Regretting Gabriel

by Brooks, Anna

  But when Cady stirs in her sleep and makes a keening sound that’s way different than the ones she’d made earlier, I nearly panic. This one is fearful, not painful. I scoot down and put my hand on her bare thigh, the blanket she used has bunched up between her legs.

  Damn. Her skin is soft.

  I give her a very small and very gentle shake, rousing her from what I’m assuming is a nightmare. She doesn’t wake fully, just enough to turn her body and rest her head on my thigh.

  I freeze, unsure how to play this. Normally, a chick’s head in my lap meant my dick was being sucked, but that’s not what was happening here. And not that I’d tell her no if she tried, but damn… I like just being what she needs to make her feel safe and give her sweet dreams.

  Like… I like that shit a lot.

  My arm drops, and my hand lands on her back. I gently twirl the long, silky strands of her ponytail and relax back into the cushions until I fall asleep again. And then I get the best rest of my entire life until I wake the second time, alone.

  She’s not on the couch, but I know she’s still here because her soft voice whispers, “Shh. I’m getting it, Peachy girl.” I squint an eye open to find Cady in the kitchen, squishing some nasty ass food onto a plate for Gianna’s cats. I can smell that shit all the way over in the other room. “There you go, pretty girl. Hi handsome,” she continues whispering, scratching behind the black cat’s ears. “Yours is next. Ladies first, remember?”

  I can’t help the tilt of my lips at how fuckin’ cute she is. And as I watch her move around in the light of day and listen to the melodic tone of her voice, I realize something is familiar about her. I thought that as soon as I spotted her last night but couldn’t place her. I figure since she’s my sister’s friend, I probably met her or at least have seen her sometime when I was home.

  But that can’t be it. Because if I’ve seen her before, I would have remembered.

  She opens and closes a drawer, then bends her head and does something I can’t see. “I’ve gotta go, kitties. I’m already late for work. Be good for Gabriel.” Fuck, my name sounds good coming from her mouth. Without a glance in my direction, she puts her purse over her shoulder and quietly pads out of Gianna’s apartment.

  At the sound of the door closing, something fucked-up happens. My gut sinks to the floor, and the center of my chest throbs in quick succession.

  “What the fuck?” I ask the empty room. Both cats turn to look at me, but as soon as they realize they don’t give a shit about me, they lick their lips and go back to eating.

  I get up and stomp over to the island and pick up a note from her. She has girly handwriting with swooshes that are as cute as she is.

  Gabriel—

  Thank you for keeping me company yesterday.

  I’m next door if you need anything.

  Best—Cady

  “What the fuck?” I repeat. It’s like she’s giving me marching orders or some shit, and the longer I stand here, the more pissed I get.

  She is not about to give me all those angelic vibes and then brush me off… oh, no. I’m not used to innocent, and I don’t even know how to handle something so breakable, but she gave it to me, and I want more, so I’m going to figure it out.

  I dig through my sister’s fridge and find it mostly empty, which I already knew, but I need something to distract me from chasing after Cady because that would make me late for the interview we have this morning. I grab a yogurt and spoon, then lean against the counter as I choke her low-calorie crap down my gullet.

  After a quick shower, I get dressed and am about to go to the grocery store when my cell rings. “Yeah,” I answer as I’m sliding my feet into a pair of black boots.

  “Hi. How’s it going?” my sister asks cautiously.

  “Good.”

  “Did you remember to feed the cats?”

  I look at the garbage can where I threw the plates in after the cats licked them clean. “Yeah.”

  “Gabriel.”

  “What?”

  “You really remembered?”

  I push my wallet into my back pocket. “Cady did.”

  “Why did Cady?”

  “Because she was here.”

  “Why was she there this morning?” Her words practically run together as she panics.

  “’Cause she woke up here and fed them before she went home.”

  My sister gasps on the other line. “I swear to God, Gabriel, if you even think about touching her or screwing her over, I will never forgive you.”

  “Too late.” I thought about her in my dreams, and I can’t stop thinking about her now.

  “You slept with her?” she screeches. “God, you’re an asshole. Why would you do that?”

  I laugh to myself at how damn angry she is. “Chill. Damn. I’m just giving you shit. I didn’t touch her.”

  “Oh good.”

  “But I did think about it.” The truth be told, I thought about a lot more than touching her, but I keep that to myself because I don’t think Gianna would find it the least bit funny.

  “Why did she sleep there?”

  “We both fell asleep on the couch.”

  Under her breath, I hear her swear. “Gabriel, come on. Quit being an ass, you know what I’m asking.”

  “She looked like shit, all right? And when she stood, she got all dizzy, so I didn’t want her to be alone. She stayed, and we watched movies, and then we fell asleep. That’s it. I swear.”

  She takes a second, and I just know she’s trying to figure out if she believes me or not. “Okay. Okay, that’s good.”

  “Why are you so freaked anyway?” I make sure to lock the door behind me and then jog down the stairs to my Tahoe.

  Her sigh isn’t annoyed, more like conflicted. “I just don’t want you to hurt her, and before you say anything, I don’t think you would intentionally. She’s really sweet, and she’s so nice but super shy, Gabriel. I try to get her to open up, but she never does, and I just… I don’t… I really don’t think she could handle you.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I start my SUV but wait for her to elaborate as it warms up.

  “You’re aggressive, Gabriel. You’re a famous musician, and she’s so quiet. If you get her to like you and then hurt her, it won’t just hurt… it would break her.”

  My jaw clenches as I listen and realize that even though my sister is looking out for her friend, and regardless if she thought I wouldn’t intentionally do it, she still thinks I would possibly fuck her over. And it pisses me off. But as I take a second to gain control of my temper, I catch my reflection in the rearview mirror. Selfish, angry eyes looked back at me, and I hate the realization that she’s right. Because that’s what I’d do.

  All I ever wanted was to be better than my dad, but the way I did that was to make sure I never let a woman get too close. That’s why I’ve never once, not ever, in my life even attempted to let anyone in. And for the first time, I want to not only let someone in but also never let her go. It never crossed my mind that I don’t have to hit them to cause them pain, and the realization that I could hurt Cady without even touching her rocks me to my core.

  Cady

  I wanted to be out of my apartment on the off chance that Gabriel was still at Gia’s and I ran into him or, worse, he came over. Not that he would because he did his brotherly duty for the night and will never see me again, but I didn’t want to risk it. So, since I didn’t need to be to work until ten, I went to the grocery store for Rosie so I can stock her cupboards, like I do once a month.

  Rosie is the librarian who I replaced. She worked at the library for thirty-seven years, and when I took over her job, we became close. She has a son who lives in New York and two grandchildren who have families of their own in other places around the country. And none of them ever come to visit her. Not even when she got sick. So I stepped in to help her as much as I could, including to hire a live-in nurse. I shop and help clean her house and even take her to appointments sometimes, too.


  I’m currently emptying the last of the groceries when Sebastian hugs me from behind as I shove a tub of ice cream in the freezer. “Thank you.”

  I reach up and grab his wrist and give it a squeeze. “Of course. How is she today?”

  He leans on the counter and tops off his coffee as he talks. “Good. She woke up with a smile, so I’m hoping the rest of the day is the same.”

  Rosie is a wonderful woman. But she’s mean to almost everyone except me… and Sebastian. I don’t know if she was always that way, but ever since I first met her, she’s been a crotchety old lady.

  Sebastian has been with her for almost two years now. Before him, I had hired someone to live with her since she refused to go into a nursing home. The first nurse was Sandy, and she quit after a month because Rosie made her cry when she told her that her cooking sucked and she wouldn’t even feed it to a homeless dog. Then Rebecca quit because Rosie sprayed her in the eyes with hairspray “on accident” three times.

  I lost two more after that, but when Sebastian came, I knew he’d last. And I’m so glad he did because her family hasn’t come once since he’s been here, and there’s no way I’d have been able to take care of her on my own.

  It’s true what they say, you can’t pick your family. But Sebastian and Rosie are the family I chose, and I’m so grateful to have them in my life. Them and Gia. The three people I care about. Well, that’s not true.

  I care about the people who were in my father’s life who are still in some way a part of mine. His bandmates still call me every once in a while to check on me because they promised my father if something ever happened to him, they’d take care of me. I feel as if they blame me for his death, even though they’re adamant that it wasn’t my fault. I get the random call or card from someone he used to work with, too, so those people I care about.

  “Are you going to tell me what’s with the weird face?” Part of being such a good nurse for Sebastian is that he’s good with people, so he easily reads me and knows when I’m having a bad day too.

  “I’m just tired. Had a crappy night.” I feel almost a hundred percent better than I did yesterday.

  “Aww. I’m sorry.” He squeezes my bicep.

  I bring my hand up to pat his arm. “Thanks. I’m better now. Though…” I trail off and peek around him at the clock on the stove. “I’m running late, so I’m just gonna say hi to her real quick before I go.”

  “Okay. I’ll bring her breakfast in a few.” He goes back to the stove where he’s heating up some eggs and sausage for her, and probably himself as well. They eat all their meals together, and since they’ve been doing it for so long, they actually have a schedule down. During the week is eggs and either sausage or bacon. And on the weekends is pancakes or waffles.

  She lives in a ranch-style home that has a long hallway leading down to her bedroom. It has all the original crown molding and tile and pink carpet. It’s practically a museum, but she kept it clean while she was able, so it’s not dirty, just outdated. I pass Sebastian’s room that smells like his ocean-scented cologne, then knock lightly on her door when I reach the end of the hall.

  “Come in.”

  With a smile on my face, I push it open. “Morning.”

  She lifts a frail arm. “Cady. How are you, my beautiful girl?”

  I sit on the edge of her bed and take her hand, tucking a couple of gray hairs behind her ear. “Good. How are you? Sebastian said you had a good morning.”

  The wrinkles on her forehead become more pronounced when she scowls. “I did, getting old sucks.”

  “You’re already old,” I joke.

  She smiles and smooths out the purple housecoat she’s wearing. “Don’t I know it.”

  The light gray of her blue eyes warns of her age, much like rings on a tree trunk. It hurts to watch the brightness fade away in the short years I’ve known her, but unfortunately, it’s happening fast. “I wish I could stay, but I have to go open the library.”

  She smiles, but it’s forced. I know she misses working there. After all, she spent over thirty-five years of her life in that building. “Have a good day.”

  “Maybe Sebastian can bring you in sometime really soon? It’s been a while since you visited me.” I’m busy today, so I don’t want to have to worry about her there as well.

  Her cheekbones pop when her smile turns genuine. “That would be lovely.”

  “Perfect. I’ll talk to him, and we’ll set something up.” I give her a hug and leave her door open a crack when I exit. After chatting with Sebastian for a couple of minutes, I get into the cab waiting at the curb that I reserved to drive me from my apartment to the store to her house, and then back to the library.

  The radio crackles, and I sit up straight. “Can you turn that up, please?”

  My driver nods and presses a button on the steering wheel to increase the volume.

  “We’re back with Mike, Jamie, and Gabe from Reason to Ruin. Thanks again, guys, for stopping by today. I know you’re on vacation, so we really appreciate you giving us the time.”

  I stare out the window as I continue to listen.

  “It’s no problem, man. We’re always happy to come hang out when we’re home.” That’s Mike, who’s usually the one who talks the most in these types of interviews since he’s the lead singer.

  “You’re finished with your tour, right?”

  “Yeah, man. We need a break. I know I do.” Jamie chuckles.

  The DJ speaks up. “I hear congratulations are in order.”

  “Thanks.” Jamie’s reply is swift, and Mike speaks up, clearly helping out his friend from further questioning. “We’re taking some time off, and since we’re here, we wanted to address the rumors circulating. Yes, Kolby is no longer with us. No, we’re not breaking up. Yes, we’ll be back on the road, hopefully by this summer, but we just don’t know who our drummer will be.”

  “Thank you. Do you care to delve deeper into the reasons Kolby decided to leave?”

  “No, we don’t. And we won’t.” Gabriel’s voice is angry, nothing like what he sounded like last night with me; smooth and sweet. “Next question.”

  The DJ chortles nervously into the microphone. “Jamie, how’s your brother doing? As I’m sure all our listeners are aware, Liam left the band several years ago to be with his now wife.”

  “He’s great. They have a daughter who’s already better on the drums than Lee,” Jamie jokes.

  “That’s fantastic. Any talk of Liam joining back up again?”

  Jamie answers that. “No. Liam is with his family. We don’t know who it will be, but when we find out, we’ll be sure to let everyone know.”

  “Thanks, Jamie. I know the fans are all wondering. Gabe, what about you? You enjoying your time off?”

  “You know it.” The sexual inuendo is there in just those three words. Typical.

  My driver pulls up to the library and leaves the car running while I finish listening.

  “Do you have any plans to celebrate the holidays?”

  Gabe’s deep voice sends tingles throughout my body. “For sure.”

  “Awesome, man. So let me shift gears for a second here. You guys are at the station today because you wanted to let your fans in on a little something you’re working on. Mike?”

  “Thanks, so we’re stoked to be home and are happy to celebrate the holidays with our families, but this year and every year, unfortunately, some families have to celebrate at Children’s Hospital. There isn’t anything we can do to cure these awful diseases and get the kids home, but there is something we can do to help make their holidays just a little bit better. So the day before Christmas Eve, at Kelly’s Pub, we’re doing a benefit concert. As we said earlier, we don’t have a drummer, and Liam is not replacing him, but for the benefit, Lee will be sitting behind us again.”

  “Oh my God.” I say it out loud because he hasn’t played with them for years.

  “Wow, that’s awesome,” the driver says, and I turn to him. He must
be a fan.

  “Yeah, it really is,” I agree.

  The DJ must have played a track of fans screaming because Mike laughs before he continues. “There’s only one way to get in, and that’s by bringing a wrapped gift with a tag stating the proper age for the toy and if it’s for a boy or a girl or both. The rest of the week, there will be buckets set out for collecting the toys, and if you bring one in wrapped and tagged, you’ll get a free drink ticket.”

  “Please remember, you guys, this is for a good cause, and Kelly’s Pub is a family business.” That’s Gabriel talking. “As much as we want a million toys for these kids, we don’t want the pub to go broke giving out free drinks, so please keep that in mind when you get the idea to go to the dollar store and then go back every day to get a free drink.” He jokes, but people would totally do something like that to get free booze.

  Mike chimes in. “If you want to bring more than one gift, then by all means do, but… just be the kick-ass and generous fans we know you guys are. Especially from our hometown.”

  “That’s really a great thing you guys are doing, and I’m sure you’re gonna have an amazing turnout. Now, you’ve put out a couple of singles, but still no word on a release date for a new record?”

  “Obviously, things have been shaken up the past few years, but we’ll definitely have some new stuff soon. We’re working hard in the studio, but we’re not releasing anything we’re not proud of. I wish I could give you a date, but I just don’t have that.” Mike answers his question perfectly.

  “Trust me, we’re just as anxious as everyone else is.” Gabriel chuckles, and I press a hand to my fluttery stomach.

  I’ll never forget what hearing his voice for the first time made me feel, even when I was just a teenager. He was in the studio at our house with my dad working on some riffs, and I stood at the door, listening. And when I peeked in and saw Gabriel, absolutely and positively gorgeous, I couldn’t help but stare. He was so… handsome. I’d never seen a guy before who was that perfect.

  I went to my room and slammed the door, then slid down it and sat on my booty. And for some weird reason, I cried.