Salvaged

by Jay Crownover

  Wheeler

  The last time I had felt this nervous and uncertain walking up to the Carmichaels’ front door was when I picked Kallie up for our first date. We’d already been seeing each other pretty regularly on the down low, but she wasn’t sure how my drastic appearance and orphan status was going to go over with her fairly conservative parents. She was also the baby, the pampered princess, and she didn’t want the fact that she had fallen for an outcast and a wild card to take the shine off how everyone in her family treated her. The Carmichaels were good people but I knew it was one thing to feel sorry for the kid without a family, but it was another thing to welcome him into yours when all the evidence pointed to the fact he was doing his best to get into your teenage daughter’s pants.

  The reality of the situation was that I’d been the one to hold Kallie off until we were officially official, which included me being able to take her on dates. She was more than willing to go the distance as soon as I kissed her, but I wanted more than teenage infatuation and unleashed lust. I was more than willing to suffer through the grilling that I knew was going to come from her father because I was convinced Kallie and I were going to be a forever thing. I arrogantly believed my loyalty and devotion to their daughter would win them over even if my appearance and lack of a loving home gave them pause. Little did I know the battle to win them over was won before I even knocked on the door.

  I knew Kallie’s dad was in a wheelchair and had been ever since he was involved in a bad motorcycle accident when Kallie was much younger, leaving him paralyzed from the waist down. She never once mentioned that he was rocking just as much, if not more, ink than I had, or the fact that he had a seriously badass mustache that framed his mouth, or that he was going to answer the door in a leather cut and leather gloves as he looked at me like he could eviscerate me with little to no effort. The guy oozed biker cool and didn’t blink an eye at my tattoos or dirty hands. He didn’t give a second look to my torn jeans and faded T-shirt and my battered boots didn’t seem to bother him at all. He stared at me until I gave in and looked away, his tone deadly serious as he told me, “Kallie is a handful and I respect anyone that takes that on, but if you hurt her, if you let her down or disappoint her, it won’t matter how much of a pain in the ass she is, I will end you. Do you understand me, son?”

  I was so startled to hear the word “son” that I’d blurted out without thinking, “I’m going to marry her one day, sir.”

  His expression shifted from stone to sunshine. “Thank Jesus someone is going to take that girl off my hands.” He chuckled and rolled away from the door so I could walk inside. From that second on he and his wife went out of their way to make sure I knew I was welcome in their home. As long as their daughter was happy, they were happy to have me as one of their own. It was the first time in my life I thought I knew what family felt like and I couldn’t get enough of it. I thought it would last forever because Kallie and I were going to be together until the end of time. It still hurt to know that when she left she took that sense of finally belonging somewhere with her.

  Now, as I dragged myself up to that same door, I again felt like that kid that had been ousted from home after home. I was never good enough and it was always far too easy for everyone that was supposed to love me to tell me good-bye. It made my heart twist and left a bitter taste across my tongue. I knew Kallie’s parents didn’t have the whole picture as to why I’d had to call the wedding off, but I thought I’d more than proven that I would do right by their youngest daughter regardless of what the circumstances were. I foolishly believed I’d earned a spot in the family; it sucked when I figured out I was only a temporary guest.

  As soon as my now new and expensive boots hit the top step, I wanted to turn around and go back to the Caddy. I was lifting my hand to knock on the door I used to be able to walk through without any hesitation when my phone rang. I couldn’t stop the smile that played around my mouth when the picture I snapped, without either of them realizing, of Poppy and Happy playing flashed across my screen. She was smiling that soft smile that only came out of hiding on rare occasions and the puppy had his tongue hanging out in a ridiculously excited expression. It was a good reminder that while I might have lost something important and special, I had also been lucky enough to find something that was more than everything, something that you had to look really hard to find because it was buried so deep underneath bad memories and wounds that would never fully heal.

  “What’s up, honey?” I knew now that she didn’t just look like the sweet treat from head to toe, she also tasted rich and honeyed wherever my lips happened to land on her pretty, golden skin.

  “I know you have plans with Kallie and her family today and I’m sorry to interrupt, but I’m concerned about something and I can’t ask Salem about it because it will upset her.” She sounded even more anxious than she normally did. “I would have called Sayer and asked her opinion but she’s already held my hand through more than one crisis and she has her own family to worry about now.”

  Her words eerily fit with the disjointed feeling I was having standing in front of the Carmichaels’ door. “If you need me you’ve got me, Poppy.” I couldn’t promise that she would always come first, not with a baby on the way, but I could promise that I would always find a way to be there for her when she needed me.

  “It’s silly, really.” She sighed and I could hear her moving around the puppy making noise in the background.

  “If it matters to you, then it matters to me. Tell me what’s got you tied in knots.” I heard movement on the other side of the door I was standing in front of and saw the curtains twitch. I was expected but I wasn’t welcome.

  She sighed again and I could picture her tugging on the ends of her hair and chewing on her bottom lip as clearly as if she was standing in front of me. “I told you that my mom called a few weeks ago and asked about Salem and the baby. I haven’t heard from her since, and honestly I’m a little worried. My father is not a nice man. If he found out she contacted me, if he knows she’s interested in her children and their lives after he pretty much disowned us, it won’t be good for her.”

  I let out a grunt and lifted my head as the door in front of me opened to reveal my scowling ex-girlfriend. She looked pointedly at the phone in my hand and gave a little growl when I held up a finger indicating that I would be a minute. “Why worry about her if she was so willing to throw you to the wolves your whole life?” I knew the answer to my question before she replied. The men before me in her life had tried to shred that soft heart of hers, but they failed. It took blow after blow, and each time it healed. That heart was stronger and more resilient than anyone gave it credit for.

  “I know what it’s like to live with a man that will do his best to destroy you before you’ve had a cup of coffee in the morning. I just want to check on her, make sure she’s okay, but I can’t call the house. I can’t risk my father answering the phone.” Her voice shook with bone-deep fear as she told me, “I can’t allow him to break all the things I’ve worked so hard to fix.”

  I wouldn’t allow him to undo everything she had worked so hard to put back in place. “Text me her name and her number and I’ll call their house when I’m done here. I can check on her for you.” Kallie was tapping her toe in front of me and had her arms crossed over her chest. I rolled my eyes at her obvious impatience and told Poppy, “I’m not scared of your father, honey. I’ll take him on for you.”

  Her relief was practically palpable as she thanked me and told me she would send the info over. She wished me luck with my upcoming powwow and told me she would be around if I needed to talk, or anything else when it was all said and done. Just like that, the balance between the two of us evened out some of the unsteadiness I was feeling about having to face the Carmichaels. I would do what I could for her and she would be there for me. I’d always wanted something solid, something sure and steady … who knew my stability would come in the form of a girl that seemed so fragile and breakable? She didn�
��t seem like she should be able to withstand the weight of anything pressing down on her, but somehow she managed to hold not only herself up but me as well when I needed her to.

  “You call her honey?” Kallie slid to the side as I stepped through the doorway. Her eyes had a hint of hurt in them that I chose to ignore.

  “I do. Everything about her looks like honey—her hair, her eyes, her skin—plus she’s sweet.”

  Kallie flinched. “You never gave me a cute little nickname.”

  I understood how hard it was to watch someone you had given so much of your life to move on. That being said, I had no time or place in the new way Kallie and I were together for any kind of misplaced jealousy. “No, but I gave you nearly a decade of my life and I bought you a house, in case you forgot. Not to mention the fact we made a baby together.” I looked meaningfully at her slightly rounded waistline.

  She huffed out a breath and led me toward the living room. It felt a lot like the walks I used to take when the social worker would show up at whatever temporary home I’d been placed in only to tell me it was time to move again. I was dreading every second of this family get-together, but even after she tore my dreams apart, I couldn’t abandon Kallie, and not just because she was the mother of my child. We’d grown up together. We’d had a life together. We’d been each other’s safety net for a long time and there was no way I could let her jump off this cliff alone.

  “I want to meet her.” Kallie’s tone dropped so that only I could hear her as we got closer to the living room, where her parents were undoubtedly waiting to pounce. I felt a little like a lamb being led to slaughter, which wasn’t fair since this was all Kallie’s show and I was just here for moral support. “If she’s going to be in your life then she’s going to be in our baby’s life. I want the chance to get to know her.”

  I bit back a groan and gave Kallie a narrow-eyed look. “She’s been through a lot in her life, Kallie. She isn’t just some girl off the street or some chick I picked up in a bar. She’s a woman that’s been through the kind of hell neither of us can imagine and I’m not going to let you put her through the wringer just because you’re suddenly jealous I’m moving on. She doesn’t deserve that.” I wasn’t going to let Kallie punish Poppy for wanting me in all the ways she didn’t.

  She shook her blond head and reached out to put a hand on my forearm. “It’s not like that, Wheeler. I mean I am a little jealous … it was you and me for so long that I’m not really sure how to deal with you and her, but I know that’s my problem. I’ll work through it. I want to thank her.”

  I blinked at her in surprise and suspicion. “Thank her for what?”

  “I know how hard it was for you to get on board with this baby and I know you were nowhere near forgiving me for the things I did and the way I treated you. This girl showed up and all of a sudden you’re back to being the thoughtful, reasonable man I loved for most of my life. I pushed you into being a person I didn’t recognize; she brought you back. I mean maybe you would have found your way without her, but since I’m impatient and scared shitless about becoming a mom, I’m super grateful that she sped the process up. Plus, I could see how scared of me she was that night I showed up at Dixie’s apartment. I want her to know I’m not normally a shrieking she-beast.”

  I snorted out a laugh and took the hand that was on my arm and curled my fingers around it. “Oh, you can be a she-beast on the regular, but like I said, she’s survived far worse. I’ll ask her how she feels about meeting up with you and if she’s comfortable with it we’ll set something up.”

  Kallie’s fingers squeezed mine and she whispered, “Another relationship where you’re letting your lady call all the shots? I thought you would be sick of that after me.”

  “It’s not about calling the shots, it’s about me doing what’s best for her because in the long run, what’s best for her is what’s best for me.” And the reverse was true. She wanted whatever it was that was going to make me happy because that was what made her happy. I was pretty sure that was what the definition of true love broke down to.

  “I hope she deserves you, Wheeler.” We rounded the corner and I fought not to stumble as her father’s eyes immediately went to where our hands were locked together and her mother’s eyes sharpened and her mouth tightened in a frown I could read from all the way across the room.

  “She more than earned me, Kallie. Now it’s up to me to prove to her that I’m the one who deserves her.” I squeezed her hand one last time and let it drop so I could make my way over to her dad. I stuck my hand out, fully expecting him to ignore it, and was stunned when he clasped it with his far more callused one and gave it a firm shake. “Long time no see, Russ.”

  He gave a somber nod. “That it has been, son.”

  I looked at Kallie’s mom and decided it was in my best interest not to try and make nice. I tilted my chin down and muttered, “Nice to see you, Deb.”

  She let out a huff and took a seat on the couch next to her husband’s wheelchair. Russ reached for her hand and held it on his lap as Kallie and I took our seats on the opposite love seat. I could feel the way she was shaking, so I put a hand on her knee. I watched her close her eyes and compose herself as her mother snapped, “If you asked to meet with us to tell us that you’re getting back together, I have to tell you that your father and I do not support that decision. We’re too old to keep moving you in and out of places, Kallie, and we’ll never recoup the money we lost in deposits on that damned wedding.”

  Kallie made a strangled noise in her throat. I sighed and looked Deb right in the eye as I told her, “Tell me how much it cost and I’ll pay you back. I’m the one who canceled it, I don’t mind being the one out the money.”

  “Son.” Russ’s tone was warning. “The money isn’t the issue and you know it.” I did know it. I also knew they still thought I had simply left their youngest high and dry even after everything I’d done to prove that I would never let her or them down.

  “We aren’t getting back together, not now, not ever.” Kallie’s voice had a tremor in it but she spoke clearly and with obvious determination. “But even though we aren’t going to be in a relationship, we are going to raise this baby together and continue to be in each other’s lives. You two should know that Wheeler would never have canceled the wedding without a good reason. He would never hurt me, or you, on purpose.”

  “Princess.” Russ’s warning tone was now aimed at his daughter. “All we know is you called us crying, asking us to move you out of the house we had just moved you into. You told us the wedding was off, that Wheeler pulled the plug, and then you announced you were pregnant. All of that combined paints a pretty clear picture that your boy did indeed go out of his way to fuck things up royally.”

  I stiffened in my seat and bit my tongue to avoid snapping out an angry defense of myself. If they wanted to believe I could be that callous and cruel, so be it. I was done trying to prove my worth to people that didn’t want me.

  Kallie’s head shook violently from side to side. “No, Dad, you and Mom only have the picture I painted for you. I left out lots of details because I was scared of how you would react when you knew the truth.”

  “What truth?” Deb sounded impatient but she was no longer glaring at me like she wanted to throat-punch me and kick me in the balls. “What’s going on, Kallie?”

  She looked at me and I nodded encouragingly. I flipped my hand over and laced our fingers back together. She blinked a couple of times and took a deep breath before blurting out in a rush, “Wheeler canceled the wedding because I cheated on him. I didn’t give him much of a choice.”

  “Oh, Kallie.” Her mom lifted her fingers to her mouth and shook her head much like her daughter had done. “How could you do that to him?”

  Russ looked at me and looked back to his daughter. His mustache was pulled down as a scowl crossed his stern face. “You sure the baby is yours, son?”

  Kallie balked in horror next to me as I stiffened in response. It seemed
like I wasn’t the only one in the room that they were going to automatically assume the worst about. “The baby is mine, Russ. I’m not going anywhere.”

  He gave a jerky nod as Kallie continued to bare her soul. “The reason he’s so sure the baby is his is because the person I was having an affair with isn’t a man, Dad. She’s a wonderful woman named Roni and we’ve been involved for a little over a year.”

  Silence greeted that bombshell and out of the corner of my eye I saw tears start to fall over Kallie’s dark lashes. I let go of her hand and wrapped my arm around her shoulder so I could pull her into a side hug like I had done a million times in the past. She shuddered against me and I felt her tears soak into my T-shirt.

  “Are you telling us that you’re involved in a relationship with a woman, Kallie? That she’s the reason you and Wheeler are no longer together?” Kallie’s mom asked the question softly, obviously seeing how close to the edge her daughter was.

  Kallie nodded and sniffed loudly. “I am, and I can honestly say, I’ve never been happier, minus the lying and sneaking around so no one would find out.”

  Kallie’s mother cocked her head to the side and considered both of us thoughtfully for a long moment. “Are you sure this is a real thing, Kallie, and not just some kind of experiment? You two got very serious at a young age and it makes sense that both of you would be curious as to what else was waiting for you in the world.”

  Kallie violently shook her head in the negative and looked at me instead of them when she spoke. “I know I can be selfish and shortsighted but I would never willfully throw away the amazing life I had for a fluke or a phase. I never intended to hurt Wheeler and I never wanted to lie to my family, but I couldn’t stop myself. I love Wheeler and I know that there is no better man out there. I’m so proud that I’m having his baby but our relationship wasn’t working.” She lifted a hand to my face and cupped my cheek in a gesture that was far more tender than any she’d given me all the years we were together. “I know you tried, that you nearly killed yourself trying to make us work, and I know I rewarded your effort by being nasty and horrible. I felt so guilty. I knew I was hurting everyone I cared about but I couldn’t stop. You deserved better.” She turned to look at her parents and told them softly, “From all of us.”