Begin Again: Allie and Kaden's Story

by Mona Kasten

  We sat in silence for a while, and I let the beautiful view over the valley sink into me. I was proud of myself. Not just because I’d made it up the mountain, but in general. Because I’d made it to where I’d wanted to be for so long. This outing represented everything that had happened since I left home.

  “Thank you,” I murmured. My eyes were burning again, but this time I could blink the tears back in time.

  Chapter 6

  The night before my first college class, I was so nervous that normally I would not have gotten any sleep—but I’d just climbed a mountain. My deep sleep must have been thanks to the exercise and fresh air.

  But the excitement returned when I opened my eyes that morning, and when Dawn and I sat together in our first literature class, we were euphoric with anticipation.

  But reality hit quickly, bringing us back to earth.

  We were sitting in the middle of a huge, overfilled lecture hall. I could barely follow what the professor was saying because the noise level was so high.

  “How are things with the asshole?” Dawn whispered. Over coffee that morning I’d already told her about the party on Saturday night and had to submit to her interrogation. Apparently this was the next question on her list.

  “He’s grumpy, but I think we’ll manage,” I said after a pause. “Yesterday he took me on a hike.”

  “Is that a code word for something perverse?” asked Dawn, her eyes bright.

  I tried to suppress a laugh, but a gurgle escaped.

  A girl sitting in front of us turned and glared at me.

  I covered my mouth with my hand. “No,” I muttered. “We really went on a hike.”

  “Why?”

  “I wanted to see the landscape, and he loves to hike,” I said, shrugging.

  Dawn giggled. “Oh, that I believe—that Kaden really likes hiking.” Now the girl in front of us was throwing us a furious look.

  “Shhh, Dawn,” I scolded her with mock seriousness.

  Before our afternoon lectures—Dawn was taking creative writing, and I was taking a class on Film and TV—we headed for the dining hall.

  After waiting in the long line, Dawn took a portion of mac ‘n’ cheese, and I chose the tortellini with vegetables.

  “I wouldn’t take that if I were you,” someone whispered right behind me, just as I was about to order the dish.

  I jerked back and nearly dropped my tray.

  “Ah, the strange roommate,” Dawn said.

  Only now did I turn to look at Kaden. He wrinkled his nose and ran a hand over his short hair.

  “Why not?” I asked.

  “The filling is awful. Sometimes there’s gristle in it.”

  I nodded and pointed to the next dish. This time, too, Kaden shook his head and made a strangling noise.

  “What’s wrong with the fried vegetables?” I asked. Now his eyes lit up, and I ordered, with a shrug.

  As the lady handed me my plate, Kaden grabbed it away and put it on his own tray. “That’s because you didn’t leave any coffee for me today,” he said and headed to the cashier.

  My mouth hung open in indignation.

  That jerk! I turned back to the lady but she was already helping the next student in line.

  “We can share,” Dawn said, indicating the yellow mush on her plate. I sighed and agreed because I didn’t feel like waiting in line all over again.

  Kaden would get his due when I saw him at home later.

  Dawn and I sat at a table with some other freshmen we’d met during orientation. We ate and shared impressions of our lecturers and classes so far, and we talked about where we were living. It turned out a few of us had toured the same apartments when looking for digs.

  “The first thing one guy told me was that he wouldn’t fool around with me if I moved in,” said a boy who said his name was Scott.

  “Would you have wanted to?” I asked.

  “Oh, 100 percent, yes!” he moaned, rolling his eyes. “He was a real dreamboat, I’m telling you. Tattoos, muscles and a very erotic voice … I would’ve moved in just to hear him read me a bedtime story.”

  We burst into laughter.

  “Allie knows about that fooling around rule all too well,” Dawn teased.

  Now it was my turn to moan and roll my eyes. But unlike Scott, I was annoyed.

  “Wait. Are you talking about the same guy?” asked the girl diagonally across from me, sitting up straight.

  “Oh, you must mean Kaden White,” another girl said, dreamily. I choked on a noodle. “He’s at the top of my list.”

  “Which list?” asked Dawn, leaning in.

  “My ‘if-I-could-have-any-man-in-the-world’ list,” she sighed.

  Dawn and I exchanged amused glances.

  “Then you should become best friends with Allie, she lives with him.”

  The girl let out a squeal, and Scott sighed wistfully. He rested his chin on his hand. “Hallelujah, sweetie.”

  “Can you introduce us?” asked the girl, eagerly.

  “How do you even know him? I mean, I’ve only been here for a couple of days, but I’ve obviously missed something,” I said, amused. “I think I’ve hired the wrong informants.”

  “Kaden is one of the dreamboats. Like Spencer Cosgrove,” explained another girl to my left.

  “Spencer?” Dawn laughed aloud, but stopped when someone threw her a punishing glare.

  “Yeah, there are a few dreamboats here,” Scott opined.

  Which kicked off a discussion on who was the hottest guy on campus. Kaden was high on some people’s lists. I was glad when someone changed the subject, and we wandered off onto other themes. I really didn’t want to take someone back to the apartment with me or give up Kaden’s cell phone number to some freshman.

  Although …

  I looked at the girl with the dreamy expression.

  And grinned.

  Later, on my way to my last lecture of the day, my cell phone buzzed in my bag. I pulled it out while walking.

  What the hell were you thinking? was the message on my smartphone screen. I smiled to myself.

  That’s what you get for stealing my veggies, you ass.

  I’d slipped Kaden’s cell number to the dreamy girl after lunch, winking.

  My phone vibrated again.

  You’re never getting another drop of coffee. I’m locking the machine in my room.

  I snorted and stood still while I typed.

  Up yours.

  That would be a violation of rule three, and you know it, Bubbles.

  I huffed in frustration and stuffed the phone back in my bag. What an asshole! And what the hell was behind that idiotic nickname he kept calling me? Bubbles. Because I babbled too much? Seriously?

  As I entered the building for my last lecture of the day, I decided to ban all thoughts of Kaden from my head. I found my classroom on the first floor and entered.

  Many students were already there. I edged my way through the crowd.

  “Hey fresh meat!” a guy yelled at me from the side.

  I pretended to ignore him. But I’d barely gotten past him when he leaned back in his chair and gave me a slap on the ass.

  A piercing pain shot through my temples. Unwanted memories flashed in front of my inner eye. I felt like I was boiling, but I wanted to keep moving. No scene. Still, when I’d left Lincoln I’d promised myself never again to take that kind of thing lying down. I turned on my heels and targeted the guy with a furious stare.

  “Don’t you ever touch me again. Do you understand?” I made an effort to keep my voice calm, but only half succeeded.

  The guy raised his hands in the air, in a calming gesture and said with a snide grin. “Calm down, it’s just a joke.”

  “No, it’s harassment. If you think that’s funny, you have a pretty shitty sens
e of humor,” I said through my teeth.

  “Chill out, man,” he grumbled, and the guy sitting next to him grunted in agreement.

  “No, man, I will not chill out. If women want you to touch them, they will let you know. Believe me, we can make it quite obvious,” I hissed. “But if someone walks by without even noticing you, that’s not an invitation to grope them.”

  At this point the guy was glowing red. I couldn’t tell if it was from anger or shame.

  “Keep your hands to yourself, Ryan,” rang out a familiar voice. “Unless you want to get to know mine. And believe me, I don’t think you want that.”

  Kaden sat across from us. He had folded his arms behind his head; his legs were stretched out and crossed under the table. His eyes flashed with amusement when he saw my surprised expression, but his jaw remained clenched. He gave a barely noticeable nod in my direction and then reached into his pants pocket.

  As the lecturer began to introduce himself, I heard my phone vibrate in my bag. I fished it out discreetly and unlocked the screen to read the message.

  You have passed.

  Chapter 7

  In the weeks that followed, my life settled into a routine, and Fall crept up on us. I went to class, hung out with Dawn and other classmates, and gradually became more comfortable. By now I could even tell the tasty dishes from the inedible ones at the dining hall—if you consider that progress.

  I rarely saw Kaden, mainly because of my full schedule. I spent a lot of time in the library and made an effort to memorize the material from the start. My profs didn’t waste any time when it came to pop quizzes and major exams. I’d already joined several study groups, and sometimes we worked together in the library until late in the night. By the time I’d get home, my roommate would either be holed up in his bedroom or sitting in the low-lit living room, engrossed in his PlayStation.

  This particular night, my friends and I wanted to visit a nightclub for the first time.

  I was just about to apply eyeliner to my second lid when the doorbell rang.

  “It’s for me!” I called out, in case Kaden had any intention of moving his butt.

  As I dashed out of my room, I saw him fumbling around in the kitchen. Frowning, I turned and peered through the spyhole in the door. “It’s actually not for me,” I said, opening the door for Spencer.

  “Hi Allie,” he said, and gave me a hug.

  “Hi Spencer.” I checked him out. “Looks like you have big plans today.”

  He waggled his eyebrows at me. “Oh yes. Didn’t Kaden tell you that there’s a party tonight at Hillhouse?” he asked, walking with me into the living room. I glanced toward the kitchen and shook my head.

  “No, but I’m going with some of my friends.”

  “We could go together, if you like,” he suggested. Obviously he wasn’t aware that Kaden was avoiding me.

  “I don’t think that’s—”

  “Good idea,” Kaden interrupted me and came toward us. “We can also braid each other’s hair and watch Disney movies together.”

  “Sarcasm doesn’t suit you, Kaden.” I clenched my teeth.

  “And that outfit doesn’t suit you,” he retorted, handing Spencer a soda. Then he took his phone from his pants pocket and, frowning, began typing on the screen.

  I looked down at myself. My dress was blue and almost knee-length. I had only chosen it because of its pretty neckline, which was somewhat daring without being indecent.

  “Well, if a connoisseur like you says that, I’ll have to change right away.” I adjusted the top and looked at Spencer with my eyebrows raised. “Or what do you think?”

  Spencer shook his head slowly. “I think you look hot.”

  “Really?” I turned around for him. “So I shouldn’t change?”

  “No, definitely not.” He took a swig of his soda while eyeing me once again, from head to toe.

  I mouthed the word “thank you” and threw him a broad grin, which he returned without hesitation.

  I heard a snort coming from the direction of the couch. But before I could get into another war of words with my roommate, I was saved by the doorbell.

  In the end, we did go together with the guys.

  At Hillhouse they were loose when it came to age restrictions. Their eyes might graze our fake IDs, or maybe they’d wave us in and stamp our wrists, no questions asked. Once inside, Dawn and I searched for our classmates while Spencer and Kaden went looking for Monica and company.

  Once Scott spied us, he gestured for us to join him. I greeted him with the kiss on each cheek, which he always demanded from us. Then we hugged Grace, Cody, and Madison, classmates with whom we often spent breaks between classes. They made room for Dawn and me at their standing table.

  “You ladies look hot,” Scott purred. “Why didn’t you bring your companions along?”

  “We just came here together,” Dawn said with a shrug, poking me in the ribs. “And besides, Mr. White isn’t particularly nice to our little one here.”

  “Our little one?” I repeated, looking down at Dawn.

  Despite her extra half-inch, I was more than a head taller.

  “Yes, you’re my little chick. Whatever your size,” Dawn said, with a grin. “I protect my chicks. I take care of them, build them up and help them until they can fly on their own.”

  “Chickens rarely fly. That’s a mean metaphor,” I replied, laughing.

  Dawn and I made our way through the crowds to the bar. Amen for the generous “over 21” stamp I got at the door. I could get used to this ordering-at-the-bar thing.

  I handed Dawn her drink, and we returned together to our table.

  A little later, I had another drink. After a while, Scott grabbed my hand and led me and Dawn out to the dance floor. We shimmied with abandon. It was great not to have to worry about what others thought of me. I felt exuberant down to my toes. At least until I turned and saw Kaden.

  To be exact, Kaden and a girl, around whose body he had wrapped his well-formed arms. She moved with him, pressing her body into his.

  I gulped.

  “We can do that, too,” suggested Scott, dancing around me. He put his arm around my waist and pulled me close. I closed my eyes and let myself enjoy the game. Because I knew that Scott wasn’t interested in me, or any woman, for that matter, I unleashed the dance goddess within. I raised my arms in the air and swung my hips, then turned toward him and put my hand on his shoulder. Dawn danced toward Scott from behind, and we laughed as we moved together as one. As I swung around in the other direction, my hair fell across my eyes. I flicked it away from my sweaty face.

  Kaden’s stare caught me unprepared. He was only a few yards away and was watching my every move. He hardly noticed the girl he was with anymore, even when she possessively threw her arms around his shoulders.

  Instead, he tilted his head toward me, and grinned. He didn’t look away for a single instant.

  Suddenly I imagined that he was the one dancing with me, that it was his hand on my waist, steering me.

  “Bingo,” I heard Scott murmur in my ear.

  I turned to grin at him and Dawn.

  “Have I ever told you guys how much I love you?” I asked, wrapping my arms around both of them.

  Dawn laughed and returned my embrace. “Yes, but I can’t hear it often enough.”

  Over the course of the evening I noticed that Dawn hadn’t been exaggerating: She had no tolerance for alcohol. After only two drinks she was already praying to the porcelain god, and I had to hold back her hair while she puked.

  While we were waiting for our taxi, I sat Dawn in a chair then headed to the bar to get her a glass of water.

  “Make that two, and for me a tequila,” I heard a soft voice tickle my ear. Kaden’s breath grazed my neck and made me shiver. Normally my alarm bells started to ring as soon as a man came this close,
but with Kaden my body seemed to follow another set of rules.

  I resisted temptation and turned to him with a skeptical look. “You’ve been watching me.”

  Kaden came closer and leaned his hands on the bar, on either side of me. I backed away and felt the edge of the bar against my back. He came closer and closer until his lips touched my ear. I shivered again. “Maybe.”

  “You’re drunk,” I said.

  Kaden drew back a bit and frowned. “That could be.”

  “What’s up with you?” I asked him.

  “You are up with me,” he said, tilting his head. “You don’t make any sense to me.”

  “Then you know how it feels,” I retorted.

  “You’re always whining and spreading your perfume around the apartment,” he continued.

  “Shut up, Kaden. This isn’t like you.”

  “Why can’t you just be a guy, Bubbles?” He kept me trapped between his arms as he bent a bit closer. My pulse quickened. All my limbs tingled as if they had awakened from a deep sleep.

  “Sorry, but we can’t do anything about that now, can we? These things here just grew,” I said, pointing to my chest.

  Kaden followed my hands with his eyes and stared down at me. Then he raised his eyes again, slowly, as if he wanted to be sure that he didn’t miss an inch of my skin. He stared at my lips a bit too long, before looking at my eyes again. I held my breath.

  Kaden blinked several times. And then, as if he seemed to realize how close he was to me, he stepped back and lifted his hands from the bar, running them through his hair. He uttered a frustrated groan.

  Just then the bartender set Dawn’s glass of water down in front of me. As I tried to squeeze past Kaden, he held my arm in his grip. His thumbs stroked my skin and my arm broke out in goose bumps. “Where are you going?”

  “I have to take care of Dawn, then I’m heading home. You have a nice evening with her,” I said, jerking my chin toward the girl with whom he’d been dancing, and who was now staring daggers at me from across the room. “Look, she’s pining for you already.”

  He drew me a bit closer. I felt his breath on my temple as he murmured: “And what is it that you pine for, Allie?”