Suttree

by Cormac McCarthy

  In the morning the old men were upright and drooling with the first light. Two nurses came down the ward with breakfast trays. The one named Miss Aldrich bent above him smiling and went away again. An enameled namepin. Her white starched frock crackled like sheetiron and her crepesoled shoes went silently as mice.

  Suttree had been taken from his bloodied clothes and bathed and laid out in clean coarse linen. Miss Aldrich helped him down the long corridor, the old men watching furiously from their rows of beds on either side. Her soft breast against his elbow, crossing from band to latticed band of morning sunlight where it fell through the barred windows. He stood in a concrete room painted white and pissed painfully a few drops into an oldfashioned urinal and came out again. She was waiting for him. Did you do your business? she said, smiling.

  Just a little.

  Number one or number two?

  Suttree couldnt remember what the numbers corresponded to. Wee wee, he said. He felt completely stupid.

  She took his elbow to help him back to his bed.

  I can make it all right, he said.

  I know.

  Oh.

  Arent you ashamed?

  Of what?

  Getting into such a terrible fight. You havent seen yourself in a mirror, have you?

  Suttree didnt answer. What's wrong with my head? he said.

  You broke it.

  Broke it?

  Yes.

  Is it bad?

  No. Well, it's not good. It is fractured.

  I keep seeing double.

  It'll go away. Here.

  Suttree tried to get into the bed painlessly. Shit, he said. He sat with care. How many ribs?

  Three.

  Who else is here?

  You mean your little friends?

  Yes.

  None. Most of them were treated and taken to jail. A few escaped I think. Are you ready for some breakfast?

  I guess so. Am I?

  Why not.

  She brought him a tray with a bowl of oatmeal and milk and a cup of watered coffee.

  Is that it? he said.

  That's it.

  She fluffed his pillows, helped him to sit. Soap scent of her hair and her breast brushing across his eye.

  I suppose this is Knoxville General? he said, sniffing the porridge.

  She smiled. So you dont even know where you are.

  Isnt it?

  What makes you think you're in Knoxville?

  Come on.

  Yes. At St Mary's you get poached eggs. But you have to say your prayers first.

  She put her hand to her mouth. Oh, she said. You're not a Catholic are you?

  I've been defrocked. This tastes like wet mattress stuffing.

  But do you like it?

  Just so so. Listen, what is this ward? It looks like where they lock up dangerous incurables.

  It's just a ward. Most of our patients are older people.

  Older? There's no one in here under ninety. What do they do, unload them here to die?

  Yes.

  I see.

  They're all indigents. Some of them they bring down here from the nursing home when they get too sick. It's an experience.

  I'll bet.

  You created quite a sensation.

  What, among the inmates?

  No, silly. Among the nurses.

  She brought him the morning paper but he couldnt focus on the print. She cranked up the old metal bed, moving about, flirting with him and smelling good. She told him of her life in the nurses' home, her wide face full of humor. She roomed in the old morgue along with the other nurses in training. Their beds all leveled under two legs with bricks where the concrete floor sloped toward the drain. At supper she brought her girlfriend, a short heavyset nurse, with instructions to take care of him.

  Just remember I saw him first, she said. She winked at Suttree. I'll see you tomorrow.

  But he was afoot and gone with fall of dark. Hobbling down the corridor in his nightshirt past the snoring elders and through the door at the end. A little vestibule. Through the wired glass he could see out into the lobby where the night nurse sat at her desk. Suttree turned and went back through the ward to the doors at the other end. A further corridor, dimly lit. He came upon a washroom and a closet where white orderly coats and jackets hung from pegs above the mopbuckets and jugs of chemicals. He dressed quickly in the first clothes to hand and he looked at himself in the glass. A wounded peon.

  He found a door that opened onto the main hall of the hospital and he walked toward the light at the entrance and out into the night. He went down the street toward Central Avenue and crossed to the Corner Grill. His toes were so folded in the old black shoes he'd found that he could hardly walk.

  Strange apparition to enter the dim of the little tavern on a quiet Saturday night. Big Frig rose to help him to a booth with elaborate solicitousness and he and the brothers Clancy reckoned him sole survivor of a madhouse rising, an icecream rebellion, before leaning to hear of his trials.

  He got a quart of milk from the store and with the bottle under his arm crossed through the winter twilight the littered benchland to the river and home. He had not been asleep long before someone tapped at his door.

  What is it?

  Aint dead in there are ye?

  No.

  Aint seen ye about. Allowed ye was dead.

  I'm all right.

  He lay in the dark listening to the crazed railroader breathing beyond the door. The old man muttered something but Suttree could not make it out.

  What? he called.

  He was blowing his nose.

  Suttree got up and scratched about on the table for a match and lit the lamp and came to the door in the shorts and sweater he'd worn to bed.

  Hidy, said the old man.

  Come on in.

  Was you in bed?

  It's all right. Come on in.

  The old man entered stiffly in his striped overalls, his shadow bobbing and looming anxiously behind him. Cold in here, he said.

  Suttree set the lamp on the table and went to the stove to poke the fire up.

  What happent to your head?

  I got hit with a floorbuffer.

  Say you did?

  What time is it?

  Could you not hear it comin?

  No. What time is it?

  He was hauling at the chain, looking about the dim little cabin. What are you up to?

  I was just on my way in. Thought I better check on ye, aint seen ye and all. I thought ye'd died on me.

  You and old Hooper are just alike. All you either one talk about is dying. What do you do, sit around and cheer one another up?

  Oh no. I see him seldomer and seldomer. A man gets to my age he thinks about dyin some. It's only natural.

  What, dying or thinking about it?

  Do what?

  I thought you were going to tell me what time it was. The old man tilted the watch in his hand toward the lamp. I caint see good in here, he said.

  You want a glass of milk?

  I dont use it thank ye.

  Suttree poured his tumbler full and drank and regarded the old man. I make it eight forty-six, the old man said.

  Suttree rubbed his eyes.

  We all got to go sometime.

  He looked at the old man.

  I said we all got to go sometime. You get older you think about it, Young feller like you.

  The old man gestured in the air with his hand, you couldnt tell what it meant. He sat in the chair by the table, still holding the watch in the palm of his hand.

  You want a cup of coffee?

  No, no. I'm just on my way in.

  Suttree leaned back against the wall and sipped the milk. He could feel the air in the cracks like cold wires. The old man sat there, seemed transfixed by the lampflame like a ponderous cat. After a while he heaved up his shoulders and sighed and put away his watch. He rose and adjusted his cap. Well, he said. If I'm goin to cross that river tonight I'd as well start n
ow.

  You take care.

  He looked about the little cabin. Well, he said. I'm satisfied you aint dead anyways. I'll look for ye on the river.

  Okay.

  Suttree didnt get up from the bed and the old man raised his hand and went out into the night. A few minutes later Suttree heard the dogs start up along Front Street and later still when he wiped the water from the glass and peered out he could see the old man on the bridge, or rather he could see the faintest figure disturb the globes of light one by one slowly until the farther dark had taken him.

  In the morning he went down the river again to run his lines. Two boys from the riverfront down off the foot of Fifteenth Street had just come in. When Suttree passed they were handing up a string of carp wet and yellow with rubber mouths sucking. One of them chained the boat with an old bicycle lock and they moved up the bank in their cheap black shoes, stopping now and again to pluck the winter nettles from their trouserlegs. Suttree raised his hand and they nodded, tossing their heads like small vicious horses and going on across the tracks.

  His own lines came up heavy with dead fish. He cut the droppers one by one and watched the pale shapes flare and rock and sink from sight. He tied on new baited snells and recovered the current with the oars. He looked at the gray sky but it did not change and the river was always the same.

  In just spring the goatman came over the bridge, a stout old man in overalls, long gray hair and beard. Sunday morning before anyone was about. A clicking of little cleft hooves on the concrete and the goats in their homemade harness drawing tandem carts cobbled up out of old signs and kindlingwood and topped with tattered canvas, horned goatskulls, biblical messages, the whole thing rattling along on elliptical wheels like a whimsical pulltoy for children. Loose goats flowed around the man and the wagon. A lantern swung from the hinder axletree and a small goat face peered from the tailboard, a young goat who is wearied and must ride. The goatman strode in his heavy shoes and raised his nose to test the air, the cart rumbled and clanked on its iron wheels and they entered the town.

  Goats fanned over the post office lawn on Main Street and began to graze, the goatman watching them paternally, hiking along at the head of his curious circus. An officer of the law spoke to him: Get them damned goats off the grass.

  The goatman located the voice with narrowed eyes.

  Let's go, oldtimer.

  Them's mulish goats at times, said the goatman.

  Off, said the lawman, pointing.

  You Suzy. Get off that there grass now. It aint for you. All of you now.

  The goats grazed on with soft goat bells, with goat's ears tilting.

  Them goats needs to be on a lead or somethin you want to bring em thew here.

  You caint do nothin with em.

  This aint no place for a bunch of damned goats.

  We just passin thew, said the goatman.

  One of the goats defecated copiously on the paving. Dry round turds that rolled like buckshot. She moved on to the green with grace, the ambling tolerance of goathood, fat teats winking from between her legs. The policeman looked at the goatman.

  I want them goats out of here.

  They goin.

  This aint Sevierville or some damned place where you can bring a bunch of goats through the middle of town any time you've a notion and let em shit all over the place.

  I came thew there but I never stayed over.

  Well let's be for goin thew here and not stayin over.

  Come on honey, the goatman said to the nanny that stood sleeping in the traces. She opened one eye, a cracked agate filled with sly goat sapience. The goatman patted her rump where bones reared up beneath the hide that you could hang a hat on. A puff of dust. She moved. They passed the policeman in a sedate trundling. Little goat peering from the wagon. The goatman calling. Hoo now. The tiny clatter of goathooves in the silent Sunday morning and the goats and the cart and the goatman going on in a penumbra of sunlight, a cartwheel trapped and squealing in the trolleytrack till he stoops to lift it out, stout goatman, strange hat in one hand, the company swinging out and down Market Street toward the river, a bunched and sidling halfcircle of goats starting and checking and wheeling past the goatman down the steep hill and the goatman himself with his back to the cart to check its descent.

  Suttree woke in late morning with the cabin filled with sunlight, light lapping on the farther wall where it played off the water, a faint bleating of goats. He rose and went out to the deck in his shorts, stretching in the sabbath noon, a dreamy tranquillity. The river lay empty of traffic and the sawmill's small skylights winked in the sun crossriver with their crooked glass. He propped himself on the rail and looked about. The field between the railroad and the river was filled with grazing goats and there was a small strange hooded wagon there and a rigid windless spire of smoke standing in the bright air.

  Goats, he said, scratching his chin.

  He looked upriver, Jones's tavernboat, the marble company, the curve of the river toward Island Home. The stand of canes tilting at the point and the dark folk fishing there in overalls and faded floral wear. He looked toward the field again.

  He counted as many as two dozen. A small one tethered to the wagonwheel stood on buckling legs. A bearded man in overalls came to the rear of the wagon and got something from within and disappeared again. Suttree went in and dressed.

  The goatman looked up at his approach. He was wearing little wire eyeglasses and he was reading from the bible. He went back to his reading and Suttree squatted by the fire and watched him, the old man's finger moving on the page, his lips forming the words. After a few minutes he laid the book aside and took off the spectacles and folded them and placed them in the bib pocket of his overalls. He looked up at Suttree, one eye lightly squinted.

  Morning, said Suttree.

  And a good day to you, said the goatman. Aint the law I dont reckon are you?

  No. I live in that houseboat yonder.

  The goatman nodded.

  Suttree looked up at the wagon. A large blue sign atop it read JESUS WEPT

  Pretty day, aint it? said the goatman.

  It is. How many goats have you got?

  Thirty-four.

  Thirty-four.

  Sally died.

  Oh.

  She never was real stout.

  I guess you like goats pretty well.

  Well, I've got used to em. We been on the road fourteen year now.

  How come you to have so many?

  Had nothin to do with it. Goats will be goats. I used to have more'n what I got now. Didnt have but one kid this spring. I think old Billy yonder's gettin too old to cut the mustard.

  Suttree looked out over the field at the goats grazing. Three small black boys had come across from the road and stood now uncertainly just outside the goatman's camp and regarded him with wide eyes.

  Come up boys, he said.

  They made their way to the head of the wagon where a huge old billy goat was tethered. They stood around looking at him.

  Can you touch him? one said.

  Why sure. Just go on and rub his head.

  He wont bite?

  Naw. Scratch his old head there. He likes that.

  One reached out tentatively and began to rub the goat's nose. The goat sniffed at the boy's sleeve and began to nibble at it.

  He's eatin your sweater Loftis.

  I dont care.

  He stroked the huge whelked horns.

  Where you goin with these here goats?

  Down the road, said the goatman.

  What you wants with these goats anyway?

  Little or nothin. Good fresh milk. God's best cheese.

  You have any other animals? said Suttree. Dog or anything?

  No. Just goats. I think a feller gets started with goats he just more or less sticks to goats.

  I guess so, said Suttree. He had squatted in the grass. The goatman's fire puttered gently among the stones. By the river goat bells clanked thinly in the soft fo
renoon.

  Say you live right yonder? said the goatman.

  Yes.

  What, live by yourself do ye?

  Yes.

  Well, it's got a lot to recommend it. Aint never been married?

  Once, said Suttree.

  I had three and it was three too many. He squinted his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. The good book says that there'll be seven women for every man. Well somebody else can have my other four what about you?

  Suttree smiled and shook his head noncommittally. He was making a little noose from a weedstem. One of the black boys had come to the rear of the wagon where the young goat was tied and the young goat reared and tugged at his rope.

  He aint used to folks yet, said the goatman.

  When will he be?

  I dont know. Talk to him some there. He'll come around.

  Here goat, said the black boy.

  The other two had come to the edge of the fire and stood looking at the men squatting there. The goatman eyed them critically. What's your name? he said.

  Lonnie.

  Lonnie you need you some goat's milk to chink up the slats in them ribs what do you think?

  I aint never had none.

  Be watchful of them elbows you dont knife somebody. Who's your buddy there?

  He aint my buddy, he's my brother.

  He dont talk much I guess.

  He wont say nothin lessen he knows ye.

  You know this feller here? He nodded toward Suttree.

  He's a fisherman, said Lonnie's brother.

  Thought you said he didnt talk.

  Lonnie looked at his brother and his brother looked at the ground.

  Is that right? said the goatman, turning to Suttree. You a fisherman?

  Suttree nodded.

  Make a livin at it do you?

  A poor one.

  It's a honorable trade. What do you fish for?

  Carp, catfish.

  What do you catch?

  Suttree smiled. Carp and catfish, he said. Might catch a drum now and then. Or a gar.

  Man dont always catch what he fishes for.

  No.

  You aint got any catfish today have you?

  I might. You want some?

  I wouldnt care to have just a mess for myself.

  I'll see what I can do. It'll be this evening. I usually run my lines late on Sundays.

  The goatman turned to him. On the sabbath?

  The fish dont know the difference.

  The goatman shook his head. Cant say as I hold with that.