Salvaged

by Jay Crownover

  I choked a little and looked at my car and back at the former love of my life and current mother of my child. “Shit. I just got used to the idea of having a nursery in my house. I didn’t think about my car.” I rubbed a hand across the back of my neck and sighed. “I don’t think I’m ever going to be the minivan type.”

  She laughed and rolled her eyes at me. “Who’s asking you to drive a minivan? As long as you can belt a safety seat in the back you’re fine, and if that doesn’t work you own a garage. You can borrow a family-friendly car on the days you have the baby and keep the Caddy for the days you don’t.”

  I felt both of my eyebrows shoot up as I considered her thoughtfully. “You’ve been giving this a lot of thought.” I was surprised she was the one making all the sense. The screaming she-devil that had made the last year of my life a living hell was nowhere to be found. In her place was the girl I fell in love with all those years ago, but this version was even better than that one. It made my heart hurt for everything that could have been if Kallie and I were different people.

  “Well, Roni won’t talk to me until I get things squared away with Mom and Dad, Dixie is stupid in love and has her hands full settling into her new life in Mississippi, and up until today my best friend was ignoring me and pretending like I didn’t exist.” The last was a jab at me and I felt it slide right under my skin just like she intended it to. “All I’ve done is go over and over the best way to make all of this work and I know that asking you to change or expecting you to be anything other than the guy who I made this baby with is not the answer. You spent our entire relationship trying to be the guy you thought I wanted you to be, but the reality is you couldn’t be who I wanted no matter how hard you tried. That scared the crap out of me, and instead of dealing with it, I put you through the wringer and made you jump through endless hoops. I was terrible to you, Wheeler, and I’ll never be able to make up for all that wasted time.”

  I grunted and pulled open the door to my car. “You wasted a lot of years on me, Kallie. Don’t make the same mistake with the person you really want to spend the rest of your life with.”

  On my way to the shop I paused at a stoplight and pulled the sonogram picture out of the back pocket of my jeans and stared at it. I let my thumb rush over the little nose and tapped my fingers on the minute-sized hand that was barely detectable. Out of nowhere, images of a little boy that looked a lot like me playing with plastic tools and banging on toy cars flooded my brain. I’d never had anyone to show me the way when I was young, never had anyone to teach me how to be a man and do the right thing. I wanted to kick myself for not realizing exactly what it was going to mean to be a father. I’d never had one and I was standing in front of an opportunity to give someone else everything I’d missed. I was an idiot for squandering any of that, for telling myself that if it didn’t happen the way I wanted it to, then it wasn’t good enough.

  Someone honked behind me and I turned my attention back to the road. It was still early afternoon, so I should head back to work, but instead I found myself headed downtown toward the vet clinic where Poppy worked.

  We’d been spending a lot of time together over the last week or so. She didn’t flinch or move away when I got close to her anymore, in fact she moved closer when she could. There were stolen kisses here and there and sometimes they led to heated embraces and seductive touches that had me spending a lot of time in the shower with my fist wrapped around my cock.

  Wordlessly she was asking for more, her touch getting braver, her eyes getting bolder, but she still wasn’t ready for everything we could do to each other. She never complained when my clothes started coming off but she also wasn’t in any kind of hurry to remove hers. I’d never seen those pert breasts or that silken, hot place between her legs. I knew the strangled sounds she made when she was close to breaking apart and I heard the way she gasped my name when I made her come in my dreams almost every single night.

  She let me touch her while she crawled all over me, rubbing, arching into me, begging me for release, but she never took it further. I hadn’t had a girl grind on me and ride me over my clothes since I was in high school. I also hadn’t come inside my jeans from those kinds of innocent ministrations since I first figured out how good girls felt pressed against me. Everything with Poppy was some kind of perfect torture, and while my dick was more than ready to know what kind of pleasure her body held, my heart knew that if we went too far too fast, all the trust I’d meticulously cultivated would crumble. She trusted me to touch her, to take care of her needs, and I wanted her to know that I always would even if it meant I drove home with a hard-on so stiff that felt like it was going to break off. I didn’t ever want her to think that my taking care of her meant I was expecting her to return the favor.

  She wasn’t being rewarded for her performance. It was my privilege to pleasure her, my honor to be allowed in her bed, and I never wanted her to question the fact that I appreciated her allowing me to be there after everything the men before me had put her through.

  She’d yet to go into detail about what had happened after her husband pointed the gun at her sister and forced Poppy to go with him. But I’d spent the night next to her on more than one occasion and she couldn’t keep the horror away and locked behind her walls when she slept. It didn’t take Sherlock Holmes to figure out that he had forced her, hurt her, and terrorized her. She screamed “no,” “stop,” “you’re hurting me,” and “don’t do this” over and over again. She was loud and thrashed around on the bed like she was trying to get away. I was surprised her neighbors didn’t complain because it was obvious her outbursts were a common occurrence and she slept through them all.

  At first, I thought I should wake her up and try and settle her down, but as soon as I touched her, she curled into me and burrowed as close as she could. I wrapped my arms around her and held on to her as she shook like a leaf for the next hour. Eventually, she went still and melted into me, but throughout the night she would let out these little whimpers like a trapped animal, and they tore my guts to shreds. She didn’t need to relive what that bastard had done to her by giving me the words … the memories were clearly alive and well inside of her. She told the story without words and I heard every gory, awful detail of it.

  When I got to the clinic, I texted her that I was outside and wanted to show her something. She shot back a message that said she was in the middle of an exam and would be out as soon as she could. I left the car running because it was cold, and while I waited for her I sent another message, this one to Zak, telling him I was in with the Hudson. I’d always wanted one and Kallie was right, no one was expecting me to be a minivan guy just because I had a baby on the way. I was the only one thinking my entire life had to change because of my new addition, and while my priorities were going to be rearranged for sure, there was no denying that getting my hands on one of my dream cars was an opportunity I would be an idiot to pass up. I got an immediate response that he was on it. He assured me again that he would score the lowest price he could, even after he told me the bottom-line price was fair. I was slightly bemused because the guy seemed more excited about the project than I did. I assumed he was stoked that the car was going to be in Denver, where he could visit it instead of shipped off to parts unknown.

  I was still wondering about the guy and why I was so certain our paths must have crossed before when the passenger door swung open and Poppy slid into the seat next to me. She was shivering as the outside chill followed her into the warm interior of the car, but there was a small smile on her face and she leaned toward me with no hesitation when I crooked my finger at her. Every time her lips landed on mine it made my entire body come alive. My nerves sparked with sensation, my skin tingled from head to toe, and without fail my dick twitched and reminded me that there were other parts of my anatomy that really wanted a shot at touching her besides my hands and my mouth.

  “I only have a second. There was an emergency case that came in a couple hours ago and that pushe
d all the appointments behind.” The tip of her tongue traced the curve of my bottom lip and her eyes gleamed gold at me. “What did you want to show me?”

  I pulled the sonogram picture out of the dash and handed it over to her. Her tawny brows dipped in confusion as she looked at the odd little blob that was eventually going to be my baby. I saw her mouth turn down and watched the blood drain from her face as she silently handed the picture back to me. The gleam in her eyes went dull as she stared at me blankly.

  I frowned at her and tucked the picture back into my pocket. “Kallie had a checkup this morning and I went with her. We had a come-to-Jesus meeting afterward about the baby and being a family even if we’re no longer together. She said some things I didn’t know that I needed to hear and it helped me get my head out of my ass.” I crossed my arms on the steering wheel and rested my chin on my folded hands. “I’m all in. I guess I didn’t realize I wasn’t before. That’s the first picture of my kid, I wanted to show it to you.” She wouldn’t look at me, and the longer she sat in silence, the more confused I became. A littler harsher than I meant to I snapped, “I thought you would be happy that I’m finally on board with all this baby stuff.”

  She curled her hands into fists and tucked her chin into her chest so she wasn’t looking at anything but her lap. Vaguely, I recalled the way she almost fell over the day she showed up with the dog at the garage and I told her I couldn’t take him because of the baby. There was something going on with her that I didn’t understand, and if we were ever going to get to a place where we were all in with each other, then she needed to trust me with more than just her body.

  “Poppy …” I waited until she looked up at me. It took a hell of a long time. “What’s going on? What’s your deal with babies? You’re telling me to man up and be the best dad I can be one minute and in the next you look like me having a kid is the end of the world. I know it’s not the best situation for me to be in while I’m trying to start something with you, but I can’t change it, and honestly, I wouldn’t want to.”

  She stared at me and I could see her trying to figure out what she wanted to say. I watched her weighing how many of her secrets she wanted to share with me. Finally, she uncurled her hands and rubbed her palms back and forth on her thighs. She turned her head so that she was looking out the windshield and her voice was barely audible when she spoke.

  “You and I wanted similar things out of life, Wheeler. I had two parents and a roof over my head but I often wished I was anywhere else but home. I wanted a family that loved me. I wanted a home that was full of happy memories, bursting with laughter and children. I wanted the opposite of everything I had ever known … just like you.”

  I felt my shoulders stiffen as a frown fell over my face. I hated that she knew how hard it was to be the kid that was lonely and lost as soon as the school bell rang at the end of the day.

  “When I went away to college I picked the one that would get me as far away from my father as possible. I had stars in my eyes and big dreams. I was so sure that without his constant disapproval, without his unrelenting judgment, I would be able to spread my wings and fly. I was convinced it was going to be just like the movies. I was going to find a guy that was the opposite of my dad, he was going to sweep me off my feet, we were going to get married, have babies, and live happily ever after.” She snorted and pushed the heels of her palms into her eyes as she tossed her head back onto the vintage leather of the seat behind her. “Rowdy went to the same school on a football scholarship. He kept an eye on me and he told me over and over again that I needed to stop being so naive. He told me college boys were waiting for pretty freshman girls exactly like me.” She turned to look at me and I could see some of those things that chased her in her dreams wide-awake in her tragic gaze. “He was right. The first boy I agreed to date told me everything I wanted to hear. He promised me the sun and the moon. He assured me that I was special, and that he wanted something serious and lasting. I liked him so much and I was so smitten that I let him get away with pretty much anything. Including having sex without a condom. He knew I wasn’t on birth control, I told him over and over again we should be safe, but I was in love and he told me we would be together forever. I wanted it so badly, I ignored Rowdy and I ignored my own common sense.”

  “Poppy.” I wasn’t sure if I was saying her name to get her to go on or to get her to stop. It didn’t matter, she kept going even though I had a pretty good idea where the story was headed.

  “I was so excited when I found out I was pregnant. I was too young, barely eighteen, and I’d just started school, but it didn’t matter. We were going to be a family. All my dreams were coming true.” She started to cry. Silent tears that rolled down her face and dripped off her chin. I couldn’t handle the space between us anymore and pulled her into my arms. She curled an arm around my neck and I felt the moisture from her cheeks on the side of my throat as she pressed her face tightly into my skin. “When I told him I was pregnant, he laughed at me and told me I was stupid. He also told me I was one of many. He had a different girl for each day of the week. He wanted me to get rid of the baby, told me he would pay for it, and I refused. He attacked me.”

  “Motherfucker.” The word ripped out of me before I could stop it. She hugged me tighter as anger made my entire body shake under her.

  “He hurt me really badly, so bad that I lost the baby and I lost myself. Rowdy found me, did his best to put me back together, but it was too late.” She sobbed quietly into my skin. “I loved my baby, Wheeler. It was the only thing in my life that I ever wanted that I actually got and then it was taken away. I know I would have been a good mom. I would have loved that baby and taken care of it so much better than my mom did with me and Salem.”

  Feeling helpless and furious, all I could do was hold her while she grieved for a little life that had been snatched away from her.

  She shuddered and pulled away from me so that we were eye to eye and nose to nose in the close confines of the car. “I’m proud of you for realizing how great the gift you’ve been given is, Wheeler, but every time someone close to me gets to celebrate bringing a new life into the world, it takes me back to a time when that chance was stolen from me.”

  I dropped my forehead down so that it was resting against hers and gently kissed the tip of her nose. “Give me the college guy’s name. I’m gonna kill him.”

  She grinned and put her hands on either side of my face, her fingers tracing the spot where my dimples were hidden by my fierce scowl. “Rowdy already tried. That’s how he lost his scholarship and ended up a drifter.”

  “I’m going to buy Rowdy every single drink he ever has from here until the day I die.” I wasn’t kidding.

  She lifted her head and returned the kiss on the tip of my nose. “You’re going to be a great dad, Wheeler.”

  “Honey.” She locked her eyes on mine and I told her quietly, “You’re going to be a great mom, too. That was not your only shot at having a baby.”

  She blinked long and slow, her breath escaping on a harsh breath. “Yeah?” She didn’t sound like she fully believed me.

  I chuckled a little and touched my lips to hers. “Yeah.”

  She climbed off my lap and scooted to the other side of the car. Her hand was on the door handle as she asked like she hadn’t just ripped my heart out and handed it back to me torn to shreds, “I have to go back to work, but I’ll see you later tonight, right?”

  Like anything could keep me away from her after she trusted me with some of the monsters that chased her in her sleep. “Absolutely.”

  She smiled at me and rubbed her cheeks to clear away the evidence of her tears and I couldn’t help but imagine pretty little girls with gold eyes and honey-colored hair standing right next to a little boy that looked just like me.

  Poppy

  My sister was beautiful, inside and out, but right now her perfectly painted ruby-red lips were pulled into a scowl so fierce she looked a little bit scary. The winged edges of her me
ticulously drawn-on eyeliner gave her glare extra sharpness and the bright pink on her high cheekbones had nothing to do with the subtle blush that was swirled there and everything to do with the anger that was evident in every line of her curvy body. The manicured hand that was on the table in front of mine curled into a fist while her other one protectively covered the gentle swell that was visible behind her flowy off-the-shoulder top and high-waisted skirt. She still had a ways to go in her pregnancy and it was obvious she wasn’t going to sacrifice style for comfort yet. She even had a pair of ridiculously high heels on her feet, the toe of one tapping in aggravation as she stared at me from across the table where our lunch was left forgotten after I told her that our mother had called me out of the blue.

  “She’ll get near this baby over my dead body.” The words were fierce and final. “If she calls again, hang up. Do not let her get inside your head. She picked him over us our entire lives; now that she had to live with that choice without a buffer, it’s her cross to bear.”

  Her midnight gaze was intense and hard for me to meet, but I didn’t look away when I told her, “I know that, but I also know what it’s like to end up in a situation that you want out of but can’t find the door. No one was there to show me the way away from Oliver and I don’t know that I can live with myself if I let someone else stay stuck in that kind of environment.”

  Salem snorted and reached for her glass of water. “She should have helped you get away from Oliver. She should have warned you that you were marrying a man just like Dad. She should have said something when he told his entire congregation that what happened was a tragedy, then had them pray for the man that abused you for years and not for you.” She was unbending, but then again, she was the one that had been strong enough to walk away from all the wrongness that was our family without a backward glance. She saw the black and white of it all, but I’d lived in the gray of wanting out but staying out of fear, so I understood it.