Unworthy

by Evans, A. K.

  I dipped my chin and stood to move to the door.

  A bit of a devious look came over him.

  “What’s that look all about?”

  “Brace yourself, brother,” he warned.

  My head jerked back. “For what?”

  Pierce smiled and explained, “This one is a cutie.”

  “The mom of the baby?” I wondered.

  Pierce nodded.

  I shook my head and brushed it off. “She’s a mom, Reynolds. I’m guessing that’s a pretty good indication she’s married or, at the very least, has a man already.”

  He threw his hands up and declared, “Hey, there are a lot of single moms out there, Michaels. You never know.”

  I let out a laugh. “Yeah, I’m not sure I’m prepared to get involved in anything serious right now.”

  “Who said it had to be serious?” he challenged.

  Giving him a disbelieving look, I reminded him, “We’re talking about a mom here. I’m going to say that the fact she has a kid is enough of an explanation as to why it needs to be serious. You think if your sister didn’t have Eric that she should have some guy looking to have something not serious with her, especially now that she’s got Theo?”

  Pierce’s twin sister had just had a baby not too long ago. He adored his sister and thought the world of his nephew. He absolutely would not be okay with someone looking to just have a good time with her if she wasn’t already very much in love with her husband.

  “Point taken,” he said, finally admitting defeat.

  With that, he stepped back so I could walk out of my office.

  I moved from my office toward the reception area. While he didn’t try to be obvious about it, I knew Pierce was following behind me.

  Fucker.

  He let me believe he’d conceded and I’d won the argument, but that didn’t mean he still wasn’t going to see what I thought of the cute mom whose baby I’d saved.

  When I glanced to the side only a moment before I’d made it to the front of the office, I found I was right. Pierce was only a step behind me, confident and gloating.

  “There he is, girl,” a vaguely familiar female’s voice filtered into the room. I’d recognized the voice as the one belonging to the woman at Colvert’s. When I looked in the direction the voice had come from, I confirmed that to be true.

  But when my eyes slid to the woman standing beside her, my body locked and came to a halt. It was as though ice water had replaced the blood in my veins, freezing me to the spot.

  That woman gasped and whispered, “Trent.”

  One word.

  One look and one word was all it took to send me right back to the most miserable day of my entire life. The day I learned that Delaney Rogers, the love of my life, admitted that she believed I’d never amount to anything.

  “Trent?” the woman from Colvert’s repeated. My eyes remained locked on Delaney’s as her friend went on, “His name is Trent? Dee, girl, you know him?”

  Dee.

  Fuck.

  Fuck.

  The burning I felt inside my lungs and the awful twisting in my gut only got worse as I forced my eyes from hers and took in the rest of her. It stung to admit that she was just as beautiful as I remembered. Maybe even more so now. Her long blonde hair was a mix of sand and champagne. Her big round steel blue eyes, as innocent looking as ever. Her perfect mouth and her cute nose. All of it better than before. And her body was…her body was everything.

  My eyes made their way back up to hers.

  They lingered there for a minute before I glanced to the baby I’d held in my arms only days ago.

  “Baby okay?” I forced out my question.

  She barely nodded. If I hadn’t been paying attention, I would have missed it.

  In fact, I was paying too much attention because I realized just how fussy the little guy was getting in her arms. And that’s when I noticed her grip on him growing tighter and tighter.

  Luckily, her friend noticed and pulled the little boy from her hands.

  “It’s good he’s doing well,” I stated, attempting to keep my tone neutral. “Congratulations, by the way. Looks like you’ve really got it all now.”

  Delaney winced and a look of remorse, pain, and longing washed over her.

  Why that bothered her, I had no idea. It wasn’t like that wasn’t what she wanted all her life.

  “I’ve got to get back to work,” I declared because I knew I couldn’t stand there any longer looking at her. The woman I’d loved and lost all because I didn’t have anything other than the person that I was to offer her back then.

  Her eyes widened in shock and she rasped, “I wanted to come here and say thank you for saving him.”

  I gave her a nod and insisted, “Right. It’s done. No worries.”

  “I should probably say I’m sorry, too,” she went on, her voice thick with emotion.

  No.

  No, she shouldn’t.

  “Don’t,” I ordered.

  Tears welled up in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Trent.”

  Fuck.

  “I’m so sorry,” she repeated her apology.

  “Stop.”

  “If you’ll let me explain. I never meant to—”

  I cut her off because, suddenly, I was beyond angry. “Explain what, Delaney?” I hissed. “You know what we had and how I felt about you. Every time those assholes tried to come after you and knock you down, I was there to pick you up. When your mom died, I saw you through that. When your dad tried pushing his agenda on you, I was there to take you on a drive so you could clear your head. I put you so high up on a pedestal, worshipping the ground you walked on. Because I knew you were worth so much more than money could ever buy. But you were good, babe. So good, you had me fooled. I believed, if only for a brief couple of months, that you felt the same in return. But you never did, did you? I would only ever be as good as what I could offer you. Isn’t that right? And when it finally sunk in that it’d be rough for a few years with me, you told me where to go. So, you’ve got to tell me, babe, what could you possibly be sorry for? Was it for leading me to believe you weren’t like the rest of them? Or was it for making me fall in love with you knowing you’d never give it back?”

  I got out the last word and found myself struggling not to want to go and throw something. Delaney’s baby being there was the only thing helping me keep my cool.

  And when I saw the look on her face, that’s when everything changed.

  Agony.

  I was living in it and had been from the moment she said the words she did fifteen years ago.

  But right then, hearing me question her, Delaney felt agony like I knew I never did. And seeing it, the pain I’d felt for years was nothing in comparison to what that did to me.

  I hated myself for it.

  Not just for unloading that hurt on her and putting that look on her face.

  But also, and mostly, for allowing it to affect me at all.

  She struggled, but she managed to steel her spine and force out, “Thank you for what you did for Tate the other day. There aren’t enough words to tell you what it means to me that you were there to save him. And I’m sorry if me coming here has upset you. You’re right. With the exception of my mom, you treated me better than anyone ever has in my life. It’s evident you won’t believe me, but I’ll say it anyway.”

  She paused and I braced for it.

  “Lying to you and letting you walk away from me was the biggest mistake of my life.”

  With that, she took her son from her friend’s arms and left.

  Looks like you’ve really got it all now.

  I needed to get up.

  Today was my first day off in just over a week and it wasn’t going anything like I’d planned. My goal was to get up this morning, get Tate through his morning routine, and find the man who’d saved my baby’s life a few days ago. I was going to thank him, maybe offer to buy him a cup of coffee sometime, and be on my way. After, I’d come home, clean my
place, and spend my day cuddling with my little man.

  Unfortunately, I only managed to do everything up to offering my thanks because while my friend and part-time childcare provider, Gloria, didn’t know the name of the man who’d rescued Tate, I did. I knew him all too well.

  Because I knew you were worth so much more than money could ever buy.

  I cringed recalling the words Trent said to me. I deserved every single one of his blows. I’d lied to him and trashed the best thing in my life.

  And ever since, it’s been more bad than good in my life.

  As I laid in my bed, my head propped up in my hand, I looked down at my little, sleeping miracle. Tate was one of the good things I’d had. Since the moment I gave birth to him, there wasn’t another good thing that had happened to me. Everything else was pure misery.

  Today irrefutably proved that I was going to pay for my mistake forever. I couldn’t say I was surprised, though. Karma was coming back to bite me for my choices. There was no doubt in my mind about that. I only hoped I’d be able to soften the blows for the sake of Tate.

  Was it for making me fall in love with you knowing you’d never give it back?

  That was the worst of it.

  Trent believed that I never loved him. He didn’t believe that I’d given my heart to him fifteen years ago.

  I couldn’t blame him because I stood in front of him and said the most horrific things, brutally ending what we had between us. We had part of that summer after he graduated together. Once I ended things, I heard he’d gone into the military, but never saw him again.

  And from that fateful day forward, I went through the motions, never feeling again the way I felt when I was with him.

  The truth was that I was entering my junior year in high school. I had a lot of school left. I stayed focused on my work the best I could and got through my days. I had nothing else outside of school. No other activities. No friends. I’d quit the cheerleading squad because of everything that had happened with Ben’s mom.

  For the most part, things were okay for me while Trent was still around. But once he was gone, it got worse.

  Ben’s mom never woke from her coma and was eventually taken off life support. When that happened, people hated me even more. Even though I had no control over what happened, everyone still wanted to hold me accountable for what my father decided in that case.

  By that point, I’d already gone from loving my father to tolerating him.

  I no longer had my mom.

  And Trent wasn’t around anymore.

  I blamed my father for everything that happened. Despite his terrible role in some of the most critical things that occurred in my life, I had nowhere else to go. So, I sucked it up for the next couple of years, pretending to be the doting daughter.

  But the day I turned eighteen, I was out.

  I drained the bank account that my father had opened for me and deposited money into monthly. I’d been frugal over the years, barely spending the money, so by the time I got out, there was just over twenty thousand there.

  Twenty thousand dollars would not make or break my father.

  He was loaded.

  For me, that money was going to give me a chance to start fresh.

  I found a decent and relatively inexpensive apartment to live in. After searching for a few weeks, I managed to get a job at a kitchen and bath supply store.

  Five years after I’d been working there, a man walked in.

  “Hey, gorgeous. I’m interested in setting up a wholesale account. Can you help me with that?” he asked.

  “Sure. Do you have your business information with you?”

  He gave me a nod and a smile in return.

  “Great. I’m Delaney,” I introduced myself.

  “Keith.”

  By the time I’d finished getting Keith’s business all set up in our system, he’d managed to convince me to go out on a date with him.

  Four years after that, we were married.

  Two and a half years after that, I got pregnant with Tate.

  And three months into my pregnancy, everything turned to shit.

  Keith and I had been dating for three years when he proposed. Things had been really good between us. It wasn’t like what I had with Trent. Nothing would ever be like what I had with him. But things were still good with Keith. He had his own construction company, and I’d always wanted to be an interior designer.

  So after we got engaged, Keith asked me if I’d come and work for him. He could build houses, but he always had to hire someone else to come in and select flooring, cabinets, paint colors, and light fixtures. Keith decided it made more sense to pay the woman he was going to be marrying to do that than it did to hire an outsider.

  It was my dream job, so I accepted.

  And for years, we were a great team.

  Until pregnancy brain and exhaustion took over and I’d accidentally ordered fifty-thousand dollars’ worth of flooring that was all wrong. To top it off, it had been special order, so we couldn’t return it.

  When Keith found out, he’d lost it.

  “Are you fucking serious?” he growled.

  Shaking my head in disbelief, I agreed, “I know. I can’t believe I did this. I’ve just been so tired. I didn’t realize how much this pregnancy was affecting me.”

  “That’s your excuse?” he challenged.

  My head snapped up. It was the first time he’d ever really spoken to me in such a disrespectful way.

  “It wasn’t intentional, Keith. I’m sorry, but it was an accident.”

  My husband prowled toward me, angry and determined. By the time my back hit the wall, he made it to me and had his hand in my hair, pulling hard. He placed his other palm flat against the wall on the side of my head. “That’s an expensive fucking accident, Delaney.” Rage was swimming in his eyes before he reared his fist back and slammed it into the wall next to my head.

  I screamed.

  He struck the wall again, only this time his fist went right through it.

  Never had he ever raised a hand to me before then. Not once had he put his hands on me in an aggressive manner. But at that moment, I knew I would not stick around to see if he’d come close to doing it again. Not now. Not when I had someone else to protect.

  “Step away from me,” I demanded.

  He didn’t move.

  At least, he didn’t move away. His grip tightened in my hair and his hand that had gone through the wall was now squeezing my bicep.

  “I can’t fucking believe you did this!” he shouted.

  I lifted my hand on my free arm to his arm that was pulling my hair, pushed it back, and he finally moved away. The second he did, I scooted around him, moved to our bedroom, and pulled out my suitcase.

  No way.

  There was absolutely no way I’d allow myself to become his punching bag.

  “What are you doing?” he asked, sounding irritated when he walked in the room behind me.

  I continued to pack in silence for several minutes when I finally looked at him and firmly stated, “Leaving.”

  “Leaving?” he repeated.

  Nodding, I confirmed, “Yes.”

  “Don’t be dramatic.”

  Dramatic?!

  How he thought me leaving a volatile situation was dramatic, but his reaction was not was beyond me. I wanted to point that out to him but didn’t want to provoke him. I’d just seen a side of him that he’d never shown me before, and I wasn’t prepared to see how far he’d be willing to take it if I pushed back.

  So, I ignored him and continued packing. As I did, I could feel Keith’s eyes on me. I didn’t dare look up, though.

  When I’d finally gotten everything I needed for a few days, I zipped up the suitcase, wheeled it to the door, and turned to him.

  “I was just angry, Delaney,” Keith said, his voice suddenly eerily calm. “We’ve got a baby on the way now. It’s a lot of responsibility. The business is doing well, but I feel the pressure to do even more now
. I want to make sure our son or daughter will be taken care of.”

  It might have been easier to believe that if he hadn’t resorted to violence. I could understand the anger. I’d made a costly mistake. But that mistake didn’t mean that I should be physically punished.

  “The first step in making sure your unborn child is taken care of is to make sure his or her mother feels safe and protected and love. It is not backing her into a corner, gripping her, physically assaulting her, and putting your fist through the wall right by her head,” I informed him. “I’m leaving for a few days. I need time to think.”

  Keith nodded his understanding. “I get it,” he started, moving toward me. “It was wrong. I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry isn’t going to cut it tonight, Keith. I don’t feel safe here right now, and I want to leave.”

  “You stay,” he insisted. “I’ll get a hotel for the night.”

  I held my hand up in front of me. “No. I need to go.”

  There was no way I was going to stay here not knowing where the violence came from and what was really going on in his head at that moment. I wanted to be somewhere where I knew he wouldn’t be able to just come back because he had a key.

  Frustration washed over him. “At least let me carry your suitcase down the stairs for you.”

  I waved my hand out to the side, indicating he could do that and go ahead of me.

  Keith picked it up and carried it out to my car. Just as I was about to get in, he curled his fingers around my wrist. I tensed. He noticed it, winced, and apologized again. “I’m sorry.”

  Nodding, I returned, “Yeah. Me too.”

  With that, I got in and left.

  A week later, I returned home when I knew he’d be at work. I packed up the remainder of my clothes and personal items. I only took what was solely mine and left everything else. Every plate, appliance, and piece of furniture remained when I walked out of the doors of our house for the last time.

  Before I pulled out of the driveway, I sent a text to Keith.

  Me: I’ve made a decision. We need to talk. Let me know when you’re free to meet me.