The Infinite

by Patience Agbabi

  ‘Indeed,’ says Le Temps. ‘I’m sure his father wouldn’t be happy with that accusation.’

  ‘You’re lying,’ I say. ‘You’re Pete LMS’s dad. You’ve hidden Season in a cupboard and cooked meat in her kitchen and disappeared Kwesi and Noon and stolen our phones and you’re a witchcraft and I’m going to report you and you’re going to get locked up and sent to prison ad infinitum!’

  The room goes crazy. I never heard so much whooping. GMT says, ‘Far out!’, Jake pretends he’s had his head chopped off, Ama raises her fist in the air and Big Ben leaps across the room and high-fives me. When I sit down, I’m shaking, angry and happy at the same time. I’m not scared any more. I don’t care if I’m sent home. I don’t care if I’m excluded from the trip. Le Temps is bad to the power of 3. Enough is enough.

  ‘Bravo, Elle!’ he says. ‘There’s the spirit. Knew you had it in you. Worthy of an Oscar, at least.’

  I don’t know whether anyone heard him because they’re making too much noise. Why is he praising me? I thought he was going to give me detention. His face is red and I can smell his sweat from across the room. His voice is his normal buttery voice but his body is the opposite. His body is angry and scared at the same time. I want to look at him and I don’t want to look at him. I want to see what his body does next, whether his words match it, but I hate looking at him because he’s a criminal. Not a criminal like MC2 who stole watches and didn’t kill no one. A REAL criminal.

  Beneath the chaos in the Common Room, voices in the corridor outside. With the rain and the whooping, we were distracted. The teachers are back. Even when they open the door the noise continues. No one tries to stop, they’ve gone too far into chaos. Mrs C Eckler stands in the corner of the room with her mouth a capital O; Mr C Eckler has a minus mouth. Millennia marches into the centre of the room and raises both arms like she’s going to take flight. Then I realise her hands are flat like she’s pushing a heavy object. The heavy object is the sound we’re making. She doesn’t shout like the Head at Intercalary International. She doesn’t need to. When Millennia freezes her hands, her eyes focused on each and every one of us, everyone stops shouting.

  Chapter 19:00

  0 TO 60 IN 1.4 SECONDS

  Millennia doesn’t send us home. She speaks to us in the room without Le Temps and asks us questions about what happened. I can’t go into details in front of everybody. I’m already worried Ama will be cross I mentioned Kwesi and Noon. Millennia talks with us for a long time. I don’t listen to it all until I hear her voice change, like she’s talking to adults rather than children.

  ‘Le Temps is a trusted colleague, an exceptional eco- landscaper. He has won awards. Yes, he is a little unconventional, but that is a mark of his genius.’ She smiles at all of us. ‘You are welcome to make an appointment to see me, individually, in my office, Y2K. I am free tomorrow morning.

  ‘Please accept my apologies for the change of plans brought about by Season’s absence. Season texted me personally to say she needed time-out. She will be back tomorrow.’

  I’m pleased to hear that. Even adults need time-out. Le Temps hasn’t locked Season in a cupboard. I wrongly accused him of that. Millennia doesn’t want to disrupt the itinerary any more than it has been. Dinner and the evening’s activity will proceed according to timetable. This evening we have free time.

  We’re all quiet at dinner. The afternoon’s worn us out. One good thing: Big Ben’s talking to me again! He’s sitting next to me wearing the red hat. Ama’s on the other side and GMT opposite. Everything feels normal. Except Kwesi and Noon are still missing, Season’s off and Le Temps is King of the Kitchen.

  Tonight, he’s kept to Season’s colour-coded menu. Mange-Tout is nowhere to be seen. But when I go up to the counter, Le Temps winks at me.

  ‘You could have mashed potato and tofu. Or fish pepper soup with yam. Your choice.’

  I narrow my eyes. Why is he being nice to me when I was nasty to him?

  ‘There aren’t any fish in 2048. That’s an Anachronism!’

  He smiles. ‘Still feisty as ever. You’re perfect, Elle. Quite perfect. But, swear on my father’s life, I found mackerel in the freezer labelled 2022. 26 years old! Not smuggled. Neglected. A little frost-bitten but . . .’ He shrugs his shoulders. ‘Up to you.’

  I wish it didn’t smell so good. My mouth is already full of saliva. Mackerel is oily rather than white fish but I could eat with my eyes closed. Le Temps may be a bad man but he’s a good cook. Season said no meat was allowed in her kitchen. She didn’t mention fish. Le Temps pushes the bowl towards me and the aroma is too tempting. He puts another bowl on the tray with three small pieces of yam and some coconut oil. How did he know that was my favourite dish? Even though it’s dinner, not breakfast, I walk back to our table and put down the bowl. Ama’s eyes go bigger than Jupiter.

  ‘Fish! How on earth . . .’

  ‘Le Temps found mackerel in the freezer,’ I say.

  ‘And you believed him?’

  ‘He might be telling the truth. He didn’t lock Season in a cupboard.’

  ‘Doesn’t mean he’s innocent.’ Ama shakes her head. I can see she wants to eat the fish pepper soup. Pepper soup is popular in Ghana too. Even Big Ben’s interested. He loves spicy food. He leans over it, breathes in, breathes out.

  ‘Elle, he isn’t Pete LMS’s dad. The maths is wrong. Pete LMS’s dad is old now.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘He’s old in 2020. My mum knows him. Why did you say—’

  ‘When Pete LMS was bullying me, he said his DAD said, “Nature does what she likes. Nothing to do with man.”’

  Ama laughs.

  ‘Elle, lots of people say the same things. Doesn’t make them the same PERSON.’ Then she turns to my soup again. ‘You’re not going to eat it, are you?’

  I don’t know whether Ama thinks I SHOULDN’T eat it or that I’m not going to eat it. Maybe she wants to eat it instead. I do want the soup. It’s the best pepper soup I’ve ever smelled. But I remember MC2 making sure the sweets were sweet. Maybe the soup’s been drugged. Before I can make up my mind what to do, Big Ben takes a giant spoonful and coughs so much I have to hit him on the back. His face has gone purple. He’s still coughing and I’m still thumping when the rest of the room goes quiet. I think everyone’s watching me and Big Ben but then I see they’re looking towards the door.

  Eve has walked into the room.

  She’s still wearing the purple and green leggings but she’s changed into GMT’s platforms so it’s an odd match. For a second, she pauses, looking around, then walks across to our table. People start talking again. They think she’s Noon. She sits down beside Ama.

  ‘Sorry,’ she says, ‘about this morning. Forgive me, darling?’ She pauses again, then says, to all of us, ‘Couldn’t lie low. I was STARVING.’

  I watch her walk up to the counter and Le Temps freezes like when he shouted at Maria but he doesn’t look angry, he looks scared. Why is he so scared of Eve? Does he think she’s Noon or has he worked out she’s a twin? Maybe he’s scared of twins. In Nigeria, in the olden days, people used to starve twins because they thought they were witchcrafts. He only freezes for a split second. Then he looks normal again. Eve doesn’t seem to notice. She carries her food back on a tray and eats like she hasn’t eaten in a week. Which is probably true. I feel bad I forgot to take more food back at lunchtime. Of course, she missed the wonderful bread workshop.

  ‘Elle, are you going to eat that soup or what?’ says Ama.

  ‘It might be poisoned.’

  ‘Big Ben’s alive.’

  I look at him. His face is normal again. I don’t think he wants to try any more soup. Ama licks her lips.

  ‘Because if you don’t want it, I DO.’

  Ama, GMT, Eve, Big Ben and I have taken over the Common Room, sitting on sofas and beanbags. Ama set an Emergency Meeting for 8 p.m. We need to decide who’s going to leap to 2100. She’s obsessed with it. She and Eve spent an hour doing small talk i
n the chalet before the meeting. I reread Bob Beamon because I don’t do small talk. I like to talk about BIG things.

  But when Ama opens the meeting, Eve volunteers immediately. Maybe they weren’t doing small talk for an hour after all. Maybe they were plotting.

  ‘Leaping’s not my forte, darlings, but I just leapt over a century. Solo. And . . .’

  Big Ben’s staring at her. His eyebrows almost meet in the middle. ‘You’ve changed,’ he says.

  Eve laughs. ‘You’re 36 hours behind, Big Ben. I’m Eve. Noon’s twin sister. Noon’s missing. We think she might be with Kwesi.’

  Big Ben freezes for a few seconds and then says, ‘There’s TWO of you.’

  ‘Yes. Identical only in looks. I’m the noisy one.’

  It takes Big Ben a few seconds to smile. What a relief. I thought he might struggle with meeting someone new. But maybe it’s OK because the new person looks identical to the person he already knows. Maybe he finds it exciting to meet an identical twin.

  Ama’s shuffling around in her seat. ‘Guys,’ she says. ‘Focus! Anyone else volunteer to leap?’

  ‘What date and time and place?’ says Big Ben.

  ‘The 28th of Feb. Or the 1st of March. We couldn’t agree on a time.’ She pauses. ‘And never discussed place.’

  ‘Place is important,’ I say. ‘If you leap without focus you could end up in Brazil. That would be stupid.’ I thought of Brazil because we studied the destruction of the Amazon Rainforest in geography. Everyone looks at me, then looks away. They’ve all learnt I don’t like people staring at me.

  ‘They must be HERE,’ says Ama. ‘Otherwise why would Kwesi text Leap 2100, like it was a trip. But WHERE here?’

  ‘How about The Round? MC2 said “leap in The Round an’ you’ll never be seasick”. I saw the Infinity signs.’

  ‘Elle, spill the beans,’ says Ama. ‘No more secrets.’

  It wasn’t a secret. There’s been so much happening, I forgot. I tell them about MC2’s infinity tattoo and the extra signs appearing on the trees.

  ‘MC must’a put them there!’ It’s GMT speaking for the first time. I thought she’d fallen asleep. She’s taken her shoes off and stretched out on the sofa. Her nails are painted sparkly silver. ‘“Once upon a time, a boy wrote a message on a tree.” His story.’

  Ama sighs. Maybe she’s as tired as GMT.

  ‘OK. The Round is significant. Any more volunteers?’

  ‘Me!’ Big Ben and I say at the same time. We look at each other. I speak first.

  ‘I was scared before but I leapt yesterday and I still have some sweets so I can eat one if I vomit.’

  ‘No,’ says Big Ben. ‘I’m a boy. Boys are stronger than girls. I should do it.’

  ‘WHAT?’ I say. Big Ben doesn’t usually say things like that. He knows I can run faster than boys. But that’s not the point.

  ‘It’s not about strength,’ I say. ‘It’s ACCURACY. I’m good at concentrating . . .’

  ‘Like yesterday?’ says Ama.

  ‘I couldn’t see you,’ says Big Ben quietly.

  ‘Elle, I know I wanted you to leap this morning but . . . I think it’s best you don’t.’ Ama’s scrunching up her forehead. ‘If you pass out, there’s no one to help you.’ She stands up now and begins her pacing. If she put the energy into running she puts into pacing, she’d be talented. ‘I think Eve should do it. She’s the oldest.’

  ‘That’s irrelevant!’ I say. I didn’t realise it but my voice has got louder. ‘Age doesn’t matter. Not in 2048.’

  ‘Only old people say that, to feel good. Age might matter in 2100. It’s a glitch year. Eve’s leapt a century. Alone. Best she does it.’

  ‘I can leap with Eve,’ says Big Ben.

  ‘We can’t risk TWO going missing,’ says Ama.

  ‘Not logical.’ Big Ben gets up off his seat.

  ‘We don’t have to obey you.’ I stare at Ama. ‘You’re not a teacher.’

  Ama gave us a choice, then took it away from us. Which is like lying.

  ‘You guys crack me up,’ says GMT. ‘MC’s on the case. Since this morning.’

  Everyone looks surprised except me. I knew he was on a solo mission.

  ‘Meaning what, exactly?’ says Ama.

  ‘Leap 2100. He’s there! Well, he’s not responding to texts but that’s what he—’

  Ama stops pacing. ‘Why didn’t you say so earlier?’

  ‘It was kinda entertaining listening to you guys work things out, but . . .’ She stretches her legs and reveals her infinity tattoo. ‘Some of us got work to do.’ She sits up and puts on her Adidas trainers, laces them up.

  ‘So long!’ she says and disappears into thin air.

  ‘Typical!’ says Ama. ‘It’s all about HER. What about Kwesi?’

  ‘MC2 will find him,’ I say. ‘He’s an Infinite. He’ll save Kwesi AND the planet.’

  ‘Thought you said he was a crim?’

  ‘He is, but I like him now. He’s no more a criminal than my cat.’

  I enjoy the feel of other people’s words on my tongue, like Eve tried on GMT’s shoes. Eve is sprawled on the sofa like GMT was, with her shoes off, and I notice her toenails are painted with sparkly silver nail polish too. Everyone’s trying to be someone else.

  But Big Ben has stood up. I know by the way he stood up that he hasn’t just gone from 0 to 10. He’s gone from 0 to 60. In less than two seconds!

  I don’t want him to throw a chair and get sent home in disgrace from Leap 2048. I ask if he wants to do running, but he ignores me. I think he’s counting in his head. Big Ben can count to 100 in 10 seconds. When he can’t sleep, he counts to a million. He looks like he’s counting to a million now. Then he abruptly stops counting, grabs each arm of the armchair and I think, please don’t throw the armchair, please don’t. But he’s using the armchair to keep himself still because he’s shaking so much, like he’s cold. He’s shaking so much that when he rushes out of the room he can barely walk, like he can’t quite keep control of his body. A few moments later we hear the front door slam and the whoosh of an engine.

  Big Ben’s hacked into Fiona!

  It doesn’t take long for everyone to know Big Ben’s stolen Fiona. The whole centre’s in chaos. Millennia’s gone home and the Leapling teachers are making calls on their Chronophones to Season, Millennia, MC2. They can’t call the police. How could they answer detailed questions without breaking the Oath? The Annual teachers are trying to calm us all down. Some of the pupils, like Jake, think it’s amazing Big Ben worked out how to steal the car but others, even Martin Aston, are scared Big Ben’s going to have a crash and die. We all know he can drive but he’s never driven a Ferrari Forever before.

  I want to live under the table. I know I upset Big Ben but I don’t understand why he got angry. To make things worse, Ama and Eve are best friends now and ignoring me because they think it’s my fault. Even Mrs C Eckler is too busy to help me. I want to live under the table but I can’t live under the table because the Common Room is bursting with pupils. Most of the teachers are in the hall, where they can make calls with less background noise. I think about going back to the chalet but I want to hear if they find Big Ben. I want to be the first to hear. I must remain in the centre.

  I’m walking along the lower ground floor corridor. It’s quiet here. I’ve never walked down here before. We’ve only ever been in the hall or The Igloo. This must be where Millennia’s office is: Y2K. It says her name in bold black capital letters underneath. Next to that, another door: Energy Equals: MC2. Opposite The Hourglass: SEASON. Next to it: The Time Machine: LE TEMPS.

  All of a sudden I get that funny feeling. It reminds me of something and it almost comes into my head, then escapes again. I concentrate on the writing, hoping it will come back but it doesn’t. Footsteps along the hall. I turn around to see Le Temps. He’s still dressed in his tracksuit from earlier, still smelling of sweat.

  ‘Terribly sorry about your boyfriend, Elle.’

  ‘He�
��s not my boyfriend. Why are YOU sorry? Did you make him steal the car?’

  Nigerians say they’re sorry when they’ve done nothing wrong. They say sorry to show that they feel sad like you do. But Le Temps isn’t Nigerian. He’s English pretending to be French, with his clever-clever name.

  ‘No. He stole it of his own free will. I’m sorry he made a wrong decision. Still,’ he smiles, ‘better than rearranging the furniture.’

  As Le Temps is speaking, I’m reading his name on his office door like the words have come up as the caption ‘LE TEMPS, Eco-landscaper’ and Le Temps is a talking head. And there’s something about the order. Something familiar. I play the film over in my head and I focus in on the words ‘LE TEMPS’ on the screen. Then I look back at LE TEMPS on the door. And I focus again on the film, rewind to the letters flying all over the screen like insects and I look back at the letters on the door, focus until the letters leap out of place: LETEMPS, LTMSEEP, LSM PTEE, the letters rearrange and rearrange until they stop. PETE LMS. Le Temps is an anagram of Pete LMS.

  Le Temps = Pete LMS.

  Chapter 20:00

  THE PREDICTIVE

  ‘You’re Pete LMS grown up!’ ‘Bravo, Elle. Pure genius.’ He clicks his Chronophone, his office door opens and he guides me inside. ‘After you. Was wondering when you’d work that out.’

  His office is as large as our flat. It has a desk with a green computer on it, two comfy armchairs and a round rug based on an old-fashioned clock with roman numerals. On the wall is a large whiteboard with strings of letters on it, like someone fell onto a keyboard, and various dates, all of them leap years in the mid-21st century. And 2100.

  ‘Welcome to The Time Machine. Do take a seat. D’you think I did a good job on the anagram? Reinventing myself. We Annuals like wordplay too, you know. Ah, you thought I was a Leapling. The name fools everyone. Can’t leap to save my life. You won’t tell on me, will you? Our little secret?’

  He sits down in one of the armchairs but I don’t sit down. I stand near the door, staring at him in his tracksuit with his bald head. He looks nothing like his younger self. I can’t believe Le Temps is Pete LMS. But he is. He is.