The Green Beans, Volume 2: The Strange Genius of Lefty O'Houlihan

by Gabriel Gadget

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  The Thing Within

  When Ebenezer cranked the volume knob, an infectious, groove-riddled music filled the house. Even amid the strange circumstances, Jack could not help but tap his toe to the funky beat. He noticed that Ebenezer and Jasper at once began nodding their heads in time to the music, and even Nibbler had started to shake his rump. It was funk music, after all!

  Only Lefty seemed unaffected by the infectious beat, for his face was filled with apprehension and anxiety. “Ebenezer, I told you, he’s not ready! He has a very strong reaction to funk, especially old school funk! You’ve got to turn that down, before-”

  A great THOOM was heard in the basement, and all heads turned toward the door that led below. Ebenezer threw back his head and released what could only be described as a diabolical cackle. He passed the stereo to Jasper for safekeeping, and began rubbing his hands together with unrestrained delight.

  “By the beard of Archimedes... Now you’ve done it, Ebenezer. Now you’ve really done it,” Lefty said, before making a mad dash for the door to the basement.

  “Stop him!” Ebenezer cried.

  Jasper protectively cradled the stereo in one arm, and wielded his broom in the other. He raced after Ebenezer, who was already in pursuit of Lefty, and the two villains began barreling down the basement stairs.

  “Not so fast, you louts!” Jack shouted after them. “Come on, Nibbler!”

  Jack was a bit startled and confused by all that was happening, but he would not stand by while Lefty was in need of help. Though he had not had a very long time to get to know his uncle, Jack was growing rather fond of him. And he certainly had no love for Jasper, and whatever company that dastardly janitor was keeping. In this confrontation against Jasper and Ebenezer, Jack was more than willing to lend his assistance to Lefty… no matter what happened to be trying so hard to escape from the vault.

  Down the stairs he ran, close behind the villainous duo, with his dog by his side. His feet became entangled with those of the others rushing down the stairs, and so it was that they all tumbled into the basement in a giant, ungainly heap of boy, janitor, Labradoodle, and mad scientist.

  Jack scrambled up as fast as he could, and Nibbler came to protectively stand at his side, woofing ferociously. Nearby, Ebenezer staggered to his feet, although he was forced to stumble about blindly until he managed to put his ridiculous cape back where it belonged, for it had fallen over his head as he had tumbled down the stairs.

  Jasper had already gained his feet, and he turned his body so as to protect the stereo from Jack and Nibbler, batting at them with the bristles of his broom. The stereo was still blasting funk at full volume. In the chambers of the basement, the music was even louder, as it reverberated around the concrete quarters.

  The laboratory’s overhead lights were flickering on and off, adding to the chaos of the moment. Dust sifted from overhead at each new impact from the vault, and computer monitors flashed wild figures upon their displays. Scientific contraptions bounced about on their benches, and strange liquids bubbled and burped within their glass flasks.

  THOOM, came the noise from the vault. THOOM! The door to the vault was badly warped from the beating it was currently taking, as well as its previous poundings. There were even more dents in the door than there had been earlier in the day, when the Beans had been exploring the laboratory.

  Dents that had been created from the inside. Even as Jack watched, another steel rivet popped free, and the massive door shuddered within its frame.

  Jack saw that his uncle was at a computer terminal, desperately typing away at the keyboard. A flurry of numbers and lines of data rushed by on the monitor.

  “It’s no use!” Lefty cried. “I can’t perform an override from this station. You’ve got to turn off the funk!”

  “Never!” Jasper roared. He hugged the stereo closer to his body, and laughed with Ebenezer.

  “You’re a real doorknob, you know that?” Lefty asked. “I should have left you dangling in that tree where I found you, Jasper!”

  The janitor paid this comment no mind, for he had become distracted by the enormous clutter of the laboratory. His compulsive nature to clean kicked in, and he began sweeping away at the floor.

  “What this place needs is a good once-over with a fine broom,” Jasper noted.

  Seeing a possible opportunity, Jack began to creep toward the distracted janitor, ever so slowly. If only he could knock the stereo from his arm!

  Ebenezer noticed his ally’s waning attention, and was horrified. “Not now, Jasper! Stop fiddling with that broom, pay attention, and keep the music coming!”

  Jasper shook his head, trying to regain his focus, which was an awfully hard task for him, when there was clearly so much cleaning that needed to be done. He whirled around, and waved his broom at the approaching Jack. “Get back, boy! Quit trying to creep up on me!”

  “Forget it, Jack!” Lefty cried. “It’s too late, just stand back!”

  There was a final, uproarious THOOM, and then the door tore free from its massive hinges and latches, bursting open with a terrific CLANG of metal. It skidded across the concrete floor like a two-ton toboggan, knocking all manner of machinery about, and creating a shower of sparks.

  Jack and Nibbler managed to steer clear of the carnage, watching in awe as the door finally came to a stop. Then, they turned their attention back to the vault.

  There was a moment when nothing could be seen in the doorway but a silhouette, visible against the interior of a dim room. Jack held his breath as he watched that figure, waiting to see who… or what… would emerge from within.

  Whatever it might be that lurked inside the vault, it was a thing with strange proportions. It was human-like, but clearly not human. It was too tall, and… upon further consideration, it was also too lanky. Its arms and legs were simply too long and thin for a human being.

  There were the sounds of whirring and clicking, and strange beeps and boops. As Jack watched in spellbound rapture, two bright, blue lights appeared in the figure’s head, as if it had opened its eyes. At least, they seemed to be eyes… but they were far too brilliant, and there was something else about them that did not seem right... it was as if they were too symmetrical, too perfectly round.

  And then, that shadowy figure did a strange thing, indeed. Just as Jack and the others had done in the presence of the funk music, it began to move its foot. Clearly, it was tapping its toes in time to the rhythm. That funk music was so very infectious, after all. The tall, lanky figure kept time with its foot, and dipped its shoulders, and swayed its hips.

  Nibbler, still shaking his rump to the funk, woofed toward the open vault. With a noise that was part question and part greeting, the Labradoodle inquired, “Ah-roo?”

  “Stand back!” Lefty cried out… and his warning proved to be sound advice.

  The figure launched from the vault with a leap of pure power! It had an uncanny energy, proving its inhuman nature. It was a blur of motion, and it hurtled into the basement laboratory within the blink of an eye.

  Startled by the abrupt movement, Jack stumbled and fell to his backside. Nibbler stood above the fallen boy defensively, and woofed at the imposing figure with the glowing, blue eyes.

  But the only threat that this strange being offered was perhaps by virtue of its own clumsiness. It apparently had no desire in attacking those present. Its interest was solely in the music, and it seemed determined to break-dance. And so it did… it began to break-dance with a fury.

  For a brief moment, it was a spectacular display of agility and showmanship. Whatever this thing was… it had moves! It whirled, and twirled, and spun about on the floor. With its long, lanky limbs askew, it got down and boogied.

  But then, as it smoothly regained its feet and prepared to launch into another fantastic sequence, things went awry. It lost its balance, and began to stumble about on one foot. It teetered, and tottered, and leaned precariously in one direction. Then, it overcompe
nsated to correct its error, and began stumbling in the other direction. It was, quite simply, too gangly for its own good.

  With a terrific, corkscrewing mass of flailing appendages, it collided with a mostly vacant wall. It struck with such force, the basement shuddered at the impact. THOOM!

  This was the very same noise that Jack had heard the night before… the noise that had been resounding through the manor, keeping him from his sleep. And it was the same noise that the Beans had heard coming from the vault earlier today.

  It had been, Jack realized, the sound of this thing in the basement… apparently the sound of this thing, break-dancing, and stumbling, and colliding with the walls and the floor with a great deal of force.

  “What in the world have we gotten into, Nibbler?” Jack asked his dog, to which the Labradoodle could only tilt his head in equal bafflement and curiosity.

  The strange, ungainly figure began to pull itself up from the shadowy corner that it had fallen into. It blinked its bright, blue eyes, and it made a funny noise that sounded something like mechanized chuckling… almost as if it were amused by its own clumsiness.

  It was at that time that the lights, which had been flickering on and off, thrummed to life with their full force, illuminating the basement… and the thing that had burst from the vault became clearly visible, for all to behold.