Girl, that’s some power right there.
And that will make you shine with so much self-control your kids, friends, loved ones and coworkers won’t know what to do with you.
That statement was just taken from one little set of verses found in 1 Peter that we’ll dig into even more tomorrow. But can you imagine what might happen if we wrote out powerful responses using God’s Word on cards and pulled them out every time we found ourselves in a situation? I love being God’s girl.
Dear Lord, I am reminded that I am Your child. You made me. You know me. When I lack my own power to be self-controlled, help me turn to Your truth for good, calm responses. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
87
WHAT TO DO WITH TOUGH RELATIONSHIPS
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.
—1 PETER 5:6
Relationships are hard to navigate sometimes. If you’re in the midst of trying to figure out a situation that’s complicated, messy, and unpredictable, I imagine you’re nodding your head in agreement right now.
Sometimes I try so hard to figure out just the right words to say and talk through a situation. While talking is good, sometimes the conversations start running in a circle, and there aren’t any productive words left to say. When this happens, it can make a girl feel like giving up. But before I give up, I’ve learned to hush up.
The truth is, we have an Enemy, and it’s not each other.
Spending time getting quiet can be the best remedy for tangled situations. Taking a step back from all the emotion, frustration, and exhaustion to sit quietly with Jesus will do more to untangle a mess than anything else I’ve ever found.
Here are five beautiful things that can happen in the quiet:
1. We can feel safe enough to humble ourselves. In the heat of a mess, the last thing I want to do is get humble. I want to get loud and prove my point. I’ve learned I have to step out of the battle and humbly ask God to speak truth to my heart for things to start to make sense. Never have I had a relationship issue where I didn’t contribute at least something to the problem. Usually, I can only see this something in the quiet.
1 Peter 5:6: “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand.”
2. God will lift us up to a more rational place. When we are in the heat of a tangled relationship, crazy emotions can drag us down into a pit of hopelessness. The only way out of the pit is to make the choice to stop digging deeper and turn to God for a solution.
1 Peter 5:6: “. . . that he may lift you up in due time.”
3. Anxiety gives way to progress. We can pour our anxious hearts out to Jesus who loves us right where we are, how we are. And because His love comes without judgment, we can feel safe enough to humbly admit we need Jesus to work on us. Trying to fix another person will only add to my anxiety. Letting Jesus work on me is where real progress can happen.
1 Peter 5:7: “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
4. We see our real Enemy isn’t the person with whom we’re in conflict. The truth is, we have an Enemy, and it’s not each other. Satan’s influence on me and the person offending me is the real culprit. I can’t realize this in the heat of the moment. But in the quiet, I become alert and can gain a strategy for acting and reacting in a more self-controlled manner.
1 Peter 5:8–9: “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith.”
5. I can rest assured God will use this conflict for good—no matter how it turns out. If I make the effort to handle this conflict well, I can be freed from the pressure to make everything turn out rosy. Because I can’t control the other person, I must keep focusing on the good God is working out in me through this and leave the outcome with Him.
1 Peter 5:10–11: “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.”
In the end, this struggle can be used by God to make me stronger and more capable in my relationships. If I am humble enough to receive from Him in the quiet what He wants to teach me through this, I can rest assured with whatever the outcome is.
Dear Lord, help me stop trying to figure this situation out and just sit in the quiet with You for a while. Humble me. Take my anxiety and replace it with Your peace, wisdom, and security. I trust in You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
88
YOU DON’T LIKE ME
Do not be anxious about anything.
—PHILIPPIANS 4:6
Have you ever been taunted by toxic thoughts? I have.
You are not liked.
Who are you to think you could do that?
Why did you say that? Everyone thinks you’re annoying.
Your kids just illustrated every inadequacy you have as a mom.
You are invisible.
Why do we let such destructive words fall hard on our souls? Toxic thoughts are so dangerous because they leave no room for truth to flourish. And in the absence of truth, lies reign.
As Christian women, we need to focus on holding our thoughts to a higher standard. How dare these runaway thoughts be allowed to simply parade about as if they are true and manipulate us into feeling insecure, inadequate, and misunderstood! Oh, how much trouble we invite into our lives based on assumptions. But God’s Word instructs us:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. (Philippians 4:6–9)
This is probably a passage you’ve read before. But, have you thought of applying it to your every thought—especially the toxic ones?
In the absence of truth, lies reign.
The mind feasts on what it focuses on. What consumes our thinking will be the making or breaking of our identity.
That’s why we need to think on, ponder, and park our minds on constructive thoughts—not destructive thoughts. Thoughts that build up, not tear down. Thoughts that breathe life, not drain the life from us. Thoughts that lead to goodness, not anxiety.
So, here are three questions we’d do well to ask ourselves when thoughts are dragging us down.
1. Did someone actually say this or am I assuming they are thinking it? If they actually said it, deal with it then. If I’m assuming it, that’s unfair to them and unnecessarily damaging to me. Instead of staying anxious, I need to seek truth by seeking God and asking Him for peace.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God” (Philippians 4:6).
2. Have I been actively engaging with truth lately? The more we read God’s truths and let truth fill our mind, the less time we’ll spend contemplating untruths.
Thinking runaway, worrisome thoughts invites anxiety. Thinking thoughts of truth wraps my mind in peace and helps me rise above my circumstances.
“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7).
3. Are certain situations or friendships feeding my insecurities? If so, maybe I need to take a break from these for a season.
I need to seek friendships that are characterized by truth, honor, and love.
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praisewo
rthy—think about such things” (Philippians 4:8).
I know this is tough stuff. I know these issues can be more complicated than three simple questions. But it’s a good place to start holding our thoughts accountable.
After all, how a woman thinks is often how she lives. May we think upon and live out truth—and only truth—today.
Dear Lord, reveal to me untruths throughout my day that can so easily distract and discourage me. Help me see You and Your truth in all I do. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
89
COMPARISONS STINK
If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.
—GALATIANS 6:3–5
Comparisons stink. They do.
Just when I think I’ve gotten to a good place in some area of my life, along comes someone or something that seems better in comparison. And my confidence shrinks back, takes the hand of doubt, and starts ransacking the peace right out of my heart and mind.
I know deep down that God can and will use everything for good in my life, even my areas of vulnerability. But honest to goodness, it’s hard on a girl’s heart.
Not too long ago, I was in a situation where something I’m very self-conscious about was magnified when compared to others’ near-perfection. I was at the beach with several friends who have dancer’s legs. And by dancer, I mean like twenty-year-old, ballerina-perfection legs.
I guess you could say I have dancer legs too if you are referring to the dancing hippo from the children’s movie Madagascar.
Apparently, long, lean legs just aren’t in my genetic makeup, even though I can eat healthy and exercise every bit as much as my ballerina-like friends.
So there I was on the beach. Comparing my vulnerable place to their perceived strength.
And in the private space of my most inner thoughts, I cried. I found myself feeling defeated and convinced that this area will always be a struggle for me.
Oh, I can make progress, for sure. Heaven knows, I do work on it. And most days, I see how God is using this all for good. But when comparison sneaks in, it can be hard. Worse than hard. It can quite simply make me forget all the strengths I do have.
And when I forget, my heart shifts. I stop being thankful and instead become consumed by that thing I don’t have.
Satan will always try to point out what’s “wrong” to block out all that is right. And his whispers sound pretty convincing sometimes.
Satan will always try to point out what’s “wrong” to block out all that is right.
But that’s a dangerous place to park your mind.
In moments like these I find myself needing to soak in the truths of Galatians 6:3–5, “If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.”
As I thought more about that day on the beach, I realized I wasn’t prayed up. Knowing I might have some comparison issues, I should have asked God to help keep my focus on Him. Instead, I just found myself wallowing—and wallowing isn’t of the Lord. Amen? Amen!
I share this because you need to know that we all struggle. I’m on a journey of learning. Just like you.
And I desperately need God’s truth to bump into my weaknesses every single day. Only then can I get out of the shadow of doubt and into the life-giving reality of who God has made me to be. And see it as good. Not perfect. Not even close. But good. And good is good.
Dear Lord, forgive me for all the times I’ve compared myself to others. I know You have hand-picked all my qualities. Help me see these things as beautiful reminders of Your great love in creating me as Your daughter. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
90
HER SUCCESS DOESN’T THREATEN MINE
These were his instructions to them: “The harvest is great, but the workers are few. So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask him to send more workers into his fields.”
—LUKE 10:2 NLT
Have you ever wondered if there’s any need for you and the dreams tucked in your heart, when there are already so many successful people out there in the world?
I totally understand.
Several years ago, I remember pouring out all the best words I had through a pixelated letters-turned-pages-turned-book proposal. I tucked my heart and dreams into a purple Office Max binder and hoped for the best.
That summer, I gave my proposal to several acquisitions editors. For months after sending out my proposal, I would dream about the day some publishing house would say yes.
I can’t tell you the number of afternoons I’d stand at my mailbox, holding my breath, praying there would be good news inside. When the rejection letters started coming, I tried to keep up the hope that surely there would be one positive answer. I just needed one publisher to say yes.
Soon, I’d received a “no” answer from all but one. And when I got that final rejection, I felt so foolish for thinking I could actually write a book. My dream was nothing but a sham. I had no writing skills. And I must have heard God all wrong.
At the same time, I had other writer friends who were getting different letters from the publishers.
All tides rise when we see a sister making this world a better place with her gifts.
Amazing letters.
Dreams-come-true letters.
Letters that turned into book contracts.
In my better moments, I did the right thing and authentically celebrated with them. But then there were other moments. Hard moments.
Moments where I felt my friends’ lives were rushing past me in a flurry of met goals, new opportunities, and affirmations of their callings from God. It seemed the world was passing me by. And in those moments I said on the outside, “Good for them.”
But on the inside, I just kept thinking, Ouch . . . that means less and less opportunity for me. The raw essence of honest hurting rarely produces pretty thoughts.
I wrestled and I processed.
And I decided to get still. Refusing to believe I’d been left out and left behind. And starving my scarcity thinking.
Those times of being still are good and necessary when your thinking needs to be swept all into one pile. Then it’s much easier to identify treasures to keep, from the trash that should be tossed.
Then I could see new and life-giving realities. Her success does not threaten yours, nor mine. When she does well, we all do well. All tides rise when we see a sister making this world a better place with her gifts.
When I finally started believing this, my stillness turned into readiness. And that was twenty-one published books ago.
This is what Jesus reminds us: “The harvest is great, but the workers are few. So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask him to send more workers into his fields” (Luke 10:2 NLT).
And this is where we have a choice to make today.
We can look out and see the unlimited, abundant opportunities God has placed before us. To create. To write. To serve. To sing. To be and become.
Or we can stare at another person’s opportunity and get entangled in the Enemy’s lie that everything is scarce. Scarce opportunities. Scarce supply. Scarce possibilities. And we start seeing another person’s creations as a threat to our own opportunities.
Oh, sweet sister, there is an abundant need in this world for your contributions to the Kingdom . . . your thoughts and words and artistic expressions . . . your exact brand of beautiful.
Know it. Believe it. Live it.
Lord, today, I’m asking You to bless the women around me doing what I long to do. Stir even more hearts with a deep passion to make You known. And continue to settle my heart with the truth that this world really does need my exact brand of beautiful. In Jesus’ Name, Amen
.
91
I WANT WHAT SHE HAS
A heart at peace gives life to the body,
but envy rots the bones.
—PROVERBS 14:30
Chances are, if you’re like me, you’ve struggled with these areas I’ve been talking about—comparison and envy.
My house looks great until a friend redecorates. Her clever color combination and crafty restoration abilities have created rooms that look as though they’ve stepped straight from a magazine. Suddenly my home feels outdated and plain.
My kids always seemed great until I was around someone else’s who excelled in areas my kids struggled in. I would see her kids quietly reading books that were well advanced for their age and loving every minute of it. I compared that to mine who would have rather had their right arms cut off than read books that were barely grade level all the while asking me when they could go do something else more exciting. Suddenly I was judging myself for not making reading more of a priority when they were younger and felt like a subpar mom.
No, it doesn’t take long for all that I’m blessed with to pale in the face of comparison. I’m blinded from seeing what I do have in the face of what I don’t have. My heart is drawn into a place of ungratefulness and assumption. As I assume everything is great for those who possess what I don’t, I become less and less thankful for what’s mine. I forget the warning tucked in Proverbs 14:30, “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.”
And here’s the real kicker . . . things for the person I’m comparing myself to are almost never what they seem. Everybody has not-so-great sides to their lives. Whenever I get an idyllic view of someone else’s life, I will often say out loud, “I am not equipped to handle what they have, both good and bad.”
God has taught me a lot about how to nip a comparison in the bud so it doesn’t develop into full-blown envy and jealously.
The statement, “I am not equipped to handle what they have, both good and bad,” has been one of the greatest realizations God has given me. Every situation has both good and bad. When I want someone else’s good, I must realize that I’m also asking for the bad that comes along with it. It’s always a package deal. And usually if I’ll just give something enough time to unfold, I can often be found thanking God that I didn’t get someone else’s package.
Embraced Page 20
