Our Forever

by Elena Matthews

  “Darkness sneaks around every corner.

  Memories fade beyond the distance.

  Life disappears with no mercy given.

  Love takes away your will to live.

  “They’re taken by the hands of the devil

  To be set free in the heavens with the angels.

  Your world as you’ve known it is forever altered.

  The spirit of their life is no longer in existence.

  “You have to breathe in, breathe on

  To see the shadow of light through the darkness.

  You have to breathe in, breathe on

  To allow your beautiful heart to feel once more.

  You have to breathe in, breathe on

  Until you find the one who can breathe for you.

  “Darkness sneaks around every corner.

  Sadness seeks refuge in despair.

  Tears become an endless stream of poignant water.

  Pain tears through your body from limb to limb.

  “Their hearts are no longer a vital part of them.

  The cold absence of their being feels like a knife to the chest.

  Death is a cruel reminder of this hell on earth.

  Breaths are stolen with no lives spared.

  “You have to breathe in, breathe on

  To see the shadow of light through the darkness.

  You have to breathe in, breathe on

  To allow your beautiful heart to feel once more.

  You have to breathe in, breathe on

  Until you find the one who can breathe for you.”

  The remainder of the song continues for another chorus, and I don’t know how he does it, but similar to the first song he sang, he takes yet another piece of my heart. No, he steals it with the brilliance of lyrical magic.

  It’s so painfully beautiful, so incredibly honest, that it’s as if I am experiencing the past five years all over again. His words chew at my heart before spitting it back out again, but to hear that song, to hear my pain being told through the eyes of another, is heart-wrenchingly refreshing. Somebody finally identifies with my pain for the excruciating, gut-wrenching pain that it is.

  Tears roll down my face as I watch the raw emotion flicker over Drew’s face while he sings the final line of the song, “Until you find the one who can breathe for you.”

  Before the guitar fades to an end, I find myself rushing toward the restroom, just needing to give myself a minute after such an intense performance.

  I let out a breath of relief when I see that the restroom is empty. I lean against the back wall beside the hand dryer, sliding down the cool tiles, until I’m crouched down with my head in my hands, taking calming deep breaths.

  Breathe in, breathe on.

  The door opens a second later, and immediately, I begin to wipe away the wetness from my cheeks, desperately wanting to keep my emotions contained in front of a random stranger. I look up to see a familiar set of brown eyes looking back at me with worry.

  “Hey, what’s going on?” Kaelyn gets down on her haunches, meeting my eyes. She swipes a piece of hair from my face. “What’s with the tears?”

  I shake my head, unsure of why I am crying. I’m just incredibly overwhelmed right now with thoughts of Christopher, the feeling that my heart is falling for Drew, and that song.

  Kaelyn places her hands on my knees, smiling sadly. “That song was something, huh?”

  A breath of humorless laughter leaves my throat before I take a slow inhale of air. “It was as if five years of my emotions were on show for everybody to see, but I also felt understood. I’ve never felt that before. At least, not since before Christopher died.” This is the first time in almost a year that I’ve been this honest with her, and I can see a look of proud gratification in her eyes because I’m finally letting her in.

  Out of the five years, this last year has been the darkest. My life was taking its toll on me, and I began hiding more from her because I didn’t feel normal. I knew that still being so emotionally attached to a ghost after all these years was borderline psychotic, especially when the people surrounding me were nothing but vocal about it.

  “Therapy,” they said.

  “You need to move on,” they said.

  “Christopher wouldn’t want this for you,” they said.

  They thought they were being helpful with their words, but instead, they continued to push me away, and I began to crawl into myself. I became a recluse. It wasn’t until I met Drew that I began to feel like myself again, the person I had been before Christopher died. And to get to that stage in my life is a feat I never knew could be achieved.

  She nods. “You have no idea how amazing it is to hear you finally opening up to me. I hate that you thought you had to hide from me because, with me, your emotions were more understood than you thought. I’ve lived through them all with you. I’ve felt every tear, every scream, every dark moment, like they were my own. When you hurt, I hurt; you know that.”

  I grip ahold of her hand with my own, trying to force the lump down my throat. “I know. You’ve always borne my pain.”

  It’s true. Within twenty minutes of receiving the bad news of Christopher’s death, she was there, holding me, while I transitioned between hysterical crying to violently screaming for two days straight. She was there for me before my world obliterated, and she continues to be there, even when I shut her out.

  “Drew understands on another level. He’s lived through the same heartache. He lost the center of his universe. His mom was his, whereas Christopher was mine.”

  She gives me a knowing smile, and I suddenly feel like she’s in on a secret, one I’m a hundred percent oblivious to.

  “That song wasn’t about his mom, Jo. His eyes never once strayed from yours throughout that entire performance. He wrote that song for you. He wants to be the one to breathe for you.”

  My usual response to this would be a dubious eye roll along with a, Whatever, but instead, I hold her gaze with a look that can only be described as hope.

  “You think so?”

  “Even if it weren’t for the blatant eye-fuck he gave you the moment we walked in here or the attentive way he was with you before he got up onto that stage, that song alone would be proof. He might have started writing that song with his mom in mind, but you were whom he was singing it to. You were his push to finish the song. He even said it himself to the entire crowd. He was pretty open about it.”

  My eyes are finally dry of their tears, but my breath is still a little shaky when I open my mouth with a confession. “I feel like I could easily fall for him.”

  Her eyes pierce into mine with a purposeful gaze, a smile against her lips. “Then, fall. If anybody deserves to be happy, it’s you. Stop questioning your feelings, and just feel them. Embrace them. Also, you need to get laid, woman. Five years is way too long.”

  A smirk ghosts along my mouth. “How do you know it’s been that long?”

  “Because I know you, and I know when you’re lying to me. I’m not just your best friend because I look pretty on your arm.”

  I laugh before pulling her into a hug, pressing my lips to her hair.

  The door to the restroom opens, and somebody takes our embrace the wrong way when she voices her disapproval, “Jeez, get a room. I’m not into girl-on-girl porn.”

  We both pull away, and as the girl disappears into a stall, we burst out laughing.

  “How about we get out of here before we actually have the urge to strip each other’s clothes off since we obviously look like lesbians?”

  More laughter expels from me as I stand from my crouching position. “Just give me a sec. I need to use the toilet before we head out.”

  I make out Kaelyn’s steps as I enter a stall. She’s no doubt walking toward the mirrors and taking out her lipstick from her clutch.

  I’ve barely shut the door when Kaelyn yells out with a moan, “Oh, yeah, baby. Show me that glistening pussy of yours. Let me lick you like an ice cream cone.”

&nb
sp; I almost head-butt myself against the door as I double over with violent laughter. God only knows what the girl in the other stall is thinking, especially when I hear the sound of the flush and footsteps scurrying away.

  When I’ve done my business, I flush and exit the stall with a shake of my head at the shit-eating grin on Kaelyn’s face.

  “You’re so bad,” I say as I walk toward the sink where I begin to wash my hands.

  “At least we wash our hands after we’ve used the john. That chick ran straight out of here, as if hairy vaginas were going to eat her alive.”

  This time, I almost choke on my laughter. “There’s an image that will give me nightmares for the rest of my life.”

  I shake the droplets of water free from my hands before making my way toward the hand dryer.

  Once I’m done, Kaelyn pulls me back toward the sinks where she commences with smoothing my makeup out. “You totally ruined your makeup,” she mutters as she focuses intently on powdering around my nose and under my eyes.

  “Thank you.”

  Her eyes fall to mine for a brief second. “Thank you for what?” she asks before resuming her concentration on fixing my makeup.

  “For always being there, for making me laugh. I need more laughter in my life.”

  Shutting the compact powder closed, she places it back into her purse before taking out lip gloss, and she gently applies it to my lips. “That you do, and I will always be there for you. Bros before hos.”

  I snort just as she pulls away, twisting the lid back onto the lip gloss. “I think you mean, hos before bros.”

  She shrugs as she drops the lip gloss into her purse before zipping it shut. “Whatever. Tomato, tomahto. Now, let’s get back out to lover boy, shall we?”

  I gently shake my head with amusement as we make our way out of the restroom. I’m feeling relatively calmer than before, thanks to Kaelyn. I guess all I needed was a pep talk with her, as the weight on my shoulders seems a million times lighter than before.

  As we fight our way through the crowd, my eyes seek out Drew on the stage, and instantly, I find him watching my every move, pursuing me with his stare in the midst of the chaos that surrounds me. A flash of relief sets in his eyes when he sees me, and then he smiles, shooting me a wink.

  Immediately, I sense a difference in the sound. It’s amplified, more abrasive, and that’s when I take in the black electric guitar he now has cradled in his arms, replacing his acoustic guitar. A thrill of excitement courses through me as the deep vibrations crash against my chest with every pulsing thrum, and my emotions hit a new level as I listen to the raw, sensual tone to his voice.

  It’s alluring, carnal, seductive.

  And I love it.

  My body trembles at the intensity of his eyes, almost like he’s making love to me in front of all these people. Hell, what am I talking about? He’s fucking me with his eyes.

  Toe-curling, hot fucking.

  I can barely make out the words he’s singing; I’m too focused on him to register anything else. All I can see is him, and I’m utterly absorbed with the sexual magnetism that radiates from him, the sweat that drips erotically from his face and down to the dip of his collarbone, and the way the fire continues to burn in his eyes that are solely searing into mine.

  It’s different from the previous song. That song was full of heart-clenching feelings and hidden dark emotions, but this song is provocative. There is no other way to describe it.

  Is it wrong of me to like the fact that he has two sides to him? How, one minute, he can delve into the deepest part of me, completely unhinge me with his lyrics, and then the next, I’m burning from the inside out with every atom of my body throbbing with arousal.

  God, I’m so turned on right now.

  Now, in this moment, I know there is no escaping my feelings for him. I told Kaelyn that I could easily fall for him, and I want that.

  I want to fall.

  I want to be happy again.

  I want him.

  I just have to push myself, and I’m confident that tonight will be the push I need.

  Nine songs later, I’ve consumed three more wines, and he’s finally stepping off the stage with a lottery-winning smile on his face. It’s a smile I find myself mirroring as I witness the joy burst from every fiber of his soul. It’s inspiring to see.

  I watch with intrigued eyes as he interacts with the crowd. They clap him on the back, praising him for an incredible gig. He signs several autographs, a few in areas of the female anatomy that make me chuckle with disbelief.

  Jesus, do these women have no standards when it comes to whipping out their breasts?

  It takes him a good ten minutes to wade himself through the crowd, but eventually, he makes it over to us, his eyes reserved only for me. My body erupts with tingles as he nears, and I have to take a long lug of wine when his stare becomes so unbearable that I struggle to breathe. Not that wine will help with the lack of oxygen in my lungs, but the lubricant sure eases the nerves of my arousal.

  The guy Kaelyn has latched on to gives Drew a high five. “Awesome, as usual, man. You rocked it.”

  “Thanks, Teddy,” Drew says with an appreciative smile, his eyes barely straying from mine.

  More high fives along with praise follow. Kaelyn, much to Drew’s amusement, tells him how much of a rock star he is before she resumes her attention on Teddy, throwing her head back on a laugh as he whispers something in her ear.

  Yep, he’ll definitely be joining Kaelyn and me for breakfast in the morning.

  Drew edges closer to me until I’m able to inhale the incredible cologne he’s wearing. Musky yet sweet with a hint of sweat in the mix, his mere smell has my heart fluttering in my chest.

  “So, what did you think?”

  I briefly glance over to the stage with a smile before locking my eyes on his. “You were incredible, rock star.”

  His lips pull into an amused smile before he inches a step closer until his hands graze the back of mine, and we’re almost chest-to-chest.

  “And what did you think about the song?” His smile fades, and his eyes grow solemn as he awaits my answer.

  He doesn’t elaborate because he knows that I know which song he’s talking about.

  “It was beautiful,” I respond with earnest.

  I know he can see the complexity of my emotions in the depths of my eyes. My vulnerability is pretty much wide open for him right now. It’s his for the taking. It doesn’t help that, after four wines, I’m more than a little loose right now.

  I blame the alcohol for my next statement. “Kaelyn thinks you wrote the song for me.” That you want to be the air I breathe. Thankfully, I keep that last thought strictly to myself.

  He leans in until his lips are pressed gently against my ear, instigating a shiver in me, and I tremble at the impact of his breath along my bare skin.

  “What if I told you that I did write that song for you—or at least that I finished it for you?” He pivots his head to look at me, and the honest gleam in his eyes makes it almost impossible for me to resist him.

  Kaelyn is right. He did write the song for me.

  “Then, I’d be inclined to kiss you.”

  “Inclined to kiss me, huh?”

  I nod, giving him a flirtatious smile, one he reciprocates. “Yes, as well as go on a date with you.”

  His brows hitch up with surprise, amusement dancing in his eyes. “You’ll go out on a date with me because I wrote you a song?”

  Laughter breathlessly leaves my lips. “No. I want to go out on a date with you because I’m ready.”

  “You sure about that, sugar?” he asks, almost like a dare.

  I look him in the eyes without so much as blinking. “I’ve never been more ready, sugar,” I mock, resulting in a shit-eating grin from Drew.

  “Okay. What are you doing next Saturday?”

  “Hopefully, going on a date with you.” I sound overly confident right now, but he seems to be lapping it right up.

>   “You’re definitely going on a date with me, and I have the perfect date planned out already.”

  “Perfect, huh?” I question with a light tone, a hint of a smile on my lips.

  “Yes, you don’t deserve anything less.” His tone might be playful, but it’s the sober look in his eyes that tells me he’s being serious.

  A jittery eruption of butterflies flutters in my belly, and the smile slides from my face. He must sense the change in my stance as his eyes flicker with concern.

  “What is it?”

  Words seem like a hopeless task as I stare at him, unable to take my eyes off of his perfect, handsome face. Time stands still—or at least, that’s what it seems like. Seconds, maybe minutes, pass, and I still haven’t said a single word. I have no words, as all I want to do right now is kiss him.

  Kiss him until I can no longer breathe.

  Kiss him until my lips are numb.

  Kiss him until I’m consumed with the taste of him on my tongue that will linger for hours afterward.

  In a flash, I take ahold of his hand and pull him in the direction of the restrooms where I remember seeing a low-lit corridor, somewhere completely remote from the rest of the club.

  The rest of the world.

  Drew allows me to lead the way, but it isn’t until we bypass the restrooms when he becomes curious. “Sugar, where are we going?” he huskily questions.

  My footsteps quicken the second my body begins to shake with anticipation. I remain silent, but I don’t think I’ve ever needed to feel somebody’s lips on mine in the possessive way I do right now. I need him more than the air I breathe.

  Once we’re hidden in the darkness, I spin around, and before my mind can even process the move, my lips are smashing onto his with an almost explosive force. My fingers slide into his hair just as a growl erupts from the back of his throat, and everything from that moment on becomes a haze of tongues, caressing fingers, and sensual moans. My heart slams recklessly against my chest as a fiery blaze prickles against every inch of my skin, a sensation that’s overbearingly oppressive, yet it leaves me yearning for more…much more.