The Last Day of Winter

by Shari Low

  Caro turned her phone round so the screen was facing her dad – not that he could see it, given that he was standing a few metres away and clearly had no intention of coming any closer. ‘She’s sucking the face off a guy in Diamond – that’s a nightclub in the city centre.’ A simple way of describing its location came to her and she couldn’t resist it. ‘Actually it should be pretty easy for you to find. Just go to the restaurant where I first saw you with your other family that you’d hidden from us for three decades, then turn right, and it’s just down that street.’

  He nodded and she could see that he wasn’t even going to thank her, congratulate her, say another fucking word that would be in any way meaningful or go some way to repairing the damage that he’d done.

  Well, sod that.

  ‘I met someone who used to know you today.’ The words tumbled out before she could stop them. ‘Actually, he knew Mum a lot better than you. It was back in Aberdeen in the eighties.’

  His curiosity was enough to make him stop, interested to hear more. She was happy to oblige.

  ‘His name is Seb Lloyd.’

  Jack’s face was still blank.

  ‘Tall. Good-looking. He was the golf pro at a club that Mum and Aunt Pearl worked at.’

  Still blank.

  Caro felt her fury rise until there was no controlling it. Shouting and screaming wasn’t her way, though – instead, she got very calm, and very quiet.

  ‘He says he had a relationship with Mum.’

  Finally she saw a flash of emotion on his face, then a snort. ‘Never happened. Your mum was never with anyone else after she met me.’

  Caro knew he was wrong, but she wasn’t surprised that he was in complete denial. His ego was so great that she knew he wouldn’t even be able to contemplate her mum looking at another man.

  ‘He says it did and I believe him. He said you two had split up, you went off on holiday, then got back together again when you came back.’

  Another flash of emotion, a different one this time as he searched his memory bank and settled on something that was lodged in the distant past. He shrugged. ‘Maybe. But clearly it didn’t work out because she came back to me. She always did.’

  Caro eyed the empty champagne glass that was sitting on the table in front of her. Never had she wanted to throw an object at someone more than at this smug bastard.

  She didn’t.

  Instead, she kept her façade of calm. ‘Thing is, they were sleeping together right around the time that I was conceived. So there you go… you might not be the baby daddy after all.’

  When she said it, she had no idea what to expect, but nothing she could have anticipated would have come even close to what she was seeing now. His face reddened, his lip curled into a malicious sneer, and his eyes darkened to the colour of his black leather bomber jacket.

  ‘What the hell are you saying?’

  ‘That you might have been stuck with some brat all those years that wasn’t even yours.’ For the purpose of stirring the pot, she was overlooking the fact that she’d just referred to herself as a brat. She knew the truth. She’d been a quiet, studious, well behaved kid, who knew her place and stuck to it. Not that he’d have known any of this because he barely gave her a second glance.

  ‘You mean all those years I might have been supporting someone else’s kid?’

  Damn, she should have led with that and gone straight for the jugular. Of course it came down to money! It always did with him. It had long been one of her theories that he’d stuck with her mum all those years because he was hedging his bets and wanted somewhere to stay, cost free, in Aberdeen. Her mum had inherited their home from her parents, so they’d never had to pay a mortgage. In the days of the Aberdeen oil boom, when half of his time was spent up there, and house prices and rental rates were extortionate, that would have saved him a fortune.

  ‘Yep, it would seem so. Isn’t life a bitch sometimes.’

  If his facial expressions were anything to go by, his brain was firing off like a malfunctioning computer now. He was clearly horrified. Furious.

  ‘You know, Jack,’ she said, emphasising the fact that she was using his name instead of ‘Dad’. ‘There’s a bit of an irony there. All this time you thought you were the smart bastard, getting away with living a lie, when there’s a very real possibility that all along you were the dumb joker that was being lied to.’

  Sorry, Mum, she thought, sending up a silent apology. She just hoped that now, looking down and in full possession of the facts, her mum would cut her some slack and overlook her animosity to the man that Yvonne had loved her whole life.

  ‘And I can’t tell you how much I hope that was the case,’ Caro finished, meaning every word.

  For a moment, she thought he was going to argue, to fight back, but he said nothing. It didn’t matter. Shallow and petty as it was, Caro knew she had finally permeated that indifferent shell, and hit him where it hurt. She hoped his insides were a fireball of rage and irritation.

  Still saying nothing, he turned and opened the door behind him.

  ‘Bye, Jack,’ she yelled breezily, as he disappeared from view.

  If they never met again, the last thing he would have heard was her laughing at him as he stomped away in fury.

  After he’d gone, a kaleidoscope of conflicting feelings collided in her chest. Vindication. Happiness. Sadness. Anger. But most of all, satisfaction. She’d won a battle, both for her and for her mum.

  That thought had just made this day so much sweeter. There was also a feeling of finality and closure. As far as she was concerned, and regardless of what the DNA test would prove, Jack Anderson was no longer her father. She didn’t even share his name now. She was Caro Jones. That felt great.

  The door opened again and for a moment she thought he might have come back to argue, rant, vent his indignation. But no. Cammy’s gorgeous frame filled the doorway and strode towards her.

  ‘Sorry! It took bloody ages to get cabs for everyone. It didn’t help that Ida and Jean have decided that they’re now the newest members of Little Mix and gave us a medley of their greatest hits. At least a dozen taxis swerved right by us.’

  Caro wanted to tell him about Jack’s appearance, but she was halted by his next statement.

  ‘By the way, I saw your dad out there a little while ago.’

  ‘Which one?’

  Cammy smiled. ‘The new one. I like him better.’

  ‘Me too,’ Caro agreed. The story of her altercation with Jack could wait until tomorrow.

  ‘Anyway, he’s wandering around and he looked a bit upset. Is he okay?’

  Caro immediately jumped to her feet. ‘I have no idea,’ she told her husband honestly. ‘But I think I’d better go and check.’

  Thirty-Nine

  Seb

  Seb heard a rustling somewhere behind him, but he didn’t turn around at first, too wrapped up in the solitude that he was feeling after a day of being surrounded by others. He hadn’t experienced those connections, the everyday interactions of normal people, for a long time and it had taken him a moment to adjust. This had been the most bizarre, most unexpected, most surprising day of his life, the lows almost unbearable, but the highs taking him to a place he hadn’t been since Juliet died. He’d been happy. Meeting a group of people who truly loved each other and who’d embraced him, pulled him into their world, had done something to his heart. Reignited it. Made it beat in a normal rhythm again. Of course, the very best thing about it all was the prospect of having a daughter, a family. He didn’t even want to believe that it couldn’t be true, because he wasn’t ready to lose one of the most incredible gifts that he’d ever been given.

  Another noise. He glanced over his shoulder to his left, expecting to see Caro or one of the wedding guests outlined in the moonlight, but it was someone he didn’t recognise, at least not at first. Some bloke in a black bomber jacket was striding towards the side exit of the park, a route that would take him right past where Seb had just sat down. F
or a moment he thought it was Cammy, but he’d just seen him over at the main entrance a few minutes ago, herding a collective of revellers into taxis. He’d thought about stopping to help but, overcome by the need to stay focused and carry out his plans, he’d just waved and walked on into the depths of the garden, the path lit by the moon, a few tall iron street lamps and by the glimmer of thousands of fairy lights on the trees around him.

  Now, as the figure came closer, he could see that it was a man of about his age, marching purposefully, his eyes on the gate ahead of him. Probably one of the staff from the Kibble Palace. Or perhaps just a bloke cutting through the gardens on his way home from the pub. The thought crossed his mind that if he was a mugger, Seb reckoned he could handle him. This bloke looked fit, but he was a few inches shorter than him and narrower in the shoulders.

  As he got closer, Seb locked eyes on the stranger’s face, searching for any sign that this could be an encounter that would take a nasty turn. It was only when he was just a few metres away that the light of a lamp post behind him brought into focus something that he recognised. He was older now, greyer, his face changed by the years, but Seb knew that he’d seen this man before many times. He very much doubted that the recognition would be reciprocated.

  Thirty-five years ago, he’d watched Jack Anderson swan in and out of the club Seb worked in, his arrogance on display for anyone who cared to look. Yvonne hadn’t seen that though. Seb had witnessed her face light up every time Jack appeared, and then dim again when he left the building. He’d known that his own feelings for Yvonne were a lost cause, but he’d had a glimmer of hope when she’d revealed that they’d split up. He’d known it was his only chance to make her see that she should be with him.

  Sadly, he’d failed.

  Yvonne had been his love for a short time, but then this man who was walking towards him now had claimed her back and she’d gone to him. Seb had hated him, but the irony was that Jack Anderson hadn’t given him a second glance, hadn’t even realised that he existed. Back then that had been fine. Now? Something in Seb flared, anger at the injustice that may have cost him a lifetime with the daughter he didn’t know he had and he suddenly had an overwhelming need to let Jack Anderson know that he bloody well existed.

  ‘Jack?’

  A couple of metres away, the other man stopped, clearly surprised that someone would recognise him in such a random place.

  ‘Yeah?’

  Seb could see now that he was tanned and expensively dressed: a leather jacket, smart trousers, formal shoes.

  ‘I’m Seb Lloyd. We met a long time ago at a golf club in Aberdeen. I knew Yvonne.’

  He’d expected questions, perhaps a blank look, a shrug of the shoulders, but to Seb’s surprise, Jack immediately went for confrontation.

  ‘You’re the one who’s pitched up claiming you might be Caro’s dad?’

  Fuck. Seb immediately realised that Jack must have spoken to Caro already. He had a feeling this was about to get mighty interesting very quickly. He just hoped that his earlier confidence that he could take on this guy was well placed, or he could be facing a painful encounter in his immediate future.

  ‘So is that a load of bollocks, some scam you’ve come up with, or do you really think you’re her father?’

  Seb thought about standing up, but decided against it. It was only going to inflame the situation. And besides, he’d rather have the element of physical surprise if this turned nasty. He stayed seated and tried to keep the emotion out of his voice as he went for calm sharing of the facts.

  ‘It’s not a scam. I only spent a short time with Yvonne, while you two had split up…’ he thought he’d throw that in, add a bit of de-escalation to the mix, ‘… but the timings could work. We won’t know for sure until we do a DNA test.’

  He should apologise, explain that he didn’t know Yvonne had even been pregnant when he’d left, say sorry for potentially rocking this guy’s world, but from everything he’d learned today about this prick, he didn’t feel the need. All he felt was protectiveness towards a woman who might not even share his genes. Perhaps this was what fatherhood was really about.

  He waited for a reaction, bracing himself for conflict, anger, arguments. He was astounded when none of that came. Instead, Jack Anderson sneered as he carried on walking towards him.

  ‘Yeah, well, good luck with that. And, mate, if you are her dad…’

  Here it came. Jack was so close to him now he could see the moisture as he exhaled in the cold night air. Seb readied himself for some kind of contact, but… none came.

  ‘… then I reckon you owe me a good few years of child support,’ Jack spat.

  With that he passed him and was gone, leaving Seb speechless with shock. That was it. No objections. No regrets. No clarification of details. This guy really did not care a toss about his daughter or the woman he’d been married to. Now, on top of everything he’d learned about her today, Seb truly had an understanding of what Caro had lived with. He also had an even stronger respect for her. To have been brought up by a man like this and still have turned out to be kind and decent and capable of real love and friendship was a testimony to what an incredible woman she was.

  He would give everything he had for her to be his daughter.

  Glancing skywards, he sent up a silent plea to the one person who, if the afterlife really did exist, might intervene on his behalf. ‘I miss you, darling,’ he told Juliet, silently. ‘You were everything. You always will be.’ He paused. ‘I’ve no idea if you made this happen, but if you did, please know that I’ll always be grateful.’ It was true. Every piece of his soul was thankful that Caro had come into his life, not just because of what it meant for his future but also what it meant for his past. If Juliet had any influence on this, then perhaps it meant that she forgave him.

  He could feel tears again and he wiped them away with the palm of his hand, but instead of his mind taking him to that familiar dark place of regret and sorrow, he felt a strange calm descend on him, an innate feeling that he was exactly where he was meant to be. It was time. Here and now was the place and the moment he’d been searching for.

  He opened the zip of the brown leather bag that sat beside him on the bench and removed the small wooden box. He held it, closed his eyes, spoke to his love.

  ‘Goodbye, Juliet. I hope you’re waiting for me up there, but for now, I want you to rest in peace. I love you, my darling.’

  With that, Seb stood up, opened the box and held it at arm’s length, then spun around slowly, letting the contents scatter into the air of the city that his wife had loved.

  When it was over, he felt a weight lift from his shoulders and the absolute relief that he’d fulfilled his promise. He’d brought his love home.

  It was time to let go. Not of his memories, or his love for her, but of the guilt and regret that had been tearing at his soul. Juliet had loved him, of that he had no doubt. If the roles were reversed, he knew that he would want her to go on, to live her life for both of them. Now he felt with every beat of his healing heart that she would want him to do the same.

  ‘Seb? Are you okay?’

  Caro. He turned around and saw her standing there with Cammy by her side, and she was looking at him with concern. She cared. He’d only met her today and already she cared. He watched her eyes go to the empty box in his hand, and he saw that she understood what had just happened. She walked towards him, her hand outstretched. Wordlessly, he took it, and they stood like that for a few moments, Cammy watching in silence.

  ‘You know, she would have loved you,’ Seb told her.

  ‘I think I would have loved her too,’ Caro replied, a smile on her beautiful face.

  ‘You would.’ He knew that was true. ‘And she’d be right here with me, hoping that you were mine.’

  Caro didn’t speak for a moment and he wondered again if this was all too much for her. The poor girl had been through a lifetime of emotion today.

  ‘I’ve been thinking about that,’ sh
e said, and his stomach flipped. Had she come up with something that would dash his hopes? Had she decided to walk away, to leave the questions in the past and move on with her new life, without him in it?

  ‘I don’t want to do a DNA test.’

  Nooooooo, a voice inside his mind screamed. A few minutes ago, he felt that he’d finally repaired his soul, and now, with those words, it shattered into a million pieces again. She didn’t want him in her life. She wasn’t even going to give him a chance to be her father.

  He wanted to scream, to argue, to beg her to change her mind, but… he wouldn’t. Because – bizarre as it sounded – he loved her already. And if loving her meant letting her make the decisions about their future, then that’s what he would have to do.

  ‘Okay,’ he said, a strangled whisper.

  Her brow creased with confusion, then she went on. ‘Because I don’t think it matters. Today, you’ve already been more of a father to me than Jack Anderson ever was. I don’t need to know if we share the same genes. You loved my mum, for however short a time, and that’s all that I need to know. So… if you’d like to be in my life from now on, if you want to be the dad that I never had, then I’d like that very much.’

  His heart exploded, every doubt and fear melting away, replaced by an overwhelming, life changing rush of joy and gratitude.

  As he stepped forward and hugged his daughter, tears streaming down both their faces, Seb Lloyd looked heavenwards again and sent another message to the person he truly felt was here with them. Thank you, Juliet.

  Forty

  Josie

  ‘Oh, my God, my sides actually hurt,’ Val announced. ‘But I don’t know if it’s from laughing, or from the three pairs of magic knickers I’ve been wearing since five o’clock today. My internal organs are sitting up somewhere above my Wonderbra.’