Have a Heart 1

by Rachel Burns

  “Who was it? Cathy or Sharon?”

  “No, mom, it was a girl on my floor,” Scott lied

  “I got this exact same phone call from Cathy an hour ago. A girl on her floor blah, blah, blah. Spit it out which one?” his mom yelled at him.

  “Mom, officially I don’t even know. I can’t tell you.”

  “Good then tell your father.” He heard her moving around and telling his father what she expected.

  “Scott, spit out what you do know, or so help me –” His father left the threat at the end open.

  “Cathy e-mailed Brianna that she had lost her virginity last night. She is still bleeding and scared.”

  His father sighed like a balloon slowly losing its air. “Thank you for being honest. We’ll take care of it from here.”

  “I just called Sharon and sent her over to Cathy. I told her to take her to the doctor’s.”

  “Good thinking son. Take care of yourself.” His father sounded like he was about to cry. Scott rarely saw or heard something like that. His dad was always strong and took care of them.

  After Scott had collected himself, he made his presence known on the floor. Things quieted down right away. He wished Cathy was at this school under his protection.

  What guy would do that to his girlfriend?

  The girls noticed his mood and sidestepped him.

  He went to Brianna’s room. She was sleeping. Her tray of food was untouched.

  He sat down and stared at her for a while. He did that a lot, he thought to himself.

  Why was he in here? What did he want from her?

  Half an hour later, Brianna woke up and saw him sitting beside her bed. Scott wasn’t sure if he should just take off, or if he should act like this was part of his job.

  She looked at him, wondering what he wanted. He probably had lots of questions. “If you give me a bottle of water, I’ll tell you everything I know.”

  He jumped at the chance. The water was in her hands in seconds. She couldn’t open the lid. She was getting too weak to open her water.

  This was just like last time. Except that there weren’t anymore miracle operations left for her to go through. She’d be dead soon. Should she tell somebody? Scott had his own problems, and her parents were on vacation in Germany. They hadn’t been in years, but now that they had a babysitter for her, they felt safe to go.

  There was no one to tell, and she didn’t want her father there making her pretend to be brave. She never had been. It was all show for her father so he could brag how brave she had been, and that she had never complained.

  The truth was that she longed to be held. She wanted to talk about what scared her, but there were no open ears to listen to her.

  A tear trickled down her face. She felt guilty for thinking badly about her parents. They had spent so much money to keep her alive all of those years. They had done everything in their power.

  “I can’t open it,” she admitted.

  Scott snatched it back and twisted off the lid and poured water in a glass for her. He thrust it back at her.

  “How is Cathy?” She was really worried about her friend.

  “I don’t know yet. She isn’t back from the doctor’s.” He sounded so desolate that she took pity on him.

  “She told me about a couple of different boys over Christmas vacation. She wasn’t sure which one she wanted to – You know with. But she seemed obsessed with the idea. I tried to talk her out of it, but the idea was already planted so firmly in her head. After Christmas vacation, her e-mails all dealt from the same guy. He was really putting the pressure on, and she wasn’t sure.” Brianna told him the name of the boy. She had already erased most of the e-mails from Cathy so Scott couldn’t read them.

  “Why did she do it?” he asked her.

  “I’m just guessing, but I think it was because she associated sex with being grown up. She is the youngest of you four, the baby of the family. She just wanted to be an adult like the rest of you.”

  “Since when did you get so insightful?” His words bit at her.

  “I’m an only child. I get all of my parents’ attention. They don’t ever want me to grow up, but they want me to be perfectly behaved. I have to deal with all of their hopes and dreams for me. When they are disappointed in someone, it’s always me.”

  Again Scott stared at her. She was being very wise this evening.

  His cell phone rang, and he answered it. “Hello, Sharon.”

  “We’re back. She’s not doing well. Umm – he really hurt her. I had to call mom, but dad said that she is already on the way. The doctor said it looked more like rape. She insisted that she had said yes at first, but once it started to hurt, he wouldn’t stop. The doctor wrote some pain killers for her. Oh Scott, it was awful. She tried so hard not to cry, but the tears were pouring out of her.” Sharon very slowly told Scott what she knew. She sounded like she was in shock too.

  “Can she have children one day?”

  “I asked the doctor he said she would be fine, but that something like that took a couple of months to heal. Scott I don’t ever want to, ever. I’m not going to get married. I don’t want anyone to hurt me like that.” Sharon was crying as she spoke.

  Scott was very relieved to hear that she was still a virgin. “Hey, not all guys are like that. You will find a really nice guy who will love you and cherish you. Rebecca did.”

  He thanked Sharon and told her he loved her before they hung up. He turned back to Brianna. “She is going to be okay, but she is really hurt. It was good that I found out. She needed help.”

  Brianna nodded.

  Scott couldn’t believe that he’d had such a private conversation in front of one of the girls on his floor.

  There was a knock on the door. He opened it and took her tray. “Suppertime.”

  He sat across from her watching her eat. She was nervous because of the attention, but she ate well enough.

  “Were you a Candy Striper?” Scott asked her.

  “No.” Why would he ask that? That question came out of nowhere. He even looked confused.

  A little light went on in her head. He didn’t know. She rarely met anyone who didn’t know. Everyone from town knew. She knew that Cathy and her sisters knew from school. She knew Cathy’s mother from the hospital. Her father knew too, but somehow Scott didn’t. Was that good or bad?

  She thought back to past conversations. A lot fell into place. Him deciding when she was too sick for class. Him wanting her to have a summer job and him not understanding why her father had been so mad. He really didn’t know.

  Scott left as soon as she was finished. She pulled herself out of bed to take her medicine. How much longer did she have left? Did she have unfinished business?

  Scott checked on Brianna again. She wasn’t in her room. Why were all the women in his life acting crazy at the moment? He asked the first girl who passed by to check in the bathroom and shower. Brianna wasn’t in there.

  He knocked on all the doors and asked if she was there. It embarrassed him to do that. Normally, it wouldn’t. She wasn’t in any of the rooms, and no one had seen her. Everyone offered to look for her.

  Scott explained that she wasn’t in trouble. He was just worried. He set off to look for her. It was too late for church so he went right for the music room. She had signed in over an hour ago.

  Damn. Was she doing this just to get back at him? He quietly opened the door. She was bawling and singing. She sounded so sad. He sat down next to her just like Cathy always did.

  Brianna cried all the more for being caught crying. She turned her head away from him ashamed. Her father had never tolerated tears. It was a weakness that he didn’t allow her.

  “Tell me what’s wrong? I’ll listen, even if I am the problem.” He really wanted to make her feel better.

  She shook her head.

  “Brianna, I really am here to help. I know that I haven’t always helped you in the past, but I always meant well.”

  “You can’t fix
this. It’s not your fault.” She still wouldn’t meet his eye, she just couldn’t. She was getting so weak that it scared her. Her circulation was terrible. Her fingers hurt to be lifted to the keys, but she had forced them to play. This was her thing, the one thing she felt that she was good at in life.

  “Things often seem that way at the time, but I swear to you that time really does heal all wounds. Tell me, maybe I’ll surprise you. Even Jennifer was able to get help. She looks really good now, doesn’t she?” Scott didn’t give up. “She was only able to get help because you told me what happened.”

  “This is totally different. My problem, mine alone.”

  He was getting tired of talking to her back. “Brianna, look at me.”

  She sniffled, straightened her shoulders and turned to him. He just looked at her without saying anything so she figured that she could say something. “Why do you think I’m here? At this school, I mean.”

  She had started wondering about that around midnight. If he didn’t know why she was here, and this was a school for wayward girls, what had he laid out in his head?

  She was always saying the darnedest things, Scott thought. “Umm – Well,” he looked at her and smiled. “According to your file, you missed a lot of school. I’m guessing you used to like to skip classes. I realized that you have changed, but if you ever feel that you might relapse, I’ll be there to set you on the right track again.”

  She laughed. He had no idea why she was here. All this time he was the only one who didn’t know. “I swear, I never skipped school, ever. That’s not why I’m here.”

  She laughed until she thought about the real reason that she was there, and her tears came back. “Please, may I stay here? I want to be alone.”

  “Brianna, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I come in here, and you’re singing a song about dying and crying away. I can’t leave you alone. Don’t you understand that?”

  She laughed again. “Now you think I want to kill myself?” She sniffled and laughed. “I wouldn’t do that. I don’t want my life to end. No, I want it to finally begin. A real life, with me in charge. I’d like that.”

  She stared ahead and nodded. “Please, can I stay? I’m not finished, and I really need to.”

  “Tomorrow is another day. We can either –”

  “Tomorrow?” she interrupted him. “Tomorrow just seems so unreachable right now. There are some things you just can’t push off until tomorrow. You know the saying tomorrow never comes. That is just more true for some people.”

  He grabbed onto her shoulders and shook her.

  She looked at him waiting, just waiting to see what he would do next. There was curiosity in her eyes but nothing else.

  Scott was truly scared now. “Maybe the nurse wants to see you. I always get the feeling that she likes you.”

  “No, she is like I thought you were. She would rather I wasn’t here. She will just say that my pulse is a little out of whack, and that I have a slight fever. Well, my fever may be on the high side because of all the hysterical crying I’ve been doing. She’d send me to my room.” She looked at Scott. Was he going to send her to her room too? Would she ever be able to come back?

  “Tell me what’s wrong. I can’t guess.”

  “No, you can’t, and no one told you either.” She was talking to herself, but she spoke aloud.

  Her head shot up and a very nervous Scott stared at her. “If you let me stay, as long as I need, I’ll tell you what Cathy and I did, that day, you know.”

  Scott couldn’t help but smile. She was smiling and trying so hard not to say the word spanking. “I’m responsible for you. I have to be the adult, even if I am curious.”

  “They will never tell you.” She laid her fingers on the keys, and they automatically started to play a happy, teasing-like tone. “It’s still an hour to curfew. I’m not asking for anything that would be too hard for you to give. Just a tiny bit of freedom. Besides, you have been thinking it the entire time. You’ve been thinking that I’m not that sick, and that this is all a bit much for a slight cold. I could cry myself out, and you would know where I was, and everybody would be happy.”

  It was like she was hypnotizing him to say, yes. “Why do you want to cry? Because of Cathy?”

  “No, because of that age old reason about life not being fair. My reason isn’t even interesting.” She played a familiar song, he must be hearing the words, ‘everybody needs some time on their own’ in his head.

  “Brianna, that is a really cute trick.” He smiled. “But the nurse was really clear. You have to go back to bed.” He was trying so hard not to laugh. Boy, this girl could really go through mood swings, he thought.

  “We pulled something terrible, people could have gotten hurt, property damaged, we even endangered ourselves. And we managed it in less than ten minutes. No one will ever tell you, and you’ll die not knowing.”

  He laughed and grabbed her by her arm. She sobbed as he pulled her away from the piano. “Brianna, don’t be difficult. I really don’t want to have to spank you again.”

  Despite his words she cried all the way back to the dorm. He tucked her into bed and laid his hand on her forehead. It was hot. He shook his head. “I really should lay you over my knees. Go to sleep. You won’t be going to classes tomorrow.”

  “Yes, but I have to go to the nurse’s office. Good night.”

  He watched her close her eyes and sleep. It was five on Sunday. She had more than a slight cold. Great.

  “Cathy tried to teach me how to drive a car. It was your father’s car in the barn. I think I moved it about a foot before we got caught.”

  Scott turned to look back at her. She snuggled into her pillow. She was asleep. He went back to his room, wondering why she had told him.

  It surprised him that she didn’t know how to drive. Was that why she was here? Because her father wanted her strict upbringing to continue? That somehow made sense. It would also explain the beating he gave her for trying to get out of a spanking.

  He decided he would write to Cathy and ask her what she knew.

  Brianna’s alarm went off as usual. She got up and showered and dressed. Her head was clear, and she felt fine. She kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it didn’t.

  Brianna took her pills. She hadn’t been able to last night because she slept through the night and missed taking them. She walked over to the nurse’s office. Brianna was feeling so well that she took her book bag with, just in case. The nurse greeted her and hooked her up to the machine.

  She listened to her heart and took her pulse. She took the blood sample for the lab. Everything looked fine. “Well it looks like a quiet weekend was just what you needed. If you want, you can go to class.”

  Brianna thanked her and hurried over so she could still have a bit of breakfast. She hurried to class and sat down in her spot.

  She smiled at the other girls. It had all been a lot of to do about nothing. She was embarrassed as she thought about how she had behaved in the music room with Scott.

  After class, she went out and saw Scott leaning against the wall across from her classroom. All the girls from their floor huddled together and wondered which one of them had earned his wrath. He was scowling.

  “Brianna, come here.”

  She swallowed and stepped forward. “The nurse said I was fine and could go to class.” She guessed why he was mad.

  “And I said no. The rule is you have to be without a fever for twenty-four hours before you can go back to class.”

  “That wasn’t a real fever. That was just because I was upset,” Brianna protested.

  “Really, you want to discuss this with me? Brianna, march back to your room.”

  “But, I feel fine. Look, I just have three classes to go, and in the last hour we’re watching the first part of a movie. I really can’t miss it.”

  “I realize it sounds like you just have to make it through three more hours, but you are forgetting the homework and the homework you have to make u
p. If you try to do all that, you will be exhausted and too sick for class again. Let’s go.”

  The other girls dispersed as he gave them a look.

  “Please Scott, I know I can do it,” Brianna pleaded.

  He shook his head and grabbed her by her upper arm and pulled her along after him. “You are going to be so sorry that you tried to discuss this with me. And even in front of the others. I have obviously given you too many liberties.”

  “No, please no. I’ll never do it again. I’m sorry. I’ll go back to bed and sleep. You don’t have to worry. I’ll stay put. I promise.”

  “Too late.” He unlocked her door and made a motion for her to go in. He closed the door once she was in. Scott went to his room to get the hairbrush.

  He slowly walked back to her room. He was quickly cooling down. She had meant well again. She wanted to make everyone else happy.

  He knocked and waited for her to say come in. He opened the door and saw her sitting on her bed. She was staring at the floor.

  He pulled out the chair and sat down and looked at her. She looked sorry.

  They were all alone, Scott thought. No one would know if he just let her get away with it. Then he thought about the shower. The other girls would know. He had to set an example.

  “Brianna, a person can’t go from being as sick as you were yesterday to being as healthy as you are today. You asked me yesterday why I thought you were here. I’ll tell you now. I think the pressure of being an only child with a really strict father sometimes got to be too much for you so you sort of made yourself sick. I’m guessing your mother had an open ear, and she said you could stay home sick from school. Then a vicious circle started. You missed class, it got hard to catch up, and your grades suffered, and your dad got mad again. It went round and round, didn’t it?”

  She shook her head.

  “Brianna, I can see that you are trying, but your health is important too. I’m not your father, and we have different rules here. As long as you are here, you live by my rules. Do you understand?”