Unworthy

by Evans, A. K.

  My gut clenched. “I have an idea how you might feel,” I teased.

  She huffed.

  “I’m sorry,” I lamented.

  Confusion washed over her. “What are you sorry for?”

  “I’m sorry you had to live missing me when I can promise you that if I’d known what was happening, I would have made sure things would have been different.”

  “I should have told you,” she murmured.

  “But you can’t change it now, so don’t beat yourself up about it,” I urged her. “Besides, I knew you. I knew what we had. I should have known that wasn’t you and stuck around to figure out what was really going on.”

  “So much time has passed,” she sighed. “So many things have happened.”

  That was the understatement of the century.

  “Yeah,” I agreed. “We’ve got a lot to talk about, Delaney. I think you’ve dealt with enough today, so we don’t need to get into all of it, but I do have one question.”

  “Okay?”

  “Based on what I witnessed earlier tonight, it seems obvious that there’s a divorce and perhaps a custody battle on the horizon—”

  “You would be very right about that,” she interrupted.

  “You said you left him more than a year ago. So what I’ve got to know is if your heart is in a place where you’re prepared to pick up where we left off.”

  She sucked in a sharp breath. “You think you can do that?”

  “I’m not going to lie to you, baby. I spent a lot of years angry at you. I’m not proud of it, especially now knowing the guilt you were carrying with you, but it is what it is. All I know is I’d like to move forward and find a way to erase what I felt during the years that I didn’t have you in my life.”

  She closed her eyes and grimaced. “I don’t deserve you,” she started. “I said such horrible, horrible things to you. I told you that you’d never amount to anything. And the irony of it all is that you’ve clearly got your life in order and mine is in shambles. The only one here who is unworthy of anyone is me. You deserve so much better than me.”

  Nope. I wasn’t going to listen to this.

  “Delaney, I understand the thoughts you have in your head, but you need to stop right now,” I demanded. “I can’t listen to you talk down about yourself. Yeah, you’ve made mistakes. I’m sure you’ve got a long road ahead of you to get things straightened out, but that doesn’t negate the fact that you’re still you. You’re still the woman I love. And just the way I wouldn’t let anyone try to hurt you all those years ago, I’m not going to let you do it to yourself now.”

  She smiled up at me, the first genuine one in a really long time, and pointed out, “You always knew just what to say.”

  “It’s one of my many talents. What can I say?” I joked.

  Delaney’s eyes heated at the mention of my talents.

  I shook my head and warned, “Don’t even think about it. Not tonight. Too much has happened.”

  “Still denying me, I see,” she shot back. Her tone was playful, so I knew she wasn’t being serious.

  I tugged her body close to mine again, pressing my erection into her, and said, “And you’re still making me hard just being next to me.”

  “So…” She trailed off.

  “So, I still want what I’ve always wanted with you, Delaney. I want it to be special and I want it to be ours. A lot has happened today. If you don’t have any plans for tomorrow, I’ll take you out and we’ll finally do this the right way. We’ll make it just about us and nothing else.”

  “Okay, but…um, never mind.”

  “Tell me.”

  “Will you stay with me tonight?” she asked.

  “My girl is back in my arms for the first time in fifteen years. Do you really think I’m going to go home?”

  Relief swept through her features. “I missed you so much.”

  My arms tightened around her. “Me too, sweet cheeks.”

  Delaney’s fingers pressed hard into my side.

  A moment of silence passed before I asked, “Are you hungry?”

  Her face moved up and down against my chest.

  “Let’s get some food.”

  “Okay.”

  “Give me a kiss first, though.”

  Delaney wasted no time. She pressed her hand to my shoulder, sent me to my back and climbed on top to kiss me. We did that for a while.

  When I could take no more before I’d rip her clothes off, I sat up and carried her, with her legs wrapped around my waist, out to the kitchen.

  I knew we had a long road ahead of us, but we were who we were. We’d find our way back. And the knowledge of that made me feel better than I had since I’d lost her.

  “I was watching you,” Trent said as he brought a forkful of eggs up to his mouth.

  My brows furrowed. “I’m sorry?”

  “In the grocery store,” he explained. “I saw you long before you saw me. I watched you have a full conversation with your boy, offering him fruits and vegetables.”

  I’m standing here looking at the woman I loved and lost all because she was too good for me as she pushes her son from another man around the grocery store.

  God.

  Trent.

  He watched that, not knowing the truth.

  I couldn’t even begin to imagine what he must have felt.

  Apparently, I must have had my discomfort with that whole situation written all over my face because Trent lamented, “I’m sorry for how I handled you that night.”

  Shaking my head, I reasoned, “I deserved it.”

  “You didn’t,” he insisted. “Even if I hadn’t learned what I did last night, it still would have been wrong for me to speak to you the way that I did.”

  I offered a small smile in return.

  He was such a good man that he’d apologize for having an appropriate reaction to the situation based on how I’d treated him years ago. Yeah, I was definitely unworthy of a man like him.

  “So where is he now?” Trent asked.

  “With his dad,” I stated, confused why he was asking such a question.

  He let out a laugh and clarified, “I’m talking about your dad, Delaney.”

  I shrugged. “Probably doing the same thing he was doing years ago,” I guessed before I took another bite of my toast.

  “Why isn’t he helping you out?”

  Biting back my overwhelming urge to laugh, I chewed, swallowed, and shared, “Considering I moved out of his house the day I turned eighteen, I’m not sure why he would. To top it off, we haven’t seen each other for roughly thirteen years.”

  Trent’s face changed. His eyes had gone from carefree and kind to downright frightening. “You mean to tell me that he forced your hand in the situation with us all those years ago because he believed I couldn’t give you anything, and now that you’re in this situation, he’s nowhere to be found?”

  “He doesn’t know my situation. Unless he’s got someone keeping tabs on me, he doesn’t know anything that’s happened in my life all this time.”

  “You got married,” Trent threw out.

  I nodded and added, “And my father wasn’t there.”

  “Nobody walked you down the aisle?”

  Sadness overwhelmed me. If she had still been alive, I would have asked my mom to do it. Then again, if my mother were still alive, it’s likely that Trent and I never would have ended.

  I shook my head and insisted, “It was better that way. He would have ruined it for me. Every time I think about him all I think about is two things. The first is my mother and how much I miss her. The second is you and how much I hate him for taking you away from me.”

  “Sweet cheeks…” He trailed off.

  “With him there or not, it didn’t matter. I still miss her like crazy every single day. And you were there on my wedding day. Not the whole time, not every moment, but I thought about you when I stood in front of the mirror in my dress. I wondered if I was making a mistake and should try looking for y
ou again.”

  Pain washed over him.

  “I tried to look for you,” I admitted. “When I moved out at eighteen, I started searching for you. I obviously failed, but I searched everywhere.”

  “I went into the military right after you ended things. I was in for eight years.”

  Well, that explained that.

  “I never stopped thinking about you,” I assured him. If nothing else, I needed him to know how much he meant to me and how much I truly missed him. “And I think, deep down, Keith knew it.”

  “How did he even know about us?”

  “When we were getting to know one another and he asked about my family, I told him about my mom. He eventually pushed and asked about my father. I told him that my dad put me in a situation where I had to choose between being with the love of my life and risking his safety or losing the love of my life and keeping him safe. I know that was always in the back of his mind. He knew I searched for you, he knew I still loved you, but he still asked me to marry him anyway.”

  I paused a moment to prepare myself to deliver the next part. Trent gave me the time to do it.

  “I accepted his proposal and I probably shouldn’t have. But he was a really great guy, he loved me, and I did love him. It just wasn’t what I had with you, and I knew it never would be. I resigned myself to that fact and went ahead with the marriage. I don’t regret it because I have my baby now, but it wasn’t fair to Keith.”

  “You think he really knew how you felt about me?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, because I told him. Long before he even proposed or things got serious between the two of us, I told him I’d never love another man the way that I loved you. It was good between us for a long time, but truthfully, we didn’t stand a chance long term.”

  Trent sat with that for a few moments before he changed the subject. He looked around my apartment as we sat there eating breakfast and confessed, “I don’t like to see how you’re struggling.”

  “What?”

  “My grandma and I struggled,” he started. “You know that. I know how hard it was and I hate seeing that you’re in a similar position now.”

  My head tilted to one side. “I wouldn’t say I’m struggling. It’s hard being a single mom, but I don’t regret it. And I’m not scraping by. I work hard to provide for myself and my son. We’re doing alright.”

  “But you can’t possibly want to live in an apartment all your life,” he guessed. “Tate’s going to grow up and start moving around. He’s going to need the space to do it.”

  “I know. I don’t plan to live here forever. But right now I’ve got to get through the divorce and custody battle. Then I’ll work to save up for a better place for my little guy.”

  “What about you?” he wondered as he brought a glass of orange juice up to his mouth.

  “What about me?”

  He set the glass of juice back down. “What are you giving to yourself while all of this is happening?”

  “I’m a mom now, Trent. It’s not about me anymore. I sacrifice the extras so I can give him the things I want him to have.”

  Trent smiled at me, evidently approving of this.

  After a beat of silence, he murmured, “So, my Delaney is a tile layer?”

  I grinned and nodded. “Yep.”

  Trent shook his head, still smiling. “Do you like it?”

  “It’s not the job I want to do for the rest of my life,” I admitted. “But I’m good at it and it pays well enough that I can cover my expenses and still save a little.”

  Trent didn’t respond, so I took the opportunity to turn it back around on him. “And you’re a private investigator?”

  “Yeah,” he confirmed. “I got out of the military, came home, and knew I needed to do something like this. I researched, found Levi’s firm, and applied. When I went in for the interview, he looked at my skill set and my experience, and he hired me on the spot.”

  “You enjoy it, right?” I asked, wanting to make sure he felt fulfilled.

  “Love it.”

  I smiled. “That’s good.”

  We didn’t say anything for a long while, both of us concentrating on our food. Or, at least, we were pretending to concentrate on our food. I knew I was.

  “Trent?” I eventually broke the silence.

  “Yeah?”

  There was hesitation before I asked, “Have you had a good life?”

  Trent’s shoulders dropped. I couldn’t tell if he was about to tell me it had been horrible, if he was grateful for me asking, or if it was something else entirely. So, unable to read him, I waited for him to answer.

  “That’s tough to answer, sweet cheeks,” he began. “My life hasn’t been bad by any means. There were times, when I was in the Marines, that were tough. In the beginning, it was really rough because I missed you so much. In the end, it was bad when we had to deal with the loss of one of our men. Overall, though, my life has been good. I just hesitate to say that because I know it could have been so much better if you’d been there.”

  I felt my throat constrict.

  I’d fucked up so bad.

  “I should have found a way to tell you,” I whispered. “I’m sorry.”

  Trent held my gaze. “I know you are. You don’t have to keep apologizing.”

  “Life would have been so different,” I reasoned.

  “You’re right. It would have been,” he agreed. “But then again, you wouldn’t have Tate. So, can you really sit here and say you regret what happened?”

  I looked at him and shook my head, feeling the tears well up in my eyes. “I don’t regret him. Not for a single second. But the guilt I feel over what I did to us tears me apart inside.”

  “We’ll work to erase the guilt,” he promised.

  I wasn’t sure we’d be able to accomplish that, so I didn’t say anything.

  “So, two questions,” he piped up.

  “Okay?”

  “First, I’ve been working on renovating my house,” he shared. “What are the chances you’ll come and help me when you’ve got time off?”

  My eyes widened.

  “Really?”

  Trent dipped his chin.

  “I’d love to help you,” I exclaimed. “What exactly are you renovating? Is it a single room or a couple?”

  “The whole house,” he returned.

  “What?”

  “I’m renting and living in a condo right now, but I finally broke down and bought a place of my own. I didn’t really need to add the extra work to my schedule considering we get busy at the firm regularly, but I loved the location of this place. The house is a heap and needs a major renovation. I started it and have taken care of the major things already. Now, I’m ready to start on the interior. I thought I would have had time over the summer to get it done, but we were working on the arson case. It took up a lot of our resources, so I didn’t have the time to dedicate to the house.”

  Surprised at the news, I declared, “I heard about that arson case. It was awful. So, you were the one responsible for finding that guy?”

  Trent shook his head. “I was part of the team that was responsible.”

  “Wow,” I marveled. “You really are a hero.”

  “Stop,” he ordered.

  I shot a grin his way.

  “When does Tate come back?” he asked, changing the subject.

  “Monday night.”

  Now, it was Trent’s turn to grin.

  “Are you willing to give me this weekend with you?” he wondered.

  I wanted to, but I couldn’t give all of it to him. “Most of it,” I answered.

  “You have something else going on?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t have plans, per se, but I’ve got to take care of preparing Tate’s food. And I need to get a rental until my car is fixed. Other than that, I’m all yours.”

  “Well, I can help with one of those,” he started. “Don’t worry about getting a rental. I’ve got another vehicle you can borrow until yours is repai
red.”

  “Trent, you don’t have to do that,” I insisted.

  “I know, but I’m going to do it anyway.”

  I closed my eyes. “I don’t deserve you,” I whispered.

  No sooner did the words come out of my mouth when I heard movement and felt Trent’s hand curl around the back of my neck. He tugged me forward, and my forehead landed in his abdomen since I was still sitting.

  “I’m not going to tell you again, Delaney. I don’t want to hear you talking about yourself like that. You’ve got to stop,” he warned.

  I pushed my chair back and stood. My arms flew around his shoulders.

  I held on.

  Tight.

  Trent’s arms closed around me. He held me back just as fiercely. I welcomed it. I needed it.

  “God, I missed you,” I breathed.

  His hand dove into my hair and gently pulled my face from his throat. He dropped his mouth to mine and kissed me. It was soft, sweet, and tender. It was everything.

  Trent stopped kissing me only long enough to whisper, “Missed you more, babe.”

  He followed that sentiment up with another kiss, but this one was not sweet. It was deep and claiming. It was an attempt at trying to communicate just how the time apart affected him. I understood it and accepted it, hoping I was giving the same back to him.

  When our mouths separated, Trent spoke. “I’m going to go home now to shower and change, Delaney. I’ll be back tonight to take you out to dinner. Use your afternoon wisely and make Tate’s food.”

  “Okay,” I whispered.

  “One more thing,” he warned.

  I raised my brows in silent question.

  “Pack a bag, sweet cheeks. You’re spending the night at my place.”

  I swallowed hard, nervous and excited about all the promise that statement held.

  After giving me one more kiss and another gentle squeeze, he stepped back, got his sneakers on, and helped me clean up the breakfast dishes. Then, he gave me one more kiss before he walked to the door. “I’ll be back at five-thirty. Lock up behind me.”

  I gave him a nod and a wave.

  Trent’s lips curled up as he shook his head and saw himself out.

  I locked up behind him

  The minute he was out the door, I got to work. First up, pumping. I had a massive supply of frozen breast milk, but that was only because I was diligent about pumping and freezing it, especially when Tate was with his father.