Quid Pro Quo: A dark stepbrother romance
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“Fights?” Jay asked warily.
“Well, she would yell. I don't know what he did. But don't worry about it,” added Stacey, looking at Jay's face. “You seem much calmer. I'm sure you'll be fine. Crystal was . . . tempestuous.”
With those words, she packed up her lunch, tossing over her shoulder, “Let's do this again tomorrow. I enjoyed our little chat.”
Jay looked at her phone. Did you review the document yet? I don't see you in here.
I'm on lunch, you toad.
She hadn't realized what she'd typed until she'd already sent the text. A cold wave of horror washed over her, especially when he didn't respond.
Jay avoided looking in his direction as she sat at her desk and opened the documents he wanted her to review. She'd thought it would be just a couple pages, but there were about thirty in total. She ended up printing them out and tacking the stack to her desk, scribbling notes in the margin of her notebook as she internet stalked the CEOs of the companies forwarded by Acquisitions and checked out their social media. It never ceased to amaze her what some people were willing to post online.
Out of curiosity, she Googled him in between her research on Full Circle West and Axel Integrated Systems. He didn't seem to have a Facebook anymore, even though she remembered him having one when he was younger, and his LinkedIn was private. The photo he'd chosen looked very severe and she supposed he must have glued his hair down with something for the photo, because it was the one picture of him she'd ever seen where his hair wasn't sticking up.
She stared at the picture a moment, curiously unnerved, before Xing out and going back to work.
By the time her meeting with Nicholas swung around, she was ready to collapse. It took her ages to find the conference room and a strange pang shot through her when she saw that he was the only one sitting in it, leaning back in his chair with one leg crossed over his knee.
“Close the door,” he said, and Jay couldn't quite hide her gulp.
Jay sat across from him and he pivoted in the chair to face her as she dropped all the papers and notes on the table. “So,” he said, dragging the manila file again. “You think I'm a toad.”
“You wouldn't stop messaging me,” she said. “It was—” habit? The thought of falling into habits with this man made her feel a little queasy. That was a level of comfort she wasn't ready for. “A mistake. It won't happen again.”
“I'm really not concerned about it.” Nicholas seemed amused as he flipped through the folder. Looking over the information inside, he said, “Let's start from the top.”
“Okay.”
“Royal Envoy. Tell me about them.”
“They're a distribution company. They broker the sale of industrial equipment to large businesses looking to cut costs by purchasing directly.”
He leaned forward so suddenly that she found herself leaning back. His white shirt buckled a little, baring part of his clavicle. “Who's the CEO?”
Jay looked down at her notes. “Gerald Russo.”
“I don't know who he is. Tell me about him.”
“Um. Well, I guess he looks okay on paper and knows what he's talking about but he seems to spend a lot of time going off and partying and his Instagram is full of him bragging about what he—”
Casually, he reached over and slipped her notes away, tossing them into the trash. “Next one.”
“What?” Jay squawked. “That was an hour of work. I wasn't done. You—”
“You don't like him, obviously, so I'm not investing in his company.” Nicholas folded an arm behind his head, holding up the folder like a disaffected king. “Let's keep it moving. I have another meeting after this one.”
“But he might be great,” Jay said. “He might make you lots of money. I don't—”
“Jay.” Nicholas arched his eyebrows. “Would you give him your money?”
She swallowed hard. “No.”
“There you go then.” He flicked out the folder so it cracked. “Next.”
After the meeting, Jay left him in the conference room, dumping her extra notes and files into the secure recycling bin by the copier for shredding. The office had started to empty out, so she went and sat in the break room and read the copy of Joust she'd brought from her room until Nicholas came to find her.
“Ready?”
“Yeah.” Jay slipped the book in her bag, trying to suppress the instinctive urge to look around and see if they were being watched.
She was relieved when she saw that the lot was empty, and even more relieved once he started driving. On the drive back to his house, she looked out the window, trying to figure out what had changed and what had stayed the same. Suddenly, she felt his hand on her leg.
Uneasily, she looked at him. They were at a red light and it was lighting up the downy hairs on his cheek as he turned to look at her. “You drive me crazy, little bird.”
His nails grazed her over the edge of her stockings and she let out a rough breath. Glancing at her, and apparently making a decision, he slid his fingers higher. She swallowed back her cry, making a distorted, desperate sound as he slid beneath her underwear.
Nicholas was still staring at the road, but she heard him hiss through his teeth. “God, you're wet.”
A car pulled up next to them and Jay jerked her leg as he slid a finger into her. “Nick,” she gasped. “No. Please. Someone—someone might see.”
As quickly as he'd grabbed her, his hands were both back on the wheel. She was breathing like she'd been rushed and she could feel his awareness as if it were the hot sun on her skin. She hated him a little for that cool dispassion, the way he could casually make her fall apart.
For a while, they drove in silence. Then he said, softly, “Come to my room tonight.”
The air in the car seemed to waver. And then Jay nodded. “Okay.”
Chapter Fourteen
2002
▪▫▪▫▪▫▪
Nick eventually became resigned to the idea of sharing his house with Jay. Unlike her mother, she wasn't particularly demanding. Not for material things, not for affection, not for praise. She kept to herself and as soon as she got her license, she started going out more and more, almost as if she couldn't stand to be here.
Nick could understand that. He didn't particularly want to be here, either.
He spent most of his time with Jake and Aaron, blowing off his homework until five minutes before it was due. There was usually some nerd around who would let him copy. He found that he didn't even need to threaten people to get them to do what he wanted. He could just glare at someone and let them imagine the worst.
He knew he was intimidating. Swimming had given his otherwise gangly frame some lean, ropy muscle. He'd shot up three inches in height and all of his old clothes had to be donated. Even though he was only twelve, he was already 5'2” and towered over his peers. Sometimes his legs would hurt so badly from the growing pains that he would whine until Jay sighed and pretended to be Danielle on the phone, calling him in sick so he didn't have to go to school.
“Will you stay home with me?” he asked, every time.
“No,” she always said, backpack hitched over her arm. “Be a man.”
“Being a man hurts,” he whined after her. “God, you suck. I hate you.”
“Está fingiendo,” Yelena said to Jay. “Es un mimado.”
“Creo que está realmente sufriendo.”
“What are you saying?” Nick snapped. “Speak English.”
“Stop whining.” Jay dug into her bag and handed him a bottle of Ibuprofen. “Here. But just one of these, okay? Even if it still hurts. They can make your stomach bleed.”
“Fine,” Nick said grumpily. “I'll just take one stupid pill.”
Nick would lie in the den with the bottle of the pills and play video games until Danielle or Jay came home. Danielle always seem to be annoyed to see him there, even though it wasn't her house. “What are you doing just sitting around? Every time I turn around, you're somewhere.”
/> “It's my house,” he said irately. “I live here. Feel free to leave if you don't like it.”
“Someone should slap you,” she would say, over and over, but never around his father, who he knew she was afraid of, and for the same reasons, she never hit him. Nick figured she thought he would hit back—and he would—so he wasn't sure who this someone was that she kept referring to, but if anyone touched him, his father would kick their ass. Or he would.
As soon as his stupid legs stopped hurting.
When Jay was home, she was usually working on homework or had her nose buried in one of her books. Or he would open the door to her room and see her dancing in that weird way that she did whenever she was stressed or unhappy.
Once in a while, he'd run into her on the couch outside his bedroom, watching one of those boring science shows she liked. The first couple times, she'd get up and leave until, finally, he said, “It's fine, you know. I don't care. Watch your dumb show.”
“Gee, thanks,” she said, sitting back down. “You're such a little sweetheart.”
He pretended to be bored, staring pointedly at his GameBoy Advance, but more often than not, he ended up putting the game down and watching the show with her. It seemed to make the weirdo happy, and it made him happy, too.
Sometimes he would fall asleep on her and wake up with her arm around him, feeling warm. Safe. Nobody had ever held him before, or if they had, he couldn't remember, and he would have rather died than admit to the fierce and quiet joy it elicited inside him that felt as delicate as an egg shell around his heart. As if one hard whack would make the entire structure crumble.
Nick wanted more of that feeling, and he didn't know how to ask for it; he was afraid it might be taken away, if he did. He suspected that even asking would make him weak—his father was always saying that women mocked weakness—and he couldn't bear it if Jay laughed at him, if she pushed him away. Not when every moment he spent with her felt like it might be the last.
“Nicholas,” his stepmother shrilled. “Have you seen my new DVD of White Oleander?”
“No,” he said innocently.
The step-witch could leave in a box, but he found himself thinking more and more that it would be okay if Jay stayed.
Maybe even forever.
▪▫▪▫▪▫▪
That Christmas, when Nick was gifted a bundle of games to go along with his new GameCube, he gave Jay the copy of Animal Crossing that came with it. “This is a dumb girls' game,” he informed her, with magnanimous solemnity. “You'll probably like it.”
“Thanks,” said Jay, rolling her eyes. She had been given clothes and jewelry from her mom and his dad, and even though she said thank you and acted all happy, he could tell that she was disappointed. Couldn't the idiots see that Brainiac always had her nose crammed in a book? He had gotten her a gift card to Borders and she had obviously loved it.
Well—Yelena had gotten it, but with his money. And Nick didn't miss how quick she had been to go, either, once she found out who the card was for. But she had also patted him on the head and said, in her accented English, “What a good brother.” So he didn't mind. Much.
“Here,” said Jay, handing him a box. He tore into it.
“What's this?” he asked, disappointed.
“It's a case for your GameCube games. I overheard your dad saying he was going to get you one. You put the disks in the sleeves so you don't have to lug them all around in a box.”
“Oh.” He stared at the case, an odd, warming feeling in his throat. “Thanks, blue jay.”
His dad gave the step-witch a bracelet with an engraving and he could tell she didn't like it because it didn't have one of those stupid brands she liked printed on it. “I would always rather be happy than dignified,” she said, with an uncertain laugh. “What's that supposed to mean, Damon? Is this a joke?”
“It's from Jane Eyre,” said Jay. “It's about how love makes you give up your pride because you're so in love that you don't care whether it hurts.”
Nick saw his dad look over at Jay. “What a clever girl you are,” he said, in a way that sounded a little like a trap. “Have you read Jane Eyre, Jay?”
“Yes,” she said. “When I was fourteen. It's one of my favorites.”
The step-witch shot Jay a dirty look and Nick thought, Interesting.
“Perhaps I made a mistake,” said Damon. “I thought you told me that it was your favorite book. But perhaps what you actually said was that it was your daughter's.”
“Well, you know me,” she said, tossing her hair. “I do go on.”
“Do I?” The words, spoken lightly, made Nick tense. He knew that tone. He glanced at Jay.
She looked back at him, slightly worried. What? she mouthed.
Afterwards, the step-witch disappeared into the master bedroom and Damon went out, which he had started doing more and more, lately. For work, he said, although Nick wondered.
He let himself into Jay's room. She was lying on her bed in her nightgown and robe with her hair loose around her shoulders. Reading a book, because of course. “Out,” she said, without looking up.
He came in anyway and dropped a charm bracelet on her stomach. “I found this in your mom's drawer. It's the one my dad got you two years ago.”
She plucked it up with a glance. “Oh, I was wondering where that went. You shouldn't go through people's things,” she added, glancing at him. “And stop coming in here without knocking.”
“You never do anything interesting,” he said. “I don't know what you're so worried about.”
“Oh my God,” she said, glaring up at him. “Seriously, dude. Stay out of my room.”
“I'm not the only one who comes in here,” said Nick. “Yelena comes in here.”
“Yelena cleans it. She has to come in here. Do you clean it?”
Nick scoffed. “Like I want to touch your crap.”
“Then stay out.”
“Your mom comes in here,” said Nick. “I see her come in once in a while. That's probably how she stole your bracelet.”
“Maybe I left it somewhere and she thought it was hers.”
“Yeah, right,” said Nick. “You didn't see the way her greedy eyes bugged out when Dad gave it to you. Also, I saw your mom trying on your school uniform while you were out.”
“Ugh,” said Jay. “Why? I hate it when she steals my clothes.”
“I think she wants to steal your life,” said Nick, plopping on her bed. “And maybe your face.”
“That's gross,” said Jay. “Where the hell did you get that idea?”
“Invasion of the Body Snatchers.” Nick kicked his feet up into the air and made the shrill scream of the pod people pointing out an impostor. “It was on late at night.”
“You shouldn't be staying up late,” said Jay. “There's things on there that aren't for you.”
“I've probably already seen all of them. What are you going to do? Tell on me?”
“You know I won't.” Jay leaned over him to drop the bracelet on her nightstand. “Thanks for this. Now get out. My mom's not going to steal my face. Hers is nicer than mine, anyway.”
No, it's not, thought Nick.
“Watch out,” he said, swinging easily to his feet. “I think she really might be planning on stealing your life. Remember, I know things,” he added, before closing the door behind him. “But don't worry. Even when your gross mom rips your face off, I'll still sit across from your ugly, faceless mug, blue jay.”
Nick heard a thump as she threw her book at him and it hit the wall.
He smiled.
▪▫▪▫▪▫▪
Despite her initial lack of enthusiasm, Nick started to see Jay playing Animal Crossing all the time. At first it made him happy that he'd pleased her, but sometimes he would see her playing and even though he had been on his way to do something else, he would decide that he wanted to play instead, even though he'd already gotten bored of it weeks ago.
She always conceded and that annoyed him, too
. It was like he was looking for reasons to be mad at Jay and he wasn't sure why, since she was the least annoying member of his stupid, annoying family, and the only one whose approval he secretly craved.
He'd been having a bad day. Aaron had just confided that he'd be moving at the end of the year because his stupid dad was being transferred to Pennsylvania.
“Can't he hold out for a better offer?” Nick asked. “Maybe then they'll let him stay.”
“My dad's not yours, dude,” Aaron said, a little bitterly. “If he doesn't take the job, my dad says they'll just give it to some 'hungry college student fresh out of school.'”
That made Nick feel worse and he wasn't sure why. Even though it wasn't his fault Aaron was moving, the way Aaron had said it kind of made it sound like Aaron thought it was.
Back at home and feeling miserable, he looked around for Yelena, hoping she had some conchas or Mexican wedding cookies, or if she could be persuaded to bake some. Instead she was sitting on the sofa with Jay, chatting with his sister in Spanish while she played.
“What are you talking about?” he demanded, standing in front of the TV. “Why aren't you in the kitchen?”
“Jesus, Nick,” said Jay. “Because she doesn't live to serve you? She's on her fucking break.”
Nick made a face at her, but the swear stung. Jay didn't swear much, especially not at him, so that meant he'd really made her angry. His own anger spiked in response, a natural defense to the misery gnawing at his gut, threatening to consume him whole. “Well—what are you talking about then?” he snapped. “Something stupid?”
“Ay,” said Yelena. “Qué grosero.”
“Nick,” said his sister, in a bleak, warning tone.
“God,” said Nick. “Fine. I'm sorry I hurt your dumb little feelings.”
Jay paused the game. “For your information, toad, Yelena was telling me about her daughter. Apparently she's a teacher at Hollybrook Elementary—the school you used to go to.”
“Never heard of her,” Nick said flatly, even though he didn't actually know Yelena's last name.