No, life isn’t always pretty. That’s a given. But we can have a glimmer of hope that it is possible to make wise choices with our thoughts, actions, and reactions. These choices involve getting honest with ourselves and learning—sometimes over and over—the power of praise. Especially when the uglies come knocking.
Lord, thank You that You are with me—even when my ugly side comes out, even when I’m a mess, even when I don’t feel You with me. Thank You for Your grace, Your help, and Your forgiveness. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
82
THE TREASURE OF THROWN-AWAY FOOD
The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
—PHILIPPIANS 4:7
A few years ago, my son Jackson wrote a paper about the corruption and greed that caused the civil war in his native land. But Jackson wasn’t just explaining a historical event—he and his brother Mark lived in the midst of the horrific conditions of this war. You see, for the early years of their lives, my sons lived in a forgotten orphanage in the third world country of Liberia, Africa.
During one part of the paper, Jackson described what it felt like to be naked digging through the trash looking for the treasure of thrown-away food.
The treasure of thrown-away food.
I can hardly type those words without crying. This is my son.
And yet, despite the horrific conditions of his childhood, there was an unexplainable thread of peace woven through his recollection of the story. A powerful peace centered in the awareness of God’s presence.
The truly thankful person is a truly peaceful person. They have made a habit, no matter what, to notice, pause, and choose.
Noticing something for which to be thankful no matter their circumstance.
Pausing to acknowledge this something as a reminder of God’s presence.
Choosing to focus on God’s presence until His powerful peace is unleashed.
Will we be a noticer? A pauser? A chooser? A person of thanksgiving no matter what circumstance we’re facing?
I find this truth about the power of thanksgiving over and over in Scripture. What was the prayer Daniel prayed right before being thrown in the lion’s den and witnessing God miraculously shutting the lion’s mouths? Thanksgiving.
After three days in the belly of a fish, what was the cry of Jonah’s heart right before he was finally delivered onto dry land? Thanksgiving.
The truly thankful person is a truly peaceful person.
How are we instructed to pray in Philippians 4:6 when we feel anxious? With thanksgiving.
And what is the outcome of each of these situations where thanksgiving is proclaimed? Peace.
Powerful, unexplainable, uncontainable peace.
“The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7).
One of Webster’s official definitions of thanksgiving is, “a public acknowledgment or celebration of divine goodness.”
I wonder how we might celebrate God’s divine goodness today.
I wonder what might happen if we decide in the midst of our circumstances today to notice, pause, and choose something for which we can truly be thankful.
Dear Lord, will You help me notice things for which I can be thankful in each circumstance I face today? Will You help me remember to pause and acknowledge this as evidence of Your presence? And will You help me remember to choose to focus on Your presence until Your powerful peace rushes into my heart and helps me see everything more clearly? Thank You for the reality that being thankful changes everything. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
83
GIVING GRACE
Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
—EPHESIANS 6:12
I woke up one morning in a twit. I don’t know what the official definition of a twit is. Nor am I completely sure twit is a real word. However, when you feel all twisted up with irritation sprinkled on top, twit seems fitting.
So, there I was in a twit on a new day.
Typically, I am a pretty gentle person. But on this day I could envision myself saying the perfect comeback to this person who hurt me and it felt good. I mentally weighed out all the many reasons I was perfectly justified in leveling the scales of hurt.
They dumped a bucket of hurt on me. The scale tipped heavy on my side.
Therefore, I should dump a bucket of hurt on them. Then the scales would be even and my twit would dissipate in this balance of hurt equality.
But something in my spirit didn’t feel better after I mentally walked through this leveling of the scales.
I felt heavy.
And that’s when it occurred to me.
The secret to healthy conflict resolution isn’t taking a you-against-me-stance, but realizing it’s all of us against Satan—he’s the real Enemy.
In God’s economy, people don’t stand on opposing sides of the conflict scale. People stand on one side and Satan stands on the other. When we dump hurt into one another’s lives, we aren’t leveling the conflict scale. We are just making the people side fall further and further while Satan’s side becomes more and more elevated.
Satan loves when we do his work for him by dumping on each other.
The secret to healthy conflict resolution isn’t taking a “you against me” stance. The secret is realizing it’s “us against Satan.” He’s the real Enemy here. In Ephesians 6:12 Paul reminds us that our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
But this is hard when all we see is that flesh-and-blood person standing there who quite honestly has managed to get on the last good nerve we have left.
This moment may seem like the perfect time to set our Christianity on the shelf.
In actuality though, moments of conflict are hands down the grandest opportunity to shame Satan back to hell.
When a Jesus girl rises up and gives unexpected gentle grace when she surely could have done an attitude cuss, the mystery of Christ is seen more clearly than ever.
That’s why Paul ends Ephesians 6 with a charge regarding our words.
After telling us in verse 12 that Satan is our real Enemy, reminding us to put on our spiritual armor each day, and reiterating the absolute necessity of prayer, He says one more thing. “Pray that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel” (v. 19).
The placement of this verse is crucial and intentional. What a choice we have to make.
Father, help me remember who my Enemy really is—and that You give me grace to pass along to others. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
84
SOMETHING TO CONSIDER WITH CRITICISM
“It will lead to an opportunity for you to witness. Therefore make up your minds not to prepare your defense ahead of time, for I will give you such words and a wisdom that none of your adversaries will be able to resist or contradict.”
—LUKE 21:13–15 HCSB
Criticism is awful. That’s usually my first thought when a friend, family member, or even an acquaintance makes it clear they don’t like something I’ve done or said.
My pride says, “How dare you!”
My heart says, “I want a chance to explain.”
My soul says, “Jesus, am I off base?”
My mind says, “Why do I open myself up like this?”
My feelings say, “Ouch.”
Sometimes criticism is fair. Maybe I messed up and it would serve me well to reconsider. Other times criticism is nothing but rotten spew. And boy, does it stink. But if I get stuck in the stink, it serves no good purpose.
Might there be another way to look at harsh criticism? Is there a way to get past the hurt to see something about the one criticizing me that will soften my heart toward them?
<
br /> Recently, I stumbled on an article about the armadillo lizard. This fascinating creature has hard and pointy scales that have “Don’t mess with me” written all over them. But, like all tough creatures, this lizard has a vulnerable place.
The armadillo lizard’s tough exterior wraps around its back but softens at the underbelly. When threatened, the lizard grabs its tail and displays a prickly, intimidating posture to keep other creatures away. At that point, the rest of the body serves only one purpose—to hide and protect its most vulnerable part.
So what does a strange desert creature have to do with criticism?
In an effort to protect my underbelly, I sometimes get all wrapped up in myself and tragically forget the underbelly of the person criticizing—the place where they are vulnerable and might be hiding things, protected beneath their harsh words and a prickly exterior.
This is a place they may never let me see. It’s the storage place for their hurts and disappointments. It holds the root cause of their skepticism and the anger that probably has very little to do with me. “For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of” (Matthew 12:34). And from the overflow of their hurt, they spewed.
Remember, behind every harsh critic is usually a brokenhearted person desperate for love.
Remember, behind every harsh critic is usually a brokenhearted person desperate for love.
If I forget the other person’s vulnerability, I am tempted to start storing up my own hurt, skepticism, anger, and disappointments.
If I remember this underbelly, I have a much greater chance to keep it all in perspective. I can let my reaction be a good example to this other person just as our key verse, Luke 21:13–15, reminds us: “It will lead to an opportunity for you to witness. Therefore make up your minds not to prepare your defense ahead of time, for I will give you such words and a wisdom that none of your adversaries will be able to resist or contradict.”
When criticism comes—and it will—I must make up my mind not to worry about defending myself. I can resist the urge to become prickly and use it as an opportunity to be a witness. A witness of the love, grace, and mercy of Jesus. Things I desperately need myself.
Dear Lord, thank You for this challenge to think about the other person’s underbelly before I react to criticism. I know it’s a simple step, but it’s so hard to live out. Help me put this truth into practice and to walk in the wisdom You have already given me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
85
I HAD THE PERFECT COMEBACK
Only let us live up to what we have already attained.
—PHILIPPIANS 3:16
Do you sometimes feel like you want to put your Christianity on a shelf and be as mean to someone as they were being to you?
Maybe not, because you are nice. And most of the time, I am too.
But recently, I had a moment where the mean girl inside of me wanted to be heard.
I was on a plane with two of my friends. We were talking in normal conversational tones when suddenly the couple in the next row up came unglued.
The man turned around and said, “Can you guys just QUIET DOWN already?”
It wasn’t a gentle suggestion. It was a harsh command.
A little stunned, we simply replied, “Sure, we just . . .”
Before I could finish my sentence, his wife whipped her head around and snapped, “Your constant talking has given me a migraine. So just HUSH, okay?”
My heart raced. My face turned red. And I thought of the perfect comeback to say. I won’t tell you what I wanted to say, but I can assure you it didn’t involve being kind or gentle.
This is the exact point where I had to make a choice.
A choice of whom I wanted to partner with in this situation . . . God or Satan.
If I’d chosen the route of anger, a harsh comeback and retaliation, I would have basically stepped into Satan’s camp and caused conflict escalation. If, however, I’d chosen the route of gentleness and grace, I would be partnering with God and would continue to make progress with my raw emotions. Like Philippians 3:16 reminds me, “Only let us live up to what we have already attained.”
Why would I want to trade the peace of partnering with God for a few cheap moments of putting someone else in their place?
On my journey of improving my reactions, I have already attained more gentleness, more grace, more peace. Why would I want to trade all that for a few minutes of retaliating words? Words that will only leave me with a big ol’ pile of regret.
Now I can’t promise I’ve progressed to the point where my initial thoughts about this couple were nice. They weren’t. But I chose to consider the reality that people who are that on edge must have a lot of stored-up misery. Their reaction probably had a lot less to do with me and a lot more to do with another situation in their lives.
My job wasn’t to fix them or set them straight or prove how wrong they were acting.
My job in that moment was to keep everything in perspective. And simply give a gentle answer that could turn away their wrath.
While it felt hugely offensive when it was happening, it wasn’t huge. This wasn’t some sort of major injustice in my life. This was just a minor inconvenience. Why would I want to trade the peace of partnering with God for a few cheap moments of putting someone else in their place?
It’s all about perspective.
Because in all honesty, if this was the worst thing that happened to me that day, it was still a pretty good day!
Dear Lord, You are so good and faithful. Thank You for helping me keep things in perspective so I can work on having better reactions that honor You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
86
GOD, GIVE US SELF-CONTROL
As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and
bread for the eater,
so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
—ISAIAH 55:10–11
Have you ever been in a discussion with a loved one and suddenly your blood pressure skyrockets, your nerves fray, and the worst version of you begs to come out? ave you ever been in a discussion with a loved one and suddenly your blood pressure skyrockets, your nerves fray, and the worst version of you begs to come out?
Not that this ehhhhhver happens to me of course.
Ahem.
Of course it happens to me. I live with other humans. But what I’m trying to better understand is this whole concept of self-control. So many times in the Bible we are told to display self-control: Proverbs 25:28, Galatians 5:23, 1 Peter 4:7, and many others.
But it’s hard to display self-control when it feels like someone else does things out of our control and yanks our emotions into a bad place. So, here’s one little tidbit I’m learning. When someone else’s actions or statements threaten to pull me into a bad place, I have a choice. I do. It may feel like I don’t have a choice. It may feel like I have to react according to my feelings, but I don’t. I have a choice.
My choice is whether to give them the power to control my emotions.
When I react by yelling or flying off the handle or making a snappy comment back, I basically transfer my power to that other person. When I’m void of power, I’m void of self-control. So, it seems to me if I’m going to remain self-controlled, I have to keep my power.
The answer to keeping God’s power with me and working in me to produce self-control is letting His Word get inside me.
Now, when I say, “my power,” I don’t mean something I conjure up myself. I am referring to God’s power working in me. When I react according to God’s Word, I feel that power. When I react contrary to God’s Word, I feel powerless.
Isaiah 55:10–11 is such a good rem
inder of how we can tap into God’s power no matter what situation we are facing:
As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. (emphasis mine)
Did you catch that? The answer to keeping God’s power with me and working in me to produce self-control is letting His Word get inside me. His Word seeping into my mind and my heart will accomplish things—good things, powerful things—things that help me display self-control.
So, here’s my new tactic. When I’m facing a situation where someone is aggravating me, I’m going to start quoting God’s Word in the present tense. Take 1 Peter 5:6–8 for example: “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”
And declare it like this, “In this moment, I’m choosing to be self-controlled and alert. Your actions are begging me to yell and lose control. But, I realize I have an Enemy and that Enemy is not you. The Devil is prowling and roaring and looking to devour me through my own lack of control right now. But I am God’s girl. That’s right. I am. So, I am going to humbly and quietly let God have His way in me right now. And when I do this, God will lift me and my frayed nerves up from this situation and fill me with a much better reaction than what I can give you right now. So, give me just a few minutes and then we’ll calmly talk about this.”
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