Mess With Me

by Kylie Gilmore

  Ally leaned forward, shoving her blond bangs out of her eyes. “What ever happened to Make Love Bloom (TM)?” That had been Hailey’s fledgling matchmaking program with another book club member, now happily engaged in spite of Hailey’s efforts.

  Hailey huffed and smoothed nonexistent wrinkles from her dress. “I just decided to let things happen more naturally. With a little assist when needed.” She gave them all a small smile.

  They all stared at Hailey in shock. This went against everything the woman had stood for in the two years their book club had been meeting. Hailey was a self-proclaimed love junkie and happy-ending facilitator. Why was she backing off after making it her mission to see every one of them coupled up for their very own happy ending?

  “Did something happen, Hailey?” Ally asked gently. “Did you get together with someone or break up? What brought on this new attitude?”

  Hailey flicked her long strawberry blond hair over her shoulder. “Nothing happened. I just realized a subtler approach might be more comfortable for everyone.” She stared at the floor for a moment, an unusually subdued expression on her face. She looked up suddenly and pasted on her beauty-queen smile. She was a former beauty queen and that smile popped up in high-stress situations. “Ready to begin with chapter one, ladies?”

  “Sure,” Ally said, giving her an out. Hailey always liked to read chapter one of each new story out loud with the group so they could experience it together. She was quite a good actress too, acting out all the voices.

  Hailey stood and began reading from her e-reader, chapter one of Second Chance Love. Ally had been the one to suggest the story, excited at the time about her own second chance at love with Dean. Now, not so much. Her mind wandered to running into Ethan. She hadn’t seen him since the hike four days ago. Not like she counted the days to see him again. It had been…nice to see him. He’d smelled amazing—woodsy and clean—and he’d looked so solid and sexy in his uniform. Those wide shoulders and muscular arms, that chest. His gorgeous smile that lit up his face. She felt herself flush.

  Oh, God, I’m a terrible person. Here she was committed to a new single me, happy me lifestyle and she was lusting after another woman’s boyfriend. Augh. What was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she just enjoy singlehood? Her mom’s impassioned speech about the dangers of giving yourself too freely and to the wrong man came to mind, cooling her lust. Impulsive lusty tendencies had painful consequences. Her gut twisted at the memory she’d never shared with anyone.

  She forced herself to focus on her friends, who she knew would help her stay strong in her resolve to make the most of singlehood, and sipped her cafe mocha, her regular indulgence at book club. She’d missed her favorite drink this past month. Ever since former book club member and movie star, Claire Jordan, arrived back in town to film the last movie in the Fierce trilogy, Fierce Loving, they’d all been meeting in a private lounge in Claire’s hotel in Manhattan on Saturday nights. This was a necessity for Claire’s personal safety and privacy. She was wildly popular with men and women alike as well as the paparazzi. Claire couldn’t make it to book club this week, so they were back at their old meeting spot in the café. After the meeting, they’d head across the street to Garner’s Sports Bar & Grill for drinks. It should be interesting to see how Josh, the bartender and manager of Garner’s, reacted to seeing Hailey, his ultimate frenemy, again. Would the pair pick up right where they left off, or would the month-long separation cool the angst between them? Either way, they were bound to be entertaining—both of them experts at the stealth underhanded move. Ally’s personal favorite? Hailey’s rumor that Josh was impotent, which she squashed at his insistence by implying the problem was really a tiny banana. Josh had then spread the news that they used to date and Hailey believed he was the one that got away. The zingers they got in! Sometimes it was like watching one of those old black-and-white screwball romantic comedies. Ally had watched a few at Hailey’s recommendation.

  Hailey finished her dramatic reading, took her seat, and asked, “What do you think?”

  Sabrina sighed dreamily. “I do love a good second-chance romance. It’s like fate brings them together. They’re just meant to be.” She was a relationship counselor, so naturally an advocate of reunited lovers. She had the most compassionate nature, her brown eyes seemed soulful, and her round apple cheeks and long dirty-blond hair gave her a girl-next-door approachability. Damn. She should’ve checked in with Sabrina about Dean before getting herself so worked up over the reunion. What a waste of Ally’s valuable time.

  “Fate,” Missy spat. “Please. No such thing. You really think there’s some magical force bringing people together?”

  “It seems that way sometimes,” Sabrina said diplomatically. “For some people.”

  The women got into a heated debate over fate and the possibility of soul mates. There were a surprisingly high number of votes for fate. In fact, only Missy and Lexi were staunch skeptics. Ally used to be in the lovely fantasy of fate camp. Now she rejected the romantic notion. She made her own fate, her own destiny.

  The conversation veered to chatty, everyone updating each other on all the latest. Ally kept quiet, her thoughts purposefully veering away from her friends’ weddings, engagements, pregnancy, all things that were not part of her life, and focused on how good she felt with her new fitness regimen. And how good she was becoming at taking care of herself, seeking her own happiness with fulfilling experiences.

  She jolted as Carrie, her former roomie with bright blond hair that fell in soft layers just past her jaw, called from across the circle, “We haven’t heard from you, Ally. How’d it go with Dean at the reunion?” She smiled encouragingly. The reunion was less than a week ago and Ally had valiantly tried to push the disastrous outcome from her mind in favor of focusing on the good that had come from it. Carrie knew all about Ally’s foolish drive to reconnect with her lost love.

  “Not well,” Ally replied tightly.

  “I’m sorry,” Carrie said softly. “Didn’t mean to bring up a painful topic.”

  Ally lifted her chin. “It didn’t work out with Dean. Our time is over. But you know what? I’m just fine with that. I discovered—” she shook her head ruefully “—a little late in the game, but I finally discovered that I am enough. I make my own happiness and I depend on no man for that. I was sold a bill of goods that a prince would show up and transform my life into happy-ever-after. I’ve dropped that fantasy. I’m on a mission to make my life the happiest it can be on my own.”

  She startled when the women broke out in applause, even the coupled women. And then she beamed because her sisters were clearly on her side.

  “Hear, hear,” Hailey said, raising a fist in the air. “Let’s head over to Garner’s and toast to that.”

  The women gathered their purses and headed out the door. Several women gave her arm a squeeze and told her she had the right idea. Even dopey-in-love Carrie said, “I’m so happy you’re focusing on you. I worried how much you’d invested in Dean. This is the right path for you. I can tell by the enthusiasm in your voice. I predict great things!”

  “Thanks,” Ally said, giving Carrie’s arm a squeeze. She hadn’t realized Carrie worried over Ally’s investment in Dean. She supposed, Carrie not knowing Dean, she’d just hoped for the best.

  The women arrived at the crowded bar full of couples and plenty of guys drinking beer and watching whatever sport that was on the TVs hanging above the dark cherrywood bar. She squinted. Baseball? Who cared? She no longer had to pretend to be interested in sports because that was one of those ways she’d twisted herself just to hang with a guy. Now she focused on her interests.

  A tall man in a blue Henley and jeans turned from the bar and crossed to them. “Ladies,” he said, “long time no see.” It looked like Josh Campbell, which was weird because he was usually behind the bar. His dark brown hair was cut shorter, his deep brown eyes warm, charming smile as usual.

  But then Hailey beamed, which she would never do with Josh. �
�Jake! Great to see you!” She gave him a brief hug.

  That explained it. Jake and Josh were identical twins and Ally couldn’t tell them apart. It might’ve been Josh with a haircut. She looked past some tall people and finally spotted Josh behind the bar, pouring a glass of water with lemon that he promptly put in front of pregnant Charlotte. He took extra special care of her because they were family now. Charlotte had married Josh’s younger brother Ty.

  Jake greeted each of them warmly. “Claire wishes she could’ve met with you this week. Her schedule shifted to nights and she needs to sleep as much as possible days. The camera is very unforgiving.” Jake was Claire’s husband.

  The women all murmured instant forgiveness and asked Jake to say hi to Claire for them.

  Jake returned to his seat at the bar and Josh appeared in front of him, grumbling something. Josh looked up and locked eyes with Hailey.

  Hailey’s lips parted, her gaze fixed on Josh.

  Interesting. Maybe they missed each other?

  Hailey approached the bar and Ally followed, hoping for a front-row view.

  “Hi, Josh,” Hailey said softly.

  “Hey,” Ally called cheerfully.

  Josh glanced at Ally, jerked his chin, and returned his gaze to Hailey. “Princess, finally gracing us with your royal presence.”

  Hailey actually blushed. Normally she took offense to the princess remarks. “We’ve been meeting in the city with Claire.”

  “Yeah, Jake told me. Top-secret location with security. Didn’t mean you couldn’t stop by. You work just down the road.”

  “I’ve been—”

  “Busy,” Josh finished for her.

  Hailey smoothed her hair. “Yes.”

  “Completely understand being busy,” Josh said, grabbing a rag and scrubbing the bar top. “I’ve been really busy too.”

  Hailey let out a small forced laugh. “Guess we’re both really busy.”

  An awkward silence fell.

  Hailey backed away. “I need to check in with Lauren about her wedding.”

  “Gotta do what you gotta do,” Josh said, not bothering to look up.

  “Yes. So…” Hailey lifted a hand, her fingers fluttering in a small goodbye.

  Josh looked up and raised his brows in response. He wasn’t a finger flutterer. Hailey headed over to the back of the group with Lauren.

  That was weird.

  Josh stared at the bar top.

  Ally sat next to Jake. “So how’s the glam Hollywood life?” Jake worked for Claire’s production company now, so he was even more involved.

  Jake laughed. “Not as glam as you’d think.” He looked over her shoulder. “Ethan! Get your ass over here!”

  Ally turned to find Ethan dressed in regular clothes—white T-shirt and jeans—instead of his uniform. My God, he filled out that shirt nicely. She flushed, embarrassed at her uncontrollable admiration for his incredibly muscled form, but unable to tear her gaze away.

  Ethan crossed to them, winked at Ally, and threw an arm around Jake’s neck in a quick hug. “Finally slumming with us regular folk.”

  Jake socked Ethan in the gut, who socked him back, the pair of them grinning at each other. “Been too long, man,” Jake said. “What’s new in copland?”

  “He got promoted to sergeant,” Ally put in.

  Ethan gifted her with a smile that brought warmth to those blue eyes and a tender expression to his gorgeous face. Her stomach fluttered in a crazy dance of lust, her skin hot, every part of her hyperaware of him. “Sure did,” he said warmly.

  “That’s great,” Jake said. “Congratulations. Let me buy you a drink.”

  “Sure, thanks.” Ethan shifted to stand next to her at the bar. “You stalking me again?”

  She laughed. “This time I was here first. You done work already?”

  “Turned out the guy I stepped in for reported to work after all. Just a little late. His wife’s labor was a false alarm.” He stared at her hair, then her cheeks, her neck, and her lips. Warmth spread everywhere his gaze touched, bringing a low ache in her belly. “Buy you a drink?”

  She licked her lips, leaning closer, every nerve tingling in anticipation. Then she remembered his girlfriend.

  She eased back a bit. “How’s Cali?”

  He smirked. “Great. Living it up in Rio de Janeiro.”

  The smirk meant he was thinking dirty, but his girlfriend was getting dirty without him. Weird. “She didn’t invite you on vacation with her?”

  They stared at each other.

  Something wasn’t adding up.

  “Hold up,” Ethan said, a slow smile dawning. “Ally, she’s my partner.”

  Ally huffed and lifted her palms to show him she was hands-off. “I know she’s your partner. I get it, okay?”

  He smiled even more. “I mean my actual partner at work.”

  “At work,” she echoed, her mind whirling. She wasn’t a terrible person after all. Relief quickly morphed into anger. He might’ve been clearer about him and Cali. She’d felt so guilty lusting over his manly self. If she had any sense at all, she’d pull herself out of this vortex of lusty attraction and make some serious space between her and Ethan.

  Sense had never been her strong suit.

  She eased closer again. He smelled wonderful like the outdoors, all woodsy earthy sex appeal. “But she wasn’t with you when you pulled me over for speeding.”

  His dark blue eyes were hot on hers, his voice husky. “I picked up someone else’s shift that day.”

  “Or tonight,” she breathed.

  He rested his arm on the bar top behind her and it was almost like he’d put his arm around her, hot and close. The wave of lust made her nearly woozy; electricity raced through her, heart pounding, skin hot. It had been way too long.

  His voice was gravelly, close enough to give her a shiver. “She’s in Brazil for two weeks, so you’re not going to see us working together anytime soon. Now can I buy you a drink?”

  She was tempted, so tempted. She was the designated driver for her friends tonight, though it was early enough she could probably swap with someone. It would be so easy. Have a few drinks, fall into bed, but then what? It was too soon to get caught up in a sex cocktail. Not that he’d offered a sex cocktail, but her body was getting that message loud and clear. Deep down she knew why she hadn’t been with a man in a long while and it was reason enough for her brain to call a halt to her body’s urgings.

  And she needed to stop hoping for a fantasy man to make her life all sunshine and roses. Even if Ethan was very close to her ideal fantasy man—all gorgeous with a sense of humor and generous nature.

  She waved in the direction of her friends. “I’m the designated driver for the apartment crowd. I’m in the same complex as Missy, Lexi, and Sabrina. Just water for me tonight and that’s free. Thanks, anyway.”

  Josh served up Ethan’s beer and coughed out, “Crash and burn.”

  Ally froze.

  Ethan smirked at Josh. “Sorry, did you say you wanted to see Hailey? Where is that tempting princess?”

  Josh’s gaze went right to Hailey like he kept track of her. Ethan and Jake laughed. Ally bit back a smile.

  “Notice how he knew right where she was?” Ethan asked Jake.

  “Messed up,” Jake said.

  “Shut up or you’re both cut off,” Josh growled.

  Ally left the three of them razzing each other and made her escape, meeting up with Carrie. She’d missed her since they didn’t live together anymore. Sisters before misters was her new mantra.

  When her friends were ready for her to drive them back to the apartment complex, she said her goodbyes to the other ladies and sent a wave in the general direction of the guys. Ethan gave her a small ironic salute. She saluted back and sailed out the door.

  Ally drove her ancient white Ford Escort, it had been her older sister’s car, with Missy in the passenger seat, Lexi and Sabrina in the back. She’d just pulled out to Main Street when Missy surprised her with a sw
eet compliment. “I really admired what you said at book club tonight.”

  Ally glanced over at her. “Thank you! I really meant it. This commitment to myself is so eye-opening. I realized I need to learn to trust myself, to give myself an incredible life, to accept my flaws and work on improving my strengths.” She’d given this a lot of thought, actually. Now that she’d resisted temptation, she was more committed than ever.

  “Beautiful,” Missy murmured.

  “That’s a thing!” Sabrina piped up from the backseat. “I mean, committing to yourself. It’s called sologamy. You can marry yourself.”

  The hair on the back of Ally’s neck stood at attention. “Marry myself?”

  “Yes! It symbolizes commitment to self,” Sabrina said.

  “You guys!” Ally exclaimed. “I’ve got goose bumps. I’m doing it! I’m marrying myself. I’m going to get a beautiful dress, a ring—no. Fuck the patriarchy! I’m getting a beautiful silver heart necklace. I want you all there. We’ll have a nice dinner, I’ll say my vows, you’ll all witness them, and then we’ll celebrate.”

  “I want to do it too,” Missy said.

  “Really?” Ally asked, thrilled not to be alone in sologamy.

  “I’m in,” Lexi declared. “I’m so sick of people asking me why I’m still single.”

  Sabrina chimed in. “Or telling you you’re such a catch and wondering why no guy has picked up on that.”

  Ally wiggled a little in her excitement. “So we’ll all do it?”

  “Yes!” her friends chorused.

  “You know Hailey’s going to see this as a threat,” Missy said. “Her entire business is wrapped up in making couples.”

  Ally slapped the steering wheel. “I’m inviting her. I’m inviting everyone, single or not, to celebrate with us. Omigod, I’m so excited!”

  “I like it,” Sabrina said in her naturally compassionate counselor tone. “Love yourself first. Great love will surely follow that path.”

  “Sabrina!” Ally exclaimed. “That’s not the goal. It’s not love me to love you. It’s simply a vow of self-love. That you are enough. We’re taught that we need the whole marriage thing to be complete and have a good life. It’s the ritual forced down our throats. Now we choose our own ritual. It’s about empowerment!”