this change who you are. Embrace what you’re feeling right now, examine it, and then find a way to make it right. Go talk to August. If you really think he’s your soul mate, then fight for him. Fight for your love. But whatever you do, don’t stop being you. Because we love you.”

  With Lilly and Pru staring at her, supporting her, and giving her hard truths, Mo nodded. Her friends were right. She couldn’t let this be the end. Lilly slid the box back over to her with a satisfied smile.

  “Good. Have another day or two of your pity party, then go find August and work this out.”

  A small flicker of hope rose in her chest. “But what if he doesn’t love me?”

  “Come on, Mo.” Pru huffed out a laugh. “How could anyone not love you?”

  Her friends were seriously the best.

  Mo finished off her second piece of cheesecake. And then the other half of Lilly’s when her friend caved to the patented sad puppy dog eyes look Mo had perfected over the years. The rest of the workday went by fairly quickly, and then Mo was back upstairs in her apartment. Alone.

  She headed to his room, opening the door and staring at the large bed. Such an innocuous piece of furniture. Nothing but a bunch of wood, metal springs, and cloth, but it had changed her world so completely. Not the bed, really, but the man who’d taken her to it. Who’d worshipped her in it. Who’d held her close in the night, making her feel more at home, more complete than anyone or anything ever had.

  The place seemed so much bigger without August. Sure, most of his stuff was still here except for a duffel bag of clothes he’d grabbed the other day while she did as he requested and stayed away. Agatha had texted her on Saturday night that August had booked a room at a motel and that all men were beyond pigheaded, but the good ones eventually came around to see the light.

  She hoped so. Because August was the best man she’d ever known. She might have made a mistake, and she knew she hurt him. But she was also willing to fight for him, for them. She wasn’t going to let him run away from her. She was wrong, yes. She’d apologize. Not with cookies or a trip to a fancy garden but with her heart and soul. She was going to lay it all bare in front of the man she loved and take a chance on the thing she believed in most in this world.