“You seriously don’t get it, do you?” His volume peaked.
Chastity shot a look towards the living room, wondering if the cameras were picking up his flared temper from out there.
He seemed to have the same thought, or perhaps it was her darting eyes which reminded him of their additional surveillance.
He pinched the bridge of his nose, hanging his head while he took deep breaths. “This is exactly what Dr. Rhetta was talking about. You don’t understand what it means to include me, to have a partner. You just want to do everything by yourself without giving me a second thought.”
Moisture flooded her eyes. The reality was, she didn’t know why she wanted to leave the room; it was just what felt right to her.
Maybe Dr. Rhetta is right. Maybe I inherited my mom’s independence. Maybe this is just who I am, who my mother was.
“I’m sorry, Lance. I don’t know what you want me to say. I guess I made a mistake. Maybe I don’t think to include you as much as I should.”
He gave a slight nod, his expression softening. “Well, that’s what we are working on. Let’s go work out and then maybe we can relax together before bed.”
Chastity nodded. She turned towards the door and took one step forward before she caught herself, freezing.
She turned around, keeping her feet firmly planted on the floor while Lance finished changing. As he met her just past the bedroom door, he nearly smiled, looking at her with a warmth she hadn’t seen for some time. She hadn’t noticed that affection towards her had disappeared until she saw its return.
He reached out and gently grabbed her hand, interlacing their fingers. Ice shards impaled her chest at his touch. It took all her self-control not to jerk her hand away from his. It would only make her look bad on camera to retract from such an innocent touch.
He guided her towards the door, placing his hand on her waist, directing her out into the hallway. Her face flushed as heat flooded her cheeks. Although she accepted the purpose of stepping away from the State House early this evening was to improve her relationship, the reality flooded in with his touch: she didn’t want to. She didn’t want him to touch her, to look at her affectionately. She didn’t want to carry on idle conversation about inconsequential subjects. She didn’t want him.
As they walked towards the elevator, she realized that the decline in their relationship could easily be blamed on her. Maybe it was because of her distant mother or deceased father, but maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it was Lance.
What if he isn’t enough for me? I find our conversations dull. His interests trite. Maybe I should have been paired with someone with a higher intellect. Maybe this is why our coupling is failing?
The elevator descended into the underground walkway. As they walked towards the lift to carry them to the physical activity center, her mind circled her revelation. It was odd. If the problem was in fact Lance, it did nothing to help her situation, but she found comfort in the concept. It somehow minimized the hurt of Dr. Rhetta’s implications of her flaws. She may have quirks which made her unique, but it didn’t necessarily mean there was something wrong with her.
Maybe there wasn’t anything wrong with Lance, either. Maybe it was the system that was flawed. The State has boasted their matching system creates happy couples, but how could she really know that for certain? It didn’t seem the pair of them were compatible yet were placed together because of their particular circumstances. She had to be coupled with a Security officer, and he was a Security officer who needed to be coupled.
What if we weren’t really matched at all? What if the State just placed us together because our timelines matched up?
They stepped inside the elevator and rode to the top floor. As the doors slid open, another thought struck her: that’s why the State won’t allow uncoupling. It would expose the flaw in their supposedly perfect system. They would have to admit to a mistake; something the State would never do.
“What do you want to do first? Do you like to run?”
She scanned the room, gaze landing on the bikes. “I definitely don’t run. I wouldn’t mind a ride on those bikes, though.”
“Great.”
He slipped behind her, placing both hands on her waist, guiding her towards the bike. His touch made her skin crawl, but she tried to push the squeamish feeling away. The reality was, they were both victims of their coupling. Lance most certainly would have been happier with someone else. The suffering in this relationship wasn’t simply on her end. If only the State would separate them, he could find a compatible mate, and she could work alongside Victor, which would make them both happy.
They mounted the bikes, and he leaned over, adjusting the setting on her bike.
“You want to make sure when you get started, the setting is on low. You need to warm up—which basically means you need to take it easy for the first few minutes—before you start to push yourself.”
Chastity’s jaw clenched, sealing her mouth shut and she responded with a nod. Any civilian who had visited an exercise facility before would know the importance of a warm up as the information was programmed into the system.
“I like to start off a little higher than the setting that you did, but I work out all the time. Maybe if you can leave early enough to do this regularly, you’ll get stronger too.”
She kept her gaze straight forward, no acknowledgment of his remark. She simply reached forward, adjusting the setting to match his.
“Chastity, this is a warmup. You don’t want to push so hard till your muscles are warm. That’s why they call it a warm up.”
“Yep. I got the concept.” She kept her sight on the wall behind the running track.
As he didn’t respond, she wondered if her tone had a sharper edge than she intended, exposing the disdain she worked so hard to conceal.
“Alright, your warm up is over. You can increase your settling to whatever you feel comfortable with.”
Lance reached forward, adjusting his setting without touching hers. She casually glanced over then adjusted her setting, matching his.
Without looking over at her, he increased his speed. Chastity refused to look at him, or to peddle harder. She knew he would only increase his speed once again if she matched his.
They peddled along in blissful silence for about ten minutes until Lance leaned over, looking at her bike’s screen.
“I’ve burned fifty more calories than you.”
Chastity took a deep breath, forcing her eyes back to the wall. “Congratulations.”
He increased his speed once again, as though his current lead wasn’t enough. She well knew that this activity was meant to bring them closer together, yet she had never found him less desirable. If this was their course of action to mend their relationship, she might end up strangling him in his sleep.
There has to be something else we can do together, something which won’t rally his competitive tendencies.
Her mind traveled back to the night they met, thinking of how fun it was for him to give her a tour of the area. She thought he was somewhat charming, and he seemed taken with her.
Why didn’t he feel threatened that night when he knew I would work at the State House? The answer came to her just as quickly as she pondered the question: because he held the upper hand. He knew the area and could display his wealth of knowledge as a Security officer. Once I didn’t need him to find my way around, he realized I have both a higher intelligence and a more important civil duty than him. We fell into what I thought was a comfortable silence, but he was never comfortable.
As much as she hoped to never meet with Dr. Rhetta again, she had a strong urge to share this insight with her. Without intending to intensify her workout, she pedaled harder as her mind ignited.
I do need to see Dr. Rhetta again, and I need to be the one who requests the meeting. She met with Lance first. Somehow, he pulled the wool over her eyes. He must have charmed her somehow, and then she deduced the rest from reading my file. The woman is young, probably inex
perienced. Maybe when she hears my side of the story, she will have a different plan of action.
“I’ve got 75 calories more than you do. You can pedal harder if you want, but there’s no way you’re going to catch up to me.”
“We aren’t racing each other,” she snapped. “I am getting my State-mandated physical activity, and you are burning off extra steam. I don’t know why you have to make everything a competition.”
Lance rolled his eyes. “I’m just trying to make this fun.” He shook his head, clenching his jaw. “You do know what fun is, don’t you? I’m just trying to make you laugh, or something. Any emotion from you would be an improvement.”
She didn’t respond. She continued peddling as she was, changing both her setting and her pace as the system in her shirt indicated it was time for her to start her cool down.
“We should do some stretches. I can teach you some that will really help you build up strength.”
She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. With a deep breath, she dismounted her bike and headed to the mats.
Lance sprang into action. He demonstrated a stretch she should do, then corrected her, gently guiding her body with his hands. The more stretching he had her do, the more prevalent his hands became. She suddenly realized he was sexualizing this activity, which somehow seemed even worse than when he was competing with her on the bikes.
The torment finally ended, and they walked hand in hand back to their apartment. Their meal trays were waiting for them, cold, another item for her to add to her list of grievances. He nattered on about trivial activities in his day, and she held a blank gloss over her eyes.
“How about you? How was your day?”
Chastity shrugged. “If was fine.”
He shook his head. “That’s it? Fine.”
Chastity huffed. “Lance, you know I can’t talk about my work in the State House; it’s confidential.”
Lance pursed his lips. “You used to tell me about your day, when we were first coupled. It wasn’t confidential then.”
She rolled her eyes. “I told you about how miserable Lenora was. Once she was gone, I guess I didn’t have anyone to complain about—and I was overwhelmed with work.”
She took a bite, struggling to swallow the cold, dry rice.
“What do you want to do for the rest of the night?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know; we could read.”
He scrunched his face. “Maybe we could see if there is a game or puzzle on our tablets we could do together.”
Chastity’s mind envisioned them playing together, seeing Lance’s competitive streak at every turn. What was left of her energy drained as though it was getting sucked out of her feet into the floor.
“You know, I’m exhausted. I think I want to turn in early tonight.”
“Okay.”
Lance jumped up from the table, grabbing their plates and delivered them to the slot in the wall.
Chastity blinked a few times before she stood. He seemed to give up on their evening activities much easier than she had expected. Relief washed over her at the prospect of their evening together coming to an end.
She stepped into the bathroom, preparing herself for bed. Lance soon stepped into the bathroom behind her, slipping his hand on her hip then leaned in, placing a gentle kiss on the back of her neck. Her shoulder reflexively curled to her ears, blocking her exposed skin from his touch.
He groaned, stepping back into the living room. “Chastity, you have to give me something here. We are supposed to spend the night together, yet you keep avoiding me even when we are together.”
She placed her toothbrush back in the holder, rinsed her mouth, and joined him in the living room. “I’m sorry if our night together has been a disappointment. I don’t know how you expected it to play out.” She crossed her arms.
“Chastity, it has been over a month since you came anywhere near me.”
Her jaw tightened as she shot him a piercing look. “Yeah, well, I guess I thought I should wait for my lip to fully heal before we could be intimate.”
Lance sneered, throwing his hands into the air. “You’re going to use that as your excuse? You’ve always got one! What are you going to say when your lip is healed? Will it be work then?” His volume continued to rise. “You’re not even trying! You really think leaving early one night a week is enough? A night where you act like a cold fish the entire time. That’s all you’re willing to put into this. You don’t even care if our coupling is successful.”
Chastity’s eyes flickered to the camera, then she took a deep breath. “No Lance, I don’t expect one night a week to fix things. But you are expecting everything fixed in one night total. You really thought we could go exercise together once and everything would be fine? You hit me and dragged me by my hair. That isn’t something I can just move past so quickly. I need more time.”
Without another word, Lance turned and walked out the door. For a moment she thought to go after him, but she couldn’t bring herself to chase after a man she didn’t want, regardless of the consequences of this fight.
She turned instead to their bedroom, changed into her sleeping ware and crawled into bed. Tomorrow things would be better. She could message Dr. Rhetta when she had a spare moment and set up another appointment. Once Dr. Rhetta knew this ran deeper than what was listed in her file, somehow, this would come to an end. It had to.
Chapter 33
Chastity
Chastity tossed and turned all night. When Lance first left after their fight, she was relieved to be free of him. She thought she would slip into a deep sleep, but she didn’t. She jumped at every sound, fearful of what kind of confrontation they would have when he returned.
It was only a few hours before morning that she realized he wasn’t coming home. Somehow, this made her feel worse. Where did he go? Where could he go? He could sleep on the sofa, but it would probably raise alarms with the State. Security would certainly flag that behavior.
She finally gave up on sleep, getting out of bed and quietly heading into the bathroom, only turning on the light when the door was secured. She readied herself for the day and slipped out of the bathroom just as carefully as she had entered. She tiptoed across the floor to the door, cautiously opening it. It was only when she stepped out into the hallway that she looked back at the sofa, coming to a halt. With the dimly lit hallway casting a beam of light into their living room, she could see that there was no Lance on their sofa.
The door clicked shut, and she spun towards the elevator, her mind was spinning, trying to think of any possible location he could have gone. When the elevator doors slid open, she was determined to get to the State House quickly. She didn’t know what would become of his disappearance, but she had a bad feeling.
Her pace increased to just under a jog. By the time she reached the State House, a light dew shimmered on her warm skin. Even though she arrived a few hours early, she headed straight for her tablet, ready to get to work.
As she scrolled through the endless messages, her heart raced as a meeting request came through from Dr. Rhetta. Did Lance do this? Or did Security flag our fight and his disappearance the previous evening?
She wanted to meet with Dr. Rhetta, she just wanted it to be on her terms. She wanted to call the meeting and have her agenda prepared, provide documentation of the things he had said and done, proof of how terrible their coupling was playing out, to convince her that this was a time to make an exception on the State’s coupling policy.
Now, she would walk into an attack like she had in their previous meeting. There was no higher ground she could gain when Dr. Rhetta called the meeting. As the woman seemed to prefer Lance, she had to come up with an iron-clad defense.
Chastity set her tablet beside her, leaning back into the sofa. She closed her eyes and focused on her breath. She needed to clear her mind, to find her inner strength. Part of the reason the last meeting had gone so poorly was because she walked in with false expectations. She had incorrectly as
sumed the State would punish Lance for striking her, not the other way around.
Now that she knew the State’s view on coupling, she could be prepared. Instead of standing up for herself she had fallen to pieces. This time, she would do better. She would hold her ground and defend herself. She wouldn’t let Dr. Rhetta twist her words and bully her. It was time for the truth to be revealed; the State made a mistake when they coupled her with Lance. This was a relationship which couldn’t be mended, and it was time for everyone to move on.
She continued to focus on her breath with her eyes closed as she ran different scenarios of the meeting through her mind.
Her thoughts started to blur together, as she drifted off to sleep. The alarm on her tablet chimed, alerting her to her early morning meeting with Dr. Rhetta. Chastity cursed at the realization she had fallen asleep. She tried to clear the fog from her mind and pushed herself to head toward the military underground.
Betrayed: Book Five of the State Series Page 22
