Diamond in the Rough: RBMC Pittsburgh, PA Book 2

by Deja Voss

  “Could you do it without making eye contact with me?” I ask.

  She laughs. “I’m sorry, I’m just… I’m so glad you’re okay.”

  “I wouldn’t exactly call this okay.”

  “I’m glad you’re safe, then. Okay is the next step. I’m not leaving your side til I know you’re okay.”

  “Sure,” I say, even though I know it’s going to be a long road until I can find okay again. I don’t even know what that’s going to look like. My body is in shambles, but so is the rest of my life. These people who are doing everything in their power to protect me shouldn’t be anywhere near me if they know what’s best for them. “Now could you stop doing whatever it is you’re doing? I just needed a wipe, not a happy ending ending.”

  She giggles, and I know she’s just doing the best she can with what she’s got. “That wasn’t my intention, you perv.”

  I let out a laugh, but it makes everything hurt, and I wince in pain, a loud yelp escaping my lips.

  The bathroom door flies open and Brass comes rushing over to us.

  “Were you standing out there with your ear pressed against the door?” Gin asks. “I know you’re just trying to help, but the girl has been surrounded by men gawking at her for the last three days. Let her have a little privacy.”

  “It’s okay,” I plead. I know she’s just trying to be a good friend, but something in my heart flutters when Brass is near me, something about the way he looks at me, it’s not gawking. He cares about me. He wants to protect me.

  He makes me feel safe just by being near me.

  It’s probably just the pain meds talking, probably just me getting sentimental, but I want nothing more than for him to carry me back to bed and tuck me in. I reach my good arm up, trying to stabilize myself, but nothing on my body is working right. Not my legs, not my arms, and definitely not my brain. He cradles me in his arm without any effort whatsoever, intuitively knowing what parts of me are busted, what parts of me are safe to touch, like he’s inside my head.

  “Why are you so good at that?” I ask.

  “I brought you over here on my bike. Had to figure it out on the fly.”

  I try to imagine my broken and bloody ass on his bike, and what that would’ve looked like to anybody riding by. This man never ceases to amaze me.

  “Only dropped you one time, but the doctor says you can probably have a plastic surgeon fix your ear right up.”

  I smirk, even though it hurts. He’s trying to protect me from what happened back there in the shack.

  “I know you didn’t lose my ear,” I say, trying not to replay that moment in my mind. “I probably look pretty hideous right now, though.”

  I notice neither one of them let me anywhere near the bathroom mirror, and it’s just another reminder that I have the best fucking friends in the whole wide world.

  “You look tired,” he says, lowering me to the bed.

  Gin tucks blankets up all around me, and Dr. Butler checks my vitals and shines a bright light into my eyeballs that makes me feel like my head is going to split in two.

  “Everything looks pretty good,” the doctor says. “We’ll obviously keep pumping you with fluids for awhile.”

  “Can I have some real food?” I ask, my stomach growling.

  “Of course,” he says.

  “Can I get like a whole pizza and a dozen wings and some nachos?”

  “Let’s try some broth and jello first,” he says, and I roll my eyes. “We don’t know the last time you had solid food. You don’t want to have a stomach ache on top of everything else do you?”

  I wrinkle my nose. Jello and broth sounds disgusting, but he’s the doctor, and the thought of having digestive issues when I’m incapacitated like this doesn’t exactly sound like something Gin should have to deal with.

  “I’m glad you’re feeling better, sweetie,” Gin says, pulling up a chair next to my bed. “I’m not leaving until I know you’re a hundred percent, though. I got my shifts covered at the club and Rowdy’s going to stay at my house and take care of the cats.”

  “She doesn’t need you talking her other ear off and bugging her, Gin,” Brass says, crossing his thick arms over his chest. I swear every time I see this man, he gets bigger and stronger, and more tattoos, too. There’s barely a piece of skin on his body that isn’t unmarked in some way. I think he does it to scare people away, but I think it looks good on him. “She needs to sleep and eat and relax. She doesn’t need to worry about entertaining you.”

  “Well I think she needs me more than she needs you pouting in the corner acting like you’re gonna rip everyone’s faces off. What the fuck climbed up your ass?” she snaps.

  He walks away without saying a word, leaving Gin and I alone. She helps me spoon jello into my mouth, and even though I’m sure I look like a disaster, part of me wishes Brass was still sulking in the corner. I like having him here, even though I’d never admit it.

  “You gotta take him with a grain of salt,” she says, she looks around the room, making sure nobody is nearby, and leans in and starts whispering. “His dad’s getting out of prison soon and I think it’s fucking with his head. He doesn’t usually get so clingy creepy over anybody.”

  I never told Gin about that night Brass and I hooked up, even though it’s been burning a hole inside me for the last year. I always feared she would take it the wrong way, or maybe that I took it the wrong way and it was actually nothing more than some meaningless one night pity fuck. It’s not like Brass and I have exactly hung out or even talked much more than your usual niceties since then. Seeing him so protective over me today, how he risked his life to save me, it kind of gave me a different impression. Then again, I know I’m high off my ass by the way I’m more worried about if I’m reading more into this situation than I am about the fact that I am missing a fucking body part.

  “You probably remind him of his mom,” she says.

  I choke on the jello in my mouth. That’s definitely not the kind of relationship I thought we had going on.

  She dabs at my face with a napkin, and then brings a water bottle to my lips. “God rest her soul. He acts like it doesn’t bother him anymore, but I know he goes and visits her grave all the time.”

  “Gin, how do you know all this stuff?” You’d think as a bartender I’d have the inside scoop on everybody’s back stories, but Brass has always been super closed lip. He’s funny and kind, but he sure as shit isn’t the kind of guy who opens up and pours his heart out.

  “I’m pretty good at getting Rowdy to run at the mouth,” she says with a wink. “What? Barney never got all fucked up and dished about the club?”

  “No!” I say, wondering if she’s just gossiping or actually trying to get information out of me. “Barney got all fucked up and shut everybody out, or fucked random sluts, or played video games. The only thing he ever told me was if I ever cheated on him he’d fucking kill me.” I laugh because it’s true, and I laugh because I was so stupid I let it go on for years. I laugh until my ribs hurt and Gin just stares at me with wide eyes, not really sure what to say.

  Barney never told me anything about the club. It didn’t stop me from doing things for him without questioning why, thinking I was helping out the MC when in all actuality I was helping him betray them. It’s why I’m here now. It’s why Floyd has such a hard on for me. It’s why I feel so fucking guilty any of these men put their lives on the line to save me.

  “Brass might be right. You probably do need to rest. I don’t think you should be getting all riled up right now. I don’t want you to get hurt worse than you already are.”

  “You’re a good friend, Gin,” I say, taking her hand in mine and squeezing it. A better friend than I am, that’s for damn sure. My eyelids feel heavy as I let myself rest, and before I know it, I can’t even will them open except for a tiny crack.

  Maybe I am just hallucinating, but out of that tiny crack, I can see Brass’ figure in the hallway through the open door. He’s leaning up against the wall
, arms crossed, face scowling, watching over me, and it makes me smile. Something about him being here makes me think maybe everything is going to be alright after all as I slip into the deepest sleep of my life.

  Chapter Eleven

  Brass:

  “Go home and get some sleep, man,” Rowdy says as he slides a chair out at the kitchen table. Our hide out camp isn’t huge or fancy but it’s functional enough that the entire MC and their families could survive out here for at least two weeks without needing much of anything from the outside world. It looks like you stepped into a time capsule from the 1970s with the mushroom printed tea towels to the mustard yellow rotary phone hanging from the wall, but it’s the best place for Jewel to be right now until we start getting this shit sorted out. “At the very least get some fucking clothes.”

  “I’m not going anywhere til we figure out what the fuck we’re gonna do with Floyd and his men.” I pour myself another cup of black coffee. I washed my clothes in the sink with some dish soap, and hung them from the ceiling fan to dry. The bath towel barely wraps around my waist enough to make it worth while but these damn people won’t stop coming over here and harassing me. “They want Jewel.”

  “Well they’re not going to get her. I got this, brother. Gin’s here, I’m here, nobody’s gonna leave her alone.”

  I roll my eyes at him. Maybe I’m being petty but right this minute I don’t trust any of these fuckers. They weren’t the ones who pulled her out of that hell hole. They weren’t the ones who had to try and drag her battered body back here without fucking her up even worse. They weren’t the ones who had to look her in the eye and tell her everything was going to be okay even though they weren’t even sure that was the truth. That shit rattled me.

  It rattled me even worse watching the doctors work on her fragile body. I felt so helpless as I stood there in the hallway peering through the doorway, as they cut and stitched her flesh, set her bones. Seeing her knocked out on anesthesia to the point she looked like she was dead fucked me up.

  It took me back to that dark place, that day the paramedics were trying to breathe life back into my mom, and no matter how hard they tried, nothing worked. When Jewel blinked her eyes open and opened her mouth to talk, I made a silent vow that I’d never leave her side again, not until she asked me to.

  And even then, I wasn’t going to walk away easy.

  “Yeah, about that,” I say. “Gin doesn’t need to be here. She’s too emotional. She’s scaring Jewel. I know she means well, but she’s pushing her too hard.”

  “Did Jewel tell you that?” Rowdy asks.

  “I just know.”

  “She’s passed out asleep, Brass. They both are. You a mindreader or some shit? If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were trying to get her alone. Considering the condition she’s in, that’s a little fucked up, even for you,” he says, raising his eyebrows.

  If only he knew, I’ve been dying to get Jewel alone since the day Barney left this earth, maybe even longer than that. I knew the day I met her there was something about her I needed more of, something that for whatever reason I wasn’t supposed to have right then and there. Something worth biding my time for. And now, as fucked up as it is, I know it’s my time.

  “I just know I make her feel safe. That’s all she needs right now.”

  “You think your big hairy tattooed naked ass is all she needs right now? Did you take some of her pain pills?”

  I slam my fist on the table and he looks startled and confused. He slowly puts his hands in the air and stands up from the table, taking a couple steps back.

  “The more people that come in and out of this place the more dangerous it is,” I growl. “The doctors said we need to keep this place as sterile as possible. Every time somebody comes up and down that driveway, that’s another chance for Floyd and his assholes to trail us. I know Gin feels guilty for leaving Jewel alone that night, but the kindest thing she can do for her right now is to get the fuck gone.”

  Gin slinks her way into the kitchen, yawning and stretching dramatically before she opens up the fridge and pulls out a carton of orange juice. She takes a gulp right from the jug, her eyes trained on me.

  “He’s right, Rowdy,” she says, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. “I’m not helping here. I’m pissed at myself for letting her leave with that Uber driver all by herself and I feel really fucking guilty, but that’s not going to help. The best way I can help right now is going back to business as usual with my life and hoping those fuckers come after me, too. At least we’ll be prepared for it.”

  “I don’t like that idea one fucking bit,” Rowdy says.

  “Last I checked we were just friends. I don’t think you get any say in how I live my life.” She bites her lip and shrugs her shoulders. The two of them have been fucking around for as long as I can remember, but both of them are too stubborn to get out of their own way and be a couple. Instead, they’re just a couple of idiots. “You gotta tell me one thing, though, Brass.”

  She walks over to me. Her head barely comes up to my chest, but she rolls back her shoulders and looks me straight in the eye like she’s the queen of the mountain. “What do you feel guilty about?”

  “What did she tell you?” I ask.

  “Nothing, but you just told me everything I need to know,” she says with a smirk. She puts her hands on my face and I don’t back away. “If you care about her, you can’t project your mom shit on her. She doesn’t need that right now. She needs somebody solid.”

  “Gin!” Rowdy scolds, doing a slashing motion with his finger.

  Anger pumps through my veins like red hot jolts of lava. “You don’t know anything about my mother,” I growl. I clench my fists and get right down in her face. “And you don’t know anything about Jewel and I.”

  I storm off into the other room, too disgusted to even look at either one of them right now. How could Rowdy betray my friendship like that? He knows how bad it twists the knife inside me when I have to think about her or talk about her.

  “Brass, I swear, she doesn’t know anything about anything,” he says, following behind me. “Probably just random shit she overheard. You know how we get when we drink.”

  “Fuck off,” I say, grabbing a blanket off the back of the couch and slinging it over my shoulder.

  “Brass, seriously. You can’t run away from your past forever. We care about you, man. The more you let us in, the more we can help you heal.”

  “I don’t need your help,” I growl.

  “Well you do need some fucking clothes. And some soap. I’ll bring some by in the morning. You’re repulsive to me right now, but that doesn’t mean you need to be repulsive to everybody else.”

  “Fine,” I say. I toss the blanket back down on the recliner and pick the whole chair up instead, tossing it over my shoulder as I head down the hallway to Jewel’s room.

  “I love you,” he shouts after me down the hallway. “You big old weirdo.”

  I quietly set the chair in the corner of the dark bedroom. Gin brought this little glow lamp thing that changes colors and shoots this mist in the air that smells like a Grateful Dead tour bus. I cover myself with the blanket I’m sure somebody’s old lady knitted a long time ago and kick out the foot rest on the recliner, trying to get comfortable.

  Jewel’s chest rises and falls underneath her blanket, and she snores softly. She’s so close to me right now, but so far away. I want to hold her and tell her everything is going to be alright, but I know I’d probably hurt her.

  And I’m not sure everything is going to be alright.

  I’m afraid to close my eyes, but I feel at peace in here, like I’m exactly where I need to be.

  This is the first time I slept next to her, and I’ll do it every day of my life if I could be so lucky.

  She shifts around on the mattress and groans softly in agony and it breaks my heart.

  “Is somebody there?” she whispers softly.

  “I’m here,” I say. “It’s
me, Brass. It’s okay.” For one small second, I wish I hadn’t kicked Gin out. Maybe she is better equipped to stay here with Jewel. She never asked me to be here. After everything she’s been through, she’s probably scared to death, and a guy like me is probably the last thing she needs.

  “Oh, good,” she says. “Will you come hold my hand?”

  My heart drops down into my stomach. I’ve been inside this woman before, but she’s never let me all the way in to her heart. Something about holding her hand while she sleeps is more intimate than screwing behind the shed, and it makes me nervous, like I’m gonna fuck this up. I know I am.

  “Yeah,” I say. I drag the recliner across the room, and post it up next to her bed. I reach for her hand, taking it in mine as gently as I can. Her skin is so cold and her grip is so weak, and I just want to wrap her in my arms and take her away from here. I want to make her better, even though I know she has so much healing ahead of her and I don’t know the first thing about changing bandages or physical therapy. I guess the only thing I can do right now is not make it worse. “You tell me if you need anything, Jewel. I’m not going anywhere.”

  Before I can say another word, she’s snoring again. She’s so fucking beautiful and sad and it hurts me to see her like this, but I finally have her all to myself, something I’ve craved since the day I laid eyes on her.

  I’ll take it while I can, because I know by the time she snaps out of it, she’ll see I’m not good enough for her. I’m bound to do something to fuck this up before I even get a chance to show her how much I love her. It’s what happens to everyone I love, and I don’t think I’ll ever pay off the debts of my past. Guys like me don’t deserve to be loved no matter how much we love.

  Right this second, though, holding her tiny hand in mine, I feel it. Don’t know what it is but every time she squeezes her fingers, it pumps something straight into my heart. I squeeze back, hoping she knows that right this second she is safe. She is loved. I’ll make damn sure nobody ever hurts her again, not even me, even if it means walking away if I have to.