GABE stared down at his hand that had just touched Tanner's and just couldn't look away. He knew he looked ridiculous, frozen up like that over a mere brush of the skin, but it had been so long since he had experienced something as simply pleasurable as human touch and interaction. He had grown hard in the time that he had been with the Revenant. He had grown hard before then, as he faced the world's destruction alone, if he was being honest with himself. You don't put effort into loving someone when you know they are going to die; that everyone is going to die. At least, that's not what he did, but there was something different about this group of people. They had the ability to love and to stick together even when it was all hopeless.
At first, he had hated everything about them. He hated that they had been so foolish in their dealings with dark angels and that he was to babysit them and teach them to be more obedient like himself. He still thought Alex could use a healthy dose of humility after her behavior, but he was going to leave that up to Emuriel to take care of. If anyone could get that dark angel out of her head and get her on the right track, it would be him.
Speaking of Alex, both her and Carlie came back into the room and pulled Gabe away from his thoughts just in time to not look like a complete idiot. He looked up to see if he could tell anything about Alex; if she had been injured, punished, or convicted of anything, but she was such an unreadable person.
"What happened?" Tanner asked, looking up at the girl with concern. That was another thing that captured him so about this special man next to him; the way he cared for everyone else before himself. Especially the way he took care of Carlie. Gabe hoped that he could become friends with her in time, as they all got used to their new situation. He could tell the two of them were inseparable. He wouldn't get Tanner if he didn't have Carlie’s complete approval, no matter where their hearts were.
"When I came back in, Emuriel asked to see me alone," she said, looking off into space as if she was still thinking about it. Gabe nodded. It was probably for the best that he was mentoring her alone like that. She didn't need to influence the others any more than she already had. "I needed that walk outside, though. I know it doesn't make any sense, but I just felt trapped. Do you think there is any way they might let us go home?" she asked, and Gabe shook his head at her somberly. It would be hard to get any of them to understand this part.
"You have no home, Alex," Gabe responded, trying to be as straightforward as possible. The more it was sugar coated, the longer they would fight the truth.
But when Gabe looked to his left, he saw Tanner looking at him with nothing but pain in his eyes before he got up and left the room. Where any of them thought they were going to be able to go, he had no idea, but he was devastated now. He had never meant to upset Tanner in all of this. He got the feeling Tanner had some very important people back at home he wanted to get back to or that he wanted to save. Gabe wished he could give him that wish. He just couldn't. That wasn't the way it was meant to be. And every time he thought about how many lives had been affected by what the dark angels had done, his blood boiled.
"Why would you say such a thing?" Carlie fumed at Gabe, and he looked at her with a hooded gaze. He deserved her anger at the moment, at least until she understood who to be angry at. "Even if you believe it, even if it is the truth, some things shouldn't be said out loud until we are ready to hear them. Some of us have people we care about back at home. Some of us are not going to let go of those in our heart so easily."
Gabe got up. "I'll go talk to him and apologize."
"Don't bother," she said, putting up her hand. "I will go deal with it. You stay here and think of some nice things to say before you speak next time."
Gabe sat back down and looked at the floor and wondered if he would ever be worthy of the purity displayed all around them.
***
"Tanner, wait!"
Tanner heard Carlie’s voice and stopped, leaning against the cold of the white wall next to him without turning around. He was sick of hearing that the demise of those he loved was eminent. He had done nothing but care for his family all his life. He had made himself responsible for those people who he thought he owed it to. Made sure they had food, were bathed, were cared for. Yet, somehow, he was expected to accept the fact that his world was going to end, and they were going to go away right along with it. It didn't make any sense, and it made life seem awfully damn pointless. He hated being mad at Gabe. He could see his own pain reflected in his eyes even if he didn’t speak about it. Gabe was so the strong silent type, one of the things Tanner liked most about him, but it also made him seem cruel at times. Cruel when it came to the hard truth that no one was ready to accept. He didn't know if he ever would be ready for such horrible words.
"I am sorry, Carlie, I just couldn't handle it, and you know why. I love you, and I am glad you are with me, but I am starting to regret leaving my family behind."
Carlie hissed between her teeth. It was something she did when she was so frustrated she couldn't express it with words. He hadn’t heard her need to make that sound in a long time.
"I know that, Tanner. I know. I am starting to regret asking you to leave. I thought this was going to be an adventure and our chance to save the world, but nobody seems to think our world should be saved. Look, there is nothing we can do right now, but Alex has been speaking with Emuriel alone. I trust her to get us out of this somehow. So, whatever we have to do to get through until then, even if it's lying and pretending we agree, we're gonna do it. We're gonna get through it together." Carlie hooked her arm in his, and he gave a bleak smile just as Naehel passed them by.
"I didn't think allowing you to leave your room would suddenly give you free reign to snoop all the time. Do we need to have you locked back up?" he threatened.
Carlie shook her head. "No, we were just headed back in there now. Thank you for your generosity."
She stared Tanner down, and he got the hint that he had to go back regardless. He didn't want them completely locked up again and have to start from scratch. Things were bad enough.
He let himself be led back into the room by Carlie, and she took him over to his chair in the corner, sitting up on the arm of it next to him. "Why don't we just talk and hang out?" she asked as he made the mistake of glancing over to Gabe. He looked away and looked at her instead, his best friend and the eyes that people used to make fun of. "We haven't done that in so long now."
"You're right," he told her, agreeing. "I think it would do us some good. So, why don't you tell me what's up with you and this Nick character."
"So, that's what we are going to talk about?" Carlie asked quietly. "Some boy?"
"I get the feeling he is not just some boy to you," Tanner retorted, and she rolled her eyes which pretty much confirmed his suspicions. He had not seen Carlie really into any guy since he had known her. She didn't really even try to get any dates. He had guessed it was hard to let people into her life, especially if she could just continue to be moved around in the foster system. And then when she turned 18 she would be on her own and have to go where it was she thought she could survive. Even as her neighbor she had been hard to get to know, to get beyond her walls, but she had seen something in him that she could trust to always be there for her. And it was the truth. Even as much as the both of them might be falling for two guys outside who they had grown up with, he would never imagine that they would choose others over each other. If that choice ever had to be made, they would say goodbye to even a spouse for that. They were family, plain and simple.
"Look, he kissed me, that doesn't mean I am going to marry him. In fact, I am pretty pissed at him for it."
"What? Why?" Tanner asked, sitting up on the edge of his seat only to be pushed down and shushed by Carlie as everyone looked their way for a split second. "Sorry," he whispered. "Look, I mean, I don't know if he deserves you, but if you like him back, I can't see why you would be angry about a kiss."
"It's complicated, Tanner. I mean, look at the situation we are
in. I want to think everything will be alright in the end, and I will operate for the most part as if it will be for everyone's sanity, but it is not the time to be giving my heart to someone it just isn't okay if I could lose them," Carlie explained. It made Tanner sad at the thought that she felt like she couldn't allow herself to feel something for someone. "Besides, I know you don't approve."
"I just worry if he is going to treat you right. He has such an attitude."
Carlie shook her head. "It's all a front. He's like me, but instead of humor he uses self-confidence."
Tanner could understand what she was saying now. He had always known the form of Carlie’s wall was humor and positivity. He loved those parts of her, but he could always see what was behind it now too. "Okay, I can see that. So, why not? Why not just go for it before it is too late? I don't think you can fight your heart anyway, Carlie. You can try, but I don't think you actually get a say in who it goes to, just whether or not you decide to allow them to reciprocate."
She slapped him playfully on the chest. "How did you get so wise, bestie?" she asked him with a soft giggle. Then, she grew serious, picking at her stubs for nails as she looked down at them. "Do you think it exists, true love?"
Tanner couldn't help but look over at the mysterious boy with the jet black hair that had captured so much of him already. "God, I hope so." He turned back to Carlie. "I think you should go talk to Nick now, though, and see if you can make nice with him. You don't know when you'll lose the chance." It hit him hard how true that was, and he began to wonder how he had turned from an openly gay, poor nerd into this teen with the literal weight and fate of an entire world on his shoulders.
"I think you have some making up of your own to do," she said, nodding towards Gabe who looked pretty guilty and upset. Tanner's stomach bottomed out.
Carlie stood up and made her way over to Nick while Tanner built himself up to finally stand and go over to Gabe. He sat there in silence, though, unsure of what to say. Tanner had done nothing wrong by storming off to get some air and clear his thoughts, and Gabe truly had done nothing wrong by being honest. It was just horrible timing.
Luckily, Gabe finally spoke up. "I am sorry for being so insensitive. I thought it best to answer her question with complete honesty. I am so used to being the only one like me here."
"It's okay. I understand what you were trying to do. It just hurts too much," Tanner admitted. "I have a family, siblings, parents..." he trailed off.
"Would you like to take a walk and talk for a bit?" Gabe asked, surprising Tanner.
"I am not sure about that. We caught up with Naehel in the hall, and he threatened to lock us all back up if we didn't stay in here for a bit."
Gabe shook his head. "Let me handle it. They trust me and won't feel the same way about that if I am with you." Tanner got up to follow Gabe to the door as he opened it to see Cassiel right outside this time. "Cassiel, I would like to take Tanner on a walk outside if I may."
Cassiel looked back and forth between the two of them strangely before raising an eyebrow. "I suppose there are not so many opportunities for dates in a place like this." The comment made Tanner turn beat red, and he was so glad when Gabe did not turn around to look at him just then. "Well, you know the way out, don’t take too long."
Gabe nodded, and they both began the walk towards the door Alex had exited earlier that day.
Chapter 11
The most powerful force ever known on this planet is human cooperation - a force for construction and destruction. ~Jonathan Haidt
GABE stuffed his hands into his pockets as they began to wander around in the aftermath of the place he used to call home. They were lucky they were being kept away from their world while it fell apart. It wasn't something you could get over, watching its demise. Not that he was there in the very last seconds. He had been swooped away for a time until they had been able to freeze it just like this and erect their headquarters. He hated that they had done that here where he had a constant reminder, but they had their reasons. One being its proximity in space and time to where the four companions he had now would be coming from. They were to be watched.
Now, being around it was a comforting memory. It let him know why he was here and why it was gone. It made him grateful to still be around even if he was alone. All in all, it had made him stronger. He did not know exactly how it was each world would end that was wrapped up in this mess, but he did know that there were certain ones that could not be allowed to hold the important ones in it while it died, that it would make them go crazy or make them entirely useless. He wondered if the world Tanner had been taken from was one of those. For someone so trusted and close, they still told him little. He didn't resent it at all, it just made him curious about many things.
Gabe had gotten used to silence, and in silence they remained as he gathered his thoughts. It was not an uncomfortable one, which only confirmed what he had already known about himself and Tanner, that they were moving towards each other, possibly romantically. Gabe didn't know how to feel about that with all the complications surrounding him, but he also knew that he couldn't stop it from happening. It was just happening all by itself almost, and he was only along for the ride.
"I am guessing you are all wondering what happened to this world," Gabe finally spoke, gesturing around them. "My world," he corrected painfully.
"Well, yes, I guess we are curious, but we don't want to push you to tell us anything if you are not ready for it," Tanner said kindly, meeting his eyes. How could he deny this guy anything?
"I should be ready by now. It has actually been months since this happened. The moment is just frozen in time to two days before my eighteenth birthday, the day that it all ended, and they had to take me away before I got destroyed along with it. I was so pissed off when they bought me right back to have to look at it and relive it, but now it feels good to know what happened and know that I had the power to survive."
Gabe realized he was rambling to himself and collected his thoughts with embarrassment. Tanner reached out and took his hand into his, and Gabe left it there, allowing them to get to that point. This was a date, more or less, even if it was an awkward way to begin something new in their hearts.
"So, what dark angels died here?" Tanner asked, clearly trying to coax him in the right direction.
"This world had only one. Just one, but that's all it took to cause everything you see before you. We used to have glorious white houses and skyscrapers that reached up towards the sky. I remember our beautiful golden and cream clothing, our crowns and jewels. This was such a beautiful place, but it didn't last long enough. You see, our dark angel punished was the angel of war."
Gabe looked at Tanner’s eyes as they went wide, and Gabe knew it dawned on him what the problem was. The other dark angels he had heard of, though luckily, they were not many, had more subtle powers. At least, most them did. But this, this was just hell and destruction. There was nothing else for him to do.
"I have to give him credit for holding back much of his potential for so long. His name was Phaleg, and he was a fearsome sight to see with long inky hair and the biggest muscles I had ever seen. I got to see him on one of his final days here when the fight finally came to the palace; when all was lost. I won't forget it as long as I live. It was the day he allowed the anger and rage to completely take him over."
Tanner shook his head. "I don't think I understand what you mean."
Gabe sighed, trying to find the right words. "It is my understanding that dark angels still have a slight choice, a small bit of free will left to them even if they are chained up or removed of their station as light angels or whatever it was they were before they committed their crime. They can fight it, at least for a time, the bad part of themselves, but that final day I think he understood that he didn't have a choice in the matter forever, and so I watched as he stopped fighting and allowed the monstrous part of him that was given a punishment to take over, and he finished the job."
The visi
on of the fully black eyes always haunted Gabe when he closed his own. Phaleg was not a force to be reckoned with. War never was, and he wished he knew that war was over because Phaleg was gone, but it was not so simple. War would always exist somewhere, and sometimes it had to happen for purposes of justice.
"So, what did he do?" Tanner asked, pulling Gabe back into the moment along with a squeeze of the hand. He appreciated it more than Tanner could understand; this closeness between them.
"Well, he was the angel of war. So, it was up to him to create war wherever he went. It would sometimes be as simple as getting two brothers into an argument, maybe he would kill off their father, so they fight over the estate and where he would be buried. It could have been a job or a woman. It was small scale. War is not always the complete blood spilling chaos that we see in the books," Gabe explained. "Then, it broke out in small pockets with civil unrest, human rights issues. People hating each other for no reason or poaching animals and harming them just because they could. I can't say whether or not Phaleg enjoyed doing these things or even if he directly caused them. It was his very presence that could twist a man or woman's mind to do things they wouldn't normally; to act upon any black spot of hate on their heart no matter how small."
"Dare I ask how everyone died?" Tanner interrupted, seeing the hesitation in Gabe's eyes and hearing it in his voice. Gabe would always hesitate at this because it was a nightmare. It wasn't something he felt like anyone would be able to wrap their heads around, and then if they could, they would be scarred forever at the thought.
"War. It's that simple. The world became at war with itself. There were tanks and bombs, swords, and guns. Every bit of technology anyone could develop as quickly as possible was used for the destruction of other people. It was a never-ending cycle, and one day it came to the center of the world, came to the ruling class where I was. My shapeshifting did nothing for me; nothing to convince anyone to stop or to save my family. On top of that our use of war machines had made the ground unstable. There were always natural disasters. So, we fought battles through earthquakes and fire tornadoes until the whole place burned."
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