Seeking to Belong: Wolftale Series~Book 1

by M. Ekman

  Tyler was seated at his desk, poring over a file, looking absolutely awful. His hair was matted every which way and hung past his ears. His clothes were a hopelessly rumpled mess, almost as if he hadn’t changed out of them in a week. The circles under the alpha’s eyes were so dark it made them appear bruised, and his face was incredibly pale.

  Without bothering to glance up, he asked, “Were you able to find it?”

  Ruth remained silent for a moment, not knowing what he wanted her to say. Was he talking about the pack position?

  Just as she opened her mouth to respond Tyler froze. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath and when he opened them again they were amber, pinning Ruth where she stood.

  “I…I, um,” Ruth tried but once Tyler rose from his desk to silently stalk towards her the words died on her lips.

  Less than a foot away, Tyler halted his progress and canted his head, “What are you doing here, Ruth?”

  Letting out a breath she’d been holding, she tried to speak without stuttering, “I wanted to talk to you.”

  For a second it looked as if Tyler was going to close the gap between them and reach for her, but suddenly his hands fisted and his eyes slammed closed. Ruth could tell he was trying to reign in his wolf, but she couldn’t understand why he needed to in the first place. Why did her presence cause his wolf to come so readily to the surface?

  After a few moments he opened his brown eyes and gave Ruth a fake smile. “What can I do for you, Ruth?”

  Oh how she hated that smile. He’d given it to her before and she didn’t like it any better now than she had then. How could she bring back that real side of him without him going all touchy feely again? It wasn’t that Ruth didn’t want him near her, but she didn’t want him to think she excused the things he was keeping from her.

  During her hesitation Tyler patiently waited for her answer, but a tension had started to build regardless. “Well, I just wanted to let you know that your plan worked.”

  Tyler’s phony smile fell as his brow furrowed, which Ruth was glad for. She would rather any emotion show on his face, so long as it wasn’t false. “What plan?”

  “Having me try out different jobs among the pack members,” she managed to make her voice sound steadier.

  Running a hand through his hair he turned back towards his desk, “What job did you like best?”

  Chagrined she murmured, “Enforcer.”

  Tyler gave a deep chuckle that caused a shiver to run down Ruth’s spine. “Did you even try anything else?”

  “Of course I did! I was terrible at everything. Well, everything except the things that bored me to tears due to the little, or no effort they required.

  “Before, I trained because I had to, because it was expected, but here I keep going back because I find that...well, to put it simply, I like it. I have never had so much fun learning new maneuvers, and Cassie has even let me teach the younger group that she’s over some things my old pack—” Ruth cut herself off when she saw the twinkle in Tyler’s eye.

  “You’re teasing me?” she asked incredulous.

  That cocky grin that Ruth craved so much slid onto Tyler’s face, “Maybe, but I had to be sure.”

  Ruth raised a skeptical eyebrow, “Uh-huh. So what happens now?”

  Just like that Tyler became all business, “I will fill out the formal paperwork, but Cassie already requested you be made an enforcer trainee so the process has already been started for you.”

  “She did?” Cassie hadn’t breathed a word to Ruth.

  Tyler nodded his head as he began rooting through his drawers at his desk. It didn’t take long for him to find what he was looking for, and after filling out a few things, he flipped the paper towards Ruth. The document stated the rules and regulations for enforcers in the Blood Mountain Pack, and it appeared to Ruth’s skimming eyes to be pretty standard. She plucked Tyler’s pen out of his fingers, causing him to stiffen, and signed at the bottom.

  Clearing his throat, Tyler stiffly sat back in his chair, “That is it, then. You are officially our newest trainee. If there is anything else you need, let me know.”

  Just like that, Ruth was dismissed. Slowly, she turned and exited the office, unable to come up with another excuse that would allow her to stay. It was obvious to her now that Cassie was wrong. Tyler’s wolf might harbor something physical for her, for whatever reason, but it was clear that the man wanted nothing to do with her.

  Sighing, Ruth went back outside hoping to find a distraction from her melancholy thoughts. Maybe she should try to find other enforcers or trainees; she might as well tell them that she’d made her choice. Hopefully this more permanent job will help to finally get Tyler out of her head once and for all. She found Cassie with a horde of gangly youths, talking through the ways to defend yourself when you come face to face with a rogue.

  With a smile Ruth strolled up like she hadn’t a care in the world, “However, my young trainees, one thing my colleague has failed to mention is to always check and make sure it really is a rogue and not some crazy she-wolf from another pack. Especially if that she-wolf is destined to become the next enforcer female in your pack.”

  All the boys paused for a moment before Ruth’s statement clicked and they all whooped and jumped up from their various poses on the grass to give her a pat on the back.

  Amidst the din, Cassie mindlinked, “You stole my class.”

  Ruth chuckled, “Perhaps, but I think there’s one student I could never steal from you.”

  Both women looked over at a boy, Eddie, who wasn’t a day over 17. He wasn’t quite as gangly as the others his age, already filling out as a man in his twenties would. It was unusual for male wolves to mature as fast as he seemed to, but no one ever commented on it.

  Eddie was painfully obvious in his adoration for Cassie, though he tried desperately to hide it. Even now, as he was standing with all of his friends around Ruth, his body was shifted towards Cassie and his eyes popped over to hers every few minutes. The crush was adorable to Ruth but Cassie seemed especially peeved by it.

  Suddenly one of the boys cut through her thoughts, “So will you?”

  “I’m sorry. Will I what?” Ruth asked.

  Another boy rolled his eyes, “See Kent she obviously doesn’t want to be your partner or she wouldn’t be pretending to have no idea what you are talking about.”

  The boy who’d interrupted Ruth’s musings, Kent, shouted, “Hey!” And just like that both boys were in a tussle with their friends egging each one on in turn.

  Now that Ruth’s crowd of groupies had disappeared Cassie sauntered over, “How do you feel to have the youngest enforcers in training fighting for the fair maidens hand?”

  “What? They are not.” she shot out.

  The she-wolf gave her a sly grin but didn’t say anything more. No one had ever fought to have Ruth as their partner, in fact most of the enforcers in her old pack fought not to. During many of her training sessions she’d either have to sit it out or go it alone, and when she did have a partner it was a forced obligation by a trainer.

  One would think that this sudden influx of attention Ruth received in her new pack might go to her head, but it didn’t. In the end the only male she wanted fighting for or with her was Tyler, and it seemed as if he was happy to keep her at arm’s length.

  CHAPTER 20

  The next few weeks passed in a blur as Ruth tried to keep herself as busy as possible, because if she didn’t her thoughts would veer down a dangerous path. A path that always led to Tyler.

  As summer turned to fall, and the leaves started changing, Ruth took to wandering around the forest she’d collapsed in when she’d first arrived. She told everyone she just loved the crisp cool air, but the truth was that Ruth had trouble sleeping. Night after night she would have a terrible nightmare, waking up long before the sun, though she could never recall the details. Tremors racked her body, and the only way to get rid of them was walking outside.

  It was on one of these mor
nings, after her walk, that Ruth came to training only to find the field devoid of the trainees in her age bracket, and full of the same boys in Cassie’s training group. Before she could voice her confusion over why the younger group was on the field so early Eddie stepped forward.

  “Well, Ruthie, so you’ve finally given in have you? I knew you wouldn’t be able to stay away for long. Lucky for you, we’ve decided that I will be the first to spar with you.”

  It was all Ruth could do to not let out a guffaw of laughter, but she could tell that Eddie was serious. “As much as I can’t wait for such a formidable challenge. What are you all doing here?”

  Suddenly, Eddie’s countenance changed as he swaggered over to her, “Well, my sweet. It seems you have forgotten that today is the start of fall break, and so the training schedule has changed. If you find fighting with me to be too intimidating though...” He let the statement linger there.

  Ruth gave Eddie a look, which only caused a grin to spread. He had been right about her forgetting the schedule change for the holidays, but what was with the ‘my sweet’ thing. Suddenly Ruth’s ears perked up as she tuned in to the sound of familiar footsteps behind her. No way, was Eddie trying to make Cassie jealous? Hilarious!

  Ruth could play along, “Oh don’t worry, Handsome. I wouldn’t dream of disappointing you. Let’s get started shall we.”

  She threw him an air kiss and a wink as she took her spot ten paces in front of him. Eddie He but recovered quickly as the rest of the boys formed a circle around the two. Both competitors dropped into their fighting stances, but Ruth raised a hand when Eddie made a step towards her.

  “This is not going to be an all out fight. I have a rule. You are going to defend yourself only using the rogue fighting techniques that Cassie has taught you. And after you are beaten the class will explain where you went wrong, and then I’ll fight the next pup. So on and so on until one of you beats me.”

  That comment got a lot of laughter and ‘she told you’ from the crowd of teenagers. Eddie turned red, but his only acknowledgment of her words was a nod of his head. With that, Ruth was off biting and scratching Eddie left and right so quickly that he hardly had time to recover. She stayed in her human form but shifted her hands into paws and some of her face into a wolf snout.

  Most rogues were stuck in their wolf form, but before they reached that stage of mental instability they would look like something similar to how Ruth now did. Stuck in between two forms as man fought the monster he could not longer contain.

  She knocked Eddie onto his back, but, as she leaned down to swipe at him, he shoved both feet into her middle forcing her backwards. Ruth let out a growl but before she could make another go at him she heard one of the boys behind her creeping forward. She ignored him at first, but suddenly she felt his hot breath on the back of her ear.

  Shocked, Ruth whipped her head around, but before she could do anything she was bowled over by an onyx colored wolf. Eddie had shifted forms during her distraction and effectively pinned her in place with his teeth clamped lightly over her neck.

  Ruth looked up to see that the boy who’d blown on Ruth’s ear was none other than that Kent kid from the day before. “So Ruthie, should we tell you what you did wrong now?” Kent asked innocently.

  The entire crowd, including Cassie who’d stayed on the sidelines for the match, broke out into raucous laughter. Eddie, however, didn’t, as he was the only one that saw Ruth’s eyes begin to glow. He slowly released her and backed up. She flipped onto her stomach and fully shifted into her wolf as she turned towards Kent.

  She mindlinked the group, as Ruth was now unable to form words through her wolf teeth, “Instead of telling me where I went wrong why don’t you show me?”

  As soon as the question was thought, she lunged at Kent, whose eyes widened in shock and fear. Ruth hit Kent straight in the chest, knocking him to the ground. Rather than go for the throat, however, she simply sat on the Kent’s diaphragm, making it difficult for the pup to catch his breath. After a beat of surprised silence, laughter returned which caused Ruth to give the boy she’d tackled a wolf like grin.

  Cassie shook her head and spoke over the bedlam, “Alright, enough play time. Ruth, since you’re here, you will help with training.”

  Ruth huffed, but jumped off her victim anyway and shifted back as she made her way towards where Cassie was standing. Despite the tomfoolery that had occurred, the moment the she-wolf adopted her “listen or else” stance the boys stood at attention. The next few hours passed quickly, with Cassie having her trainees either run various drills or spar with Ruth.

  Once the training was over, Ruth headed back towards the pack house to grab a bite before her group’s training session started. Suddenly, she felt an arm thrown around her shoulders.

  “Ruthie, don’t feel too bad about your loss today. There are not many that can defeat a dominant wolf like myself,” Eddie said as he puffed out his chest.

  She let out a snort, considering that this pup had only won by cheating. But before she could come up with a snarky remark in return, he was ripped away from her. Ruth turned to see the boy being held in the air by his throat. Alpha Tyler’s face blazed with anger as he choked the youth, and with his appearance somehow even worse than before, Tyler seemed half-crazed.

  Shocked by the alpha’s behavior, it took Ruth a second to react, “Let him go!”

  Tyler didn’t even so much as twitch, so she began tugging on his muscular arm. Still receiving no reaction, Ruth did the only thing she could think of. She put her body in between the two males and slapped the alpha across the face with a loud smack. He shook himself as if waking from a dream and gently lowered the boy to his feet.

  Releasing Eddie’s neck, he softly uttered, “I’m sorry.” Before he turned and disappeared into the pack house.

  Ruth stared at Tyler’s retreating back for a moment before shaking herself and putting a hand on the youths shoulder, “Ed, are you ok?”

  Eddie looked sheepish of all things as he rubbed his now red neck, “Of course. It was my own fault.”

  “Your fault,” she cut in, “what are you talking about?” Ruth was seriously questioning this boy’s sanity.

  “Ruth,” he rolled his eyes with a smile, “you don’t go around touching a claimed and unmated she-wolf. No matter how innocent the contact may be.” At Ruth’s stunned expression, Eddie shook his head sadly and walked away.

  Claimed! Ruth was not claimed by anyone, and certainly not that alpha. What was going on with everyone in this pack and their surety that she and Tyler were—

  A gentle hand on Ruth’s shoulder interrupted her thoughts, “You need to go after him.” Cassie stared into her eyes daring her to argue.

  “Eddie?”

  Cassie looked at Ruth as if she was dense, “Go after Alpha this minute. He’s beating himself up worse then you could possibly understand.”

  “Cassie, there’s nothing—”

  “Stuff it. Go after that man this instant or I will,” she cut Ruth off menacingly.

  Much like the last time they’d debated Tyler’s feelings for Ruth, the she-wolf dropped the matter rather than belabor the point. With a tense gait, Ruth slowly made her way towards the alpha quarters. She followed the scent of citrus and spice all the way to her old bedroom, where she found Tyler with his forehead was pressed against its closed door.

  Ruth walked over and put a hand on his arm, “What do you think—”

  Before she could utter another word, Ruth found herself whirled around and pinned where Tyler’s head had been resting. His arms were caging her in on either side and there was less than a hair's breadth between her nose and his.

  “Do you have any idea what you do to me?” his eyes glowed amber.

  Ruth stood there, eyes wide, not knowing how to respond. Breaking eye contact Tyler ducked his head placing his nose in the crook of her neck inhaling deeply.

  He continued softly, “Seeing you around other wolves drives me crazy. Knowing I ca
n’t be near you. Not having you around me. It’s—I never truly rest anymore. Not since the last time I held you in my arms.”

  Pulling back to look in her eyes, he stared as if waiting for something, but Ruth wasn’t sure what. After a few moments the soulful amber eyes that held her captivated melted to their usual brown. Tyler freed Ruth from her muscular cage, “I’m sorry. I broke my promise to you, and manhandled you once again.”

  Before he could turn away, she grabbed a fistful of his shirt, “What is going on? Please, help me to understand.”

  Tyler held her gaze for a moment before dropping his eyes to the floor, “Ruth, you can’t—"

  “No. No more evasions and no more half-truths. I’m done waiting.”

  He chuckled softly, “Haven’t you wondered how you get away with that, the use of name without a title? What about yelling at me time and again? Your lack of proper respect has never once caused my wolf to rise to the surface. That can only mean one thing, at least as an alpha. My wolf sees you as an equal. My wolf has claimed you as his mate, but I cannot. I’m sorry, Ruth.”

  Tyler attempted to release her death grip on him, but was stopped by her whispered response, “Why not?”

  Looking at her with such painful longing he cupped Ruth’s face, “I cannot curse you along with me.”

  Frustrated tears sprang to the surface, “What are you talking about?”

  He smiled a bittersweet smile and dropped his hands from her face, “I am cursed. That’s what prevented my touch from causing you pain before you completed your rejection with Nathan. I am cursed to be mateless the rest of my days. I cannot mark or be marked by anyone.”

  Tyler’s head hung at his whispered admission, and Ruth felt something clamoring to the surface. Her wolf was desperately trying to reach out to comfort the burdened alpha. This wasn’t the first time either. It was as if that instinctual, animalistic side of her couldn’t stand Tyler in pain. In this particular instance Ruth felt at one with her inner self, but was clueless on how to give him comfort.