Halfway to Christmas

by Steena Marie

  She wasn’t sure whether that was her fault, Wade’s, or both.

  Probably both. She couldn’t lay the blame all at his feet.

  “Hey, Mom.” Abby dumped her backpack on the floor and stamped her feet on the front mat. “It’s getting kind of cold out there and the snow is starting to really come down. Anything need to be delivered before I head home?” Abby rubbed her hands over her rosy cheeks.

  “I’ve got nothing.” Melissa set the page down and stood, stretching as she did so. “How would you like to start playing around with graphics and helping me with layouts?”

  “Really?” Abby’s eyes widened. “I thought I had to wait till the summer?”

  Melissa shrugged. “I could use the help and you’ve got a great eye.”

  Abby winced. “I told Dad I’d come right home if you didn’t need me. I just saw him.” Abby looked everywhere but at her, Melissa noticed.

  So she’d stopped in at his work before coming here. Melissa wasn’t all that sure how she felt about that and instantly realized that it shouldn’t matter.

  Of course Abby wanted to spend time with her father, which was…understandable, right?

  Of course it was.

  Which meant her jealousy was completely out of line and totally off-base. It made sense they would want to spend time with each other; they had a relationship they needed to develop and strengthen.

  “I’m probably going to run a little late, so would you mind starting dinner?” Melissa forced a smile on her face.

  “Again?” Abby frowned. “You will be home for dinner though, right?” She picked up her bag but hesitated.

  Melissa nodded. “I’ll be home. Why don’t you ask your dad to make his special spaghetti sauce?”

  Abby’s eyes sparkled as she walked through the front door. Ever since Wade’s return, one of Abby’s favorite things to do was cook with her dad. Apparently Wade had worked in the kitchen at the prison and discovered he enjoyed cooking.

  Melissa really shouldn’t complain. She hated to cook.

  For the next hour, Melissa played with the template, adjusting the lines, changing graphics, and the handful of other issues Norma had pointed out and printed off a copy. Hopefully it passed inspection this time without any new major changes. She’d promised to drop off this sample on her way home and if she left now, she might have time to stop at the store for some garlic bread.

  She sent Abby a text with her idea.

  At the store now with Dad. Got it.

  Just as she was packing up, Becky entered carrying a box.

  “I’m so glad I caught you.” Becky set the box down on the counter. “On your way home?”

  Melissa eyed the box. “I am…I hope?” Please don’t say Becky was there with a last-minute project. Please…

  “I was playing around with some recipes today and need your opinion. There are six kinds of cookies in here but I only need three or four for Nikki’s wedding. Which ones do you like the best?”

  The moment Becky opened the box, the sweet aroma of freshly baked butter cookies had Melissa groaning.

  “There’s more than six cookies in here, Becky.” She snagged a thumbprint cookie and bit into it. The cookie literally melted on her tongue.

  “I know. I had to make full batches, of course. I figured Wade and Abby would enjoy them. Oh, that reminds me, I hope you haven’t done any Christmas baking yet with Abby.”

  Melissa shook her head as she licked the crumbs off her finger. “I haven’t had a chance.”

  “I could use some help for Nikki’s wedding. I thought maybe you and Abby would like to come over?”

  “Me? Bake?”

  Becky laughed. “Well, maybe Abby could do the baking then while you enjoy a glass of mulled apple cider? I’ll ask Nikki and Parker to join us too. It’ll be fun.”

  “You’re going to rope the guys into baking as well?” Wade would probably enjoy it.

  Becky snorted. “Are you kidding me? They can help Matt out in the barn. Matt just picked up a new toy that needs some work. He’s eager to show it off to the boys.”

  No doubt when Becky said a new toy, she meant an old truck that was rusted in a million places and needed some work.

  “Don’t tell Wade, but I think Matt was hoping to tempt your husband into helping him. He mentioned something about rebuilding the engine from scratch, I think.”

  Melissa groaned. “Wade would be in heaven, you know that.”

  Wade loved to work on old junkers and make them into something new. One of his old friends had offered him a job at their shop fixing cars and it had been a blessing in disguise. Wade would never be able to drive transport again, so this was the next best thing.

  “So, Saturday? You’ll come? I promise you’ll go home with a tin or two of baked good as well.”

  Melissa pulled out her phone and checked the calendar. “It should work. Lorraine has the weekend shift and as long as your mother behaves…which reminds me.” She handed Becky a folder. “Would you mind dropping this off at your mom’s? I promised her another sample of the flyer to hand out at the festival. Hopefully she’ll approve this one and not make any more scheduling changes.”

  She munched on another cookie or two while Becky looked at what Melissa had worked on.

  “The festival is this weekend. What is she thinking?” Becky frowned. “This should work.” She closed the folder. “Isn’t this what was approved last month?”

  “There’s a few changes to the schedule and Norma didn’t quite like the graphics I used.”

  “But I picked those graphics out.” Becky shook her head.

  Melissa just smiled at her. Working with Becky last year on the program while Norma was in the hospital had been a…nice reprieve from past years.

  “I’ll talk to her.” Becky held the folder tight in her hand. “Honestly, it’s not difficult and no one really looks at these anyways other than for the timing of events. I’m not sure why my mom is so fixated on this, but I’ll take care of it, okay?”

  Melissa sighed with obvious relief. She followed Becky outside and locked the door behind her. “Thanks for the cookies.”

  “Email me tonight with your favorites, okay?”

  Melissa waved good-bye and slowly made her way home. She loved the quietness of Halfway in the evenings and if anything could help to rekindle that Christmas feeling, it was the sight of the town itself. Every building was covered in lights and homemade wreaths the school sold as a fundraising program for their troops overseas. Every yard held a snowman or snowdog or snow something and everything just looked…pretty.

  As she pulled up into her own driveway, Melissa stared into the lit windows and knew that the scene inside was one she’d dreamed about for ten years. So why was she having such a hard time adjusting? She knew that’s what it had to be…they were all learning to adjust and it was harder than any of them expected it to be.

  It wasn’t just learning to adjust to sharing her home with a man; it was having to share her daughter as well.

  For ten years, it was just the two of them. They had a routine, a rhythm of how things worked at home but with Wade there…everything changed. Melissa couldn’t remember the last time she’d spent alone time with Abby and yet Wade seemed to get a lot of it. When Abby had something exciting to share, Melissa wasn’t the first person she came to anymore; when she had questions at dinner, it was Wade she was turning to…and Melissa knew that was probably normal and exactly what Abby needed right now, but…

  The moment she opened the front door, her knees almost caved at the smell of garlic.

  “Please tell me dinner’s ready,” she called out. She placed the box of cookies down on the counter and went over to the stove, sniffing the bubbling pot of sauce.

  “Just about.” Wade snaked an arm around her waist and gave her a kiss. “Welcome home.”

  “Hi…” Melissa replied, a little dazed as she peeked over his shoulder to see their daughter there, a smile stretched wide across her face. “Um�
��what’s going on?”

  Abby basically danced on the spot while Wade’s smile continued to stretch.

  “Anyone want to fill me in?”

  “Can I tell her? Can I, Dad?” Abby begged.

  Melissa pulled back from Wade’s hold. “Tell me what?”

  “Go ahead, kiddo. You tell your mom.” The timer on the oven went off just then, so while Wade pulled the tray of garlic bread from the oven, Melissa stood by her daughter and waited.

  “Remember that contest I entered awhile ago with my drawing? The one for that trip to California to see the Pixar studio? I won!” Abby squealed as she launched into Melissa’s arms.

  “No way! When did you find out?” Melissa could hardly believe it. In the fall, Abby’s art teacher had mentioned it, suggesting Abby send in one of her drawings. In total, twenty kids would be selected from various schools and truth be told, Melissa had all but forgotten about it.

  “My teacher just called. Mom, this is amazing, right?”

  “So amazing!” She quickly hugged Abby again. “So, when is the trip?”

  Abby shook her head. “The beginning of January.” She squealed again. “We’re even going to Disneyland!”

  “That soon? That’s only like,” she mentally calculated the weeks, “less than a month away.” Talk about short notice. “Is your teacher sure? That doesn’t give us a lot of notice.”

  “I asked the same thing,” Wade mentioned. “Ms. Hill said the news had come in last month but somehow the school misplaced the envelope. She’d just received a call from the studio confirming if Abby was able to come.”

  “Not by herself, right?”

  “I can go, right?” Abby looked from her to Wade. “Dad said I could.”

  Melissa’s head whipped around to where Wade stood, cutting the garlic bread. “Dad said, huh? Without talking to me about it first?”

  “Like we’re going to say no.” Wade didn’t even look up. “This is a once-in-a-lifetime chance, Mel.”

  Once-in-a-lifetime chance. So if she said no, that made her out to be the mean parent?

  “But…” this time Wade did look at her, “you’re right. I should have waited.”

  Melissa didn’t say anything as she helped to dish out dinner. All through the meal, Abby talked about the studio and the movies made from there and how excited she was and Melissa knew that somehow she’d have to find a way to get her there.

  After Abby disappeared up to her room to call her friends with the news, Melissa grabbed a rag and wiped down the counters while Wade finished drying the dishes.

  “You’re not mad at me, are you?” he asked. “About Abby’s trip?”

  Melissa sighed. “No, I’m not mad. I just…” She shook her head. “How is she going to get there? One of us will need to go with her, I assume.”

  “I’ll go.”

  Melissa scowled. “You can’t go.” Thus the joys of being married to an ex-con. “You’re not allowed to leave the state without permission and you’ll never pass the police check needed to be a volunteer at the school.”

  “Why do I need to pass a volunteer check if it’s my daughter?” He leaned his hip against the counter and flung the towel down.

  “It’s through the school, Wade.”

  “Well, that’s just ridiculous. She’s my daughter. I should be able to take her if I want to.” He breathed in deep and Melissa could see the frustration mount on his face.

  “Wade.” She reached out and took his hand. “There’s no point in getting upset. I’ll take her.”

  He frowned but pulled her close. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I want to take her, to experience this with her. I’ve missed out on so much and I…it just sucks.”

  “I know.” She looked toward the stairs. “You have missed out on a lot but that just means we’ll have to make new memories, I guess.”

  “Maybe I can talk to my parole officer and get permission to join you when you hit Disneyland? There’s nothing stopping me from doing that, right? Maybe we can stay longer, make it a family vacation.”

  Disneyland. That was something she’d always wanted to do with Abby but could never afford it, not on a single income. Hope grew in her heart at the idea.

  “Talk to him and see what you can do.” She glanced over at the box of cookies. “In the meantime, we’ve been invited to Becky’s this weekend to help get a start on Christmas baking plus help her make desserts for Nikki’s impromptu wedding.”

  “This weekend? Are you going to have time?” Wade asked.

  Melissa shrugged. “It’s Christmas. Things are always busy this time of the year. Besides, Melissa let it slip that Matt bought some junker of an old truck and was hoping you’d look at it with him.”

  Wade’s eyes sparkled. “What kind?”

  Melissa snorted. “You expect me to know?”

  “I’ll have to give him a call and find out.” He stepped away from Melissa and reached for his coat.

  “Where are you going?” Why did she even bother to ask? Maybe it was because one day she hoped he’d give her an answer she wasn’t expecting.

  “I won’t be long, Mel.”

  “You always say that.” She began to wipe the counter again, this time in small tight circles while her fingers clutched at the cloth.

  “He needs me and after…I can’t just leave him, you know?”

  Melissa’s lips thinned as she struggled not to reply. Did she know? Hell no. How could she? Without fail, every night Wade would leave her—leave them—to go spend time with someone he’d met in prison. Someone who supposedly helped save his life.

  “I don’t know, Wade. I wish you would explain it to me. Why do you leave, every night, to go sit with him? What do you do? Do you talk about stuff? Rehash the past? What?”

  “We don’t say a word,” Wade said quietly as he shrugged on his coat. “You know that.”

  “I don’t believe you,” Melissa argued. It didn’t make sense.

  After the first month of being home, Wade started to disappear in the evenings and during the afternoon on the weekends. He never really told Melissa where he went until she cornered him one night.

  “Charlie needs me, Mel. He was the only guy who was there for me in prison, the only one who…” He swallowed hard. “He had his tongue cut out because he stood up for me.” Wade visibly shivered. “I can’t leave him now. Not now.”

  Melissa stood there in shock. She hadn’t known. Wade never said… “I had no idea,” she whispered.

  Wade’s shoulders dropped as he stuck his hands in his pockets. “I didn’t want to tell you, didn’t want to bring that into the house. My time…that doesn’t need to be part of us, you know.”

  Melissa went to her husband and held him, while guilt ate away at her heart. She’d argued with him, gotten angry at him for leaving night after night and had no clue or thought to really ask why he left. She should have asked, should have made him tell her.

  “Your time there is a part of us, though,” she said to him. “It’s part of who we are now and if we’re going to make this work…there needs to be honesty. You,” she swallowed, thinking of all the things he could tell her, “don’t have to tell me everything but, I thought you went to see him because you…needed to or something. I wish you’d told me, Wade.”

  “He’s dying,” her husband blurted out. “He’s dying but he won’t accept treatment, other than some pain meds, no matter how often Nyah comes—”

  Melissa stepped back at the sound of that woman’s name. “Nyah?” she asked. “Nyah comes over? Nyah’s there when you’re there?” She struggled to breathe past the instant wave of anger that washed over her. She could feel it, the heat, rising up. “You’re seeing Nyah?”

  Wade shook his head. A bewildered look covered his face as he struggled to figure out why she was so upset. She could read it on his face, his lack of understanding. How could he not understand?

  “She comes to check in on him,” he said. “He doesn’t have much time left but refuses to go
to the hospital, so I asked her to come see him.”

  “So she’s there while you’re there? She couldn’t go during the day, while she’s working? She has to make a house call while you’re there, with her?” By now Melissa’s hands visibly shook and her chest hurt from a rapid heartbeat.

  Did he not see the wrongness of this? Did he not think to tell her? To mention it at least?

  “What do you have against Nyah?”

  “What do I…I…” Melissa spurted. “You can’t honestly ask me that and pretend you have no idea?”

  “I’m asking.” There was a sense of stillness about Wade that she’d noticed shortly after he came home. He became like this if they argued or he was upset. Almost as if he were checking himself, not allowing his emotions to get the better of him. Or, he was about to explode. Like the calm before a storm.

  Melissa drew in a breath and let it out slowly. She could pretend to be calm too.

  “If she’d known what she was doing that night, we wouldn’t have lost ten years of our life together. Abby would have had her father to lean on; we might have had another child. I resent that she’s back and a part of the daily life here. I resent that she’s masquerading as a doctor when we all know it’s a lie. She never should have come home.”

  “Mel, it wasn’t her fault. None of this,” he spread his arms out wide, “is because of her. It’s because of me. Don’t you think I know that? Don’t you think I live with that, day in, day out?” He squared his shoulders. “You can’t blame her. That’s not fair to her or to us.” He walked away from her, his hand on the handle of the door. “You’re right. I should have told you. I should have done a lot of things and I regret so much. But don’t ask me to stop visiting Charlie, because that’s not a regret I can bear. Okay?” He looked at her over his shoulder.

  “I lost you while I was in prison. I lost everything, even myself. But Charlie, he was the only one who stuck by me. I won’t let him die alone, not even if it means having you angry at me.”

  Before Melissa had a chance to reply, he left and closed the door firmly behind her. She watched him drive away as she stood in the front window and wished for the chance to right the wrong she’d just committed.