Dead Limbs and Leaves

by BobA. Troutt

  *****

  Dead Limbs and Leaves

  Sixteen Candles

  Night’s darkness hovered as the storm raged and fiery lightning streaked across the black sky as thunder rumbled above. Flashing again at the side of the little, old, weatherboard house it revealed the embraced silhouette of a little girl looking out the window.

  She stood alone in the darkened room with many thoughts rushing through her mind. Fierce wind and rain beat against the window. As she watched, rain began to puddle into little streams. Listening to the thunder in the distance, her breath fogged the glass before her.

  “Why God,” she quietly uttered. “Why me?”

  Cherry was a bright, pretty thirteen-year-old girl. Her long, dark brown hair dangled below her shoulders. Freckles accented her face and embroidered her smile. She was full of life, but tonight she was solemn.

  She had been raised on a farm in Flat Ridge, Sullivan County, in northern middle Tennessee. Most of her years, she had lived with her mom and dad on the farm off Broken Fence Road. Her Dad sold the farm and moved the family to Halfway, a bigger town with better job opportunities for him.

  It had only been a week since Cherry had come home from the hospital. Her Mom, Dad, and little brother spent most of their time crying and asking why. Weeks ago her test results had confirmed the doctor’s diagnosis of brain cancer. The test not only confirmed it, but showed that the cancer was worse than they had expected. The cancerous tumors had surrounded her brain, and there was nothing that could be done. The way the tumors were embedded made surgery impossible. Radiation was her only hope.

  “With the treatments,” he stated, “we may be able to reduce their size or possibly stop them from growing. We can always hope for a remission, but with or without treatment, she has one year at the most.”

  They gritted their teeth to hold back the tears on the way home. After arriving home, cries and screams could be heard throughout the house. Her mother cried out in rage as she turned to her husband.

  “What are we going to do? I can’t lose my little girl.”

  “What can I do?” he shouted as his eyes welled up with tears and pain. He tried to hold them back; his hands began to quiver as he took a deep breath. His head dropped, and he cried out, “Why my little girl? Oh God, why?”

  Cherry sat with her head in her mother’s lap. A small frightened voice stilled the room. “Why what, mama?” asked little brother. He was too young to understand. He began to cry with them as he patted his sister’s hand.

  Looking around at each other their tears stopped. Heads lifted up and hearts filled with love as Dad spoke up, “We’ll do the best we can do and make the best of it. There is nothing we can do except the treatments, and we will pray.”

  Broken and confused, Cherry sat beside her mom with her little brother feeling helpless. “I don’t want to die,” she cried.

  “Hush baby,” replied her mother. “Things will work out, you’ll see.”

  The hopelessness of the past few weeks stirred anger in Cherry that night. She cried in the darkness of her room. “I don’t want to die!” Slowly, she slid down in front of her window. She clenched her fists in anger and beat them on the floor. The rain tapered off as the sound of thunder became faint in the distance. A glimmer of light ran across her room. Slowly, she turned up the lighted dial of her radio and heard the words of a song that warmed the air and made her happy to be a teenager. Earth Angel, Earth Angel…

  The year was 1962, Cherry was thirteen years old. War was going on in Southeast Asia and young men and women were being sent to Vietnam. People were protesting and marching in demonstrations against the war. The Civil Rights Movement was sweeping its way across the south. The six o’clock news broadcast the war from Da Nang, the Ho Chi Minh Trail to Hanoi, Cambodia and Thailand. It was becoming all too familiar to the people of the U.S.

  Cherry didn’t understand the war. Music and television were her world. Songs like “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow” and “Please Mr. Postman” and shows like “Gunsmoke,” “Ben Casey,” and “The Andy Griffith Show” were among her favorites.

  She would start her treatments in a few days. She and her family were briefed by the doctors on what to expect. They knew she would be sick, weak, and possibly lose her hair. These things you could live with, but the thought of losing their child was unbearable.

  The family waited patiently and prayed. Things that once seemed so important now seemed so pointless. Their dreams were on hold. Cherry’s future now took center stage in their lives.

  Cherry sat in her room one day listening to the radio. She talked to the Lord for the first time since the night of the storm. “Lord, I’ve been thinking. I’m not mad at you, I just don’t understand. I’m afraid. I have so many unanswered questions. Can I ask you some of them? What did I do? Whatever it was, I’m so sorry. Does dying hurt? I don’t want to hurt. I hope I can go to Heaven, but I don’t want to leave Mom and Dad and little brother. There are so many things that I will miss: my first date, first dance, prom, getting married and having my own children.” Cherry sighed then laid there quietly for what seemed like hours. She never said another word, nor did the Lord speak. From the radio Chubby Checker sang, “Come on everybody clap your hands.” The Twist was the biggest dance crave across the country, and as he sang she joined in. The songs and singing helped her a lot. The songs played a huge role in keeping her hopes up.

  The day of the first treatment finally came, and it looked like her parents were more frightened than she was. At the hospital they saw many other children suffering with similar diseases. It humbled them to see all the other parents in the same situation. Still, they believed the Lord would do what was best for Cherry. The first treatment wasn’t too bad. Getting over the fright of the experience was worse than the treatment itself.

  When Cherry got home she lay down for a nap. The trips to Nashville took a lot out of her. Carefully Cherry’s mother eased the door shut while Cherry lay and looked up at the ceiling and said, “Lord, I know you don’t ever say much, matter of fact, nothing at all, but I know you were with me today. I felt your presence. I wasn’t afraid. Please take it away. Sometimes you act big and tough, which I guess you have to when you look around. But, you have a kind heart with a gentle touch when you want to. Lord, I can’t wait till I’m sixteen. I pray for a birthday party with ice cream and a cake with sixteen candles. I would like all my friends to come over. I need to get my learner’s permit so I can chauffer mom and dad around. I’d go to some of the school dances with my girlfriends and see the boys dance and have fun. I think being sixteen is one of the coolest years of growing up. Don’t you, Lord?” Her eyes became heavy as she fell asleep.

  Slowly a crack appeared at the bedroom door, and a set of tiny blue eyes peeped in. “Goodnight, Sissy,” whispered her little brother as he closed the door.

  Cherry slept through the night and awoke to a fresh, new day. Each day now was special, and she was determined to live it to the fullest. Today was special to her for another reason. She didn’t want to do anything but play with her little brother. She wanted to have fun. They played and laughed the whole day. She wasn’t able to do much, but she did her best. “Sissy, are you going to leave and never come back?” asked her little brother.

  “Why, no,” she replied. “What makes you think that?”

  “’Cause you’re sick,” he said.

  His little eyes watered, and his bottom lip poked out and started to quiver. “I don’t want you to go,” he cried. “You are the best sissy in the world. You are the only one I have.” Lovingly she reached over and took him in her arms and gave him a big hug as tears ran from her eyes. “I won’t ever leave you,” she said encouraging him. “I’ll always be here for you. Hey! I know what.”

  “What?” he asked.

  “Let’s look through the picture album,” she said.

  “O
h boy,” he cried.

  The two sat comfortably in the chair turning the pages of the album. “These are some pictures of the farm we used to live on before you were born,” she said. “I was four then. I used to play in the creek that ran in front of the house. It had a foot-log across it like a bridge. I made many mud pies by that creek.”

  “Wow,” he replied. “Can you eat them?”

  “There’s the old house,” she said. “On Saturday nights we listened to the Grand Ole Opry on the radio. That was before Daddy bought the television. There’s a picture of him.”

  “Dad had a lot of hair then,” he giggled.

  “Momma had this old rooster that didn’t have any feathers on his butt. We called him Naked Butt. Every time I went out in the yard to play, he would chase me back in the house. I tried to hide from him but he always seemed to find me and take off after me,” she laughed.

  “Naked Butt, that’s funny,” giggled little brother. “I wonder whatever happened to him.”

  “Momma put him in the pot,” assured Cherry, then they both laughed. “There’s Grandma. On Sunday after church we would all go over to her house for dinner. The children had to eat last because the grownups always ate first. A lot of the time there was not much left. I remember going over to Grandma’s on Saturday evenings too. We would sit around and watch the Porter Wagoner Show and Grandpa would make popcorn in a covered skillet. Then we would watch Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs till the wrestling came on later. Grandma loved wrestling.”

  “Look, Sissy, is that you as a cowgirl?” asked her little brother.

  “Yep, that was one Christmas at the farm,” she said. “I got a record player, a stick horse, and that cowgirl outfit.”

  “Gee you got a lot of neat stuff,” he replied.

  “When I was six we got our first television. I loved it. I watched TV all the time. Look at this one; brother, this is you in my baby carriage. I would push you around in it all the time.”

  “You did, Sissy?” he asked amazed.

  “Yes, I did,” she replied. “I loved to play with paper dolls and plant flowers, too. See? Here’s one of the flower beds I fixed, and it was pretty, too, until daddy’s old redbone hound wallowed in it.”

  “Look, Sissy, it’s you dressed up in momma’s clothes,” shouted brother.

  Cherry broke out laughing. “I used to cut up her dresses and sew them together to fit me. I had forgotten about that.”

  The day soon passed, and the time for another treatment was at hand. The trip to Nashville and back put everyone on edge. Momma and Daddy had started fussing.

  When they arrived home Momma said, “We need to be strong for each other. We need to pull together.”

  “Today is not one of those days,” Daddy replied. Suddenly he grabbed his hat and marched out the door. “I’m going out.”

  Momma started to cry. I went over and laid my head in her lap. She gently rolled my hair between her fingers and said, “I love you, baby. I wish I could make it all go away.”

  “Momma,” I said, “There is something I have been thinking about.”

  “What’s that, baby?” she replied.

  “My fourteenth birthday is coming up and I wish I could have my sixteenth birthday instead,” Cherry requested.

  “Why baby, why would you want to do that?” questioned her mother.

  “I can’t wait till I’m sixteen, and I’m afraid the way things are…”

  “Don’t you think such a thing. You’re going to be fine,” replied her mother.

  “But mom, please can I?” she asked. It won’t have to be all that big, just cake and some friends is all, please.”

  “Okay baby girl,” she replied. “We’ll talk it over with your daddy.”

  “Oh, thank you Momma,” cried Cherry. “I love you!”

  That night Momma and I stayed up late waiting for Daddy to come home. By early morning, we hadn’t seen him. She was worried and mad; she walked out to the car and found him asleep in the backseat. She pecked on the window, waking him. Then she marched into the house storming mad, not far behind came Daddy. He had a crick in his neck. Momma raced out of the room fussing, Daddy followed. Then he slammed the bedroom door behind him. You could hear them arguing in the other room.

  “Don’t you think it’s hard on me too?” yelled Momma.

  “What if she dies?” shouted Daddy.

  Cherry sat quietly in the living room holding her little brother with her hands over his ears.

  “What’s wrong?” little brother asked.

  “Hush brother,” she said to comfort him. “It’s going to be alright.”

  Then suddenly they marched out of the bedroom, still arguing. Quickly, Cherry jumped up. “Stop it! Stop it!” she screamed.

  Her mom and dad fell silent and turned to look at their children.

  “I wish was dead,” Cherry cried.

  “No, no, no!” yelled little brother.

  As Cherry raced to her room, her brother looked up at his momma. “Momma,” he cried, then he rain over to her.

  She took him in her arms, hugged him tightly and went into the other room. Daddy looked around. He made his way solemnly to Cherry’s room and apologized. After that day, there were no more arguments, and everyone pulled together as a family.

  Cherry had two more treatments. After that, the doctors ran tests to check the size of her tumors. They were shrinking but not much or fast enough. The doctors decided after the tests to do one more treatment and wait a few weeks.

  She was weaker, becoming sick to her stomach, and spending a lot of time resting. Cherry found her strength in the love of family and friends. The children in the hospital looked forward to seeing her. Something about her gave them hope.

  Cherry loved being at home more than anything. She helped her momma around the house when she could. She loved to hang clean, fresh clothes on the clothesline. It delighted her to notice when the wind was just right, the ends of the sheets snapped and popped with crispness. Little things meant a lot to her now.

  “Momma, did you ask Daddy about my sixteenth birthday party?” she asked.

  “I sure did and guess what he said?” replied her momma. Before Cherry could answer, momma told her. “He said that would be great!”

  “Momma, I want to have it at the hospital with my friends if that would be okay,” she said.

  “Well, I don’t know, baby, if the hospital will let us do that,” replied her momma. “I’ll have to see.”

  “Are you ready to make some flowers out of crepe paper for Decoration Day?”

  “Sure,” said Cherry.

  Time passed and the Fourth of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas came and went. The new year was 1963. The Vietnam War was still being fought. Everyone was watching the “Beverly Hillbillies,” “Bonanza,” and “Lassie”.

  When Cherry was too sick or tired to do much with her mother, she lay across her bed and listened to her radio. Songs like ‘My Boyfriend’s Back,’ ‘Chantilly Lace’ and ‘It’s My Party’ comforted her like beloved friends. Her favorite show at the time was “American Bandstand.” The music was the latest and best, and she enjoyed watching the couples dance on the show.

  She loved to dance even if she didn’t move as well as she used to. She would try her best to do the bop, the stroll, and the mashed potatoes. At one of her friend’s party they played records, sang, and danced. It was so much fun! She wished she could spend more time with them.

  There was this one boy that lived in her neighborhood named Chip, and she had a huge crush on him. When she was able to go to school, he carried her books down the hall for her, and they walked home together. Now that she was homebound, he would come over and help her with homework. She thought he was so cute.

  Cherry had a best girlfriend she had met at the hospital. She loved to make Katherine laugh. Cherry called her Kat. She would braid Kat’s hair into pig tails. Th
e friends talked for hours at a time making plans for the things they wanted to do when they got well. Kat was as sick as Cherry. She had brain cancer also, only more advanced.

  Cherry’s next treatment caused her to stay at the hospital for a longer time. She began to lose her hair. Two weeks after what was to be her last treatment the doctors had found that some of the smaller tumors had disappeared but the larger ones had not. At least they weren’t getting any bigger. It was a long shot but the doctors wanted to try mixing the radiation with chemotherapy. They were desperate to try to shrink the size of the tumors.

  When the time came, the hospital allowed Cherry to have her sixteenth birthday in their day room. Nurses, doctors and orderlies volunteered to bring the children out to enjoy the party, and the ones that could not be moved would be served cake and ice cream in their rooms. Cherry was not the only one who was excited, even the adults were.

  “You’re going to come aren’t you Kat?” begged Cherry.

  “You bet! “I wouldn’t miss this for the world,” promised Kat.

  “Good,” replied Cherry, “because I want you to help blow out my candles.”

  “In a few more days I’ll be fourteen having my sixteenth birthday party. That’s crazy,” laughed Cherry.

  That night Kat passed away in her sleep. Cherry felt more alone than ever before. After the funeral Cherry decided to cancel the party. Kat’s mother encouraged her to go on and have it. Kat would be very sad if she didn’t. She knew that Kat would have wanted the party to go on no matter what. Cherry listened to Kat’s mother and decided to go ahead and hold the party like Kat would have wanted.

  Party time had come and everyone was excited. Kat’s spirit filled the room. There was a huge cake with sixteen candles, and daddy brought her record player and a stack of 45’s; he was the DJ. Cherry had requested no gifts but asked everyone to bring their brightest smiles, which they did. Kat’s mom and dad came and so did Chip.

  The music Cherry loved was played continuously. The staff danced with children in wheelchairs. They bopped, did the twist and laughed till their sides hurt. Doctors would pop in and dance, too, until the nurses began to snicker, and they popped back out.

  It was the greatest party ever! The cake was rolled out and Cherry spoke up.

  “I want to thank you all for being here with me and making this possible. I want to thank the Lord for allowing my biggest dream ever to come true. Before we cut the cake, I want to have a moment of silence for Kat.” Cherry was radiant in the candle glow. “I’ll make my wish, and the second blow is for Kat.” With a big breath, Cherry blew across the cake leaving candles smoldering in smoke and some still lit. She blew the rest out for Kat, and everyone cheered, “Happy Birthday.”

  Daddy turned up the volume on the record player and played, Sixteen Candles. She felt a tug on her dress and turned around. “Happy Birthday, Sissy,” brother said. Cherry felt that this was the happiest day of her life.

  “May I have this dance?” asked Chip.

  “Yes you may,” she answered shyly.

  To this day people who work at the hospital still talk about Cherry’s sixteenth birthday party. It was the brightest event that year after the shock of President Kennedy’s assassination that same year. The next year, 1964, the Beatles took America by storm with 25,000 screaming fans to meet them at the airport in New York. They brought new music for Cherry to adore.

  Much time has passed since the party, and if we could ask Cherry how she has been doing since then she might tell us…The Lord granted my birthday wish. The cancer went into remission, I asked God for a little more time. I graduated from high school in 1966. In 1971, I graduated from college with a degree in Music. I have a job at a middle school. I have seen a man land on the moon! Woodstock was the craziest happening ever. The Beatles broke up and I cried for days. Ringo will always be my favorite. The war in Vietnam finally ended. I got married! Yep, Chip asked and of course I didn’t even blink to say yes! We even have two little girls and the oldest is named Kat. The Lord has been a good and true friend to me. He still doesn’t have much to say, but I’m always listening just in case. I can say now that I am ready to go to Him when He calls.

  In 1977 at the age of twenty-eight, the cancer returned and Cherry quietly passed away listening to her music. By special request from her husband, Chip, they played Earth Angel at her funeral, and no one doubted that she was listening still.