YOUR SECRET ADMIRER

by Richard Laymon

  He whispered, “Thanks.” Then he faced the movie screen.

  This movie was a good one. Five times, Janice jumped with shock and Susan screamed. Three times, Janice looked down at her hands to keep from seeing the horrors on the screen. When it was over, she breathed deeply with relief. Her legs trembled as she stood.

  “That was a rip-snorter,” Susan said.

  All Janice could say was, “Wow.”

  Freddy shook his head. “Extraordinary.”

  They moved up the crowded aisle, through the lobby, and outside. The September night was cool, and a strong wind blew against them.

  “Well…” Freddy shrugged. “Thank you both for letting me sit with you, and for the popcorn, and…”

  “Enough, enough!” Susan cried.

  Freddy laughed. “Well, I’ll be seeing you.”

  “Are you walking?” Janice asked him.

  “Sure.”

  “Hey Susan, maybe your dad can give him a lift. It’s the other way, but it’s not very far.”

  Susan suddenly looked embarrassed. She smiled and adjusted her slipping glasses.

  “That’s all right,” Freddy said as he started away. “I’d rather walk. Really. I like walking at night. See you. And thank you again.”

  “Polite kid,” said Susan when he was gone. “I still bet he’s the letter writer. I mean, he probably followed us here so he could ‘adore you from afar.’”

  “I doubt it. How could he follow us, walking? My parents drove us, remember?” Janice watched the boy disappear around a corner, then looked up and down the street. “Wonder what’s keeping your dad.”

  “Oh, that.”

  “Oh, that?”

  Susan grinned.

  “Don’t tell me he’s not coming.”

  “I’m sure he’d be happy to, but he’s out of town on business. Mom’s over at Harriet’s watching cable TV.”

  “Susan! You knew, didn’t you? You lied when you said they’d pick us up!”

  “A little-bitty fib.”

  Janice groaned. “Oh boy,” she said.

  “The walk will be good for us. Do you know how many calories you burn off walking briskly for an hour? Almost three hundred. So if we walk home, that’ll be about a hundred, don’t you think?”

  “Boy, if my parents find out…”

  “They’ll never know.”

  “They always know.”

  “Hey, Janice, I had to say they’d pick us up, or you couldn’t have gone to the movies tonight.”

  “Maybe not, but… I don’t know… I’ll be in a lot of trouble if we get caught.”

  “So who’s going to get caught?” Susan asked in a carefree voice. “Shall we be off?”

  They started walking. For Janice, the joy was gone from the evening. Her mind kept returning to dinner, and the words of her parents.

  That’s too late to be out on the streets.

  What concerns us is your safety.

  Not worth the risk.

  Of course, she hadn’t been the one who lied. She’d been tricked, the same as her parents. Somehow, that didn’t make her feel any better about disobeying them. She felt as guilty as if the whole set-up had been her idea.

  “Let’s cut through the park,” Susan suggested. “It’s shorter that way. Besides, maybe we’ll see a wino.”

  “Who wants to see a wino?”

  “You’re sure in a creepy mood.”

  “I don’t like lies.”

  “Oh? I guess you’ve never lied, huh?”

  The words bit sharply. She decided to stop talking.

  They talked without speaking for a block. When they reached the corner of the park, Susan started toward the walkway into it.

  Janice broke the silence. “Not through there.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “We shouldn’t go that way. It’s not safe.”

  Susan smirked. “Then you go your way, and I’ll go mine.”

  “Susan, come on. Let’s just stay on the street, okay?”

  “Afraid the walking dead will get you?”

  “I’m more worried,” said Janice, “about the walking living.”

  “Do whatever you want. I’m going through the park.”

  She watched Susan start into the park. The walkway was lighted by lamps, but it seemed like a narrow lane through depths of darkness. Anyone—anything—could be lurking unseen among the nearby clumps of bushes. Later, near the stream, would be even worse. She couldn’t let Susan go alone, she just couldn’t.

  “Wait up!” she called.

  Susan stopped. Turning around, she pushed the bridge of her glasses with her finger, and grinned. “I knew I could count on you, Jan.”

  “Somebody has to watch out for you.”

  “Keep your eye out for vampires,” she said.

  They walked in silence, listening for sounds that might signal the approach of trouble. The wind in the trees was too loud, though. Its rush through the leaves would hide all the softer sounds: the sounds of distant talk or approaching footsteps. Except for the wind, Janice heard only the quiet slapping sounds of her own sneakers and Susan’s.

  “This is creepy,” Susan finally said.

  “It’s too late to turn back,” Janice told her. “We’re almost halfway.”

  They were in the center of the footbridge over the stream when Janice looked back. Fifty yards down the path, a dark shape suddenly ducked into the bushes.

  Janice gasped.

  “What’s wrong?” Susan asked.

  “Someone’s back there.”

  “Where?”

  “In the bushes,” Janice whispered. “Near the bench by the trash basket.”

  “I don’t see anybody.”

  “Come on, let’s get out of here.” Janice turned and started walking quickly. At the end of the footbridge, Susan grabbed her arm.

  “Hold on. Just a minute. Do you know who it might be back there? Your secret admirer.”

  “And maybe it isn’t. Maybe it’s a drunk or a criminal.” Janice kept walking, in spite of Susan’s attempts to hold her back. “Besides, you’re the one who said my secret admirer might be a nut.”

  “I said pervert.”

  “Same difference.”

  “What’s your hurry? Slow down.”

  “Let go!” Janice tugged her arm free, and hurried ahead.

  Susan tried to catch up, her chubby cheeks quivering with the bounce of her walk. Her glasses slipped down her nose and with her forefinger, she poked them into place. “You’re such a worrier,” she called. “I don’t even think there’s any…” Her voice died as she looked over her shoulder.

  Janice saw him, too. He was much closer, now, almost to the footbridge. He looked as if he had taken a lot of trouble to hide his identity. He wore a dark stocking cap, and sunglasses, and the collar of his jacket was turned up. He must have realized they were watching, because he suddenly sat down on a bench and turned his face away.

  Susan caught up to Janice. “Quick,” she said. “Let’s get around the bend, and hide.”

  Janice hurried alongside her. “Let’s just get out of here!”

  “Don’t you want to see who it is?”

  “No.”

  “Sure you do. It’s probably him!”

  “I doubt it.”

  “He’s following you, isn’t he?”

  “Maybe he’s following you,” Janice suggested.

  “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  They passed a curve in the walkway and Susan glanced back. “Now!” she whispered, and jerked Janice sideways. “We can hide back here.”

  The bushes were thick and dark. Janice hurried behind them, ducked low, and Susan crouched beside her.

  For a long time, Janice heard nothing except her heartbeat, her breathing, and the blowing wind. She began to hope that the stranger wasn’t coming after all.

  “Maybe he’s gone,” Susan whispered.

  Janice shook her head. She pressed a finger to her lips.

  “I�
�ll take a look,” Susan said.

  “Don’t!”

  Susan started to stand, so Janice grabbed the back of her collar and pulled her down. Losing her balance, Susan toppled backwards. The dry leaves crushed loudly under her weight. “Now look what you…”

  A face in sunglasses appeared above the bushes. The mouth curved into a smile. “Can’t hide from me,” it said.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  “I know you,” Janice gasped, recognizing the voice.

  “I’d hope so.” A hand reached up and removed the sunglasses.

  “Mike!”

  “El creepo, himself,” Susan said. “I knew that jacket looked familiar.” She was still lying in the leaves.

  “How come you’re hiding?” Mike asked.

  Susan sat up. She picked a dry leaf out of her hair. “How come you were following us?”

  “I thought maybe I’d catch the wierdo who wrote that letter.” He turned to Janice. “The guy must be following you around, right? So I figured I’d do some following, myself. That way, maybe I’d run into him.”

  Susan stood up, brushing off the seat of her pants. “That was a dumb thing to do,” she said.

  Janice shook her head. “It wasn’t so dumb. It might have worked.”

  “Well, it didn’t. All it did was scare the bejabbers out of us.”

  “Did you see anything suspicious?” Janice asked him.

  He shook his head. “Not much. How about heading home, now? It’s getting late.”

  They stepped out from behind the bushes, and joined Mike. Janice walked beside him, feeling very glad he had come. It meant he was worried by the anonymous letter. He wouldn’t be so concerned unless he liked her.

  She wished he would hold her hand. If she had the courage, she would take his. She wanted to, badly, but not with Susan around. You can’t grab a guy’s hand, not right in front of his sister; not when the sister is your best friend, anyway.

  She looked at him and he smiled at her. “What would you have done,” she asked, “if someone had been following us?”

  He pushed his hands into the front pockets of his jeans, and shrugged. “I guess it would depend. If it turned out to be an adult, you know, that’d be a lot different than a kid—a lot more serious. If it’s just a kid… who knows, maybe you’d like him. I mean, he sure must like you.”

  “He has a strange way of showing it,” Janice said.

  “He’s probably just shy. Kids your age…”

  “Listen to gramps,” Susan interrupted. “Kids your age! We’re only a year younger than you, creepo. One measly year.”

  “A year can be a long time,” Mike said.

  Janice said nothing, but she felt that Mike was right. He seemed far more mature and experienced than the boys her own age. He was taller, too.

  “If it’s a boy from one of your classes,” Mike said, “he’s probably just shy, and hasn’t had much experience with girls. He might be a nice guy, though.”

  “Did you ever write a letter like that?” Janice asked.

  “No, but I can see how a guy might. It can be awfully hard to meet a girl face to face, or even talk on the phone. The more he likes her, the harder it is, sometimes.”

  “My brother, the philosopher.”

  They reached the end of the park and waited at a corner for a car to pass. Then they started across the street.

  “Were you ever afraid to talk to a girl?” Janice asked him.

  He eyed Susan, as if reluctant to speak of such matters in front of her. “There was one in seventh grade.”

  “Arliss Fenner,” Susan put in.

  “I really had a crush on her. I wouldn’t talk to her, and if I saw her coming I would pretend not to see her. Just because I was so shy. She finally accused me of hating her.”

  “How about now? Do you still get shy?”

  “Depends on the girl.”

  “How about Brita Kramer?” Susan asked.

  Mike glared at her. “How about keeping your mouth shut?”

  “Oh, so sorry, I didn’t know this was a private conversation. Should I disappear?”

  In the moment before Mike answered, Janice imagined how it would be if he said, “Yeah, disappear,” and Susan left them. Maybe Mike would take her hand. Maybe, when they reached her house, he would walk her to the front door and kiss her. She had often imagined being kissed by Mike.

  “If you can’t keep your mouth under control,” Mike said, “maybe you should disappear.”

  “Brita Kramer, Brita Kramer, Brita Kramer!” Whirling away, Susan ran up the sidewalk.

  “Susan!” Janice called. “What’re you doing?”

  “Bye-bye!”

  “Susan?”

  “Oh, let her go,” Mike said. “She’s acting weird.”

  They walked together in silence for a while. Then Mike said, “Too bad she’s not the one getting anonymous letters. She could use one.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “She’s got this thing in her head. She thinks she’ll never have a boyfriend.”

  “Oh, that.”

  “It’s really crazy. Just because she’s fat and plain and wears braces and glasses, and walks like an old lady and talks like a…”

  “Mike!” Janice laughed.

  “That’s just how she sees herself. It’s what they call a ‘low self-image,’ you know? If she didn’t have such a cruddy self-image, she wouldn’t act so weird.”

  Up ahead, Susan was walking quickly, keeping well ahead as if she knew that Janice wanted to be alone with Mike. How could she know that? She couldn’t. Janice had always been careful to keep her feelings for Mike a secret.

  Besides, Susan hadn’t really left them. She was simply staying far ahead, out of hearing range but within sight. If she really wanted to do Janice a favor, she would disappear completely. She’d go home instead of lingering nearby where she could see them.

  They were only two blocks from Janice’s home, and Mike had still made no move to take her hand. Maybe he wouldn’t. Maybe he didn’t feel that way about her. Or maybe he wanted to, but Susan’s presence was holding him back.

  Janice had to do something!

  Nerves suddenly made her stomach hurt. Her legs felt weak, as if her knees were too tired to hold her up. She had to think of something quickly, or she would miss the chance and these minutes alone with him would be wasted.

  But what could she do?

  Maybe say something? What, for instance? I really like you a lot, Mike. No way! How about, We ought to see each other when Susan’s not around? No! That sounded horrible.

  Maybe she had better say nothing.

  They stepped off the curb, and crossed Winnow Street. Only one block to go. She took a deep breath. “Mike?”

  He looked at her. “Hmmm?”

  Her mind whirled, trying to find what to say, something grown-up, something not dumb. “Do Brita’s braces hurt when you kiss her?” she blurted. Immediately, she regretted it. How could she ask such an awful question?

  He looked at Janice as if she’d lost her mind. Then, grinning, he said, “Do her braces hurt? Gee, I don’t know. I’ll be sure to ask her, though.”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Mike just kept chuckling until they reached Janice’s house. Susan, still half a block ahead, waited at the corner and watched.

  Mike walked with Janice to the front door. “You’ve really got a great sense of humor,” he said.

  “Me?”

  “You’re a lot more fun when Susan isn’t around.”

  “Thanks. So are you.”

  He was standing very close to her. “Brita hasn’t got any sense of humor at all. I guess that’s because she’s kind of dense.”

  Janice felt shaky. She put a hand on the wall to steady herself. “If Brita’s so dense, how come you go out with her?”

  Mike shrugged and grinned.

  “She’s very pretty,” Janice said.

  “She’s all right. Hey, if you hear anything more from your secret admirer, let
me know. Okay?”

  “Sure.” Opening her purse, she took out her house key and dropped it. She bent down to pick it up. So did Mike. A sudden shock of pain exploded behind her eyes as her head hit Mike’s, then she fell backwards. Her back smashed against the door, and she sat down hard on the stoop.

  Mike, holding his own head, knelt down beside her. “Are you okay?”

  “I guess.”

  “I’m awfully sorry,” he said.

  “It’s okay. It wasn’t… your fault.”

  He took hold of her arms, and helped her stand. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  She shrugged. She didn’t want him to let go. Her head hurt less, now. The sharp pain was gone, and the bump had a warm feeling. “I feel kind of dizzy,” she said. It wasn’t a lie. His hands felt gentle and strong. Her throat was tight and she had to swallow before speaking. “I guess we’ll have matching bumps tomorrow.”

  “Sure will,” he said, his voice so quiet she could barely hear his words.

  A tree beside the house blocked the moonlight, and Dad must have forgotten to turn on the front light, so Mike’s face was a hazy, pale mask in the darkness. “Janice,” he whispered.

  She tried to say, “Yes?” The word got lost in her throat.

  “That letter you got?”

  She nodded.

  “The guy who wrote it, he isn’t so crazy.”

  “Hey, gang!” Susan called. “Break it up, break it up!” She swaggered toward them, grinning. “Can’t leave you two alone for a minute. My best friend, my only brother—good gripes! What’s the world coming to? Who can you trust? Break it up! Hands off!”

  “Wouldn’t you know it,” Mike muttered, letting go of Janice.

  “Can’t get rid of me that easily,” Susan announced. “No, sir. Come on, Casanova, let’s try and get home before sunrise.” She pulled Mike’s arm.

  They called their good-byes, and Janice was suddenly alone.

  CHAPTER SIX

  “Janice, I’d like you to stay a minute after class.”

  She nodded at Mr. Chambers, and finished putting away her clarinet.

  It was Monday morning, first period, and Janice hadn’t seen Mike since Friday night. She missed him. Over and over again, she imagined what might have happened at the door if Susan hadn’t shown up. Some friend, Susan.