The Adventures of Lizzy Bennet 3

by Kate Speck

  “Misery?! How is life with me a misery, Lizzy?!” William shouted. “I can give you everything you want. You will not have to worry for your future and you will have wealth and status at your fingertips. We can continue our fencing lessons and I will give you everything you wish; theatres, travels around the world, jewels, and as many dresses and carriages you want. I can give you everything!”

  “As long as I learn to sit still to embroider, to drink tea with other ladies, and gossip about nothing? As long as I give up my writing and attending lectures? To become someone I never wished to be, is that not what you want? I do not wish to mature into a gentlewoman. I would still choose to be a pirate if I could, Fitzwilliam Darcy. I have no wish to be a lady and I certainly do not need your wealth or jewels. I am content to be a poor girl of £50 a year and I have only ever wished for your company and friendship, and I will not become anyone’s wife!” Lizzy ran off indoors as she wiped her tears, leaving William standing frozen alone in the gardens.

  ~*~

  William could not understand what had happened and sat still to review their conversation inside his head. He had thought it perfect that he would be able to provide a life of comfort for the young lady and anyone in their right mind would have accepted him heartily. But Lizzy was unlike anyone he knew and that was what he loved about her. She was unique and brilliant but obstinate and unreasonable. He loved her and still desired her to be his wife more than anything else, and decided to give her time to think on his offer instead of running after her now since he knew she would not listen. He groaned to himself when he realised that he had not spoken of his undying love and how much he adored her for her courage and wit. He was certain he could convince her after he explained himself better and that she could understand how much she would gain as his wife.

  He was disappointed that he was not yet an engaged man but he placed the ring back into his pocket and rushed to the stables to have his horse saddled. He headed to White’s to give her space while he strategized his next steps on how to persuade his beloved, that marrying him was the best option for both of their future happiness.

  ~*~

  “Fitzwilliam, I will see you in my study now.” Mr. Darcy commanded with a severe face when his son returned later that evening. “Now.”

  William was confused as to his father’s asperity but he obeyed immediately. “Yes, father. What has happened?” He took a seat across from his father’s desk. He became more concerned when his father glared at him but did not speak for several moments.

  “Fitzwilliam Darcy, tell me what has happened with you and Lizzy. Something happened this morning and you will tell me all.” His father finally stated.

  “How did you...” William was surprised that his father already knew and began to divulge everything. “I proposed to her this morning and was soundly refused but I plan on convincing her that she must accept me. I know she will see reason since she is a bright and sensible girl and when she marries me, she will have everything she wants and will not have to worry about her future. I love her and I know she loves me already, father. I only wished to give her some time to come to her own conclusions and I know she will accept me.”

  Mr. Darcy rubbed his face as he asked, “And if she accepts you, what kind of a wife do you expect her to be? Why would she refuse you if your logic was so sound?”

  William scratched his head, “I did tell her that she must learn to be like the society ladies so she could be a proper mistress, but I know mama will help her and Lizzy will learn quickly. I know she can become a good wife when she learns the accomplishments that are expected of her. Do you have reservations about her now? I thought you would be pleased for me.”

  “Oh, son,” Mr. Darcy sighed, “I blame myself. I tried to teach you good principles but I left you to follow them in pride and conceit. Although I encouraged you to think well of those beyond our own family circle, I, myself, had taken too much pride in protecting our family name and reputation, and after your Aunt Catherine’s disgraceful behaviours, I failed to teach you on how to gain the esteem of a worthy woman, without regard to her status or accomplishments. I want nothing more than to gain Lizzy as a daughter but you have made an error in judgment in believing that logic will change her mind, Fitzwilliam. When have you seen her be anything but unique?” He shook his head, “I believe you have lost your chance of marrying her because you did not accept her as she is. You expected her to change for you by offering her wealth and comfort as most women would want in the ton. Did you truly believe she would be happy to make calls and gossip with other women? That she must adapt for you in order to meet your criterions of a perfect wife? She may love you but she loves all of us Darcys the same. She had never desired marriage and your proposal wounded her and she believes she has lost her friendship with you.”

  William jumped to standing, “NO! I cannot lose her. What do I do, father? How do I assure her that I love her? I cannot live without her.” He rubbed his face, “I loved her for so long and even before I wanted her as my wife, she was always on my mind and I thought of her daily on my travels. I always felt I carried a part of her with me in my heart and I cannot bear to lose her friendship. I was an idiot and never mentioned my love for her or that I could not bear to spend my days without her. I spouted whatever first thing came to my mind because I was so arrogant to believe that she would accept me. I must go and speak with her now. I will beg for forgiveness and will wait patiently until I can win her. She is still so young and might still learn to be more like mama. I will not give up on her.”

  “Sit down, Fitzwilliam.” Mr. Darcy directed. “She is not here. She is gone.”

  “Where? Where did she go? When will she return?” William exclaimed. “I need to have her hear me out!”

  Mr. Darcy rubbed his eyes, “She left this morning, son. She packed up her belongings and departed to Gracechurch Street. The Bennets wished to join her immediately but Lizzy insisted that the Gardiners did not have rooms for all of them and she had wished to spend time with the children while Jane enjoyed her time here. Easter is in three days and the Bennets will return to Hertfordshire next week, and Lizzy is likely to return with them instead of staying another fortnight with us as per custom.”

  “I am going to see her right now, father.” William stood to call for his horse. “She must return here to me. I need her to come back and I must apologise.”

  “It is late, Fitzwilliam. Give her time, son.” Mr. Darcy advised. “She will need some time to calm and she has left word with your mother that she has no wishes to see anyone. You know the Gardiners will not be able to convince her even if you sat in front of their house for days. I will ask your mother to mollify her tomorrow morning. Lizzy needs time and your mother is the only one she will speak with right now. If she can convince Lizzy to stay a little longer in Cheapside for Jane’s sake, you can make your apologies and see about restoring your friendship first. You will never be able to marry her if she will not speak with you.”

  William sat down and sighed, “Thank you, father. I know Lizzy is an obstinate, head-strong girl, and that is why I love her. I truly do, you must know. She has been an integral part of my life these past six years and I cannot imagine happiness without her smiles and conversation. After I found her grown up, after she had tempted me beyond all sensibilities, I thought it perfect to continue to have her with me always. If I cannot have her as my wife, I do not know what I will do, father, but I must speak with her as soon as possible. I would give up everything for her friendship. She means the world to me.”

  Mr. Darcy counselled his son, “I know you have gifted her many items through the year and last night’s outing was a first step of courtship, but you must also do what all men do to gain a woman’s regard. It took me a year to win over your mother and although you have your friendship with Lizzy already, she must be able to see you as a husband and more than as a brother. I must ask you if you love her as the woman she is and can accept her as herself, son. You wish for her to
change to fit your idea of a perfect wife but no one is perfect and Lizzy is a singular girl. Do you want her to be the fawning society wife that you can find at any parties that you have attended so far, or do you wish for something else? Your feelings for Lizzy might be due to seeing her appearances changed and you now see her as a woman, but be certain that you are not confusing the sisterly love you have had these years for a physical attraction that will result in disillusion and disappointment after the attraction fades. There will always be a younger, prettier woman throwing herself at a wealthy man, regardless of your age, Fitzwilliam, but your fidelity will become your burden if you make the error of marrying for fleeting attractions now. I do not wish for your caprice or Lizzy’s disappointment if either of you have any doubts of your future together.”

  “Thank you, father. You have much wisdom to share and I am appreciative that I have you to guide me. I must examine my own heart and see what I want for my future. I know I had made all of the plans on my own without considering Lizzy’s opinions and I must pay the price for my pride in believing that she would accept me because of our longstanding connection, but I must reconcile our relationship first and if she will only have me as her friend and blood-brother, I must accept it. I need her friendship and I need her to forgive me.” William stood. “I will go to my rooms now. I have much on my mind that I must assess. Thank you again, sir.”

  “I will speak with your mother now and she will try to convince Lizzy to stay in town a little longer. She may not wish to return to Darcy House but if she remains with the Gardiners, you will be able to speak with her without having to chase her to Hertfordshire.” Mr. Darcy smiled. “No matter what outcome, Lizzy still loves you, Fitzwilliam. She has been a part of our family for so long and she will return to us. You must trust that.”

  William nodded and walked to his rooms. His head was throbbing with all of the information he contemplated but his heart ached more than anything else. He knew that he made a great blunder but all he desired now was to hold Lizzy in his arms and beg for mercy. His heart felt empty without her under the same roof and his pain was most acute that she did not wish to be with him.

  He threw his body onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling, wondering how quickly his mother could convince Lizzy to return to Darcy House, or at the least, stay in London with the Gardiners. His only hope was that she was willing to listen to him and he did not know what he could do to regain their friendship.

  Chapter 6

  April 1809

  “How is she, Jane?” William asked Lizzy’s elder sister. “I was relieved to hear that you chose to stay with her at the Gardiners for the season while your family returned to Hertfordshire yesterday, but I hope she will be agreeable to see me today. I have been calling daily for the past several days but she has refused to come down. I am desperate to see her. Could you please... can you give her my note?” He sighed, “If she will not hear me, I wish to at least ask her to read my apology.” He handed her the parchment.

  “I will give it to her, Darcy.” Jane softly replied. “She will forgive you but she is very confused. I know she struggled with herself when she began to grow up and appear more womanly, and she only agreed to come out when she did because I was terribly frightened of being out in society first. Our parents agreed because they knew Lizzy would not be interested in capturing a suitor but only in enjoying the entertainments in town and attending dinners while protecting me, and she has done exactly that. Whenever I feel uncomfortable with a gentleman who is giving me too much attentions, or I am being shy and at a loss for words at a social function, she steps in to help me and ensure that I am having a pleasant time. She is the best sister in the world and I only wish for her happiness and I know she is most happy when she is with you.” She stood up. “She might not become a good wife to any man but she is the best friend one could ask for. I hope you do not forget that in the future.” She headed upstairs while William remained in the sitting room. He hoped he could finally see her today.

  ~*~

  “Lizzy, you must face him sometime,” Jane urged. “He wishes to apologise and make things right. Could you not forgive him?”

  Lizzy wrung her handkerchief, “What is there to forgive? He proposed, I refused, and that is all there is to it. I cannot bear to face him, Jane. I do not wish to disappoint him because I will not change my mind and our friendship is ruined. I was caught completely unawares and I feel so stupid that I did not know.”

  “He gave me a note, Lizzy. I think you should read it. At least give him a chance. He has been a good friend to you always, has he not?” She insisted. “It has been five days and you know he will not give up coming here every day. He is quite persistent and nearly as obstinate as you!” She teased her sister.

  “Fine; give me the note. I will read it and you can tell him that you witnessed it.” Lizzy took the parchment and opened it.

  Lizzy,

  You are perfect as you are and I had no right to ask you to become someone you are not. Please forgive me. We are blood-brothers, are we not? Through thick and thin? I miss you.

  Will

  He had placed a thumbprint in his blood next to his name and Lizzy’s eyes teared with his simple apology. She only wanted his acceptance that she could be allowed to be herself, and it had wounded her greatly that he wanted her to become his wife, to become like the usual females that she knew she could never be.

  She rushed to the door and hurried downstairs to see him in the sitting room, appearing pristine in his suit but with dark circles under his eyes. It was obvious to her that he had been greatly distressed and she felt terrible that she had been so stubborn in refusing to see him.

  Lizzy ran into his arms and embraced him. “I missed you, Will. Can we just forget everything and go back to how things were?”

  William inhaled deeply as he held her in his arms, “I missed you terribly, Lizzy. I will not forget because I want to learn from my stupidity and never make the mistake of trying to change you. I have thought much about what I said and I was so wrong. Come back to me, Lizzy. Come back to Darcy House and stay close to me and we can do whatever you wish. You know that I... I lov... I will behave and we will go back to how things were. I will do anything for you.”

  Lizzy listened to his heartbeats as he spoke and held him around his waist for another moment. She took a deep breath and released him to sit down. “I think I had better stay here, Will. I would love to return to Darcy House, and I miss your parents and Georgie, but I do not wish to cause you... It is better to have some distance from each other.”

  William softly smiled, “At least you are speaking to me now. I will take whatever I can receive. I will come and see you every day; is that acceptable? We will have our outings and I will take you out to see the world. I will care for you without asking for anything in return and I will always be your blood-brother, Lizzy, I promise. And a gentleman always keeps his promises.”

  Lizzy smiled. “Thank you, Will. That is all I ever wanted from you. I want us to always be friends and we will find you a worthy woman for you to marry. I am deficient in so many ways and I only wish for the best for you and for your family. Someone who knows the duties and be a good mistress for Pemberley, who will manage the household and is accomplished in all of the things that a lady should be.”

  “I will need you more than ever, then.” William nodded. “You know that I am completely incapable of speaking any sense to a lady and absolutely inept at courting one.” He reached for her hand and held it. “I love you, Lizzy. Even if I must love you only as a sister and look for a wife elsewhere, I will always love you and you will always have a place with me. Your father was quite angry with me that I upset you after the theatre and he commanded me to treat you well. He, as well as my father, will tan my hide if I anger you again and I intend to give you your heart’s desire. I am your blood-brother and I expect nothing from you except to be yourself and I will provide for you everything you wish in life. No matter what happens in ou
r future, I will always take care of you. I am so sorry for being such an arrogant arse. I will not forget my lesson.”

  She squeezed his hand and nodded. “Thank you, Will. I care for you greatly and I promise I will not be a burden to you. I know I am a child; a child and a hoyden with a stubbornness that makes me unfit to be anyone’s wife and we will find you a charming wife who will fit your criterions.” She stood and walked around the room. “My uncle and aunt are taking Jane to a dinner party tomorrow and they have been pressing me to attend but I would rather not. I have no desire to smile falsely and be in the public eye. I have avoided going out all week and I am only a little restless. Could we take a walk tomorrow at Hyde Park?”

  “Yes, my dear,” William immediately agreed. “I will take you wherever you wish to go. If you do not mind,” he paused for a moment, “I would like to speak with your uncle and obtain his permission to take you some place special tomorrow evening. I have a lot of grovelling to do, do I not?”

  “No, Will,” Lizzy replied. “I was behaving like a child and you do not need to make any apologies. Whatever we may bicker about, you are still my brother and I should have stayed to speak with you instead of running away.”

  William beamed, “I will speak with your uncle now. Your aunt has invited me to luncheon and if you will approve, we can walk the park near here today if you wish to walk. May I stay?”