Forever Broken

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  Cheyenne sat next to him on one of the logs around the firepit. They wouldn’t be going into the homes today. Instead, they were meeting outside in a group as if they were camping instead of talking about the end of days and artifacts.

  Max had his hand on Cheyenne’s, their fingers entwined. Normally, he’d never let his fighting hand be taken like this, but with his family surrounding him, he felt safe.

  Safe from outside forces, but not from the knowledge that filled Xavier’s eyes and what might be revealed while they warmed near a fire.

  Cheyenne was in trouble.

  He knew that deep down in his bones.

  And his mate did, as well.

  “What is it, Xavier?” Gideon asked. “Why are we here?”

  Xavier didn’t look at the Alpha as he spoke, neither did the four other elders who sat quietly as they let Xavier be the spokesperson for their group. Xavier looked directly at Cheyenne and Max.

  “The artifact is killing Cheyenne.”

  The others didn’t speak, and since Max’s wolf was in his throat, he wasn’t sure he could either. But Cheyenne found her voice.

  “I figured.” She didn’t sound nonchalant about it, but as if she’d accepted her fate, or at least considered succumbing to it.

  Max would damn well fight her on that idea.

  “You seem to be a Conduit,” Xavier put in.

  Max nodded, squeezing Cheyenne’s hand. “Because every time Blade uses the power, she feels it.”

  “Like it’s going through me, pulling at everything I have. Some goes back to him, but then it flies back into me.” Cheyenne swallowed hard and leaned into him.

  The fact that she did so in front of everyone made Max want to howl. She didn’t like looking weak, but then again, needing to lean on others wasn’t weak at all.

  “And each time he does, you fall harder, faster. Your humanity isn’t enough to keep you alive if Blade uses the artifact again.”

  “So, I need to become wolf.” Max squeezed her hand again as she spoke. What he really wanted to do was pick her up and run away. Hide her from this choice that wasn’t a choice at all. “I knew I would have to eventually. That’s how it works when you mate into a Pack.”

  “But there’s no true choice. Not anymore.” Max knew he’d growled the words, but he couldn’t help it, not when his mate was in danger.

  “There isn’t. She needs to be wolf. Now.”

  “Okay. Just tell me when.” Max heard the worry in her voice, but he wasn’t sure anyone else could, not even her best friends, who looked at her with their emotions clear in their eyes. They loved her, they were her family, and Max knew they were scared, as well.

  “Tomorrow, then,” Gideon said quietly, his voice a dominant growl. “Tonight…you can have tonight.” He looked at Max for a moment before turning to Cheyenne.

  Fear filled Max, but he tried to breathe through it so Cheyenne wouldn’t be able to tell.

  Because to become a wolf meant killing a part of your humanity.

  To become a wolf, you had to almost die.

  And not all those who tried actually survived.

  No matter their strength.

  His mate could die tomorrow.

  But tonight… they at least had tonight.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Cheyenne kissed her mate, knowing he was scared for her, but she couldn’t feel her fear. Not then. She was numb. Too numb.

  “I need to feel,” she whispered against his lips.

  “Then let me help you.”

  So he kissed her again and backed her up to the bed. They were alone, having left the others along the way. There would be time for more talking and fears later.

  Right now, it was about her mate, her Max.

  The man she never saw coming.

  The man she was falling for.

  Slowly, they stripped each other, their bodies moving as one as they learned each other once again. It wasn’t like the first time, or even any of the times after. This was just for them, just what they needed.

  He kissed her lips, her neck, her breasts, and kept kissing her, kept loving her. This could be their last time, they both knew it, but they weren’t focusing on that. They couldn’t.

  Instead, she went to her knees in front of him, pushing his hand away when he went to pull her back. She wanted to do this for him, wanted to feel him in her mouth.

  She licked the tip of his cock, sucking and flicking her tongue. Max groaned, tangling his fingers in her hair as he rocked his hips ever so slightly. She opened her mouth wider and took him deeper, wanting him, all of him.

  But he was too big for her to take fully, so she used her hands to work the rest, bobbing her head and flattening her tongue as she hummed down his shaft. He growled, pumping his hips a little harder, and she took it, needing all of him. As much as she could take.

  And when he came, he pulled back slightly so she didn’t choke, but she still swallowed all of him up, wanting more.

  Then she was on her back, and Max was between her legs, licking at and eating her cunt, fucking her with his fingers hard enough that she came on his face in no time at all. Max loved eating pussy and whispered it often in the mornings before he moved between her legs to wake her up.

  And the man was damn good at it.

  Then he was over her, his cock poised to enter her, already hard again thanks to shifter genetics.

  She shook her head, though. “My turn to be on top.”

  He gave her a wicked grin that went straight to her heart before he flipped them both over. She found herself on top of him, her wet heat sliding along his rigid length. Then she sheathed herself, his thickness stretching her in the best way possible. As soon as she was seated, she put her hands on his chest, her fingers digging into his skin but not in any way that would remind him of the terrible things in his past, and she moved.

  She braced herself over him, her hair creating a curtain for them both as she rocked against him. He lifted his hips slightly, pumping in and out of her, and they made love, slowly and just for them.

  And when they came, she collapsed on top of him, needing him—just the feel of him, all of him.

  She knew change was once again coming, but with Max, she was ready.

  Finally.

  * * *

  Cheyenne found herself standing in Walker’s clinic but not in a room she’d ever been in before. There were chains on the wall, and thick leather belts on a metal bed that looked like some torture device rather than something meant for comfort.

  She knew that she was going to have to be bitten, a lot. She also knew that it would hurt. Gideon was going to do it himself, the strongest wolf of the Pack, perhaps in the entire area—except for Blade.

  Although nobody really knew Blade’s dominance anymore, not when he’d used dark magic and had hidden from others. It was Blade’s Pack that made him strong, much like Gideon said it was the Talons that made him dominant.

  But Gideon was dominant all by himself.

  He was pure dominance.

  And that meant he had the greatest chance of making sure Cheyenne didn’t die from the transformation.

  She wouldn’t be able to have any pain meds, wouldn’t be able to be held or comforted. Because she didn’t want to end up hurting anyone. She didn’t want to move the wrong way and bleed out. It was a barbaric way to be transitioned into a new world, but then again, she was losing her humanity. At least a part of it.

  Maybe there needed to be bloodshed for something that was so much the opposite of who she was currently, of who the other people in this room were.

  Maybe she needed all of that so there could be a firm line between before and after.

  Because she didn’t have a firm grasp of what had been before she knew about shifters. Of what was before she knew that Dawn was a wolf and Cheyenne was introduced to the Packs. It had all blurred, much like everything before Max—and after. Because Cheyenne had known him before she was mated to him, by first the moon goddess, and th
en by their choice.

  She had known him and fought beside him. Now, she had to realize exactly what it meant to be a part of this Pack and not the outsider.

  “Are you going to be okay?” Max put his arm around her waist. Because he did, she felt him physically wince after his words. “No, you’re not going to be okay. And I shouldn’t have asked that question. We can wait a couple of days if you want, we can find a way to make this work.”

  She leaned against him, needing his touch. She hadn’t needed touch before him, but with Max? She couldn’t help but crave it. There was no looking back when it came to Max. Or her future.

  “No, today’s the day. We always knew this day would come. We always knew that I would have to become a wolf.”

  “Because you’re my mate. In order to stay my mate, you need to become a shifter. Because I don’t want to watch you die. I can’t watch you die.”

  Cheyenne turned in his arms and rested her head on his chest. She didn’t understand how she could feel so close to him so quickly. But she couldn’t let go of him. She couldn’t do anything without thinking of him. He was in her heart, the bond so strong, she could feel him everywhere she went. She might not be able to feel his emotions or always know exactly where he was in the den. She couldn’t speak to him across the bond like some wolves could. She didn’t have any other special powers. But she could feel his presence within her, even if he was far away. Even if the moon goddess had made the choice for them at first, there was no going back. And so she told him that.

  “There’s no going back. And I don’t want to go back. We can only move forward, and I’m going to do that with you. If that means I have to be a wolf and go through everything that doing that entails along the way, I will. Aimee got through it, even in the worst situation, and she wasn’t prepared at all. Dawn might have been born a wolf, but she had to go through a first shift. And Dhani had to go through her own transformation when her powers were unlocked, when she sacrificed herself to save us all. They might not be in this room right now because I didn’t want them to have to watch this, but they’re in my heart. And now, Max, are you sure you can be in here?”

  They were the only two in the room for now. Walker, Leah, Gideon, and a couple of the other brothers would be in soon. Cheyenne didn’t want everyone to see her at her weakest, and she didn’t want them to see Max at his. But her mate had insisted on being in the room, and that meant that others would likely have to hold him back.

  Because she knew him, knew how he would react. He would want to come after Gideon for what was about to happen. And they could not stop the transformation mid-progression.

  She had heard stories from some of the other mates in the Redwood and Talon Packs about how mates who watched the process in a controlled setting needed to be held back, no matter their dominance. Even the most submissive wolves would fight. Their wolves did not want to watch their mates in distress, even if the outcome was for the best.

  That was just how their world worked, and that meant they had to work harder to make sure Cheyenne survived this.

  “I’m not leaving you. So you’re going to be stuck with me.” He kissed her nose, and she smiled. He made her smile, even now.

  “I think the whole point is that you’ll be stuck with me.”

  Because the elders were right. She had felt herself fading the last time the artifact was used. And she knew Blade was just raring to use it again. And while he might be a very dominant wolf, she was just a human. Not that there was anything simple about being a human. It was more that she couldn’t survive what might come next without having extra strength. And if having a new part of herself allowed her to live to help take down Blade and help the Talon Pack, then she would deal with whatever pain came.

  “I know it’s going to hurt, but I’m going to be here with you. No matter what.” Max kissed her again, and then the others walked into the room.

  Walker strode up to her and put his hand on her shoulder. She pulled away from Max so she could hug him. He was a Healer, and she knew he didn’t like to see anybody in pain without being able to help. “You have to stop getting that look on your face, Walker. I know there’s nothing you can do. We’ve talked about this.”

  “You say that, but I’m going to repeat myself anyway. I can’t use my Healing abilities, not during the physical attack. After Gideon is finished…” He cleared his throat since the idea of ripping into flesh wasn’t the easiest thing to talk about. “I can help with the ruins. But I have to be careful so I don’t Heal you so much that the shifting doesn’t actually happen. We need that change to snap into place. With you so connected to Max already, we should be able to tell if it worked right away. So we’ll be able to help you survive to get to that point, but you have to be the one to get us to the point where I can help you. Okay? You have to be strong. You have to be strong for yourself. For Max. And for the girls I know are probably standing right outside this room, knowing they can’t hear you since it’s soundproof but wanting to be close anyway.”

  “I know they want to be here, but I can’t make them watch this. And I don’t know if I want them to. Does that make me a bad person?”

  Max was the one who answered. “No, it doesn’t. They each had their own issues and personal fights. And you’re going to have your own right now. I’ll be here. As will your new family. The girls are right outside, and they’ll be the ones to help you heal, and probably help with your first shift when the time comes and the new moon comes out. But don’t worry, we’re going to be here.”

  Her mate might have been the one to tell her not to worry, but she knew he was worrying more than the rest. Because he could feel her pain in the moments she was used as a Conduit for the artifact. At least he experienced her reaction to it. She wasn’t sure anyone could feel the power funneling through her system. She did not want to die because she wasn’t strong enough to stop Blade.

  And she didn’t want to die because she wasn’t strong enough to take Gideon’s bite.

  She had taken Max’s bite on her shoulder, and that had been the most pleasurable experience of her life. This was going to be something completely different, and she was well aware of that.

  But she would survive it, damn it. Even if she had to swallow back a little bile along the way.

  “Let’s get this over with. Because the more that I stand here, the more I get nervous, and the more I think about every single physiological thing that I can. That’s the hard part about being a vet. I might not be a complete doctor like you, but I still have those letters behind my name, and I still took a lot of the same classes. So, I really don’t want to think about exactly where Gideon’s going to have to bite, and exactly what’s going to happen at a medical level. So, let’s just quickly get some biting done, and then I’ll be a shifter. Right?”

  She knew she was talking quickly and like she was going insane, but the fear was starting to take over. Max must have realized that because he reached out, touched her face with his hand, and kissed her softly. Then, all she could think about was him and his taste and everything that she would miss out on if she didn’t survive this.

  She wanted to know everything else that there was to know when it came to him and what they could be.

  So, she would survive this.

  Damn it. She was going to survive.

  Walker and Leah helped chain her up, while Max whispered to her and told her stories about when he was a pup. She knew the others could hear, but since all of them except Leah had actually been there during that time, she knew Max didn’t mind. He told her stories of the time when he had fallen into a puddle and gotten completely muddy, and because Mitchell had been close and completely clean, Max had shaken his entire little body as quickly as he could and ended up getting mud on both of them. His mother had not been pleased but had laughed as she cleaned them both up.

  Those were the childhood stories Cheyenne needed to hear, not just the ones that made her cry.

  And she wanted more of those tales,
she needed more memories they made together. She wanted to make sure that that little pup named Mark healed completely and could grow up in a world where he wasn’t afraid to be who he was or terrified because he wasn’t Blade’s Pack.

  And those thoughts, along with myriad others, helped Cheyenne to kiss Max one last time and tell him goodbye.

  Not goodbye forever, but “see you later” so he could get on the other side of the room and get behind Parker and Brandon and the others. They needed to hold him back because this was going to hurt.

  They chained her down, but they were softer chains surrounded by leather and cotton. They had explained to her that she needed to remain in the exact same position so Gideon didn’t make a mistake. Because he had to be close to his wolf in order for this to happen. He needed to be the most dominant he could be to make sure there was no mistake when it came to the change.

  He would have to be connected to his animal, and, as a vet, Cheyenne knew what happened when animals’ senses got heightened, they went a little insane. But then she remembered that this was paranormal, this was magic. She would be okay.

  She wasn’t going to die.

  Not today. She let out a breath, met Max’s eyes, and then closed her own. She didn’t want to see his face when she screamed.

  Because she was going to scream.

  Gideon started the process of changing into his wolf while she was being put onto the rack. It took a while for most wolves to shift. Sometimes, it took as long as ten minutes for the new ones. It was a painful process, and she could hear the sounds of bones popping and muscles tearing, tendons rending. But soon, he was a large wolf, and she could feel his breath on her skin.

  The first bite was fire in her veins.

  The second was worse.

  The third drew her into an abyss of flame and torture.

  And then there was the fourth. And a fifth. And then…there was screaming.

  And not just hers. Max howled, she would know the sound anywhere.

  The others joined in with him, a haunting melody of beauty and terror.