Begin Again: Allie and Kaden's Story

by Mona Kasten

  “Hey, you must be that weird roommate!” Dawn stopped in front of the dark-haired guy, who turned toward her in surprise. His inquiring look was remarkably friendly, unlike Kaden’s. “First of all I wanted to tell you that I think your rules are a bunch of crap. I mean, look at you and then look at her.” Dawn gestured toward me—and at that moment I wanted to sink into the floor. Or just disappear altogether. Definitely one of the two. “And I don’t think she has any desire to get it on with you. Besides, it’s awful that you have such a clichéd image of women, painting us all with one brush! How would you even know how we spend our free time? I mean, we could be into wrestling and pro football for all you know.”

  Kaden closed the refrigerator door and turned around slowly. He eyed Dawn with a raised eyebrow and watched, bemused, as she berated his friend. It almost looked as if he was smiling.

  But not quite.

  I slipped behind Dawn and put my hands on her shoulders. Leaning forward, I whispered: “That’s not him.”

  She stiffened. “What do you mean, that’s not him?”

  I nodded in Kaden’s direction. “This is Kaden, my roommate. Kaden, this is my friend Dawn.”

  By now, the other guy was grinning broadly. Deep dimples appeared on his cheeks. He turned to Kaden. “Dude, is it possible that you could have been mean to these ladies?”

  Kaden shrugged his shoulders and popped the cap off a beer. He shoved it across the kitchen counter to his friend and opened another, which he lifted to his lips. Then he wiped his hand across his mouth and looked me up and down. He frowned and turned, heading for the couch. He didn’t even look at Dawn. Oh, great.

  Otherwise inclined, his friend reached out to shake hands with Dawn and then with me. “I’m Spencer,” he said. “Nice to meet you.”

  “Hi,” I replied. “I’m Allie.”

  “Heard about you,” he said, glancing briefly in Kaden’s direction. He gave his head a little shake, and his grin widened even more. “And you’re Dawn, the wrestling fan and pro football player.”

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make a bad impression.” Her voice had gone almost meek, and I couldn’t help laughing.

  “Oh, you didn’t. Trust me.” Spencer winked, and for the first time I noticed his brilliant blue eyes. Black hair, blue eyes. What a mix.

  While those two were talking, I remembered the real reason why we’d ventured out of my room. If I wanted to have a good night’s sleep, I needed to set up my sofa bed.

  “Hey,” I said, lightly kicking the couch behind my roomie. Kaden looked over his shoulder at me, frowning. “Do you happen to have a drill?”

  “What do you want a drill for?” he asked, curious but still scowling.

  I wanted to say “none of your business,” but changed my mind at the last second. After all, I needed a favor from him. “Somehow, there aren’t enough holes in the wooden frame of my sofa bed,” I said, putting on the friendliest tone I could muster. “I have to drill some new holes.”

  Kaden nodded briefly and turned away. “I don’t have a drill.”

  It took a second before I understood what he’d said. “So why were you asking why I needed one?”

  “I just wanted to know if you really need one, or if you’re just too dumb to read the instructions,” he said, shrugging. Then he picked up the remote from the coffee table and switched on the TV.

  I felt a flood of insults rising but dammed them up. “So you mean, you have a drill but don’t want to lend it to me?”

  He didn’t even bother looking up from the TV. “You got it.”

  Dawn and Spencer had stopped talking and were staring at me.

  “Don’t be an ass, bro,” Spencer said finally.

  “Yeah. Don’t be an ass, bro,” agreed Dawn. Normally, I would have laughed. But I was practically boiling over with anger. One look at Kaden’s clenched lips told me that he, too, found the situation anything but funny.

  He gave me another one of those unbearably mistrustful looks. “You’re on thin ice,” he muttered and rose so suddenly that I drew back and banged my calves on the coffee table. My eyes opened wide as I began to stumble; I flailed my arms wildly to keep my balance. But Kaden had already grabbed me under the arms.

  I felt his chest against mine, felt his heart beating.

  He blinked and the moment was gone.

  Just as suddenly, he let go of me and stormed out of the living room.

  I managed to catch my breath, hoping Dawn and Spencer hadn’t noticed. When I turned toward them, they were both looking in the direction of a loud clatter in the hallway.

  Kaden appeared at the door. “Here,” he barked, holding up a dark green tool case. “Give it back the way you got it, or else.”

  “You could just give us a hand for a second, instead of being such an asshole,” suggested Dawn with a sweet smile. She could be a little devil if she wanted to.

  I liked this side of her, but damn, if she didn’t start being nicer to Kaden, I’d have to strangle her. I hated his rude attitude as much as she did, and wished I could’ve tossed one nasty retort at him after the next. He’d have to be given a reality check one of these days. But however unbearable I found him, I still had to spend the coming months in close proximity with him. So I preferred not to get him riled up if I didn’t have to.

  “I can do it myself,” I insisted and moved to take the tool case off Kaden’s hands.

  “I’ll help,” Spencer said, leaping to his feet. “Where’s the offending item?”

  I ignored Kaden’s angry glare and followed Spencer to my room. At least someone was willing to help. The door was open, but before he entered, he cast a questioning glance over his shoulder. I nodded.

  “Oh wow! Things have changed since Ethan moved out.”

  Spencer took in the perfumed candles and strand of lights, glanced behind the door and noticed the chest of drawers and shelves, on which I’d already placed some of my things.

  “It smells like someone ate tons of vanilla ice cream and then threw up in the middle of the room.” Kaden was right behind me.

  I turned.

  His nose wrinkled in disgust, Kaden surveyed the room, then pushed past me and squatted in front of the sofa bed sections.

  “Some holes are missing,” I explained. “We already tried turning the pieces around but that didn’t work either. So I thought we’d have to drill some holes over there,” I said, putting down the tool kit and pointing over Kaden’s shoulder to the faulty section. “I think it would fit together then. But there’s still a piece that’s too long.”

  “Maybe we could saw it off,” Dawn suggested.

  I shook my head. “I don’t think it would work. That wooden piece would just split and break. This thing has to hold me up all night. I won’t be able to do anything on that bed, as it is!”

  Kaden looked up at me from below. Under his thick lashes his twinkled. “Now that would be too bad.”

  I rolled my eyes. Spencer chuckled, and I sent him a withering look as well.

  “I don’t want to be blamed if Allie’s afraid to do certain things on her bed,” Spencer said with a sigh, placing a hand dramatically on his chest. “We’d better do something about it, man.”

  For the first time ever, I saw Kaden White grin. An actual non-sarcastic grin. It was nice—really honest. He didn’t just smile with his mouth; his caramel eyes crinkled up mischievously. “You’re right, we don’t want to be blamed for that.”

  With these words, he pulled the toolbox toward him, opened the clasps and reached for the drill.

  “My God, that wiped me out,” I groaned, letting myself sink into the living room couch. Dawn plopped down as well, leaning her head on my shoulder.

  “Me too. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to move again.” She lifted her head slightly and let it fall again. “See?”

  “Well, that�
�s too bad,” Spencer said, sprawled out on the other side of the u-shaped couch. “I thought I heard something about Kaden inviting a few people over later.”

  “Oh.” Now I started to worry about what that meant for me. What exactly did “a few” people mean? Would I have to hole up in my room? Back in Lincoln “inviting a few people over” was code for throwing a party.

  “Don’t worry. I don’t think he’s planning an orgy.” Spencer winked.

  “Actually, I’m so tired I could just hit the sack,” I said, in all seriousness. “How about you?”

  “Oh, I’d jump right in,” answered Spencer with a grin.

  Dawn and I looked at him, eyebrows raised.

  He lifted his hands in apology. “Sorry, but I wouldn’t miss an opportunity like that.”

  I rolled my eyes, grinning back at him.

  Dawn yawned loudly. “I’m afraid I have to get going. I wanted to call my dad tonight.”

  “No problem; should I drive you home?”

  “Don’t worry about it. It’s only a ten-minute walk from here. Clean up and settle in.” She sat up and stretched her arms over her head. “Oh, man—my muscles are already sore.”

  “I know what you mean.” Moaning, I rubbed my aching shoulders. “Good thing we have tomorrow off. Otherwise I’d be walking into class like a robot.”

  Dawn laughed, and together we walked out to the hallway. I gave her a big hug at the door. “Thank you. You saved me. I could never have managed all that on my own.”

  “Oh yeah, you would’ve. You’re a strong, independent woman,” Dawn insisted—and I had to smile again. “Text me about Monday,” she added, “Then we can grab a coffee before class.”

  Dawn was also majoring in English, but she’d picked out other electives from mine. I was already looking forward to our joint lectures. At least I wouldn’t have to roam that huge campus alone the whole time.

  “Of course, I’ll call. And my offer remains: If your roommate gets on your nerves, just come over here.”

  “I will,” Dawn said. Before she disappeared into the stairwell, she called out from the hallway, aiming at the living room: “See ya, guys!”

  I heard someone mumble; it had to be Spencer, couldn’t be Kaden. Dawn threw me another “don’t let it get you down” look, then closed the door behind her, and I was alone.

  I went back into my room, pulled my makeup items together and headed for the bath. For the first time, I inspected the bathroom. It was extremely bright, probably because of the tiles and the little window just over the toilet. As I turned to lock the door behind me, I stopped in my tracks.

  What the hell?

  I opened the door and peered into the living room. Spencer was alone on the couch, playing with something that looked like the latest Playstation.

  “Kaden?” I called out. No answer.

  “I think he’s in his room,” Spencer said, without looking up. He nodded toward the one closed door in the apartment.

  I hesitated, but then crossed the living room and tapped at the door. No answer. I knocked again. I waited another moment, but when no answer came I pushed down the door handle.

  “Hey, is there seriously no lock on the bathroom door?” I spoke into the room.

  Before I could make out a single detail, Kaden was standing in front of me, blocking my view.

  “It’s one thing to force me to put together your shitty furniture,” he growled. “But bursting into my room while I’m working is going too far.”

  Irritated, I frowned up at him. His eyes were burning darkly.

  “Sorry, I just wanted to … ”

  “I got it already. It’s impossible to ignore you.” He rubbed his forehead. “Listen, my limit for today has been reached.”

  “Your limit?” I asked in disbelief.

  I’d spent the entire day putting furniture together and setting up my room. I was exhausted and just wanted to take a shower—behind a locked bathroom door, without the fear of Kaden busting in on me and dumping his nastiness on my head.

  I put my hands on my hips. “Get real!” I chided him. “First of all, I never made you put my furniture together. You drilled three holes in the wooden frame: big deal. Dawn and I did everything else! And secondly I just wanted to ask you for the key to the bathroom, Kaden. You tell me not to bother you with female troubles, but your mood swings are worse than a woman with PMS!”

  Kaden didn’t even bat an eyelid. “I don’t have mood swings, dear. I’m always a pain in the ass.” He grabbed me by the shoulders. His firm grip made the skin tingle under my shirt, and I cursed myself for feeling that way. Then Kaden pushed me from the threshold of his room.

  “Now fuck off.”

  And he slammed the door in my face.

  Chapter 3

  In the end, the shower wasn’t relaxing at all. I wish I could’ve taken a bath, but since there was no lock on the door, and Kaden was so unpredictable, I didn’t have the nerve to risk it. Instead I showered at record speed and then snuck into my room.

  I leaned back on the cool wooden door and took my first deep breath since my arrival in Woodshill.

  Calmness washed over me, and I opened my eyes.

  It looked just as I’d always dreamed it would. Draped over the newly assembled sofa was my fleecy throw, together with pillows of various shapes and sizes. The string of lights hung over the desk and along the shelves, where all my stuff was neatly placed. Pens and notebooks were organized in their containers and boxes on the desk. On the windowsill, my face smiled out next to Dawn’s from within the white frame; to its right sat a matching white alarm clock. My curtains were parted just a crack, letting in the last bit of daylight.

  As it took it all in, I couldn’t help myself.

  A sob escaped my lips.

  Immediately I pressed my hand to my mouth and hoped no one had heard. Tears burned in my eyes, and I wrapped my arms around my knees.

  I’d made it. Here I was, in Woodshill—more than 1,500 miles between me and my parents. I’d done more for myself in this one week than in my entire life, and now everything seemed so overwhelming that I couldn’t hold back anymore. Warm tears ran down my face.

  I was utterly overcome. For three long years I’d dreamed of this moment—dreamed of creating a space where I could be me.

  Slowly, I lifted my head and surveyed my room again. From now on, I was in charge. Never again would anyone try to determine my life. From now on, I would write my own story. In my new home.

  Beneath the tears, a smile spread across my face.

  I had no idea how many “a few people” had turned out to be. But they were loud. I had no intention of letting that ruin my evening. I dressed comfortably in a spaghetti-strap top with lace—part of my favorite pajama set—and a pair of soft, gray cotton jersey shorts. As far as I was concerned, Kaden could party every night. I was just glad I didn’t have to sleep in the hostel anymore.

  I pulled out the sofa bed and turned it into my cozy, pillow paradise.

  Now I could catch up with the TV episodes I’d missed over the past few days. I was a series junkie and binge-watched everything I could get my hands on—or whatever I could find on Netflix.

  This evening it was the superheroes’ turn. Supergirl. I turned on my laptop, and set it up on my bed. Then I dug into the last unpacked box of stuff, looking for my favorite headphones—they were huge but comfortable. Ready for the evening’s entertainment, I snuggled under the blanket and watched the world get saved.

  Who knows how many episodes I had gone through, but at some point I nodded off. No wonder, I’d been on my feet all day.

  Headphones still on, I was awakened by a muffled bang. A beam of light crossed my face, and I blinked sleepily. Someone had pushed open my door and knocked it into the shelf behind it.

  “Sorry,” said whoever it was, shutting the door again.r />
  Disoriented, I pulled off the headphones.

  “Kaden, man! There’s a knockout broad in my room!” I heard the voice calling straight across the apartment. The guy was slurring his speech. Suddenly my door opened again. I drew the blanket up to my chin and stared at the guy who was now standing in the middle of the room, grinning at me. He looked like a surfer boy.

  “Hi, I’m Ethan. This used to be my room, and it used to be a girl-free zone. Until I met my girlfriend, I mean. That’s exactly where my bed was, that’s where Monica and I used to—”

  “Baby,” came a cautious voice from behind him, “I don’t think she cares what we used to do in this room. Leave the poor girl alone.” A young woman appeared in the doorway. She grabbed Ethan by the arm, pulled him out of the room, and gave him a gentle shove toward the living room.

  Then she turned back to me. She was wearing a lot of makeup, there were colorful streaks in her hair. “Sorry. I’m Monica, and that was Ethan. We just wanted to say hello.”

  “Um … hello.” I rubbed my eyes. Good God, how late was it anyway?

  “Hello,” repeated Monica, staring at the glowing stars above my desk. “Hey, it’s really cute in here.”

  “Thanks.” I didn’t know what else to say.

  “And you’re a girl?” Monica blurted out, astonished.

  I stared at her confused.

  “Yes, I think so,” I said, letting the blanket slip down a few inches. Monica couldn’t miss it. She squinted and regarded my lacey top. “Oh, yes, clearly.” A grin spread across her face. “Wow, Kaden must think you’re okay if he let you stay here.”

  “Hm,” I grunted, swinging my legs over the sofa. “I’m not sure about that. He said he needed the money and his other candidates had bailed.”

  “Take my word for it, he must think you’re okay. Normally he throws women out of here. Before Ethan moved in, Kaden had a girl living here, and like an idiot he couldn’t keep his hands off her. She fell in love with him, and he … ” She made a gesture like tearing her heart from her chest. “After she-who-will-not-be-named-under-any-circumstances moved out, there was an absolute ban on ladies. In the end it got out of control. I think she even mixed hair removal cream into his shower gel. Can you picture Kaden without any hair on his legs and arms!”