Falling for My Best Friend

by Victorine E. Lieske

  The song ended too quickly and he pulled back from me. “Thanks for the dance.”

  Something about the way he said it was off. Like he had to choke out the words. I looked up at him, confused. “We’ll have plenty more.”

  His gaze shifted. “Come with me. It’s time.”

  “Time for what?”

  He gave me a sad smile. “You’ll see.”

  And then I remembered what he’d said yesterday. He was going to tell me why he’d been so aloof this week. Why things were weird between us. I nodded, trusting him completely. “Okay.”

  He pulled me out of the gym and down a hallway. I followed along, figuring he wanted to find a private place to talk. I was fine with that. In fact, it was a little bit exciting. Maybe if we were in private, I could get him to kiss me again.

  He opened a classroom door and led me inside. “Wait here.”

  I grabbed his arm when I realized he was going to leave me. “Wait for what?”

  “Trust me.”

  His gray eyes held something I couldn’t decipher, and I nodded. “All right.”

  He left and I looked around the classroom. Tables and chairs filled the room. I wandered over to the teacher’s desk and sat down on the edge of it, crossing my feet. Was Parker going to get something? Would that explain everything?

  I waited for what seemed like ten minutes, but probably was only five, before the door opened again and someone walked in. I smiled, expecting Parker, but it wasn’t him.

  It was Lucas. And he was holding my notebook.

  Heat rushed to my face. Oh, no. This was bad. I stared at the hearts I had drawn all over my stupid Lucas fangirl crapbook and I wanted to run.

  Lucas looked around the dimly lit classroom until his gaze connected with mine. “Hannah?”

  My mouth dried up and I couldn’t talk. All I could do was stare at that ridiculous notebook and die a thousand embarrassing deaths.

  Lucas took a step toward me and held up the book. “Is this yours?”

  “Where did you get that?” I hadn’t meant to speak at all, but somehow the words were out and I clenched my hands together, itching to grab it from him.

  “Parker gave it to me and shoved me in here. What’s going on?”

  Parker had done what? I swallowed and held out my hand. If he hadn’t opened the notebook, maybe there was still time. Time to get it from him and save myself from complete and total humiliation. “Can I have it?”

  He cocked his head to the side. “What is it?” Before I could stop him, he opened it up to look inside.

  I lunged at him and swiped it out of his hands in a totally unladylike fashion. At least I didn’t fall on him, or anything. “It’s nothing. Just stupid stuff, really.”

  “Why did Parker—”

  “I don’t know,” I said, interrupting him. But the fact was I knew exactly why Parker had done this. He was trying to give me what he thought I wanted.

  Lucas.

  It’s what I had told him I wanted—repeatedly—for the past two weeks. And what he had seen that I wanted all school year, I was sure. I swallowed and shoved the notebook behind my back. “He’s acting a bit weird.”

  “Yeah. I guess.” Lucas shrugged. “Well, I’d better get back to Charlotte. She loved the locket, by the way. You don’t know what that meant to her.”

  I smiled. “Good. I’m glad.”

  Lucas turned and left the room.

  Chapter Eighteen

  I gripped my notebook and stalked down the hallway. I was so going to kill Parker as soon as I saw him.

  I marched to my locker, shoved my notebook inside, and locked it. Then I headed back into the gym, expecting to see Parker standing along the back wall. When he wasn’t there, my gaze scanned the dance floor. He had to be somewhere, right? Did he think his little stunt was going to make me happy? Did he think I was going to thank him for totally embarrassing me?

  In the back of my brain, I knew he was just trying to give me what I wanted, but I was too angry to let that part have any space in my emotions. I wanted to throttle him.

  A movement caught my eye, and I saw Parker leave the dance floor. I rushed to catch up to him in the hallway, but when I pushed through the doors, I saw Parker heading outside. “Hey,” I called, but he was already outside by the time the words left my lips.

  I chased him, rushing as fast as I dared in my dress. The last thing I wanted to do was trip and do a face plant. I pushed on the bar and the door clanged as I raced outside. “Parker!”

  He turned around at the sound of my voice, clearly shocked to see me. “Hannah?”

  I rushed at him as anger surged in me. “What was that? You stole my notebook and gave it to Lucas?”

  He took a step back from me. “What are you doing out here? Why aren’t you talking to Lucas?”

  I couldn’t believe him. “You did that so I would talk to Lucas? Are you insane?”

  He ran a hand through his hair, clearly upset with me. “All you talk about is getting together with Lucas. I gave you the perfect opportunity to tell him how you feel. And you didn’t take it?”

  I shoved his shoulder, too angry to hold back. “You’re a jerk, Parker.”

  “I’m the jerk? For trying to give you what you wanted?”

  That wasn’t at all what I wanted. My throat hurt, and I knew I was going to break out in tears any second, but part of me realized Parker didn’t know I had changed my mind. He didn’t know I was going to confess my feelings for him tonight.

  But the rational side of me didn’t win and I shoved him again, tears stinging my eyes. “I can’t believe you did that.”

  Parker threw his arms up in the air. “Fine. I’m a jerk for wanting you to be happy.”

  “No. You’re a jerk for stealing my private property and giving it to a practical stranger.”

  Parker pointed at me. “Ha! You admit it, then. You don’t even know Lucas.”

  “You’re right,” I screamed at him. “Okay? You’re right. About all of it. It was stupid of me to even try to get him to like me.” Embarrassment coursed through me. I hated to admit my crush on Lucas was not founded on anything but his looks. And I hated to say it out loud to Parker.

  He stared at me for a brief moment before letting out a breath. “I’m glad you see that now.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m glad you got the satisfaction of knowing you were right.” I almost turned to leave him there in the parking lot, but then I realized where we were standing. I glared at Parker. “Were you going to leave?”

  He swallowed and shifted his gaze. “Yeah. I need to go.”

  My throat swelled. “And you were just going to leave me here?”

  “I figured Lucas could give you a ride home.”

  Hurt and fury swept through me. “I can’t believe you,” I whispered. I turned from him, too upset to stay there another moment. I would walk home before I would spend another second with him.

  As I started toward the sidewalk, he called out to me. “Hannah. Wait.”

  I didn’t want to wait. I wanted to go home and never talk to Parker again. I was so angry, I couldn’t think. “Leave me alone,” I called over my shoulder.

  I stomped to the end of the block then turned the corner toward my street. It would take me thirty minutes to walk home. Each step made me more furious with Parker.

  A car pulled up beside me. A red Ferrari. Parker rolled down the window. “Get in.”

  I folded my arms and kept walking. I didn’t want to get in. I didn’t want to see Parker ever again. “No.”

  “Hannah, I’m sorry. Will you please get in the car?”

  There was something about the way he said it that made me feel bad for refusing him. Was I overreacting? I thought about it for a split second before I climbed into the passenger seat.

  Parker sped up. Neither one of us spoke as he drove me home. I was too mad at him. And he was probably mad that I was mad. He pulled up in front of my house and stopped the car. “Look,” he said as he rubbed the
back of his neck. “I’m sorry tonight didn’t work out as I had hoped.”

  “You wanted me and Lucas to get together.” It wasn’t a question. I was making a statement. I wanted him to tell me that was his plan.

  “Yeah.”

  I admit, a part of me liked that Parker wanted to give me my heart’s desire. But the bigger part of me was still mad at him for embarrassing me, and for stealing my private notebook. And another part of me was upset that Parker couldn’t see I had changed my mind. I no longer wanted Lucas. I wanted Parker, and I was mad he couldn’t see it, and even more mad at myself for being irrational.

  “Well, it was a dumb plan,” I said, turning away from him.

  “I see that now.”

  “I don’t know that I can forgive you.” It was a childish thing to say, and I felt guilty even as I said it, but I waited to see what he would respond with.

  He sighed and closed his eyes. “That’s okay.”

  My head snapped up and I glared at him. “What?”

  “You can hate me. That’s fine. I need to step away from this friendship. It’s toxic.”

  Hurt sliced through me and tears welled in my eyes. Had he just called me toxic? “So, that’s it? We’re not friends anymore?”

  He sat back in his chair. “Yeah. I think that’s best.”

  An empty feeling swept over me, and I couldn’t speak.

  “Good bye, Hannah,” Parker said.

  I was too stunned to do anything else but get out of his car and slam the door. Parker had called our friendship toxic. I couldn’t even process that. I rushed inside. My father took one look at me and jumped up from his seat on the couch. “What happened?”

  “Nothing,” I choked out. “Parker and I had a fight.” I rushed past him and up to my room where I slammed the door. I started crying in earnest then, tears streaming down my face. My father knocked on my door, but I told him I wanted to be alone. After a few tries, he let me be.

  I stripped off my clothes and dressed in my pajamas and crawled into bed. I cried myself to sleep.

  Chapter Nineteen

  I startled awake, my heart pounding. I’d heard a noise. Was that a text message? I lifted my phone to check. No messages. Dang. I slumped back onto my pillow. The noise sounded again. A tree branch was scraping my window. I cringed and rolled over.

  Parker and I hadn’t talked to each other for two weeks. He’d avoided me at school. Neither one of us had texted. It was now Saturday, another weekend, and I wanted to die.

  I missed Parker so much my insides ached. I had no one to talk to. No one to share yogurt with. And no one to confess my feelings to. I was deeply and depressingly alone.

  And the worst thing was it was all my fault.

  At first, I’d been so hurt and angry at him, I hadn’t cared that we weren’t talking. I wanted him to suffer. But as time moved on, the anger faded and the missing him set in. And with time came a new perspective.

  I saw it all now. I had driven Parker crazy with my Lucas obsessiveness. And when Parker did what he thought would give me Lucas, I yelled at him and called him a jerk. I was horrible to him.

  I took in a deep breath and let it out in a whoosh. I wanted my best friend back. But he thought of me as toxic. The word caused another wave of pain to stab through me. I’d pondered that word a lot over the last two weeks. He was right. My obsession with Lucas had been toxic for our friendship. Toxic for me. It blinded me.

  And somewhere in there I had fallen for my best friend.

  I was irrevocably in love with Parker. And he hated me. I moaned and pulled a pillow over my head. Why had I not seen it before? Why had I allowed my obsession with Lucas to cloud my vision? Parker was perfect for me. And I’d messed things up so much there was no going back. My heart had a hole in it.

  A knock came on my door and I could tell it was Travis. “What do you want?”

  “Open the door.”

  I thought about telling him no, but I didn’t feel like hurting the kid’s feelings again, so I climbed out of bed and unlocked my door. “Come on in,” I said as he ran inside and jumped on my bed. He held the Tumblin’ Monkeys game.

  “Play with me!”

  I sighed and plopped back on my bed. “All right. Set it up over there.” I pointed to my desk. “I’ll get dressed and then I’ll play with you.”

  I grabbed some clothes and locked myself in my bathroom. Ten minutes later, I was pulling out sticks and giggling with Travis when the monkeys fell. I let the kid win twice before I insisted on getting some real work done.

  “I have to put in a load of dishes.” I ruffled his hair. “But I’ll play another game with you later, okay?”

  He nodded. “Okay.”

  I’d kept up my end of the bargain, doing more around the house. And to be honest, it felt good. I knew I was helping my dad, and I knew he appreciated it. I finished the dishes and started in on the laundry. As I shoved clothes into the washing machine, I heard my phone chime and my heart jumped. It was Parker’s text sound.

  I scrambled to get my phone out of my pocket, my pulse racing.

  I’m sorry to bother you, but I missed a couple of classes yesterday. Can I have your notes from biology?

  It wasn’t, “I miss you, I want to see you,” but I didn’t care. It was something. The silence was broken. Parker was talking to me. My fingers trembled as I responded.

  Sure. Do you want me to bring them to you?

  I waited, holding my breath. I wanted him to say yes more than anything. I allowed my imagination to ponder what I might say to him if we were standing face to face.

  Can you email them to me?

  My hopes sank. He didn’t want to see me. That stung, and I blinked back my emotions.

  All right.

  I waited to see if he would say anything else, but nothing came through. He’d left the conversation. He didn’t want to talk. Didn’t want to see me. I tried not to cry, but the tears came anyway.

  I had so royally messed up our friendship that I was never going to have Parker back in my life. I cried as I scooped the dry soap into the dispenser.

  Travis came into the laundry room. “Why are you crying?”

  I wiped at my face, resisting the urge to tell him it wasn’t any of his business. “I’m sad.”

  “Why?”

  “I miss Parker.”

  Travis’s large eyes stared up at me. “Where is he?”

  “Probably at his house.”

  Travis patted my hand. “Then you should go to his house.” He ran out of the room and left me standing there, thinking about the simplicity of a five-year-old. Nothing was complicated to him. Just go over there. Right. I shook my head as I left the room.

  But Travis’s words kept bugging me as I walked to my bedroom. What would happen if I did go to his house? Would we have another fight? What if I apologized? What if I told Parker how I really felt about him?

  Nerves snaked around my insides as the thought took deeper root. I could just go over to his house, couldn’t I? I could take my biology notes. I could tell him my scanner was broken.

  The more I thought about it, the more I knew it was what I needed to do. I had to talk to Parker face to face. And Travis made me see how simple it really could be.

  I grabbed my biology notebook and found my dad working on his laptop in the kitchen. “I’m going to go out.”

  “Where to?” He looked at me.

  “I’m going to Parker’s house.”

  He raised one eyebrow at me. “You two talking again?”

  I fiddled with my car keys. “No. But I need to go apologize. Make things better.”

  He smiled at me. “Sounds like a good idea.”

  “I’ll see you later.” My nerves grew as I climbed into my car and headed out. Was this a good idea? Or was I being dumb? The closer I got, the more I doubted everything. I pulled up to Parker’s house and exhaled. His car wasn’t in the driveway. I had no idea if he’d gotten it fixed yet or not, so I didn’t know if that mean
t he was out, or if the car was just in the shop.

  I sat in front of his house for five minutes, feeling foolish. I waffled back and forth about going up to the door, or driving back home and emailing the notes like I had said I would. The clock ticked as I tried to decide.

  Then his car pulled up and I wanted to sink into oblivion. I was caught sitting in front of his house. What a loser I was. He got out of his car and walked toward his house. My heart hammered. Maybe he hadn’t seen me. I scrunched down in my seat. Maybe he’d go in and I could drive away without him noticing.

  But then Parker glanced toward me and stopped. My heart dropped. He squinted at me, and I knew he could see me crouching down in my driver’s seat. “Hannah?”

  Great. Busted. I grabbed my biology notebook and hopped out of my car, my heart racing. I met him on the sidewalk and shoved my notebook at him. “Here. My notes. My broken was scanner and I had to come.”

  Heat crept up my neck. That wasn’t right. I couldn’t talk, so I just shut up.

  Parker looked at me funny but took the notebook. “Okay. Uh, thanks.” His hazel eyes met my gaze and a rush of butterflies filled all of my inner cavities. He looked good. Better than good. I was seriously dying under his scrutiny.

  I had messed this whole thing up. Embarrassment heated my entire body. I needed to get away from Parker’s curious gaze. I gave him a half-hearted wave. “Well, see ya.”

  He nodded. “Yeah. See ya, Hannah.”

  I turned and sprinted toward my car, my heart going so fast I was hyperventilating. What was I doing? Wasn’t I going to talk to Parker? Tell him I missed him? Tell him how I felt? But I was too chicken. I couldn’t do it. And now I was going to run from him and miss my chance.

  I halted and forced myself to turn around. “Parker!” His name came out sounding hoarse.

  He stopped as well, turning toward me again. “Yes?”

  I couldn’t stand there and yell at him. My legs were stiff as I dragged myself toward him. I had to talk to him. I would hate myself if I left without saying anything. I stopped when I was a few feet from him. I swallowed and gathered up my courage.