I don’t realize that I’ve unconsciously made my way to the third floor until I’m gravitating to the table Sydney and I usually park ourselves at when we work on our accounting project. I swear under my breath and swing around, deciding to head down to the second floor. Once there, I survey the area, looking for a free table to camp out at for the next forty-five minutes. At the rate I’m going, this will turn out to be a total bust, and I won’t get jack shit accomplished. Just as my gaze coasts over the stacks, I catch sight of a familiar face. Relief fills me as I take off in that direction.
“Hey,” I say in greeting before pulling out a chair and dropping onto it.
The moment my sister glances up, surprise fills her dark eyes. “Hi. I didn’t expect to see you here.”
I shrug. “I’ve got an hour between classes. There’s not much point in going home.” I glance at the stack of books across from her and realize she’s not alone. “Who are you here with?”
“Just a friend,” she says evasively.
Interesting. This might be exactly what I need to get my mind off Sydney.
I quirk a brow. “Oh yeah? Tell me more.”
“Come on, Brayden,” she grumbles, rolling her eyes. “Are we really going to do this? I’m nineteen years old. If I’d known you would be up in my business all the time, I wouldn’t have agreed to come here.”
I almost snort but catch myself at the last second.
Maybe Elle doesn’t realize it, but there was no way she was attending any other university. People know me here and respect my position on the team. The majority understand not to fuck with my sister. And I mean that both figuratively and literally. Hell, most won’t even glance in her direction, much less sniff around her. There are about eighty guys who play football, and most look out for her as if she were their own family. Trust me when I say that I have eyes and ears everywhere on this campus.
Had she attended a different college, that wouldn’t be the case. I’d have no idea what was going on, and that would have driven me crazy. Even after I graduate in the spring, there’ll still be younger teammates here, watching out for her.
Four years ago, I became the man of the house. It’s not a responsibility I wanted or was in any way prepared for, but I stepped into the role nevertheless. Our father was always so protective of my mother and sister, and I’ve tried to emulate that, knowing it’s what he would have wanted.
“Exactly what kind of friend are we talking about here?” I settle back on the chair before crossing my arms over my chest. What I really want to know is if this is a dipshit that needs to have the crap scared out of him. Considering the mood I’m in, I’d be more than happy to take out my anger on some hapless victim.
Before she has a chance to respond, movement catches the corner of my eye and my gaze flickers to Carson. Surprise and guilt flash in his eyes before being snuffed out. It’s there and gone before I can decipher the reason for it.
“Hey, man.” I raise a hand in greeting. “Are you studying here, too?”
Excellent. Reinforcements. Not that I need help kicking some dude’s ass. But I like the intimidation factor.
Shuffling his feet, Carson clears his throat. “Yeah. I was helping Elle with a math assignment.”
I frown as my gaze darts to my sibling.
What the fuck?
Why all the subterfuge? If she’d told me from the start that she was here with my teammate, I wouldn’t have bothered with the third degree. Instead, she’d acted like she was here on a date. Clearly, nothing could be further from the truth. Elle has known Carson forever. He’s like her big brother.
My eyes narrow.
Hmm. It would appear that Elle was attempting to mess with me. This must be payback. I realize that she wants me to back off and give her some space. She doesn’t like that I keep a constant eye on her. You know what I gotta say to that?
Tough shit.
“You could have asked me for help,” I tell her. I’ve always aced my math classes and she knows it.
Elle jerks her shoulders in response. When a strange silence falls over the three of us, my curious gaze bounces between the two of them. I’m just about to ask what’s going on when Carson clears his throat and beelines for his books before shoving them into his backpack.
“I should probably get moving.” He glances at my sister before hastily looking away. “If you need any more help, just shoot me a text.”
She nods. “Thanks, I’ll let you know.”
“Sounds good.” Carson glances at me for a brief moment. Another odd expression flickers across his face before disappearing. “I’ll see you at practice.”
“Yup.” My brows pinch together as he strides away. A weird feeling settles in the pit of my gut, and I’m not sure what to make of it. My attention slides back to Elle. “Were you two just working on math?”
Her eyes become shuttered. “What else would we be doing?”
That’s an excellent question. And before this moment, it’s not one I would have entertained.
“I don’t know,” I say carefully. I can’t tell if the whole Sydney thing has knocked me so out of whack that I’m creating issues where there are none. It’s a disturbing thought on so many levels.
“Give me a break,” she mutters before nodding to the math book splayed open on the table. “Look, as much fun as this interrogation has been, I don’t have time for it. There’s an assignment I need to finish by three.”
I blow out a steady breath and realize that I’m way off base. There’s no way in hell something is going on between Elle and Carson. Even the idea is absurd. He would never betray me by hooking up with my little sister.
“You know what?” I don’t give her a chance to respond. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to piss you off.”
Her expression softens, and the tension filling her shoulders drains away. “Don’t worry about it. I just wish you would back off a bit and give me some space to live my life.”
As much as I hate to admit it, Elle is probably right. Maybe if I give her a little breathing room now, I won’t feel so out of control when I’m gone next year.
“I’ll try. That’s the best I can do.”
“Thank you.” There’s a pause as she searches my eyes with more care. “Are you okay?”
I drag a hand over my face, not bothering to lie. If there’s one person who knows me well, it’s my sister. We’ve always been close, but the death of our father made us more so. “I ran into Sydney on the way here.”
Elle’s eyes flare as her voice drops. “Did you talk to her?”
As loath as I was to tell her about the connection to the blonde soccer player, there was no way I could keep it a secret. I didn’t want to hide the truth the same way Sydney attempted to keep it from me. How hypocritical would that have been?
To say that she’d been shocked and saddened is an understatement. Strangely enough, she hadn’t blamed Sydney for what happened. Elle might only be nineteen years old, but she’s wise beyond her years. She’s the one who reminded me that it had been a tragic accident and that Sydney had in no way been responsible for her brother’s choices.
Honestly, I hadn’t expected her to respond in that manner. I’d assumed she would be as angry as I was.
I shake my head. Even the thought of being close enough to converse with her makes me feel like my heart will crack wide open. Once that happens, there’ll be no shoving everything that spilled out back inside again. “No. I can’t.”
She reaches across the table, laying her hand over mine. “It’s not her fault, Bray. You know it isn’t. You can’t punish her for something she didn’t have anything to do with.”
“I know.” I really do. Sydney has no culpability in the situation. But still...
Every time I look at her, it’s a reminder of the accident all over again. She’s an unwanted tie to the most tragic episode of my life. How am I supposed to get over that? Or somehow overlook it?
“Okay, then what?” she prompts when I fall sile
nt.
I jerk my shoulders, unsure what to say. The truth is that I’m fresh out of answers.
“It’s obvious that you have strong feelings for her.”
I’ll do us both a favor and not bother denying it. “Yeah, I do.” Sydney is the first girl I’ve ever truly cared about. Certainly the only one I could imagine a future with. The feelings I’d developed make the situation even more unbearable.
Sorrow fills her eyes before she says quietly, “Dad would hate it if you let this stand in the way of you finding someone who makes you happy. And Sydney does that.”
Her words are like an unexpected blow to the gut. They knock the air from my lungs. My mouth opens but nothing comes out.
“He wouldn’t want you to blame her for something she had no control over.”
It’s difficult not to double over with the pain and grief that flood through me.
“If you love her,” she continues softly when I remain silent, “don’t let her go.”
Chapter Forty-One
Sydney
“Hey, hun,” Mom says, pulling me into the warm comfort of her arms and holding me close. “Are you doing all right?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Although we both realize if that were true, I wouldn’t have come home to lick my wounds. I’d be at school, enjoying my life without a care in the world.
She pulls back to search my eyes. Whatever she finds is enough to have her expression faltering. “I’m so sorry, Sydney.”
“Me, too.” It takes effort to push out the response.
As much as I’d wanted to keep everything bottled up and to myself, it wasn’t possible. Lucus had been upset after what occurred at the ice cream shop and it had taken a few hours to calm him down.
These past two weeks have been a nightmare with no end in sight. I can’t say that it’s been the toughest time of my life because for obvious reasons, that’s not true, but it’s becoming a close second.
After classes wrapped up this afternoon, I packed a bag for the weekend and decided to come home to decompress. I’m hoping a little time away from campus will help clear my head so I can get back on track. Not only do I need to finish out the fall semester, but I have to make it through the spring before I’m finally able to graduate. I’ve got to find a way to put what happened with Brayden behind me and move on. At the very least, I need to stop torturing myself about it every second of the day.
That, unfortunately, is easier said than done.
“What do you think about going to the mall and doing a little shopping tomorrow? Maybe we can grab lunch. There’s a new Mexican restaurant that just opened up in town.”
I think I’d rather climb into bed and sleep the entire weekend away. Maybe when I wake up, I’ll realize that this was nothing more than a horrendous nightmare.
Instead of saying that, I force a smile. “Sure, that sounds good, Mom.”
She returns the expression, but, like mine, it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “Why don’t you put your bag in your room and then help me with dinner? Ryan and Juliette will be over around six. They mentioned something about having news to share.”
One brow climbs up my forehead. “Uh-oh. What do you think the chances are of her being pregnant again?”
The corners of Mom’s lips twitch. “The last time she was over, I offered her a glass of wine and she declined.”
Hmmm. That seems like a rather telling sign.
I shake my head and think about the two-year-old demon they already have a hard time controlling. “I’m gonna be completely honest, I don’t know if they can handle another offspring.”
“Sydney!” Mom admonishes. “That’s not very nice.”
My mouth tumbles open as I give her an oh, come on look. “What? We both know it’s true.” Caden runs circles around them. If he had access to rope, he’d probably hog tie both of them.
“That might be so,” she says, which is the closest to a concession that you’ll get from Jane Daniels, “but he’s your nephew. And he’s a real sweetheart.”
A real sweetheart?
Caden?
More like the devil incarnate.
“I love him to pieces,” I tell her, “but the kid has way too much energy. If he weren’t such a handful, you would babysit more often.”
She waves her hand, dismissing the accusation. “He’s just a little boy. And boys can be bundles of restless energy. His father was the same way.”
My parents like to joke that Ryan was hell on wheels. I have no idea how they had four more kids after that. I would have stopped at one and been done.
Allowing the conversation to fall by the wayside, I grab my bag from the floor in the entryway where I dropped it and point to the staircase. “I’m going to take a quick shower and change. Then I’ll be down to help.”
“Sounds good.” She nods, pulling me in for another quick hug before padding into the kitchen to get dinner started.
As I move up the staircase to the second floor, I realize that coming home was the right decision to make. I’ve never been someone to run and hide from their problems, always preferring to tackle them head on. There have definitely been times when that tactic has blown up in my face. In this particular instance, I’m making an exception to the rule.
I don’t want to worry about running into Brayden around every corner, and that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. It’s impossible to relax at Western, and it’s throwing off my game on the field. I need to get my head on straight and figure out how I’m going to handle the rest of the year. What I’m doing obviously isn’t working.
My childhood bedroom looks exactly the same as it did before I left for college. It’s like stepping into a time warp, and there’s something infinitely comforting about that.
One entire wall is decorated with photographs of family and friends. There’s not an inch of space to be found. It’s all the people who have come into my life and meant something to me. Like my room at school, there are fairy lights strung around the perimeter, giving it a whimsical quality. A fuzzy white rug covers a portion of the hardwood floor, and there’s a queen-sized bed with fluffy white pillows piled high on top of it. A turquoise chair is arranged near the window where bright sunlight pours in during the early morning hours. Too many times to count, I’ve curled up there with my sketch pad and lost myself in my art. The shelves in the closet on the other side of the room hold dozens of sketch pads. Every single page is filled with doodles and drawings that I’ve been unable to part with. Each one feels like a piece of me that has bled onto the paper.
The wall opposite to the photo collage is covered with framed artwork that I’ve created from elementary on through high school. Every year there was a district art fair, and teachers would select several pieces to be displayed and judged. Afterward, they would end up on my wall or somewhere in the house.
A sigh of relief escapes me as I step inside my room and set the duffle bag on the bed. It’s so tempting to crawl under the comforter and shut out everything that has taken place these past two weeks. Instead of giving in to the urge, I strip out of my clothes and leave them on the floor before walking into the Jack and Jill bathroom I share with Lucus. Since he’s at work, I don’t have to worry about him barging in on me.
Once enclosed within the small room, I lean into the shower and turn the handle. When the water finally warms, I step inside the tiled space and stand beneath the spray, allowing it to run over my body before washing and conditioning my hair. Ten minutes later, the world doesn’t feel quite so grim. What is it about a hot shower that sets everything to rights again?
I grab a plush, navy-colored towel from the rack and dry my hair and body before wrapping it around myself. Then I run a comb through the tangled strands until they’re nice and smooth. With the oversized towel secured over my breasts, I pad into the bedroom and grind to a halt when I find Brayden sitting on my bed with his elbows braced on spread knees. His head is bent as if he’s studying his clasped hands.
What’s he doing
here?
When the floorboards creak beneath my feet, his head jerks up until his gaze can collide with mine. That’s all it takes for my heart to jackhammer into overdrive as I remain frozen in place.
“Hey.” There’s a subdued quality to his deep voice. One I’m not used to hearing.
It takes everything I have inside to return the greeting. “Hi.”
A suffocating silence falls over the two of us as Brayden stares until I’m squirming beneath his intense perusal. Unsure what to do, I clutch the towel wrapped around me as if it’s a life preserver. This is so awkward. It’s almost impossible to imagine that two weeks ago, everything had felt near perfect with our relationship.
The stillness continues to stretch and lengthen until it feels like I’m going to jump out of my skin. I clear my throat and rip my gaze away. Staring at Brayden, being this close without being able to touch him, hurts my heart. “What are you doing here?”
“I needed to speak with you.” There’s a pause. “And it couldn’t wait.”
I steel myself before refocusing my attention on him. Already I know that whatever he wants to discuss won’t be pleasant. “All right. I’m listening.”
We stare for a painful heartbeat before his gaze drops to his hands. Thick tension radiates off him in heavy waves that nearly choke the life out of me. Even so, I want nothing more than to close the distance between us and offer comfort. I want to snatch away the heartache I’ve inflicted. But I have no idea how that would be received. He might have come here of his own volition, but Brayden wants nothing to do with me. He’s made that perfectly clear this past week. And I can’t blame him for it. I would probably feel the same if our positions were reversed.
The longer he remains mute, the more my anxiety ratchets up until it’s excruciating. Until it feels like I might splinter apart at any moment. By the time he finally breaks his silence, my nerves have been stretched so tight that they’re precariously close to snapping.
Campus Heartthrob (The Campus Series Book 2) Page 27
