The Pretense: A Men of Meadowfall book

by Wineheart, Anna

  Cole nudged his plate over in invitation.

  Levi frowned. “That’s your dinner.”

  “And I’m sharing it with you.”

  Levi met his eyes, hesitating. So Cole took Levi’s meatball-less plate, and set his own in front of Levi. Tucked into the noodles he’d made, tossed liberally with mushrooms and roasted bell peppers in tomato sauce.

  “This isn’t real,” Levi mumbled, the words so soft that Cole didn’t think a mic could pick it up. “You don’t have to try so hard.”

  Cole paused. Was he even trying? Or... was all this just an excuse to spend time with Levi again?

  Before he could answer, Levi’s expression changed. “I should... get started on the pregnancy test.”

  “I’ll come with you,” Cole said.

  Levi shrugged. He popped one of Cole’s meatballs into his mouth, then left the kitchen, his honey scent trailing behind him.

  Cole followed him to the marble foyer; Levi took a slim box he’d left on one of the side tables, then shut himself into the adjacent bathroom.

  Cole hovered at the door, his pulse skipping. What if he’d just been imagining that honey scent? He couldn’t deny that he wanted that baby. He’d been looking forward to Jay, that little flicker of life he’d talked to in Levi’s belly.

  With his brothers starting a family, Jenn and Taylor’s tiny faces smiling up at him... he’d been wishing for his own.

  Could he promise his baby safety, though? Cole’s stomach twisted.

  The toilet flushed. Levi washed his hands. He hid in the bathroom, silent for minutes.

  Cole knocked on the door. “Can I come in?”

  “No,” Levi said quietly.

  Well, he should have his personal space. And yet... Despite how long they’d been apart, and despite the awkwardness between him and Levi, there was something else, too, in the way Levi had succumbed to Cole’s jokes and smiled.

  That was the real Levi, the one who had been at such ease with Cole. The one Cole was hoping for another glimpse of.

  It felt like forever before the door unlocked, and Levi emerged. He shoved the pregnancy test into Cole’s hands, hurrying away in a whirl of jasmine and honey.

  As Cole looked down, the front door clicked shut.

  Two blue lines.

  Levi was pregnant, and he was carrying Cole’s baby again.

  At first, Cole’s heart soared. There was a baby. It was his. And Levi’s. And it felt like a chance to redo their past. Right their wrongs.

  Cole turned, wanting to grab Levi, hug him. Except the foyer was silent around him, empty.

  The first time Levi had miscarried, he’d sobbed against Cole, his arms wrapped around his belly. Last week, Levi had trembled, terrified of losing a baby again. Right now... where had he gone? He was scared, wasn’t he? Cole’s throat tightened.

  He tucked the kit into his pocket, needing to find Levi, calm him down.

  When he stepped outside, the driveway held both their cars. Wind rustled in the trees, and the dimly-lit garden was still. Levi wasn’t on the front steps, nor the patio around the pool.

  Cole rounded to the back of the house, where the cobblestone courtyard was, its uneven surfaces gleaming under the full moon.

  It was here that they’d spent Levi’s sixteenth birthday, and Cole had waltzed with him in the moonlight. One day, I’m gonna marry you, Cole had promised him, the stars as their witnesses.

  And now, on a stone bench to the side of the courtyard, Levi sat hunched, his frame small, his arms wrapped around himself.

  Cole’s heart squeezed. He crossed the courtyard in swift strides, then slowed at the bench, trying to gauge if Levi wanted to be alone. Gods, he should’ve thought of that before he came rushing over.

  “Hey,” Cole said. When Levi didn’t answer, Cole approached more slowly, stepping onto the grass around the bench. Then he sat gingerly next to Levi, reaching over to stroke Levi’s fingers.

  Levi breathed out, still looking across the courtyard. “Sometimes, I get the feeling that things are too good to be true. Then at other times... I just don’t know anymore.”

  “Why do you say that?” Cole murmured.

  Levi glanced down at his belly, flattening his palm against his abdomen. “I won’t be able to keep this baby.”

  “Why?” Cole blurted, uneasy. Levi had just given him the pregnancy test. It had been positive.

  “Because I’ll probably miscarry it.” Levi closed his eyes.

  “You don’t know that. That was just one pregnancy, Levi.”

  “That was one pregnancy that you saw,” Levi said sharply. Then he sighed. “I lost four others.”

  Cole tensed, his blood running cold. Four other babies? “You—You were pregnant again?”

  Levi shrugged. Then, he sighed. “Yes.” Before Cole could imagine him with other faceless alphas, Levi spoke. “I just... I wanted a baby after you left. I was lonely. So I had a few hookups when I was in heat, and... I’d gotten pregnant. Then I lost the second one. And the third. By the time I lost the fifth one, I’d just... given up.”

  Levi hunched forward, burying his face in his hands. “I’ve never been able to carry a pregnancy to term, Cole.”

  Five pregnancies. Levi had been with other alphas. Cole wanted to growl, but that had been Levi’s choice. Cole hadn’t been his bondmate at that point.

  And then the rest of Levi’s words sank in. Five babies. Levi had lost so many children.

  Cole could only sit in horror, imagining Levi losing baby after baby, his body betraying him. That first miscarriage had wrecked them both. Levi had gone through more of those, and each time... it had ruined him even more, hadn’t it?

  His stomach a tight lump, Cole touched the small of Levi’s back. When Levi didn’t respond, Cole straddled the bench, then wrapped his arms around Levi, pulling Levi against himself.

  “Did you have anyone with you when you miscarried those other times?”

  Levi shook his head. Cole closed his eyes, his heart aching. Had no one held Levi? Levi hadn’t had anyone to tell him that things would be okay. He hadn’t a shoulder to cry on all those years. “Gods, Levi. I—I wish I’d been there.”

  Levi trembled against him, sucking in a shaky breath. “I’m not someone that anyone wants. I can’t bear children. And I know how much you want this one—but it’s not going to survive, Cole. Please don’t get your hopes up.”

  Levi’s voice cracked then. He shoved his hands under his glasses, pressing his palms against his eyes. His shoulders shook.

  Cole’s eyes burned along with him. He swallowed hard, holding Levi as Levi sobbed.

  “I’m here,” Cole said, but his own voice was hoarse. He didn’t know why exactly he was choking up. Maybe it was the thought of losing this baby. Or maybe it was Levi crying in his arms.

  Or maybe it was both, and Cole felt Levi’s disappointment as keenly as Levi himself did.

  Gently, he slipped Levi’s glasses off his face, setting it down on the far edge of the bench so it wouldn’t fall or get crushed. Then Cole brushed his fingers through Levi’s hair and kissed his cheek, pressing his forehead to Levi’s temple. Just held him.

  And maybe Cole needed to hold someone, too. So he wouldn’t be crushed by the thought of losing his baby. Again.

  They sat together for a long moment, Levi with his face buried in his hands, Cole murmuring little comforting words to him, running his hands down Levi’s arms, his sides, his thighs.

  It was only when Levi finally calmed down, when his sniffling slowed and he sagged against Cole’s chest, exhausted, that Cole breathed him in.

  Cole realized Levi smelled like maplewood all over. In stroking him, trying to comfort him, Cole had subconsciously dragged his wrists down Levi’s body, marking Levi with his scent. And now Levi smelled like his. Cole’s heart pattered.

  Levi swallowed thickly. He leaned against Cole, his eyes puffy. “Where... Where are my glasses?”

  Cole remembered then that Levi couldn’t s
ee without them. Wincing, he reached for the glasses, setting them into Levi’s palm.

  Levi swiped at his eyes, then slipped his glasses back on. And Cole realized he missed seeing Levi without those clunky things. Or really, he missed having those glasses off, so he could kiss Levi and not worry about crushing those fragile frames.

  “Sorry. I didn’t... mean to bawl all over you,” Levi mumbled, looking away.

  “It’s not your fault.” Cole rubbed his back. “You needed a cry.”

  After Levi had lost five babies... Cole didn’t know what to say. Did he encourage Levi, and risk Levi’s hopes crashing later? Or did he prepare them to be disappointed from the very start?

  “You’re stronger than you think,” Cole said quietly. “Getting through all those miscarriages by yourself.”

  Ever so faintly, Levi’s lips twitched up in a smile. “I’m glad you think so.”

  “I think a lot of things about you,” Cole blurted. Then he shut up, because he didn’t want to ruin what they had right now, Levi sitting calmly in his arms. Levi wasn’t running. Cole felt a little spark of confidence, that he was able to comfort this omega.

  Levi turned toward him, curiosity glimmering in his eyes. “What do you think about me?” he asked, his nose stopped up.

  “I think you’re capable,” Cole answered, running his hand down Levi’s back. “I think you’re a good person, and you deserve to be happy.”

  Levi looked down at his hands, smiling wistfully. “I can’t give anyone a baby. Gods know I’ve tried.”

  Cole couldn’t help himself. He cupped Levi’s jaw, kissing him just beneath his ear. Levi sucked in a sharp breath.

  “That’s not all of who you are. You know that,” Cole whispered.

  Levi trembled, turning to look uncertainly into Cole’s eyes.

  He was so vulnerable, and he looked like he wanted so badly to believe Cole’s words. Cole leaned in, brushing their lips together. Levi froze, his eyes growing wide.

  “You’re perfect,” Cole murmured against his lips.

  “But I—”

  Cole kissed him again, soft and sweet. Levi’s breath puffed warm on his skin. “I’m sorry,” Cole said. “I know it doesn’t sound like much. But I should’ve been there for you all those years ago. Just—Just so you had a shoulder to cry on when you lost those children.”

  Levi swallowed hard, looking away. “I’m not so great, you know. I... should’ve told you about the miscarriages before you got your hopes up.”

  “Why didn’t you?” Cole asked softly.

  Levi bit his lip so hard that his skin turned white. “I—I was afraid you’d leave.”

  Cole’s heart ached for him. “Well, I’m not leaving.”

  He cupped the back of Levi’s head, kissing him slow and deep.

  Levi’s breathing stuttered; he pulled away. “Why’re you doing this?”

  Then he glanced toward the house, and Cole remembered the cameras. Remembered that they were supposed to be in a fake relationship.

  But out here, in the courtyard... there was no mic that could pick up on their conversation.

  He ran his thumb along Levi’s jaw, just breathing in his jasmine-and-honey scent. “I’m doing this because you need someone.”

  Levi’s cheeks darkened. He glanced away, shy, and Cole’s heart thumped.

  “You don’t love me anymore,” Levi mumbled.

  “I don’t know if I love you,” Cole said. Levi bowed his head. But Cole took Levi’s hand, pressing it against his heart. “All I know is, you still make me feel things.”

  Levi’s eyes grew wide. His throat worked, and Cole cupped his face, kissing Levi slow and deep. Levi groaned, opening for him. His tongue was damp and soft, his nails biting into Cole’s thigh.

  This? It felt real, Levi slipping hesitantly into Cole’s mouth, tasting him. Levi didn’t have to. He could’ve just stayed in his own mouth. Except Cole could feel Levi’s hunger, his need to be comforted.

  Cole tangled their tongues, licking at Levi so Levi moaned. Then Cole pulled away, just the slightest bit.

  “So... So we can have this fake relationship,” Cole whispered against Levi’s lips. “And I don’t expect any commitment from you. But while it goes on, just—just let me kiss you, okay?”

  Levi hesitated. Cole felt raw, letting that slip.

  But Levi breathed out, nodding against him. “Okay.”

  “You can still say no at any time,” Cole added, running his fingers through Levi’s hair. “I’ll understand.”

  Levi pulled away, his lips gleaming with a sheen of damp. Cole admired him, Levi’s skin pale in the moonlight, his lips full, his chest narrow. And beneath his clothes, his belly was flat.

  Cole’s baby was in there. For now, it was still alive.

  “Can I... Can I touch?” Cole murmured, his throat tight.

  Levi nodded.

  His heart thumping, Cole stroked down Levi’s stomach to his belly, gently pressing his palm to that flat abdomen. He couldn’t feel anything yet. He’d never felt his own child kick against his palm.

  And for as long as Levi continued to carry their child, Cole couldn’t help hoping. That this pregnancy would turn out okay. That he would one day hold their baby in his arms.

  Cole pressed his forehead against Levi’s shoulder, slipping his hand under Levi’s shirt, just to touch his bare belly.

  “You’re loved,” Cole whispered, feeling Levi tense up against him. “And you’re beautiful.”

  He didn’t know if he was saying it to Levi, or the baby, or both of them.

  From Levi’s shaky exhale, Levi didn’t know, either.

  8

  Levi

  The doorbell rang, jolting Levi out of a heart-thumping dream about Cole. “Wha—”

  It took him a moment to realize he was facing a wall. This wasn’t his bedroom. Then he realized that there was a warm, heavy arm around his waist. Someone’s breath puffed into his hair.

  “Who’s ringing that doorbell?” Cole muttered, his arm tightening around Levi’s waist. “Are they all the way at the gate?”

  Levi gulped, the rest of his dream filtering back into his mind, far too vivid.

  In that dream, he’d been having dinner with Cole in the kitchen. Cole had raked his gaze down Levi’s front and asked, Want something up your ass?

  Levi hadn’t answered. He’d grinned and sidled over to Cole, and his pants had burst open, his cock jutting up nakedly. Cole had taken it into his hot mouth, sucked on it, and Levi had almost come onto his tongue. Except Cole had pulled his own pants open, his thick, hard cock pushing up, hungry for Levi.

  In the dream, Levi’s pants had then vanished. He’d straddled Cole and sat right down onto his cock, and he’d fucked himself on it, his cock dragging against Cole’s abs. Cole had watched him with dark, hungry eyes, and then he’d pinned Levi down on the dinner table and opened him up, his cock plowing into Levi’s body.

  Even now, his body tingled all over at that memory. There was a smear of slick between his asscheeks. Levi gulped. He wasn’t sure how to face Cole, knowing he’d been imagining Cole plunging into him just moments ago.

  “Good dreams?” Cole rumbled behind him.

  Levi’s ears burned. “Um, yes?” he squeaked. He didn’t have to reach down to know that his cock had tented his sleeping shorts, smearing it with precome.

  “I dreamed about you,” Cole murmured, pulling Levi flush against himself. And something hard pressed up against Levi’s ass, something that Levi had been dreaming about inside him. Levi’s breath rushed out.

  They’d both been sleep-fantasizing about each other. And maybe it was fortunate that Levi hadn’t gone and fucked himself on Cole in his sleep. That would’ve been... awkward.

  Since the night of Cole’s rut, they hadn’t had sex. All they’d done was kiss a couple times—in front of Levi’s mom, and then last night.

  And now... Cole’s baby was growing inside Levi. Levi swallowed hard, hope and fear twisting through
his chest.

  Soft lips pressed against his nape. Levi froze. Cole brushed his nose against Levi’s shoulder and rumbled, “You smell like musk. Was that from me, or...”

  “I don’t know,” Levi croaked. “Do you cover your bed partners with musk when you sleep with them?”

  Cole chuckled. “I don’t remember. But you were moaning.”

  Levi froze, his skin too tight. He’d been moaning? “What—What did I say?”

  “Nothing I could decipher.” Cole ran his callused hand down Levi’s abdomen, dangerously close to Levi’s sleeping shorts. “Who were you dreaming about?”

  Then he trailed his fingers along the taut fabric of Levi’s shorts, running his fingers over stretched fabric, almost touching Levi’s cock. But that was enough for Cole to learn that Levi was hard. Enough to tease, with Levi’s cock as sensitive as it was right now.

  Cole propped himself up on one elbow, his thick length rubbing invitingly against Levi’s ass.

  “Want something?” Cole whispered, slipping his fingers down Levi’s inner thigh, caressing him there. Then he stroked higher up, just a hairsbreadth away from Levi’s balls.

  Levi moaned, his cock jerking with interest. They weren’t supposed to do this. They were just pretending to be boyfriends. But Cole’s touch sent pleasure humming down his nerves.

  What if they fucked? It wouldn’t make any difference to things now, would it, when Cole had committed to staying in the same place as Levi, when Levi had Cole’s baby in his belly.

  Levi parted his legs, anticipation thumping in his veins. Cole rumbled. Then he cupped Levi’s balls lightly through his shorts, squeezed them, and a jolt went straight up Levi’s spine.

  He bucked his hips, gasping, his cock so hard it could burst. “Cole—”

  The doorbell rang through the mansion, louder and more insistently.

  Cole growled, kissing down Levi’s neck to the scent gland at his shoulder. Then he closed his mouth around it and sucked, and pleasure twisted through Levi’s nerves.

  “Ignore them,” Cole rasped, closing his fist around Levi’s cock. “Let’s get you off. Make you cream your shorts.”