Chastity could no longer stay in control of her emotions. Ursa wrapped her arms around her and let her cry into her shoulder. There were so many facets to this incident which harmed her. There was the physical blow, losing faith in someone she trusted, but what Dr. Rhetta said to her afterwards had been just as damaging, if not worse.
She felt his behavior was an outrage and he should be punished, yet Dr. Rhetta continued to make it sound as though it was no big deal. The way they minimized his actions as being ordinary made her feel as though she was being ridiculous to feel hurt or upset.
The moment they started their separate counseling, it was clear to her how normal such an incident can be, and how little his daily life would be impacted from such an outburst. Nothing could have comforted her more than for Ursa react with such outrage.
Maybe I’m not crazy after all.
“I am so happy you came to me. I’m happy you reached out and felt you could confide in me.” Ursa continued to rub her back and speak into her ear, comforting her. “None of this should have happened. His frustration, the attack, nor your coupling. You shouldn’t be forced into a coupling you don’t choose, nor should you be given a work schedule so demanding the psychologist feels it is normal for your partner to hurt you. You should be free to choose your own life.”
As Ursa spoke, Chastity took comfort in her words until they no longer made sense and she grew uncomfortable. She pulled back, speaking merely inches from her face. “What are you saying? There is no alternative to this life. I can’t change this. I’m losing my position at the State House over this, and I’m still stuck with him.”
Ursa squinted. “They are threatening your position to make you stay with a man who hits you?”
“The State values couples.” Her voice cracked. “It makes society function smoothly.”
Ursa leaned closer. “Or it’s just another form of control.”
Chastity flinched. Ursa’s remark pushed from empathetic to treasonous. “Well, I don’t know what you think I should do. I don’t have a choice in this. None of us do.”
Ursa took her by the hand and squeezed reassuringly. “Maybe not yet, but it is my most sincere hope my son, or his children, live a better life than we have. In order to do so, we must stand up and fight for change. We cannot let the State continue to control us with these broken lives.”
Chastity pulled her hands away from Ursa and slid back on the bench. “Ursa, I don’t know what you’re talking about, I don’t know what you think you are doing or who you have been talking to—”
“If we don’t stand up,” Ursa cut her off, “if we don’t fight, we will never be free.”
Chastity flipped her leg over the bench and stood up, looking around the room to see if anyone was observing them. She leaned in her ear and whispered, “Ursa, I can’t hear another word. You are my oldest and best friend—a sister to me—but I cannot stand for this. If you say anymore, I will have no choice but to report you.” She pulled away and looked sternly at Ursa while catching her breath, then leaned back in. “I must go now, and I hope if I see you again, you will have made better life choices. Goodbye, Ursa.”
She took a step away but Ursa grabbed onto her arm, tugging her back towards her. Ursa’s eyes were wild and feral.
“Chastity, everything we have been told is a lie. I want you to think about that bedtime story your mom used to tell you. I want you to think really hard about it. She knew something, and she was trying to teach it to you. That story isn’t something she made up on her own. Think about it, she was taken out to the mountain, and she saw things and experienced things that counteract everything we’ve been taught.”
Chastity started to shake her head, building into a near manic state, eventually covering her hands over her ears. “No, Ursa, you’re crazy. It was just a story and you’ve used it to justify whatever you’re involved with. I have to go. I can’t speak to you again, ever.”
Chastity turned and took off at nearly a run. Dr. Rhetta be damned, this meeting was more likely to be her demise than her saving grace. She walked as briskly as her legs would carry her without drawing too much attention. She made it back to the safety of the State House and sealed herself in the military underground, the only place where she felt safe.
***
She was filled with so much rage she couldn’t focus on a single thought. Her hands shook as they periodically flailed about, searching for a project, anything that would occupy her mind. Her feet paced back and forth in the small apartment she often used as office space. She realized there was only one thing she could do to calm her nerves. Without another thought, she returned her tablet to its docking station and walked down the hall to the military underground access. She flung open the hatch, heading straight for the firing range.
She knocked on the door to the training room and was quickly welcomed inside.
Good, I’m still on the Council. At least I have that. After she stepped inside her booth, a horrible realization dawned on her. I’m allowed in here because I haven’t been removed from the State House yet. There is no way Dr. Rhetta will let me down here when she thinks I should be home, with Lance.
Her heart rate quickened as she raised her arms, aligned her body to take aim. Her vision blurred in and out of focus as tears threatened to spill over, knowing that today, this moment, may be the last time she could come here. She blinked back the tears, took a deep breath, and took aim. Her finger squeezed the trigger sending a shock wave reverberating through her arms and shoulders, a tingling sensation radiating in her core, lodging in her soul.
Her chest lit aflame, fire spreading through her veins. She focused her aim again, firing off a full round of ammunition.
It wasn’t enough.
She reloaded. Positioning her body once again, she fired off another round, and then another. She continued until her target was so shredded the bottom half was dangling by merely a scrap, swaying, threatening to detach.
It was then she decided it was best to leave. She could draw too much attention to herself, even without a monitoring system present. She strapped her gun back into her ankle holster and exited the room.
Her thoughts lingered on the monitoring system. What was she expected to do with the rest of her day? What would Dr. Rhetta want her to do—what would she be watching for on the Security footage?
The decision was clear; she would stay in the military underground for as long as she could justify instead of ascending. She needed to walk, have a change of scenery, and most importantly, find time to be alone. The military underground was sparse, and rarely did she encounter anyone else. It was perfect.
She walked rapidly down the hallway until she made a turn and continued on, trying to tire herself out. No matter how far or fast she walked, she couldn’t distance herself from her thoughts.
How could Ursa do this? How can she be so foolish? If I don’t report her, am I not somehow responsible for the damage she causes? Yet if I do report her, she will most certainly be sentenced to death for treason. Can I knowingly send my best friend, my sister, to her death? Ursa is all I have left! I know that she loves me, and I love her. How can I destroy the last, the only thing I love?
She turned down an unfamiliar hall, trying to orient herself with her surroundings. Panic overtook her. She had mazed herself into a restricted area, and now was lost. She bit her lip hard, sending a jolt of pain through her already delicate flesh.
Just as she felt she would fall to pieces, she heard a familiar laugh echo down the hallway. Her feet hardly made a sound as she eased herself toward his laugh.
He must be in a meeting in his office, which is close to the access. I must have walked in a circle while I wasn’t paying attention.
His muffled voice grew in volume as she drew closer. Her intention was to sneak past, now knowing her location would ensure a swift return to the access point.
As Chastity crept past the door, a female voice said, “Lance has performed all of his mandatory counseling session
s. I will still work with him as Chastity transitions into her new role.”
Chastity felt as though her heart fell through her stomach. Even through the muffling effect of the door, she could never mistake that shrill voice.
Dr. Rhetta.
Dr. Rhetta, discussing my fate with Victor… and he was laughing? Does he really care for me? At all? She leaned in, desperately needing to hear more. He has to stand up for me. He has to.
“Are you certain he will not turn violent again?”
“If he does, he’s a real moron.” She laughed. “I have made it abundantly clear what will happen to him if he tries something like that again. You see, he believed that if Chastity was having an affair, it would be considered treason. I corrected him, explaining that him harming such a valuable member of the State Household would be considered a higher treason than an affair.”
Chastity flinched. But I won’t be a State House worker any longer. Would he feel justified then to hurt me?
“Well, I hope he’s bright enough to listen to you.”
“I believe he will,” Dr. Rhetta interjected. “That little spat was nothing more than a power struggle. He felt he held the power in their relationship and didn’t appreciate finding out he was wrong. Now that we have forced Chastity to understand her place in their household, I don’t believe there will be any further issues.”
Her heart skipped a beat. A numbness washed over her. That was her strategy? She’s trying to change my behavior to fix his.
Just as she felt her life had hit rock bottom, an even more terrifying realization struck her: she said we.
Victor.
Victor was a part of this. He was a part of Dr. Rhetta’s plan. This entire time, he had been feigning sympathy, yet it was all just a ruse.
Victor.
The person she most admired, the man who was like a father to her, the man she truly loved. Loved so deeply, she would rather work with him than to have a partner—to sacrifice ever experiencing romance or desire again, just to have the privilege of working alongside him.
Victor had betrayed her.
“I hope you are right. Although I recognize your strategy with her to be effective, I do hope she will return to the State House. I will feel lost without my administrator. I have often reflected on how grateful I am she wasn’t selected for reproduction.”
“Even though you investigated the State’s reasoning like a petulant child who had their toy taken from them.”
Victor laughed. “How could you possibly expect me to guess her biological father is unknown? And that it was covered up by the military?”
My what?
“You could have just accepted that the High Council had done a proper screening of your administrator to begin with. Seriously, Victor, the High Council has said that never in our history has a Head of State been as paranoid as you. No one has ever conducted additional research into their house staff’s backgrounds.”
He did what?
“You mean, no other Head of State has been so cunning nor intelligent as I?”
My father is not my father… and that’s why I was sterilized. All because the State isn’t certain of my genetics.
Her mind shifted, comprehension setting in. Her entire life, she felt there was something wrong with her, and now it was confirmed.
I am not the daughter of two brilliant scientists.
The thoughts swirled around in her mind.
My father was someone ordinary, average, probably a mountain worker. I am the combination of a genius and someone average.
A chair leg scratched against the floor, making a loud screeching sound, pulling her back into reality.
I have to get out of here. Right now!
She forced herself to place one cemented foot in front of the other until her pace quickened into a run. Her lungs burned as she pushed herself faster than she should, then her untrained muscles and tendons could sustain. Regardless of whether she was running towards her access point or getting sucked deeper into the labyrinth, she did not care. All that mattered was she get as far away from the door as fast as possible.
She had just spied on the Head of State, learning information she wasn’t privy to.
Treason.
She had just committed treason.
If I get caught, nothing can save me. Treason is punishable by death.
I must get out of here undetected.
My life depends on it.
***
Her feet paced the width of her living room. What am I supposed to do here? I can’t go back to the State House—I’ll never be able to look Victor in the eyes again. I can’t go see Ursa again, and I can’t stay here. Not without protection from Lance.
Her mind kept spinning, searching for a solution, anything. Some ray of light shining down on her. Some semblance of hope that her life wasn’t over. But she couldn’t see past the grim reality, everyone in her life had betrayed her.
Cora had turned her back on her when she was assigned to be a lowly administrator. Ursa had not only become a part of the rebellion, she’d tried to use her pain as an opportunity to lure her into peril. Her own mother had given into jealousy, unable to celebrate her own daughter’s victories. Lance, the man who was supposed to love her, hit her in a fit of rage, taunted by petty insecurities. And now, Victor. He was conspiring with Dr. Rhetta against her.
Her mind circled back. Why did my mother lie to me about who my father was when he died long before I was born?
The memory of Ursa’s words slapped her across the face. She knew something, and she was trying to teach it to you. That story isn’t something she made up on her own. Think about it, she was taken out to the mountain; she saw and experienced things that counteract everything we’ve been taught.
A deep burning desire to speak to her mother flared through her entire body. Her skin flushed with perspiration and she gripped the kitchen counter, bracing herself, hardly able to stay on her feet from the force pressing down on her.
The realization struck her: I have to speak to my mother. How will I ever know who my father is, or why she concealed it?
She let go of the counter and took a few steps towards the door. One of her knees gave, bending awkwardly when it was meant to support her. She grabbed onto the sofa, then shifted to perch herself on the sofa’s arm.
I need to know. What Ursa said is ludicrous. She bent my mother’s words, twisting them to suit whatever perversion she has gotten lost in. I will get the truth from my mom, and I will set Ursa straight.
She took a few deep breaths, fighting to find the strength to stand. On shaky legs, she stood, working her way to the bedroom. After retrieving her tablet from her nightstand, she opened the messaging service and typed.
Hi Mom,
I know you are busy, but I unexpectedly have the day off. Would it be possible for you to meet me in a common room? I can come to yours; I have the time to walk there. I would really like to talk to you.
Chastity
She hoped her mother would read between the lines and recognize the urgency of her request. If she didn’t talk to her today, she didn’t know if she would ever have another chance.
Her fingers turned a bluish white as she gripped her tablet, impatiently waiting for a response. Her mind tried to sort through the information—where to start, but she landed in a different place completely.
How could Ursa say those things to me in public? Wouldn’t Security pick up our conversation? How can I talk to my mom? Really talk to her.
Her heart pounded in her throat and at her temple, a tingling sensation dancing across her skin.
I listened to Ursa say those things, without reporting her. I am now as guilty as she is, even though I walked away.
At that moment, she realized she had one last thing to lose: her life. Between Dr. Rhetta’s diagnosing her as a sociopath and having concrete proof of Ursa taking part in the rebellion and choosing to turn the other cheek, there was no doubt in her mind she would receive the death senten
ce.
Why haven’t I been arrested yet? Or brought in for questioning? She paused, looking at the ground. What if Ursa knows something I don’t? She seemed confident when she broached the subject.
Maybe there were black holes where Security didn’t monitor as closely. She replayed their meeting in her mind’s eye, seeing each movement and gesture as a play-by-play. She remembered Ursa was sitting in the center of the room.
Are the cameras on the outskirts of the room? How closely did they monitor common rooms? Most social groups tucked themselves into the room’s corners before occupying the center. Maybe, the conversations of the others muffled their own, keeping Security from discerning their words.
Betrayed: Book Five of the State Series Page 24
