I stepped further into the water. The coldness against my skin was almost numbing.
13
A Dead End
I was waist deep in the water. The ocean was cold, and I was soaked, but I did not care. I heard someone else in the water, moving toward me, and I could only hope it was not Grandfather. If I saw him now I might do something I would regret.
“It’s me…”
I glanced back at Ezra. As much as I wanted to cry I carried too much anger now. Instead I looked away again, staring ahead at the large and seemingly endless ocean.
“I will not go back,” I said as he moved closer to me.
He stood next to me, staring at me. Perhaps he thought me to be childish. I caused an old man, my own grandfather, to cry. I ran away while he stayed inside with my final words echoing in his head. I had compared him to Isaak, who Ezra and I knew to be the worst of humanity. And still, even waist deep in water, I had no sympathy for him.
“Can I at least convince you to come out of the water? You’re going to catch a cold,” Ezra said softly.
I looked at him again. He could have anyone, but instead he chose a woman who runs into the ocean.
He held out his hand to me, and hesitantly I accepted. I would leave the water, but he could not force me to return to Grandfather’s house.
We walked until we reached dry sand again, and I looked down at my dress. It was ruined, and I would need to dry my clothes before I traveled anywhere else today.
“You think me a fool,” I whispered, crossing my arms.
“On the contrary, I think you’re the smartest woman I’ve ever met,” he replied, smiling.
I shook my head. “Nina is not with him. He might have answers to my past, but Claire told us to stick to the mission.”
“No one is forcing you to listen to him. But you are in need of a dry dress… Perhaps while it dries, you can find out what other answers he can offer you? You originally returned to Rajoor for answers to your past, and your grandfather has been alive longer than both you and I. I think Claire would understand if you deviated from our mission,” he said.
I embraced him. He was crazy if he truly loved me, especially after everything we had found out. No matter how hurtful the truth was, it was better than the lies and fabrications I had been told previously.
Neither Claire or I had heard our mother’s point of view. Grandfather was the closest person I had to her right now. If I did not intend to run away from my mother, then I could not run away from her own parents either.
Ezra’s lips brushed against my ear, and he whispered, “I really do love you. After all this madness, my love for your stands.”
“I love you too,” I whispered into his jacket. I spoke so quietly I doubted he heard me.
When we broke apart the grin on his face confirmed everything. He picked up my heels with one hand, and with the other he held my hand and led me back to the hovel.
I thought about the other times I had confessed my love to a man. Grandfather, Isaak, Nicolaus, Ren, and now Ezra. Were those three words fatal to the people around me? But then I thought of Father’s lifeless body and how I had never spoken those words to him. I could not take Ezra for granted the way I had with my father.
Ezra kept walking at a steady pace. He was careful not to move too quickly. Perhaps he knew the nausea that filled my stomach with each step we took. I did not know what I feared more now: Grandfather’s words or my relationship with Ezra.
Do not ruin him too… I thought, watching the back of his jacket blow in the wind.
Ezra stopped at the door and explained he would go in first.
I waited, watching drops of water soak the sand beneath me. The sooner I was out of this dress the better.
The door opened again, and I assumed it was safe to come inside. Grandfather was nowhere in the room to be seen, and Ezra suggested I change in the bedroom. He pointed to the left room, and I slowly walked toward it. I supposed Grandfather waited in the other room while I prepared.
The bedroom was small and cozy. A bed filled with blankets and pillows greeted me. There was a white robe laid out on the bed that looked like ti might fit me. Perhaps it had once belonged to Mother.
There was no door for the room but instead a curtain that slid across. I glanced back at Ezra and Alec, who remained in the other room waiting. I would need help changing out of this dress, and I debated on who to ask. Ren and I had shared intimate moments prior to the end of our relationship. But I had just confessed my feelings to Ezra. My relationship with him was different from the others in my past, and I did not want to rush it. I did not want it to become too intimate too soon.
“Alec, come here,” I called out.
He jumped up from the sofa while Ezra paced the room. I asked him to close the curtain behind him.
“Would you mind helping me? I trust you’re familiar with a lady’s dress,” I said.
He snickered and agreed. I turned around and waited patiently while he unbuttoned the back of my dress. His hands were soft against my skin. I wondered how long it had been since he had last done this. It seemed since his divorce from Gemma he had not seen any other women.
Alec reached the last button and turned around, allowing me to walk out of the dress while he faced the curtain. The dress remained on the floor while I placed my hands through the sleeves of the robe. I tied the robe shut and faced Alec.
“Claire told me what you did… Staying with the Council when you had the freedom to leave. You are brave to stay,” I said.
“Your father was one of the most honorable men I’ve had the pleasure of knowing. I want to see justice done for his murder as much as anyone else on the Council. Think nothing of it. The Council is my family, and you’re a part of that family too. I will always be there when you need me, no matter the circumstances,” Alec replied.
I was stunned and speechless that Alec would consider met family, considering I was technically not a part of the Council. Whatever fears I had before had been washed away by his words. It was more comfort than my mother had been able to offer me.
“Thank you,” I whispered, and with that I dared to step out into the main room again.
Ezra had remained standing, seemingly waiting for us. His face was void of emotions, and I hoped he understood why I had asked for Alec’s help instead of his.
Alec rejoined us as well, taking a seat on the couch. The wooden chairs had been rearranged in a way so that they faced opposite directions. Perhaps Ezra had thought I would not want to see my grandfather, and in truth he was right. I wanted to run away from Grandfather like I had ran away from Ren. But this time the circumstances were different.
I sat down in the chair that faced the left side of the hovel and waited. Ezra and I stared at one another. I could not delay this any longer.
Alec leaned forward and in a whisper, he asked, “Do you think it best Ezra and I wait outside?”
“I’d prefer you stay here, but the choice is yours,” I replied.
When Father had told me about my birthright no one else had been in the room with us. I did not know if it was his death or Grandfather’s calmness that caused me to want company this time. Nonetheless, Alec and Ezra stayed in the room, and I would not forget their support.
Footstep entered into the room, and I clutched my fists again. These next moments would test the strength Ezra thought I had. I watched as Ezra moved over to the side of the hovel within my line of vision. I could hear the chair creak as Grandfather sat down.
Grandfather cleared his throat. “Despite what you may think, I only know what Nina told me. Your grandmother and I couldn’t afford to travel to Ninomay before your birth. Nina returned to Rajoor long before we could prepare for that trip. She said she wasn’t in love with Jhase. She panicked. She took you and left.
“I never judged your mother for her decision. She sincerely seemed distressed. Whatever caused her to leave was with good reason. Whether it had been Jhase, the overwhelming expectations, o
r something else. She never fully explained it, and we never pushed for more answers.
“Isaak entered her life quickly after her return to Rajoor. She told us he was willing to take you on as his own child. He asked Nina to move in with him, and she gladly accepted. We never suspected anything to be wrong with him.
“They married shortly after the beginning of their courtship. She told me that Isaak would be your father. We never spoke about Jhase or Claire after that. And it seemed like Jhase had found a way to move on. News spread that his wife and second daughter had died in a fire. Nina was free to have her new life.”
I intertwined my fingers together. I knew my mother had gone as far as providing false documentation about my appearance and birth. Perhaps that was why she had feared me using my magic. Had it reminded her of the other daughter she abandoned?
“And what of Isaak’s arrest? Surely then you had seen him for the monster he truly was, the monster I believed to be my ‘father.’ All those nights I wondered if he would go too far and kill me or Mother. Why hadn’t anyone spoken up after his arrest?”
A tear leaked out of my eye. I shook my head, refusing to cry with my grandfather in the room. I had not expected myself to be able to speak to him, but Mother was not here. As long as I was here I might as well ask why his defense extended so far for her. Isaak’s arrest should have been a red flag to someone, anyone in my family.
Grandfather sighed. “Nina has the answers you desire. I did as she asked me, same as your grandmother. We believed Ninomay was a dangerous place for you. Did your time away from home confirm that?”
I chuckled. Did he think he gained the upper hand with that question? I doubted he knew what had happened in Ninomay during my time away, and he didn’t need to know. Yes, there had been outbreaks of violence unlike anything I was accustomed to, but Ninomay proved to be more of a home than Rajoor had ever been. The people I loved were on that island now.
“Do you know where Mother is?”
“I do not. Ever since she disappeared I’ve been handling affairs in Rajoor,” he answered.
I stood up and picked my dress off the floor. It was dry enough for me to make the journey home. I returned to the bedroom and quickly changed.
In my proper attire, I stepped out into the main room and headed for the door. Alec and Ezra followed directly behind me. I had no words left for Grandfather. I could not even glance back at him before leaving, knowing I would likely never visit him again.
I can never return here again. I thought, knowing this place with my grandparents was now also built on lies and deceit.
Grandfather had his own account of what happened twenty years ago. He seemed convinced Jhase had been a bad man, perhaps a lot like Isaak. If they had only ever met during the wedding it came as no surprise.
I stepped outside, pausing, and let the ocean breeze set in. The men joined me, and Grandfather did not pursue us. Perhaps he knew as well as I had he had lost his granddaughter on this day.
I stared out at the ocean, watching as the waves rolled onto the beach. I had returned to Rajoor with a clear mission. Find Nina. Instead my mother had ensured my failure. I had to return to Claire empty handed. Again.
14
Selfish Hunger
Ninomay
Upon our return to the palace, Claire and Declan met us in the meeting. Claire stood silently, staring at us, waiting for the answers she sought. Perhaps she already knew from the look on our faces. I had not brought any good news home with me.
“We didn’t find Nina, and it seems my grandparents knew we were separated at birth and did nothing,” I said.
Claire snorted. She had never met out grandparents. They were complete strangers to her, and now with the confirmation of these facts, I doubted she would ever want to make their acquittance.
I, on the other hand, still wondered about the other side of my family, about Jhase’s parents. A part of me held onto a sliver of hope that they may still be alive, though they had not been at the funeral.
“What of Jhase’s parents? Are they still living?” I asked, hearing my voice crack.
“Dead,” Claire replied somberly.
I looked down at the floor. I didn’t know what to say. I had failed again. It seemed each time I returned to Rajoor I came back with nothing but more questions. Stefan’s note, Grandfather’s protection over our mother… the cycle did not seem to end.
“Well, if Nina doesn’t wish to be found, we will offer a reward for anyone who turns her in. Someone has to have seen her,” Claire said firmly.
I looked up again. My mother would be painted as a wanted criminal, and I knew now that Claire believed Nina to be more guilty of this crime than Bellona. Bellona had not run, she had done nothing to look guilty except marry a dangerous man. She had not even abandoned her own son, who alongside with her nephew, had conspired against her.
“What if Nina doesn’t want to be found?” I asked, gulping.
Claire scowled. “She will be found and arrested. Patience, dear sister, this may take some time. Meanwhile, everyone is to remain on high alert.”
Ezra stepped forward.
“Might there be a way to lure Nina out of hiding?” he asked.
I tried to think of a way we could force Mother into the public’s eye, but she had not even shown respect for her former husband’s death. I had no way of communicating with her in private, and she had not been foolish enough to return home. She was on the run for her life.
“My wedding…” Claire said slowly.
I thought I had misheard. Father had died only days ago. How could she propose we push forward her wedding while we still mourned? Declan had already accepted his role within the Council. Why did she need to rush into marrying him? Why would that interest our mother after all these years?
“Claire, it’s too soon—”
“Do you have a better idea?” she snapped, crossing her arms.
I looked to Declan, hoping he would propose a counter offer. Instead he remained silent, grimacing over what Claire suggested. I turned to Ezra and Alec, but they too had nothing else to offer. Claire’s idea, as horrible as it sounded, was the only one we had.
I could not fathom the idea of my sister rushing her wedding for the sole purpose of catching Mother. That kind of ploy would only distract her from a day that was meant to be special, not burdened by darkness. My only hope now in stopping the wedding relied on Lukas. He, like me, had motive to stop this wedding before it was too late.
“There’s work to be done. Go on, off with you,” Claire said, clapping her hands together.
Ezra, Alec, and I departed. I glanced back, but Declan remained behind with my sister.
I was at a loss of words, thinking how close Claire’s wedding would be to our father’s funeral. This would not be a healthy choice for her mentality. Head councilor or not, Claire did not need a wedding in order to find our mother. There had to be another way.
We walked down the hallway. Alec parted ways with us, and Ezra remained with me.
I stared at Ezra’s carrier, which contained a single dagger. I thought about the promise he made to me in Rajoor. How would we find Nina now? This could not be the only way to lure her out. This idea Claire had might not even work, and then she would only be more frustrated.
I looked to Ezra as if he might have the answers, but amongst everyone in the palace I knew Mother better than anyone. I was supposed to know her weaknesses. The only weakness she had ever shown was in her taste for men.
“We have to stop her,” I Said.
Ezra slowed his pace, allowing me to catch up and walk at his side.
“If I had a better idea I would offer it,” he responded.
Keanu passed us in the hallway, grinning widely. His gaze followed me until I was out of his sight. Perhaps I had been wrong. Lukas was not the man I needed. It was his cousin who could help me.
I grabbed Ezra’s hand, pulling him aside.
In a whisper I said, “Keanu is our man. He
could lure my mother out of hiding.”
Ezra laughed, but I remained firm with my statement. Perhaps he had not seen how Keanu spent his free time, but surely someone with Keanu’s charm could be of interest to my mother, despite their age difference.
“You’re serious?” Ezra asked.
“Something tells me he would not be opposed to the idea,” I said.
“That would require us to find Nina first.”
I frowned. Despite my idea, I had not considered that we still had came up short with finding Mother’s whereabouts. So far we had only searched Rajoor, the place she hid for twenty years from my father. She had been smart to leave from there, and it seemed reasonable she would not be returning anytime soon. That meant we had to expand our search. Look in the places that might seem obvious but could allow her to blend in amongst the locals.
“What about the taverns? Stefan met Nina in a tavern in Rajoor. Who’s to stay she’s not still using taverns for food and shelter? It’s worth trying,” I said.
“That’s a lot of taverns to search… But you might be onto something. I’m sure there are other places like Hawk’s Tavern that is out of the ordinary for common folk. I could tell Claire our plan while you secure Keanu’s role in this?”
We agreed and split up. Ezra went in the direction of the map room while I followed behind him, peaking into rooms for a sign of Keanu. This new plan gave me hope that I might be able to find Mother after all, though Ezra was right. It was possible we’d search countless taverns before we found the one she sought refuge in, and even then how long would she be there?
I pushed aside my doubts. We had to start somewhere, and I would rather search taverns all day long than force Claire down the aisle before she was mentally prepared for it. Our mother could not stay hidden forever, and I needed to determine her innocence or lack there of in this murder. The longer she hid the guiltier she looked.
Clara and Ezra Page 8
