Unworthy

by Evans, A. K.

  Trent carried the seat down to Tate’s bedroom, where I carefully unbuckled him and got him settled.

  I turned on the monitor before Trent and I crept quietly out of Tate’s room into mine. “Get in bed, sweet cheeks.”

  “I have to pump. He hasn’t nursed since before you got here,” I shared.

  “Does he get up to eat in the middle of the night?” he asked.

  “Sometimes. And if he does tonight, I’ll just give him the milk I pump now.”

  Trent, looking nowhere near as exhausted as I’m sure I looked and felt, dipped his chin and warned, “Fine. But then you’re in bed, and if he wakes up wanting to eat, I’m feeding him.”

  Trent was going to get up with my baby in the middle of the night?

  I quickly got to work and pumped. When I finished, I prepared one of Tate’s bottles and left it out on the nightstand. I put the excess milk in the fridge.

  When I got back to my room, I noticed that Trent had removed his jacket, shirt, and jeans. I took only a second to appreciate the sight of his beautiful body before moving toward it. “Thank you for helping me out tonight,” I whispered.

  Trent gave me a squeeze, kissed the top of my head, and asked, “Ready for bed?”

  I nodded in his chest and said, “I just need to brush my teeth.”

  Once I’d done that, I climbed into bed and Trent questioned, “It’s okay to leave that out?”

  He’d jerked his head in the direction of Tate’s bottle sitting on the nightstand.

  “Yeah. It’s good for up to four hours. I’m sure he’ll wake up in that time. If not, I’ll be grateful for the reprieve and toss it in the morning.”

  Satisfied with my answer, Trent slid in the bed beside me, hit the light on his nightstand, and hooked an arm around my waist. He pressed a kiss to my shoulder. His voice was just a touch over a whisper when he proclaimed, “Love you, Delaney.”

  The sound of his voice and the words he said wrapped around me and made me feel all warm and fuzzy. Before I succumbed completely to that, I rasped, “Love you more, Trent.”

  His arms tightened as I drifted.

  It felt like I’d been asleep for mere minutes when I heard Tate start crying. Hearing it, feeling as tired as I was, I wanted to cry. Just as I was about to flip the covers off of me, I felt Trent’s hand putting pressure on my hip.

  “I’ve got him, baby. Go back to sleep.”

  “But he’ll need his diaper changed,” I said sleepily.

  “I got it,” Trent insisted. “Go back to sleep.”

  With that, he was up and out. I kept my eyes open long enough to glance at the clock and note it was four in the morning. I looked to the monitor and saw Trent lift my boy out of his crib and pull him tight to his chest. My eyes refused to remain open, so I tried to listen. Trent kept quiet, but I heard him rustling around as he changed Tate’s diaper. That was the last thing I heard before I fell back asleep.

  When I woke again, light was filtering into the room. I lifted my head, saw it was seven-thirty, and shot up in bed.

  Crap.

  I looked at the spot where Trent had fallen asleep beside me and noticed he wasn’t there. After using the bathroom, I grabbed my phone off the nightstand. I was going to have to call work after I figured out how Tate was doing.

  I walked out of my bedroom and nearly dropped to my knees. The love of my life was on the couch, his head propped up on the armrest, and he had the other love of my life sleeping soundly on his chest. Trent’s eyes were closed. I lifted my phone, opened the camera, and snapped a picture. The sound was on, so when it clicked, Trent opened his eyes.

  He grinned at me, which made my knees weak, and looked down at my baby. Carefully, he shifted himself on the couch, doing it without disturbing Tate. I still hadn’t moved.

  Trent brought his eyes to mine and looked a little unsure of where my head was.

  “Tate Michael,” I finally stated.

  Trent’s brows furrowed. “What?”

  “His name is Tate Michael,” I clarified. “He has his father’s last name, but he has your initial for his first name and a variation on your last name for his middle name.”

  Something washed over Trent’s face. I couldn’t explain what it was because I wasn’t even sure I fully understood it myself. Even still, I knew it was big.

  Ignoring his silence and the look he was giving me, I went on, “I wanted him to have a part of you since you were such a huge, important part of my life. When I named him, I did it hoping he’d not only have your name, but also somehow he’d grow up to have some of the traits I love most about you.”

  Trent’s voice was low and husky when he demanded, “Come here.”

  I went to him.

  Keeping one of his arms nestled firmly against Tate’s little body, Trent reached his other arm out and tugged me toward him. His mouth captured mine. Even with my son resting on his chest, Trent did not hesitate to communicate with me just how much hearing the truth about Tate’s name meant to him. It felt so good to be able to give him that.

  When he let my mouth go, Trent stated, “I’m not sure I deserve the honor you’ve bestowed upon me.”

  My eyes bulged. “You’re joking, right?”

  He held my eyes and stayed silent, but the look he gave me told me everything I needed to know. Trent thought he was unworthy of such a privilege.

  “Other than the times he’s with his father, which is only every other weekend, I don’t get a break. It’s been like that since I’ve had Tate. It’s part of my job as a mom, and I wouldn’t trade it or him for anything. But it’s hard work. And it’s exhausting. You stepped up to the plate last night for a baby that’s not yours, and you gave me a break.”

  “I stepped up to the plate for him because I love his mother,” Trent shared. “You were just barely functioning, Delaney. It wasn’t a big deal. Besides, loving you means loving all of you. That includes this little guy, who is very much a part of you.”

  My heart.

  My heart couldn’t handle him.

  I took a second to compose myself, smiled at Trent, and maintained, “That right there is exactly what I’m talking about, baby. You’re every bit the man I named him after. Don’t ever forget that.”

  Trent gave me a squeeze in response. I dropped my head to his shoulder.

  Just then, Tate woke up. He lifted his head from Trent’s chest and saw me there.

  “Good morning, baby,” I cooed. Tate gave me the sweetest baby grin and shoved his little fists in his mouth.

  I laughed. “He’s hungry.”

  Tate looked up at Trent. “What’s up, buddy? You ready to eat?”

  My little boy face planted right into Trent’s neck. Trent took the baby force of Tate’s blow and looked at me. “What are your plans for today?”

  “I really need to go to work,” I sighed. “I need to work as much as I can because I don’t know what I’ll be facing with Keith. Adding my unexpected car repair into the mix is even more of a reason I need to work. But Tate’s had a rough couple of days, so I’m not real excited about taking him to daycare, either. I’m just going to take the day off.”

  “I’ll stay with him if you really need to go,” Trent offered.

  My body went solid. “Don’t you have to work?”

  “There aren’t currently any pressing cases that I’m working on,” he started. “I hate that you are going to be going through this the next few months, but I’d like to do what I can to help you. It’s not a problem for me to take the day off and spend it with my namesake. In fact, in light of that news, I think that’s precisely what Tate and I need…a little one-on-one bonding time.”

  The thought of Trent bonding with my baby did things to my body I couldn’t even explain. To top it off, a lot of naughty thoughts filtered into my brain. Before I could stop them, the words flew out of my mouth.

  “You are so getting my mouth in very special places soon,” I blurted.

  Trent burst out laughing. I watched, re
alizing it felt like a lifetime since I’d last seen him laugh like that. When his laughter started to die down, Trent admitted, “It’s been a really long time since I’ve had one of those from you, sweet cheeks. As important as it is that you know I’m not doing this with the expectation of anything in return, there’s no way I’m turning down having your mouth on my cock.”

  My eyes rounded. “Don’t say ‘cock’ in front of the baby.”

  “He doesn’t know what we’re talking about.”

  “Yeah, but one day he will and if you don’t change your language now when he can’t understand, it could be disastrous down the road.”

  “Delaney?” he called.

  “Go get Tate a fresh diaper so you can change him and feed him while I make you breakfast before you go.”

  I gave him a nod and kissed him before I got up to get Tate’s diaper.

  An hour later, I’d changed and fed my baby, ate breakfast, and given Trent Tate’s schedule. I made him promise to call if he needed anything. Once he did, I kissed Tate, kissed Trent, and took off to work.

  When I got home that evening, I found my boys had thoroughly enjoyed bonding. They even cooked dinner for me.

  I couldn’t remember the last time I felt so pampered.

  And much later that night, Trent hopped in the shower and gave me some time to bond alone with my baby. Once Tate was down for the night, I showed Trent my appreciation for everything he’d done for me and his namesake.

  Suffice it to say, he was not disappointed.

  “I can’t wait to see it!” I bubbled, ready to bounce out of my seat.

  It was Saturday and Trent, Tate, and I were in Trent’s SUV on our way to his home. Not his condo. The home he bought and was currently in the process of renovating. The home he wanted me to help him design.

  Over the last couple of days, I was finding myself falling deeper and deeper in love with Trent. Tate’s ear infection showed me a side of Trent I hadn’t ever seen before. While I always knew he was the kind of guy who’d do anything to help someone out, what he did for Tate and me several nights ago was something else entirely.

  Thankfully, my baby boy was back to acting like himself. He was happy and playful and eating like a beast again.

  Trent spent the night Wednesday and Thursday with us, and he was the biggest help. I hadn’t ever had someone there to share sleepless nights with me. I couldn’t begin to describe what it meant to me that he was willing to do that for me and my son.

  Since Tate was doing much better by Friday, he went back to daycare while I went to work.

  Trent didn’t stay with us last night, but I talked with him on the phone after I got Tate down to sleep for the night. We made plans to get together and spend the weekend with one another.

  And it was starting this morning with a trip to Trent’s new house. Obviously, I was excited to see it, but I was overly eager at the prospect of being able to do what I loved most. While I knew I’d have no problem helping Trent with the physical part of the actual renovation, I got the most satisfaction out of choosing the colors and styles that would go into making a house a home.

  “I’m just as excited to show it to you,” Trent returned. “But I’ve got to warn you. It’s still in need of some major renovations.”

  “I know. You already told me it was a heap.”

  Trent laughed. “Yeah, I did. Even still, I want to remind you of that fact because it might not seem like much now, but I know the house has massive potential.”

  Grinning at him, I teased, “I promise not to judge the house based on its current state and will reserve judgment for a time after the project is complete.”

  “Don’t be a smartass.”

  I giggled.

  Tate, from the backseat, did the same.

  When that happened, a smile spread across Trent’s face.

  Ten minutes later, we pulled off the main road onto a gravel path surrounded by trees on both sides. We were climbing up a hill. I already knew I was going to love this place.

  We drove quite a distance completely covered by trees until it opened. The next couple hundred feet only had a spattering of trees, until finally it completely cleared for the last part of the path.

  That’s when the house came into view.

  It was also when I realized that Trent wasn’t lying about the state of the house. It wasn’t exactly dilapidated and falling apart, but it left a lot to be desired. However, it had incredible potential. There was a detached pole barn that could have easily been used for vehicle or landscaping equipment storage. Roughly a hundred feet off the opposite side of the house was a cabin.

  Trent parked the car just outside the attached garage. We got out, and Trent moved to get Tate out of the backseat. I stood there looking around at the view Trent had from the front of his house. It was magnificent.

  Once Trent had Tate tucked firmly against him, I asked, “How much land do you have here?”

  “Just under thirty acres.”

  My lips parted. “What?” I whispered as I looked around.

  “Come on,” Trent urged, ignoring my surprise. “Let’s get the little guy out of the cold. I’ll show you the inside of the house.”

  With that, he put his hand to the small of my back and guided me toward the front door. When he opened the door and we stepped inside, it immediately became evident just how much work we had ahead of us.

  Trent took us on a tour of the entire house. We started upstairs and worked our way down to the first floor. There were five large bedrooms and three bathrooms on the second floor. Apart from the standard kitchen, family room, and dining room, the first floor boasted a great room on the back side of the house, another room that could be used as a study or office, and two half baths.

  From the outside, the house didn’t seem very large, but inside, I learned Trent wasn’t kidding. There was a realm of possibilities with this home. All of the individual rooms were sizeable, but the style was old. Lots of walls separated each room, giving the home a boxy, closed-off feeling.

  “Trent, baby, this place is incredible,” I marveled. “I don’t know how much work you want to put into it, but you’ve found yourself quite the gem.”

  “I haven’t even shown you the best part,” he stated.

  “What else is there to see?” I wondered, knowing we’d seen every room other than the basement.

  Trent turned and walked from the family room that sat at the front of the house to the great room in the back. Still holding onto Tate with one arm, he extended his other arm toward the wall and declared, “I want to knock that wall out so I can have the view.”

  “The view?” I repeated. Shaking my head, I asserted, “Your view is on the front side of this house. It’s fine, though. We can totally work with the family room there and get you a spectacular view.”

  “That’s fine. I know the front view is what most people would find breathtaking about this property, but that’s not what it is for me. I bought this place specifically for the view from the back.”

  It made no sense.

  I scrunched up my face. “What are you talking about?”

  “What I’m saying is that I didn’t need to purchase a place that needed the amount of work this one did. I would not have minded a little bit, but this is far more than I would have liked. Without the view from the back, I never would have bought this.”

  “I’m going to need a little more clarification.”

  Trent grinned and walked out of the great room. I followed behind him through the house to the kitchen where he continued to the door that led out to a deck on the back of the house.

  When we got out there, I was waiting for it to hit me, but it didn’t.

  “What is so impressive about this view, Trent?”

  “Delaney…look.”

  That was all he said. He didn’t point and he didn’t give me any hint as to what I was looking for.

  My eyes scanned the area. The fact that Trent had a view with this much land at all was gre
at, but in comparison to the front, this was nothing. So, while I tried taking it in to see what he loved so much, I just didn’t get it.

  “I think I need some help, baby,” I muttered.

  Trent moved close to me, lifted his arm out to the side, and said, “That is the reason is bought this home.”

  I stared in the direction he was pointing.

  It took me about ten seconds, but suddenly it smacked me right in the face. I sucked in a sharp breath, the cold air freezing in my lungs. Tears welled in my eyes. I tried to blink them back, but they rolled down my cheeks.

  “Trent,” I whispered.

  “Now do you understand why I want to knock out that wall?” he questioned me.

  I nodded slowly.

  Because I was standing there next to Trent staring at the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. A perfect view of our spot. The same spot we’d spent so much of our time at all those years ago.

  I was stunned. And amazed.

  As I tried my hardest to process what I was seeing, Trent spoke. “I get the feeling you now know precisely how I felt when you told me about Tate’s name.”

  Tearing my eyes from the view, I looked up at the man who’d had my heart for years.

  He continued, “I told myself I was angry at you all these years. And I was. But I never stopped missing you. I walked through this house a year ago and hated it, knowing I had no intentions of purchasing it. Then, I walked out here and stayed in this spot for twenty minutes. And I realized then that no matter how angry I felt, I never stopped loving you. I guess, in the same way you wanted a piece of me with you by giving Tate my name, I needed a piece of you with me. I didn’t care how much it was going to cost to fix this place. I knew I’d be able to look out at that spot and you’d be there. I needed that.”

  My knees buckled.

  Trent quickly wrapped his arm around me and hauled me up against his body. The moment my face was in his chest, I sobbed. Trent held me tight, giving me the time I needed to get it all out.

  “I hate myself for what I did to us,” I cried.

  “Sweet cheeks…” Trent trailed off.

  “I despise my father for putting me in a position where I had no choice to make but the wrong one. And I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for not being strong enough to stand up to him.”