Mason's Regret

by Odessa Lynne

  Not us, never again.

  “He was one of the good ones,” he continued. Just like Rock used to be. “If you were on the same side.”

  “So he was a renegade?”

  “He joined four or five years ago, maybe a few months before me and Marcus. I don’t know what he’s been doing since I left. Half the guys deserted after Brendan. Some of them stayed in. I didn’t keep up with any of them.”

  “So it’s possible he was unconvinced to abandon the renegades after your leader’s defection?”

  “Defection? Now that’s a word for it.”

  Lake continued to watch Mason curiously, the light a steady glow that didn’t hide the pale glow of Lake’s own eyes. “So you don’t know if he was still with the renegades?”

  “Why does it matter if he was a renegade or just working with some other faction trying to get rid of you? Same shit, different day.”

  “Alpha will—”

  “Don’t give me that shit.” Mason glared over his hand at Lake. “I’m looking at dead bodies and I need a goddamned reason that makes it—makes—”

  He stumbled over the rest of his words as his heart jolted with one of the oddest sensations he’d ever felt. He almost lost his grip on his t-shirt but recovered at the last second and pressed it tighter to his mouth and nose.

  Warmth spread from his chest outward and he looked toward the door before he even knew why he was doing it.

  Five stood in the doorway, the bright sunlight from the hallway spilling around him and casting his shadow across the floor.

  “You have family living at the edges of the protectorate,” Five said. “If these people aren’t stopped and their weapon destroyed, half the people you know may end up dead. Is that not reason enough for you to do everything you can to help us even if you don’t understand why we need you to do it?”

  “I just want to know it’s worth the nightmares this is going to give me.” He glanced around, once, his stomach roiling as he did it. “I’m not saying—”

  “Our mission is time sensitive. We have to find the weapon and destroy it quickly. I expect you to do whatever you can to assist us. We all have our nightmares to face when sleep comes. I think you can tolerate a few more in service of the greater good of your entire species.”

  Mason swallowed, and this time it wasn’t because he was trying to stop himself from being sick. No, this time it was because he could read the look on Five’s face, and there was nothing good there for him. He hadn’t meant what Five seemed to think he’d been saying, but defending himself, now, after Five’s reminder that time was short would be selfish and unhelpful.

  He nodded, turning his head back to his task. “His name was Brody, I think… Brody Rogers. Or maybe Roberts.” He stared in silence at the bit of Brody’s green t-shirt that was still visible. “Yeah, Roberts. He was Brody Roberts.”

  A fly buzzed across Mason’s cheek and he brushed it away with a shaking hand. He moved on to the next body.

  Lake followed.

  Five didn’t. In fact, Mason felt the moment Five moved away from the door and disappeared back into the hallway. Maybe it was because Five had things to do, important things even, but to Mason it felt like a deliberate rejection.

  Why do you even care? that goddamn voice in his head kept asking.

  He shouldn’t have. But he did.

  Chapter 22

  “I wasn’t saying I didn’t want to help,” Mason said later. He brushed his sweaty hair back from his forehead and eased down on the ground beside Five, who was sitting cross-legged with his back against a tree a considerable distance from the building.

  Five’s only response was a slight raising of his eyebrows.

  Mason breathed deeply of the fresh air, grateful to finally be outside, where the early evening sun shone through the canopy of trees and the crisp breeze helped him erase the feeling of claustrophobia that had been growing inside him over the last hour.

  They’d finally left the building, and of course the first thing he’d done was hide behind a tree and lose everything in his stomach except the lining. He could have done that inside the building, if he’d been willing to step foot into one of the pitch-black bathrooms, but he hadn’t been—not knowing what he knew now about what had gone on in that place. Instead, he’d used one of the small sinks in the lab closest to the entrance that still had water and scrubbed every inch of exposed skin, even going so far as to tear off the binding around his hand to toss it.

  If he’d had a second set of clothes with him, he would have stripped everything.

  The little he knew about viruses told him he hadn’t done enough. He was worried, but he wasn’t sure what else he could do considering his current situation.

  “I just meant—” Mason exhaled heavily and stretched out his legs, crossing his ankles. Trying to explain himself felt pointless. “Forget it. What happened to you?”

  Five touched the swollen side of his face where several long gashes cut across his cheek. “A disagreement about the human I brought back, nothing to concern yourself with.”

  Mason glanced toward the crumbling retaining wall halfway between them and the building. The other wolves had to be around somewhere but he hadn’t seen them since staggering outside to find Five waiting on him. “Where’d you put him?”

  A faint furrow appeared between Five’s eyebrows. “The human is female. I left her with Francis. He’s making sure she eats.”

  “A woman? Who is she?”

  “I’m not certain. She was scared and getting her to talk was difficult.”

  “I can talk to her. If you want.”

  “That’s exactly what I want. You’ll talk to her as we travel, discover whatever you can about her reason for being here, in this area, at this time, and you’ll share everything you discover with me once we stop to rest again. But right now, we eat.”

  Mason shifted a little closer to Five so the edge of the rock under him would quit poking at his ass. When he’d resettled himself, he pulled up his knee and rested his arm on it. “I won’t be able to keep up. I doubt she’ll do any better. And there’s no way I can put food on my stomach right now.”

  “You will keep up. I know where your brother hid his transportation. The vehicle is still there. You’ll use it to follow us. And you will eat, because it’s necessary. We won’t stop again until deep into the night.”

  Mason tilted his head to the side and studied Five’s stern expression, then said, “You’re not afraid I’m going to take off.”

  “I have your submission, Mason. You won’t take off.”

  Mason clenched his jaw and looked away. Then, forcing himself to let it go, he glanced down at his broken hand. “I don’t understand what’s happening to me. I don’t like it.”

  “What’s happening to you is a gift—one of the greatest the universe has ever given us. It will strengthen you, keep you healthy, and give you peace.”

  “How can you say that? I didn’t want—it’s not that I was lying when I said I—” Mason sighed. “Goddammit. You know I’ll try to leave once heat season ends.”

  “You won’t leave.”

  “Because you won’t let me?”

  “Because you’ll choose to stay.”

  Mason exhaled noisily. “Even if—how can any choice I make be mine while this—this thing is happening to me? It’s—goddammit, Five. It’s changing me. I can feel it.” His voice deepened, and his next words came out harsh. “How will I know if I’m even still me when it’s done?”

  “The gift just makes the bond possible. Your thoughts are still your own. But you can’t submit and expect not to open yourself to the bond.”

  Mason stared steady and hard at Five. “There was no fucking way for me to know this was even a possibility when I decided to submit.”

  “And I was supposed to warn you of this possibility even though I had no reason to suspect you were carrying the gift inside you?” Five snorted softly. “Such a human complaint.”

  Mason grun
ted.

  “You would argue?”

  “Of course I would argue. I didn’t choose this bond. If I’d known… well, I don’t know what I would’ve done but I would’ve thought a lot harder about what I was doing, that’s for sure. I got fucked is what it comes down to and nothing you say now is going to change that.”

  The quiet felt suspiciously like—

  “Oh for God’s sake. Of course you have the goddamn sense of humor of a fifteen year old.” He jostled his shoulder into Five’s. “Shut the fuck up.”

  “I’ve said nothing.”

  “You’re thinking it.”

  “I’m thinking a lot of things, Mason Waters, and you would probably be surprised by half of them.” A quiet moment followed. “I certainly am.”

  Mason could have asked what Five meant. He wanted to. But he was afraid of the answer, so he chose instead to let those words sit undisturbed and changed the topic back to his most pressing concern. “What is this thing inside me anyway that’s doing all this to me? I’m pretty sure I know where it came from, but I don’t have the first fucking idea what it is.”

  “It’s a discussion for another time.”

  Mason took a breath and turned, eyes on Five, hand landing on Five’s knee. “Please. Just give me this one. I need a win, before I—” A harsh laugh escaped, and Mason dragged the back of his hand across his mouth to stop the sound before it became something else altogether. He’d had a trying two days, that was all. The world around him might have cracked, but by God, he never would.

  Five reached around and took hold of the back of Mason’s neck, drawing Mason toward him. Five’s intense stare made it hard to breathe, but Mason didn’t look away.

  “I want to trust you with this, but there are things you cannot know until we mate.”

  “I deserve to know what’s happening to me.”

  “What’s happening to you is that you’ve opened yourself to a bond with my pack and the bond is taking hold. Nothing more. You’re not in danger of losing your power over your own thoughts as much as it might comfort you to think you are.” The corner of Five’s mouth turned up. “Did you not remark just this morning on the possibility that Six was poking fun at me with his choice of name? Is that the action of someone who’s lost the ability to think for himself?”

  Mason lowered his gaze, then flicked at a spider the size of his thumbnail trying to climb onto his thigh. “Not really.”

  “Then accept that this isn’t something we’ve done to you to steal your will. The fact that you acquired the gift was the work of the universe. But the choices you make are your own. For good or ill.”

  Mason licked his dry lips. “I wish I didn’t understand why you won’t explain, but I do.”

  “Do you?”

  “I told you not to trust me. It makes sense that you don’t.” He left unspoken his unreasonable desire for the exact opposite to be true. It was an irrational desire and he could see that as clearly as he could see that spider scurrying away into the dead leaves beside him.

  “You make it difficult for me to hold on to my anger.”

  “Then don’t. The world isn’t going to end if you let it go.”

  It was only after he said the words that Mason realized just what it would mean for him if Five did let go of that anger. Five would mate him, not in the way of a heat mate, but as something more, and that would leave Mason—

  Where? Where would that leave him?

  Five made a soft, quiet sound that brought Mason abruptly back to the reality around him.

  Five leaned forward, his forehead resting against Mason’s. “Reach into the bag beside me.”

  Mason’s first instinct was to ask why, but something held him back.

  Five took a shallow breath and squeezed his eyes shut. “Find the long, cylindrical object and bring it out.”

  The bag was tucked close to Five’s thigh and the opening was a simple drawstring that had already been pulled half open. Mason stuck his hand inside, frowning with growing concern. Sweat glimmered across Five’s cheeks.

  “Are you okay?”

  Five spoke gruffly, “Did you find it?”

  “I’ve got it. Here.” Mason tried to offer the cylinder to Five.

  Five shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut even tighter. “Jab it against my thigh. Now.”

  The growled emphasis on now was enough to tense every muscle in Mason’s body. His gaze flickered toward the object he was holding between them.

  It took two seconds to make the connection.

  “Oh. Shit.” He jabbed the drug against Five’s thigh and felt the faintest pulse go through the object.

  Five went tense, pulling Mason half the way into his lap. Mason fumbled for balance, catching his weight on his arm between them, his hand slapping hard to the ground only a fraction of an inch from Five’s groin. Claws pricked sharply at the back of his neck for one startling instant as Five tightened his grip and their foreheads pressed together so firmly Mason could feel a tingle in his nose.

  And then Five made another soft sound, almost like a whimper, and rolled his forehead against Mason’s. “I don’t know how much longer—” As abruptly as he’d started speaking, he stopped.

  For the next several minutes, Five sat with Mason balanced precariously over him and breathed, fast, shallow breaths that made Mason worry he was hyperventilating or something.

  Mason jostled his way into a more stable position on his knees and took hold of Five’s neck in the same way Five still held his.

  Five’s reaction was instantaneous. He pushed back into the touch and a long, harsh exhale escaped him.

  Mason squeezed the back of Five’s neck. “Hey, seriously, are you going to be okay?”

  “I—the drug is—I shouldn’t have waited so long.”

  “Ah.” Mason released his pent-up breath in a quiet, slow exhale. “Anything I can do—well, besides the obvious. Don’t think this is the place for that kind of thing. Although maybe I’d get some more of that extra credit, so there’s that.”

  Five’s eyes opened, glassy and bright. “This extra credit is an interesting concept.”

  Mason let himself smile. “I wasn’t much of a student in school, but I was pretty good at getting Marcus to do my extra credit work to make up for the bad grades. I didn’t flunk, even though I probably should have.”

  A second passed, then another.

  “Five?”

  Five blinked a few times, slowly. “I cannot decide if I should praise you for being clever as a young human or chastise you for being lazy and taking advantage of a pack mate.”

  Mason laughed, just a small huff of sound. “How about we play it safe and just say I was a little of both.”

  Five breathed in, shaky but deep, and eased the grip of his hand at Mason’s neck. “You seem to know exactly how to give me back my control when it’s all but lost.”

  “You had it in hand. I just nudged you in the direction that’s better for both of us.”

  Five eased upright, gently releasing Mason. His cheeks were flushed but his breathing had slowed to almost normal levels. “We need to eat. The others will be waiting impatiently for us soon.”

  Mason rolled his shoulders to ease the tension between them and straightened his back. His spine creaked and he groaned out a low sigh as he twisted around and sat back against the tree. He rested his head on the trunk and stared at the blue sky through the interwoven branches overhead, thinking about everything Five had told him and listening while Five opened some kind of packaged food.

  Despite Five’s insistence, Mason didn’t think he’d be able to eat anything.

  That last body…

  Young, male, and so close to his younger brother Brecken’s fifteen years that it had made Mason absolutely sick with dread. More than anything that had happened, seeing that body ravaged by a human-made virus and left to rot in a room with eighteen other bodies had set off a firestorm of anger in his chest that he couldn’t contain.

  “They
’re fucking monsters, whoever they are,” he’d told Lake. “We’re going to find them, and we’re going to put a stop to this shit if it’s the last thing I ever do. I don’t care what it takes.”

  Lake had simply said, “We will find them. And we will stop them.”

  And Mason had believed him. He’d felt the determination in those words as if it had been his own, like an iron bar stiffening his spine.

  He just didn’t understand how, and since Five wouldn’t tell him, all he could do was go over and over the facts he had, trying to imagine how he might have opened some door to a bond he’d never even heard of before that day.

  “So—” he finally said, if only to break the silence and stop the spiraling thoughts, “basically, what you’re telling me is that I’m not being fucked in the head at all. That it’s just me fucking myself.”

  The sound of rustling stopped and Mason angled his head and glanced over at Five through his eyelashes.

  Five was staring at him with glimmering blue eyes lit by a streak of evening sun that had made its way through the canopy of half-naked limbs and pine branches. Leaves fluttered through the air every time the breeze kicked up and pushed the sharp scent of pine into his lungs, and somewhere in the distance, Mason could swear he heard the quiet sound of the others talking.

  “Yes,” Five said, sounding suspiciously neutral.

  Mason sat up, away from the tree. “You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?”

  Five turned and knelt in the pine needles in front of Mason, right between Mason’s spread legs. He offered two fingers worth of a stiff paste-like food to Mason. “You didn’t want me to agree?”

  Mason glanced at that paste and felt his stomach give an unpleasant little jolt. “Should’ve let Marcus have you. Don’t know what I was thinking.”

  But of course he wouldn’t have. There was no real question of that. He was done letting Marcus save him; he could damn well save himself.

  Five ignored his comment, in favor of moving his fingers closer.

  Mason grabbed Five’s wrist.

  Five stopped, giving Mason a hard stare that said patience wasn’t something he had in abundance at that moment.