Several of the men approached the casket. I watched as they set it in the ground, thinking that along with it my heart went beneath the dirt.
I love you, Father…
I cried at the realization I had never been able to tell him those words in person. He would never hear them. Claire was my last connection to him, since Mother had distanced herself from him for twenty years.
Claire was my world, and I was hers, but tonight the world had become a darker place.
11
The Cost of Freedom
I sat on Claire’s bed, petting her cat while she slipped into a nightgown.
The funeral had ended, but for me the memories still remained clearly imprinted into my mind. The sadness, the tears, the lack of words. On this night we had lost a great leader and even better father. The world would not be the same again.
Claire hummed a song while she changed out of her clothes. She had asked for my company rather than Declan’s, and I could only assume the men would fend for themselves tonight. In truth Claire had saved me from sleeping alone, though I suspected Ezra remained at the palace. If he was here he would be sleeping next door. It seemed unlikely he would leave the palace while a killer remained on the loose.
“I can hardly sleep…” I said.
Claire joined me on the bed, and the cat instantly ran to lie beside her.
“After tonight we will need to find Nina. I have to trust Bellona for now, and besides Nina has already proven to be unreliable. Is there anyone she was close with? Someone who might know where she went?” Claire asked.
I chuckled. “Close? No. Her parents live in Rajoor, but we can’t travel there while the posts are closed off.”
“Tomorrow we will consult the maps. Perhaps I will make an exception for councilors to travel. For now, try to sleep. We’re useless without energy.”
Claire blew out the candles on her nightstand and laid under the covers with me.
I laid my head down and stared up at the ceiling. I had never visited my grandparents. They had always come to us, but Mother had shown me where they lived on a map. I winced at the thought of being reunited with them. Who knew how they would behave to news of my taking the Kanelos name? Even worse I wondered if they knew about Mother’s secret as well.
I rolled over, staring into the darkness. I did not want to think about my grandparents. I did not want to return to Rajoor again after my last trip had been a failure.
If only Father was here… I thought, but such thoughts brought back memories of the funeral. His casket laid out in the forest. Oriana had said we sacrificed blood to please Circe, and I could only hope she had been right.
With Father gone, it left the Council unprepared and more importantly the people within at greater risk. Risk of losing themselves, mistrusting each other, and awaiting the next betrayal.
And poor Alec… I thought, remembering his eery presence at the meeting.
It seemed nothing had gone as expected for Alec. He had not been able to leave the Council, to leave Gemma and Dorian to their future together. Instead he had remained with us, against his own desires. Had his desire to be free of his life in Ninomay been enough to kill Jhase?
“Claire?”
She groaned, moving slightly in bed.
“Could Alec have done this? Did he kill our father? He told me about the promise you made to him. Maybe he couldn’t wait any longer,” I whispered.
She was silent, and in the silence I heard the madness of my own logic. Would I question everyone in the Council again as I had done when Claire was kidnapped? I went as far as blaming Alec, who had given me no reason to distrust him. He had even warned me emotional times like this would cause people to act irrationally. What would Gemma think if she knew I dared to question her former husband?
“Alec would never seek to kill our father. He loved Jhase, so much so he made him Cedric’s godfather. Alec’s own father walked out of his life years ago. Jhase was everything Alec’s father failed to be, and you more than anyone should be able to understand the significance of that.
“Alec loves Gemma, he loves his child, and he loves this island. He is like a soldier —loyal and brave to the very end. He did not kill Father, of that much I am very certain,” Claire replied.
At my silence she added, “Alec did not have to stay with us. I asked him to, I practically begged him, but no one forced him to stay. He was as free then as he is now and forever. He chose to stay with us, and when the killer is found he will leave us to start his new life.”
I held the blankets closer to me, listening to my own breathing as Claire turned away from me. I had been quick to accuse Alec, like Keanu had been with Bellona, and now I had made a mistake. If Alec’s father had been anything like Isaak he and I had more in common than I ever realized. He would want to be a good father to his son. He wouldn’t be selfish enough to kill Jhase, ruining Gemma and Cedric’s life in the process.
I’m sorry, Alec. I thought, but my apology was useless without Alec here. Next time I saw him I hoped I could find a way to thank him for being the bigger person, for staying on when he could have had his freedom.
While Alec’s position in the Council was limited, I had also wondered about Ezra’s. He had once mentioned to me that he might leave the Council, but now it seemed his decision in the matter would be delayed as well. Both men were great assets to the Council, and I could only hope we would find the killer sooner rather than later.
***
I woke up to an empty side of the bed. Claire was gone. Someone had set out a new black dress for me, and I changed into it without further delay.
I entered into the hallway, and a woman ran past me, giggling uncontrollably. She wore a yellow dress, but she was a quick runner and seemed to know her way around the palace. She was gone before I knew it, and she definitely had not been one of the servants or Watchers. I had caught a glimpse of her face, but she was a stranger to me.
I glanced back, wondering where she had come from.
Keanu stepped into the hallway, shirtless and sweaty.
“It’s a beautiful morning, Clara,” he said, grinning from ear to ear.
I raised my brows and then quickly turned the other way, and raced for the staircase. I descended it, seeing no sign of Keanu’s company as I continued.
I had known Lukas to be a womanizer, but now it seemed the trait carried on even in Keanu. Was his entire family full of men with hungers they could not fill? Had this new position entitled him into thinking he could invite strangers over at his leisure without warning?
I needed to find Claire. She had wanted to search more for Mother’s whereabouts, and now I had Keanu’s behavior that seemed vital to address as well. Claire had increased security, and I hoped along with it that meant that whatever women Keanu chose to sleep with were also being treated with caution.
I reached the bottom of the staircase. Several Watchers roamed through the foyer, while others remained still at their posts.
Claire had mentioned looking at maps in the morning, and I immediately headed for the map room. She could not plan to meet with our grandparents without knowing where to look, and I was the only one with the knowledge she needed.
I opened the door to the map room, coming face to face with Claire, Ezra, Lukas, and Alec. A map of Rajoor was laid out across the table.
Despite what I had planned to tell Claire, now Lukas was here, and I did not want to embarrass him any further after we had already interrogated his mother for murder.
“Might I have a word with Lukas privately?” I asked.
Claire sighed but nodded, and Lukas quickly rushed to my side. It seemed more reasonable for me to warn him about his cousin’s activities before I alerted Claire.
I gestured for Lukas to turn around so we were not facing the others.
In a whisper I said, “I wanted to let you know… I saw a woman leaving Keanu’s room. A stranger. She seemed harmless, but I thought given recent events, perhaps Keanu should give the Wat
chers a fair warning of the company he keeps.”
“You’re right to bring this to my attention. Everyone needs to be careful with the company they keep, especially if the company changes every night. I will advise Keanu to be more cautious in the future. Thank you, Clara.”
I nodded, and we split apart and returned our attention to Claire and the map in front of us.
Claire cleared her throat and gestured toward the map.
Hesitantly I stepped forward, and I pointed to a spot on the map labeled “Northpass.”
“Nina told me my grandparents live there,” I said.
“I’ve already instructed the Watchers to allow you passage through the posts,” Lukas explained.
“Ezra and Alec will be joining you. Find your grandparents and ask them what they know. They might have offered Nina refuge in their home. Stay together, stick to the mission, and return as quickly as you can. We can’t afford you to be gone long,” Claire added firmly.
I winced.
“The last time I left—”
She cut me off. “Our father died. Had you been here or not, that wouldn’t have changed the outcome. So again I advise you to return promptly. Alec and Ezra will be with you.”
She reminded me of Alec and Ezra’s presence on this journey as if that made any difference. I had been with Ezra and Lukas the first time, and we had been attacked by mages. My grandparent’s home might be a more private setting, but that did not suggest it would be any less full of surprises.
“Good luck,” Claire said.
“And if we find Nina?” I asked.
“You bring her back to Ninomay. Alec and Ezra are equipped to arrest her if need be,” she replied calmly.
I grimaced at the thought of arresting my own mother, but Claire was right. We needed Mother here in Ninomay to be questioned. If she wouldn’t come willingly then an arrest would be our only other option. And by resisting a visit to Ninomay that only made my mother appear more guilty.
Claire gestured to Lukas, and together they walked out of the room. I hated the idea of leaving Claire and Lukas behind. Despite my desire to stay in Ninomay, Claire had not given me another choice. She could not afford to leave given her position, and it seemed Lukas also could not leave the Watchers at a sensitive time like this.
I had Ezra and Alec for company, and I would only be wasting time and testing Claire’s patience if I asked for anything more. We had one shot at this, and if we missed it we would walk away with nothing.
The men allowed me to lead the way. I half-expected to see Keanu in the hallway, shirtless again, but instead only Watchers passed by us.
I was determined to make this trip to Rajoor my last. It was no longer a home to me, but more so a place filled with memories that grew darker each time I visited it.
We walked outside, and I approached the closest lamp post. A Watcher stood guard in front of it, but he stepped aside at our arrival and said nothing.
Alec withdrew his key, and Ezra and I touched it.
“Northpass!” Alec yelled.
***
Northpass, Rajoor
We left the palace grounds and arrived in a small village. The smell of fish filled my nostrils. Small hovels and shops remained near the ocean. Men stood out by the water, catching anything that would bite. Children laughed and screamed in the street as they chased after one another. A dog nearby barked at our arrival, and locals near us stopped what they were doing to stare.
“Friendly crowd,” Ezra whispered.
I approached the first woman I saw and asked her for directions to Brionna and Jove’s home. She gave me a once over, and hesitantly pointed to the left. She mentioned the house had a collection of seashells in front of it.
“Thank you,” I said, though she quickly moved away from me.
I gestured for the men to follow me and walked toward the hovels lined by on the beach. From the angle we were at we could only see the backs. We would need to move further in to see the seashells.
The sand quickly made its way into my heels as we moved further. It burned against my skin. I kicked off my heels and carried them the remainder of the way, seeing as a pile up of sand in my shoes would only slow us down.
Even as we reached a spot where we could look at the homes in the right direction, they all looked identical. Seashells were not a rarity amongst the homes either, and none of them stood out to me. It seemed the locals here were as helpful as they had been in Hawk’s Tavern.
I tried to recall if Mother had ever mentioned anything else about my grandparent’s home, but I came up short again. She had rarely spoken about them unless they came to visit.
Though it would be more productive to split up, the men stayed close to me like bodyguards. We stared at the first hovel with several shells in front of it. Now it would be a matter of elimination.
Alec ran to the door of the first home and knocked. He repeated the process twice more until we reached the third hovel.
The door swung open, and upon Alec standing to the side, I recognized my grandfather.
“Breathe…” I whispered to myself through gritted teeth.
12
Twenty Years
Grandfather’s eyes widened at the sight of me. He looked the same as I remembered him. Short, thin hair covering his head, a well trimmed beard, and he worn a tunic with suspenders and pants. He still wore large glasses. His eyes were bright, but his body was old.
He moved aside and allowed us inside where a warm fireplace greeted us. A tiny sofa and a worn out rug accessorized the room. Tiny bookshelves filled the corners of the home, and the doorways to two other rooms appeared to be open.
I saw no sign of Grandmother and more importantly no indication of Mother’s presence.
Grandfather asked Ezra to help bring more chairs into the room. They left Alec and I alone, and my eyes wandered across the wooden walls. Though this was where Mother had grown up, there were no signs of her having ever existed here. The house was clean of her childhood belongings.
Ezra and Grandfather returned, placing down two more chairs. I noticed there were only enough seats for the four of us. It appeared Grandmother would not be joining us after all. Perhaps she was preoccupied somewhere else in town.
“Please sit down,” Grandfather said calmly.
I sat down on the couch, and Ezra joined me. Alec sat in one of the wooden chairs, and everyone’s eyes shifted to me.
I hardly knew what to say. The last time I had seen Grandfather was right before Gemma had found me in the bookstore. She had been the one to inform my family of my departure, of how my presence was required for Ren’s trial, and I had not seen my grandparents since then. Surely by now word of Jhase’s death and my “new” name had spread amongst the islands.
Without knowing where else to start, I went straight for the important questions.
“Did you know all along? Have you always known about Claire?” I asked. Though I wanted to refrain from yelling, I could feel the heat on my cheeks.
Grandfather offered a puzzled look.
“Claire? What is this about? We were told you were in Ninomay because of Ren’s arrest. Your mother has been worried about you! You were gone for so long…”
I narrowed my eyes. “Did Mother ever tell you the truth? About Isaak not being my real father? About Jhase and Claire?”
His eyes lowered, and my jaw dropped at the realization that he had already known. His head swayed back and forth, as if he debated on how to answer. I was stuck between wanting to scream and cry.
“This is a conversation you should have with Nina…” he whispered.
I stood up. I paced back and forth in front of the sofa, forming my hands into fists. This cut deeper than what Father had revealed to me. Not only had he and Mother been involved in this lie, but my grandparents played a part too. I could only assume Jhase’s own parents were innocent of this because no one had ever spoken of them. Ezra had said Jhase was Claire’s world, so I doubted I would ever meet my other
grandparents.
My grandparents had known about Claire and Jhase and never once thought they were worth mentioning. I wished Claire was here with me. She had already lost all respect for our mother, and she would not have cared for our grandfather in this moment either.
“Why do you think I’m here?” I asked. My voice raised now. “Mother is nowhere. She might have done something she cannot undo. You’re her father. How could you have gone along with any of this? How many of my elders have failed me since the day I was born?”
He winced as tears dripped down his face. I thought I ought to apologize, having never seen my grandfather cry before, but any apology at this point would be insincere. How many times had he cried for the sister I lost over the past twenty years? Why had no one ever spoken up to save our family from this heartbreak? I had been ripped from my time with my own father and sister because of this lie.
“Grandfather, you have hurt me more than any man in my past. You hurt me more today than Isaak’s magic ever did,” I said, wiping the snot from my nose.
I didn’t allow him to say another word. I ran out of the hovel and toward the ocean. I thought of standing in the water. I knew what I had said to be harsh, but Grandfather’s betrayal was eternal. It would haunt Claire and I for the remainder of our lives. Despite this great agony he had caused us, he would not be locked behind bars like Isaak.
I dropped my heels as I neared the water. I continued until my feet were in the wet sand and tiny waves crashed into me. I thought about swimming away just to rid myself of ever facing my grandfather again. He had not harbored Mother as Claire had feared. It would be too obvious, and if anything she proved to be cunning. We had taken our one chance and blew it.
My children will never endure these levels of hatred and betrayal… I thought, glaring at the sun that seemed to mock me.
Clara and Ezra Page 7
