Happy Ever After

by Kitty Wilson

  ‘She rang me over Easter. I’ve been eaten up with guilt for the best part of six months and she called all glib and guilt free and said she had met someone. I’m guessing it’s not you, and that it’s reciprocated this time. And instead of being glad for her, I was so cross. How dare she? I mean how dare she?’ Serena had stopped sniffling now and started to look cross. ‘She blithely ruins Marion’s and your marriage, trashes the friendship I had with her simply because she wants her own way all the time, and I’m left sitting here being eaten up with guilt. Even though Marion appears to have forgiven me, I can’t really forgive myself; I know better than that. It’s really eating me up so I thought I’d approach you and say that I don’t want to meddle…’ Richard smiled; his experience was that that sentence always preceded a first-class level of meddling. ‘But I did want to say if there is anything I can do to make it right, I will. I can try and get Claudia to ring Marion and say nothing ever happened if you like.’

  Alice, who had been silent up until now, spoke.

  ‘I’m not sure that is a good idea.’

  ‘No, neither am I, but I appreciate the offer. The funny thing is that Marion has been saying all along that she needs proof that I didn’t sleep with Claudia but how can you prove something that hasn’t happened? I can’t. But no, don’t get her to call, I don’t think hearing Claudia’s voice on the end of her phone is going to put a smile on Marion’s face. By telling me what you have today you have made more sense of things I was struggling to understand in my own head, so thank you for that. But if you want some kind of redemption and feel the need to do something to get it, then put your mind into finding a way I can prove that I didn’t cheat. A way that doesn’t make Marion cross but exonerates me. I haven’t cheated, never have, and it’s infuriating that I can’t persuade the woman I love above all in this world of that fact. If you can help me with that, no matter what’s gone before, you’ll be doing me a good turn.’

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  The first half of summer term had whizzed by and before Richard knew it the May Fayre was upon them. He was as excited as a small child as he stood in the school hall and called Marion to update her. ‘Hello, it’s just me.’

  ‘Yes, I know, Richard, that’s how phones work.’ Marion’s voice perfectly encapsulated the ennui of dealing with the irredeemably stupid and made Richard chuckle.

  ‘Of course. I promised I’d keep you in the loop. Tables are being put out, everything seems to be on plan so, so far so good.’

  ‘Excellent, things should be fine. Jenny has been working alongside me for years; I can’t see any problems… ooh hang on, they haven’t put Alison near the Pimm’s stall, have they?’

  Richard snorted. ‘Have a bit of faith, we’re not brain-dead amoeba… oh hi, Pippa, yes, it’s all looking good, isn’t it?’ He greeted his friend, gave her a thumbs up and turned his attention back to his phone. ‘I think everyone learnt their lesson last year with Alison and there were talks of not having any booze at all after the quiz night but we’ve come up with a happy compromise.’

  ‘Which is?’ Richard couldn’t help but grin at Marion’s sharp response. She would always be this way, wildly untrusting of anyone else’s ability to manage things as well as she could, but only doing so because she just wanted everything to be perfect for all those involved.

  ‘Which is, Rosy and Lynne have taken over the Pimm’s stall, the theory being that Lynne will draw people in and encourage them to let their hair down a little bit, but Rosy will be there as a visual reminder that letting your hair down is fine but getting totally inebriated and stripping to do a naked yoga pose in the middle of the school hall is a step too far.’

  ‘You mock, Richard, but that did actually happen one year. Think of how many young minds have been scarred by the state of Judith’s flapping bosom; I’m fully grown and still have nightmares. I am so relieved that our Rafe has gone on to have a functioning relationship – that woman could have done some damage.’

  ‘That’s not what you said a couple of nights ago. If I remember rightly you’ve been pretty rude about Sophie. Didn’t you say she has the cold dead eyes of a serial killer?’

  ‘I’m allowed to have some fun. I was under the impression that was the upside of having teenagers, or pre-teens. Is it not? And I was only joking; she’s bright but hardly serial killer bright!’

  ‘No, I guess it is fair reward.’

  ‘But back to the school fayre – there will be something, there always is,’ Marion insisted. He knew her anxious foreboding was about being prepared for everything, not because of a hopeless pessimism.

  ‘I don’t think this is a good idea, that’s all.’ A familiar voice from across the hall caught Richard’s attention, causing him to stand up straight and cast a look around as he answered his wife.

  ‘Well, maybe not this year, don’t fret. Everything is okay. Hang on a minute… boys, stop right there. Shouldn’t you both be in class?’

  Rufus and Rupert, who were never seen together in school, looked up at their dad, pausing their tiptoe across the school hall. As they did so a girl from Rupert’s class walked past them; Richard noticed her wink at his boys and slide into her classroom. In response to their dad’s voice, Rufus had frozen to the spot whereas Rupert blithely answered, ‘Yep, we’re both heading there now. Just having a catch-up. Excited about the fayre, that’s all, aren’t we, Rufus?’

  He nudged his younger brother so hard that Rufus, currently resembling a cartoon burglar caught in the act, nearly fell into the wall bars, but quickly righted himself and said, ‘Yes, class, now. Excited. See ya, Dad,’ before opening the door to his classroom and racing in as if he could not wait to dig his teeth into the ten times table. Hmmm.

  ‘Was that our two?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Together in school?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘What were they doing out of class?’

  ‘No idea, they’re back in now. I think they were just going to the loo.’

  ‘At this time?’

  ‘Yes, honestly, not everything is suspicious,’ he reassured his wife, although something was very definitely niggling.

  ‘Ha!’ was her response. ‘So, Pimm’s stall is very sensibly covered. What are you doing, you never did say?’

  ‘Oh, I’m on face painting. It should be fun.’

  Richard held the phone away from his ear as raucous laughter exploded from the speaker.

  ‘What’s funny about that?’

  ‘Oh, Richard. Rookie move, Richard, rookie. You’ll see. Look, I think you’re going to be fine; as long as no real changes have been made to the format I can’t see why it won’t be a raging success. You will have something happen at the last minute, it always does but I’m sure Jenny and Serena will have it covered. And Rosy is very capable with any last-minute catastrophes.’

  ‘And I’m here.’

  ‘And you’re there and you are definitely very capable.’ Her voice fell an octave as she automatically slipped into her sexy Marion voice, recovering herself very quickly as if she had surprised herself and making her tone brusque again.

  It had certainly surprised him.

  ‘I’m sure it’ll all be fine, and I’ll be on the end of the phone if needed. I’ll try and pop in as soon as I’ve tied up everything here.’

  Richard could feel her embarrassment coming down the phone; he understood it too. After so many years being them it was hard not to slip back into old ways. He would love nothing better than to slide back, but Marion had been resolute and whilst the two of them had the odd evening with the boys where it felt as if nothing had changed, it was abundantly clear that one thing Marion was never going to do was take him back. He kept it business-like instead of responding the way he wanted to; all the time he and Marion were chatting like this had to be better than back at the start of their break-up where things were tense, silent, resentful.

  ‘We should all be fine; the only things we’ve changed a bit are the fire engi
ne and we’re having a bouncy castle. Oh, and Davinia is bringing llamas along with the horses this time.’

  ‘You’ve what, she’s what… this is madness. You cannot let llamas on the school field, they spit! Has anyone done a health and safety check to see what risks they pose? They’re bound to be riddled with all sorts of parasites. You can’t just willy-nilly agree to anything; it all has to be researched, planned. Honestly, I don’t know what you’re thinking. Where’s Jenny?’

  ‘Stop trying to micro-manage, love. She’s just talking to the fire brigade about when they arrive.’

  ‘Oh my God, you didn’t agree to that, did you? She’s been after the fire brigade for ages. Why do you think that is? It’s not for the good of the children, let me tell you. She’s obsessed. I swear she watches enough Chicago Fire to keep the series going just by herself. It’s not healthy and if you want to have the children discover Jenny White on her knees in the fire engine before the fete’s even been properly opened then so be it. I despair.’

  ‘I’m sure that’s not going to happen, Marion.’

  ‘Are you? Are you really? Everyone knows the fire brigade come to school fetes to keep the mothers happy; their offspring clamber over the fire engine, the mothers imagine clambering over the firemen, pheromones are so high that even the flowers in the field are standing to attention and boom, in four years and nine months, admissions for Class One are through the roof and we need to build a whole new school.’

  ‘I think that’s a bit alarmist.’

  ‘I know you do, which is why I’m finishing up here and coming to help. If this is already where things are at, you’ll be in full-on disaster status within the hour. I’m on my way.’

  ‘Really there is no need.’

  ‘Richard, I know you are capable, articulate and good. I know you’ve been chair of the governors ever since darling Rafe was in Reception but trust me, you are still very naive as to quite how bad things can get and how quickly. As I said, I’ll just finish up here, I’m literally around the corner, we’re almost done and then I’ll be with you.’

  ‘Won’t Jenny and Serena be cross that you’re stepping on their toes?’

  ‘Llamas and the fire brigade.’ Marion made it sound as if she were talking to a toddler. ‘I think it’s for the best.’ And his wife hung up the phone.

  She just couldn’t help herself, but he was sure that once she had arrived she would see that everything was fine. Which would probably make her a little bit cross. He was under no illusions that his wife would love to swoop in and save the day.

  Jenny was currently chivvying everyone to set up the tables and the mini stage, clearly having picked up some of his wife’s moves. Serena was chatting to Pippa’s mum, Jan, who was setting up her cake stall along with Annie and Ethel. Richard went to join them for a chat before he faced digging through the supplies cupboard to find the face paints and sponges. The floor plan had him set up next to the cake stall, and he’d be sharing his space with Kam’s sisters, who had come down to do henna tattoos, having been a raging success at last year’s fayre.

  The bell rang for break and suddenly the hall was swarming with children. Shoes racing, tappety-tap across the wooden hall floor, the girls in their summer checked dresses. A loud gabble of animation.

  ‘Will you lot slow down?’ Annie shrieked as Ethel grabbed hold of some globe artichoke plants and held them close as children swarmed by her. The majority of the pupils headed out into the playground as the sun had been beating down for weeks, heralding a perfect Cornish summer.

  A few kids came trailing out of the boys’ loos, making lots of eurgghh noises, ramping each other up with the drama that was occurring, one making a great show of holding his nose and shaking his head.

  ‘Can we go over to the infant loos, Miss? These ones are blocked.’

  ‘Really? Oh for goodness’ sake! But yes, of course you can,’ Pippa responded. She turned to the rest of the PTA. ‘Hang on a minute, I’ll be back in a sec.’

  ‘I’ll come with you.’ Richard and Pippa wandered into the boys’ loos to find every single toilet rammed full of green paper towels. Thick and clogged and with not one able to flush.

  ‘Why do they do this?’ Pippa said. ‘Every couple of years, someone does it. We’ll have to close these for now. I’ll put up a sign; can you go and get Rosy to call the plumb—’ Loud shrieks erupted from the other side of the hall and they raced to see what was causing such fuss.

  ‘Erghhhh…’

  ‘Miss, Miss!’

  ‘That’s gross!’ A cacophony of girls’ voices came from the other side of the hall where the girls’ toilets were located.

  Pippa raced across the hall to see a cluster of girls from Classes Two through to Four all standing at the cloakroom door that led to the girls’ loos and making yuk noises. Annie had pushed some aside to take a peek and as Richard and Pippa approached they heard her say, ‘Right, you little buggers, get back. Get back now.’

  ‘This sort of thing didn’t happen when we were at school.’ Ethel was next to her, shaking her head. ‘Little monsters. Things were very different when we had the slipper to scare us. Nothing wrong with some firm discipline.’

  ‘We know your views on discipline,’ Annie replied and the two women cackled.

  ‘It’s a good thing…’ Richard started to say and then realized that a puddle of water was beginning to slowly seep out of the bathroom into the hall.

  ‘I’ll go and get Miss Winter,’ Annie said, dragging Ethel away before any more views about Ethel’s preferences escaped her friend’s lips.

  ‘I’ll see what I can do in here.’ Richard pushed the door open further and started to wade through. It wasn’t a huge volume of water – moppable, he thought – but it was rapidly spreading and, as he looked in, was coming from the sinks which had been blocked, presumably along with the loos, and the taps turned on and left.

  ‘Why would anyone do this on May Fayre day?’ he asked Pippa, who had joined him. ‘Surely everyone is excited for that. Why try and sabotage the school today?’ He turned off all the taps and plunged his hands into the sink, pulling out sopping wet towels and placing them in a large bin. One sink cleared, he headed on to the next. The truth was he had felt a flutter of fear when he realized what had happened in the boys’ loos, but Rupert and Rafe couldn’t have done something to the girls’ loos as well; it couldn’t have been them after all.

  It wasn’t long before Rosy came through – four cleared sinks’ worth of time.

  ‘The plumbers can’t come out until tomorrow morning. They’ve promised if they can free up any time then they’ll do so and give me a ring but it’s not looking good.’

  ‘Oh my! Oh my! Oh my! What-am-I-going-to-do?’ came the high-pitched shriek from Jenny, panic crammed into every syllable, the realization of a possible cancelled Fayre hitting her.

  ‘Can we not call a different plumber?’ Richard asked. Surely it was simple enough?

  ‘Ah, you’d think so, but no. The insurance only applies if we use the insurer’s nominated plumbers. And we just don’t have enough wiggle room in the budget to countenance paying someone independently to come out.’

  ‘Isn’t Alisia’s dad a plumber?’ Pippa suggested as Richard emptied out the heavy and now sopping wet bin liner from the large bathroom bin.

  ‘They’re on holiday.’ Rosy shrugged.

  ‘I’m never going to live it down. What are we going to do?’ Jenny sounded like she was going to start hyperventilating.

  ‘Hey, hey, Jenny, calm the… calm down. We are going to find a solution together,’ Serena said. ‘This is not the end of the world.’

  ‘It might be the end of my world.’ Jenny sniffled in between taking deep, deep breaths. ‘What on earth do you think Marion is going to say when we have to cancel the May Fayre? She’ll never forgive me.’

  ‘First of all, Marion isn’t a crazy woman; she’s hardly likely to lose her temper at you, you’ve not rammed the loos full of towels.’ Serena tried
to reassure the woman, whose shoulders were now heaving. Unfortunately, the silence and wide-eyed looks of all the adults now surrounding them didn’t lend a lot of weight to what she was saying. Serena fixed Richard with a stern glare. ‘Is she, Richard? She’s not really running the PTA any more. We’re going to get this sorted and she’s never going to know.’

  Jenny didn’t look convinced.

  Alice appeared from nowhere with a mop and bucket; whispers had traversed the school now and children were crowded around the doors that led to the playgrounds, peering through windows, to see the drama unfolding. A murmur rose amongst them as they realized that tonight’s fun may be at risk.

  ‘Look, aren’t the infants’ loos fine, over by Class One? Can’t we just use those?’ Ethel asked.

  ‘And the staff loos, can we not open those to parents and let the children use the infants’?’ Pippa suggested.

  ‘It’s possible but I need to check any legal responsibilities we have with the school open to so many people. We may simply not have enough toilets to cover the required minimum for this sort of event and have to consider another solution. But we might be okay; either way I am sure we will find a way around. Penmenna School has faced far bigger beasts than this and triumphed,’ Rosy explained.

  ‘What about the church hall?’ Annie proffered. ‘I think it’s the stich’n’bitch this evening, but not until after the fayre and I can always move that into The Vicarage. Dan won’t mind at all. He’d be happy to help, wouldn’t he, Alice?’

  ‘He would.’

  ‘Thank you, that’s very kind,’ Rosy said. Jenny was still sniffling, breaking off her gentle sobs to make the most amazing nasal sounds that would make an elephant beam with pride.

  Richard knew there would be a solution; he was just going to have to find it. The group of them stood around trying to problem-solve once the mopping had been done and all the sinks unblocked. Sheila popped up with a large plate, complete with doily.

  ‘Biscuits for the troops. I’ll get some of the older children to make some coffee and bring it down, since none of you have been able to have your break,’ Sheila suggested happily, offering the plate around.