Begin Again: Allie and Kaden's Story

by Mona Kasten

  “Which means?” I asked, breathless.

  His lips moved against my skin. The tingling inside my belly was getting intense. “It means my self-control has its limits.”

  I hoped that meant he’d finish what we started. As if reading my mind, he let his hand wander over my hipbones and inward. But instead of touching me where I wanted it the most, he took his fingers down over my thigh to my knee. Then he drifted back to the inside of my thigh and pushed it gently open. His breath caressed my breasts. My own breathing was choppy, and when Kaden stroked the sensitive skin between my legs, my moans echoed off the walls.

  “Do you want me to beg you?” I groaned and took his face between my hands so he would see me.

  His eyes expressed pure desire. Obviously he was having to pull himself together to keep from taking everything he wanted.

  “That would be nice for a change, wouldn’t it?” he whispered, and again I felt the rough stubble of his beard, this time against my breasts.

  “Less talking, more … ” I forgot what I’d wanted to say when his hand found the right place. My breath was shaking, and I clutched his arm.

  “More what?” he growled.

  “More … of that,” I gasped, as he circled his thumb over my most sensitive spot.

  I was about to explode. Kaden put his mouth on one of my nipples and sucked on it. I pressed myself against him and as he groaned in agreement I felt it in my whole body. His thumb was moving faster, and I threw my head back. Stars were bursting around me. As the sensations rolled over me in waves, Kaden kissed me passionately, thus catching the hoarse cry that emerged from my throat.

  Breathless, I sank back into the pillow. My body was limp, my limbs heavy. Kaden pulled his hand back and straightened my bathrobe. I watched him through half-closed eyes as he tied the belt into a bow. Then he lay down beside me.

  “Rules only half broken,” I whispered and turned to face him. “How’s that for a compromise?” Now a powerful sleepiness overtook me; my eyelids fluttered closed. It was as if all the adrenaline had been flushed out of my body.

  “The second-best deal I’ve ever made,” he agreed, in a soft voice.

  I didn’t get to ask him what he meant by that. My breath was already slowing down. With his hand on my hair, I fell asleep.

  A knock awoke me. I sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes. Judging from the reddish rays filtering in through the window, the sun was setting. Dinnertime.

  The door to our room was ajar and Kaden was wheeling in a cart with food after tipping the hotel staff. He’d thrown on his shirt but his hair was so disheveled that he couldn’t have been up for long.

  Kaden brought the cart into the room and closed the door. I stretched out, sighing. My arms and legs still felt heavy; each movement was in slow motion. But I felt fantastic. It had to be because of Kaden’s presence. I no longer felt incomplete, and even my rage at my mother had faded. Instead, an exciting, tingling sensation coursed through my body.

  Kaden took the lids off the various dishes and platters and sniffed the food. My stomach began to growl. With an amused twinkle in his eyes, Kaden faced me. When our eyes met I had to think of everything his mouth and fingers had been doing with me just a few hours ago. I felt hot and a throbbing sensation spread between my legs. I averted my eyes. The danger of my losing control and jumping on Kaden was too great.

  “No.” He walked around the bed and knelt on the mattress, which sank under his weight. Then he put two fingers under my chin and lifted it. “Let it go.”

  “What?” I croaked.

  “You know exactly what I’m talking about.” He leaned forward and placed his forehead against mine. “Don’t withdraw from me.”

  I closed my eyes. Kaden stayed where he was, and after a moment I swallowed hard and nodded. I stopped trying to put up my inner walls again and instead enjoyed the moment of closeness. Leaning forward, I brushed my lips on his. Kaden sighed and stroked my cheek with his thumb.

  “Could you please put something on now? All I can think of is your naked body under this thing,” he whispered, tugging at the belt of my bathrobe.

  I nodded, smiling, and slipped out of bed. Kaden’s gaze burned on my back, and took all my will power not to turn back toward him. I picked out a pair of leggings, an oversized sweater and underwear from my travel bag and disappeared into the bathroom. I let the bathrobe fall from my shoulders. My skin was sensitive, and I still felt Kaden’s lips on my breasts. I buried my face in my hands.

  It wasn’t as if I regretted anything. The opposite was true. I just felt anxious about my own desire for him. If he hadn’t drawn a line I would’ve gone all the way. That’s how much I wanted him.

  That wasn’t good at all.

  I got dressed and ran my fingers a few times though my disheveled hair before getting up the courage to leave the bathroom again.

  Kaden had placed the dishes from the cart on the round table by the window and was pouring wine in our glasses. When saw me, he lifted the bottle high. “I thought it would be nervy of us to put this on your mom’s bill.”

  I smiled. “That sounds marvelous.”

  “I’m glad you like my plan. Come.” He nodded toward the empty chair at the table, and I crossed the room in a few steps to sit across from him.

  Amused, I looked at the feast awaiting us. There was fried meat, rice, a selection of stewed vegetables and even cheesecake with blueberry topping.

  “Your stomach was talking in your sleep, so I decided to call room service,” Kaden explained, raising his glass of wine.

  I did the same. His expression was mysterious. True, he was grinning, but there was also something melancholy, pensive, in his eyes.

  “Why did you come here, Kaden?” The question had burst out. But I also didn’t want to destroy the moment.

  Kaden’s expression didn’t change; he kept looking at me. “You needed me. So I came. That’s what friends are for, right?”

  Of course. I lowered my eyes and looked at the food. I couldn’t avoid thinking about everything we’d shared in the short time we’d known each other. For sure we were more than just friends. Kaden had to know this, too. But …

  “Allie,” he interrupted my thoughts and leaned over the table. “We have so much other stuff to deal with. That has to come first, don’t you think?”

  He was right. Of course he was right. So I nodded and forced a smile. Kaden beamed back at me and raised his glass again. “I think we should toast to … freedom.”

  We clinked our wine glasses together. “I’m always game for some freedom.”

  We drank and then set in on the food. I ate myself silly, until I couldn’t think about anything except the fullness in my belly. After drinking the last drops of wine, we called room service to remove the cart.

  “I’ll never be hungry again,” I murmured, cradling my round tummy.

  Kaden got up and walked over to the French windows that opened out to a balcony. He unlatched the door and stepped out, only to return a second later and grab one of the oversized blankets from the bed. He looked at me over his shoulder and with his chin beckoned me to follow.

  By now it had grown dark and cooled off quite a bit. I wrapped my arms around my body and looked at our surroundings. The view wasn’t so special—just houses, streets and an industrial zone in the distance.

  “I understand why you don’t like it here that much,” said Kaden after a few minutes.

  He spread the blanket on the small bench at the balustrade, and sat down.

  “I used to love Lincoln, or at least the suburb where we lived. But the older I got … the worse things got for me here. And the unhappier I felt.” I sat next to him and pulled up my knees. Kaden draped the rest of the blanket over my shoulders and I smiled at him. “Maybe I would have liked this place if my childhood had been different. Or if I’d gotten along better with my parents. I
don’t know.”

  “I can’t imagine how that must have been for you, Bubbles,” he murmured. “You don’t fit here.” He hesitated and swallowed a few times. The silence was tense, and I had the feeling that he was about to share something. “But I do know how it feels to be misunderstood. What it does to you when you don’t feel connected with your family at all.”

  “Are you talking about your father?” I ventured. At the same time, I relaxed a bit: Listening to Kaden would be a lot easier for me than talking about my own problems.

  Kaden nodded, his gaze fixed on a distant point. “He always got along better with my brother. After the divorce, Alex spent more time with him, and I spent more time with our mom. You’ve seen it—I couldn’t imagine a better home. Dad on the other hand is a typical businessman … Always thinking about a profit and pretty cold, emotionally. He and your parents would probably get along great. Everything is about the company. All he ever wanted was to turn Alex and me into perfect businessmen. At first it seemed like he was obsessed with both of us following in his footsteps. After the divorce it got worse, which made me withdraw from him even more. And at some point our family had split up without my realizing it.” He breathed out. “I just didn’t have anything to say to my father. And then when I found out the real reason for the divorce … ”

  He stopped. Since our arms were touching, I could feel how his muscles tensed as he curled his hands into fists. For a few minutes he didn’t speak. I waited.

  “He had an affair,” Kaden blurted out. “He left Mom for his secretary. I nearly hit him when he told us.”

  “But that’s not you,” I whispered.

  He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair. “If Alex hadn’t held me back, I might have even done worse than that.”

  I couldn’t help myself—I placed my hand on his knee. He looked at me with such pain and sadness in his eyes.

  “Only Mom and … and my ex kept me from becoming bitter,” Kaden said.

  He’d never mentioned his ex before.

  “Which didn’t totally work,” I joked, and Kaden forced a smile that didn’t fool me for a second.

  “Before Kendra left me, I was kind of nice,” he said with a smirk.

  “She meant a lot to you?” I asked and ignored the dull throb in my chest.

  Kaden frowned. “I was sixteen when we met so I wouldn’t call it a great love. But she was my first girlfriend. When we split up it felt like I was going to fall into a deep abyss. Especially because it didn’t end well … It got pretty ugly.”

  I took my hand from his leg and traced the tattoo rings on his upper arm with my fingers, one after the other.

  “The first ones are wider because the pain was worst. Eventually the pain let up and the rings got narrower,” I murmured, thinking back to the night he’d told me about the meaning of his tattoos.

  Kaden placed his hand over mine. I wanted to look up at him, but couldn’t. There was so much to take in. This opening up to each other and sharing things from our past kind of scared me. I pulled my hand away and leaned back. “Thanks for telling me about this.” I looked out at the sky, which was now a mix of purple and dark blue.

  “You’re the first person I ever told.”

  “But Spencer’s dropped comments about it,” I said, confused.

  “Because he knew me back when Kendra and I were together,” Kaden whispered. “But I never told anyone else.”

  Now I did have to look at him. “Thanks.”

  “Stop thanking me, Bubbles.”

  “Okay. But still, thanks.”

  “We’re both messed up, aren’t we?”

  “I can only agree, Mr. White.”

  A pleasant stillness enveloped us. We were both lost in thought.

  “I think you should go to this gala tomorrow,” Kaden said after a while, and pulled the blanket up around our shoulders.

  I thought I hadn’t heard right. “What? You’ve got to be kidding. No way.”

  “I’m sure your mom isn’t expecting to see you. And definitely not with me.”

  “I have no … Oh.” The penny had dropped, and I stared at Kaden. Panic welled up in me. “But you have to go back home! We both have to go back; what about Rachel, and Chad’s kids? And anyway—I have nothing to wear. Mom would go nuts if I showed up in everyday clothes.”

  Kaden leaned forward and stopped my words with his dark gaze. He looked into my eyes and sought permission, which I gave. Then he bridged the last inches between us and planted his lips firmly on mine. The kiss was slow and intimate, and I felt it to the tips of my toes. Kaden groaned and the sound vibrated through my whole body.

  He pulled back a bit and kissed my mouth and cheeks, before returning to my lips, sucking them gently between his teeth and nibbling on them.

  When Kaden pressed his lips one last time against my forehead and leaned back, my panic was gone.

  “I think you should go to the gala with me, to show your mom that she can’t beat us down. You won’t let her push you around, Bubbles. You are your own person and make your own decisions—that’s what we’d show her.”

  When Kaden said “we,” my heart skipped a beat. I looked at him, dazed.

  “You’re right,” I murmured.

  “I’m always right,” he answered.

  “You’re pretty full of yourself, Kaden.”

  “Why should I be modest when we both know how great I am?” he asked, rising to his feet. He stretched his arms up over his head.

  I followed him inside. We’d been on the balcony for quite a while. The sky was now shrouded in total darkness, and the air was damp and cold. It was time for sleep. That is, if sleep were even possible for me in Kaden’s presence.

  Chapter 22

  “Will you be ready soon?” his voice came through the door, and I sighed. This was the third time Kaden had asked. It was high time that I left the bathroom.

  We’d spent the night together in bed, but were both so exhausted that we fell asleep. It felt pretty natural to wake up together and have breakfast, especially since Kaden made fun of my coffee habits, as usual.

  But the atmosphere between us had changed, that was clear. It was hard for me to look at him for more than a few seconds without thinking about what he’d been doing to me yesterday. I caught myself wanting to touch him. I wanted more.

  So his suggestion that I show him around Lincoln came at the right time. There wasn’t much happening in the streets. Probably everyone was with their family, busy preparing for Thanksgiving, which meant we could walk around in peace. But we both agreed quickly that we preferred Woodshill.

  By late afternoon we were back in the hotel and watched the latest episode of Game of Thrones on the gigantic hotel TV screen. Afterward, I started to get ready. It wasn’t easy to make myself up with the few utensils I’d brought along, let alone get my hair in shape. I didn’t even want to think about what my mother would say about my outfit. She used to spend weeks looking for the right dress, or ordered designer clothes that cost more than my year’s rent at Kaden’s. The things I had on now were nice, but came mainly from discounters or cheap online stores.

  I took a deep breath. Even though I was afraid of her reaction, my outfit was another symbol of my independence and that’s how mom should see it.

  “Allie, I know what you’re wearing—I helped you pack. You don’t need to make a big fuss and drag this out,” came his impatient words from the other side of the door, and I rolled my eyes.

  I pulled a few strands of hair from my pinned-up hairdo so it wouldn’t look too severe, and then opened the door.

  “You get nervous when the bathroom is locked, don’t you?” I asked, grinning, and walked toward him.

  Kaden’s eyes were wide and he let his gaze travel over my body. He swallowed a few times and opened his mouth to speak—but nothing came. How unusual for hi
m.

  And he looked great, too. He wore a dark, blue-green shirt, brown pants that looked a little bit worn in places—in a good way—and his dark leather boots. I would go anywhere with him dressed like that. There was just one little thing …

  I walked over to him and reached for his shirtsleeves.

  “Hey, what are you doing?” asked Kaden as I started to open the buttons. I looked up at him. His eyes sparkled.

  “I want people to see it,” I said, rolling up the fabric on each arm, to just below the elbow.

  “So you do want your mother to have a heart attack after all.”

  I stroked the lyrics tattooed on his underarm before stepping back to look at my handiwork.

  “Now everything is perfect,” I announced.

  Kaden returned my smile and the tingling sensation in my belly started up again. “That’s it.”

  For five minutes we waited in the taxi at the corner of the street, where I’d asked the driver to stop. I shook my hands because they’d started to shake, but that didn’t seem to help.

  This whole thing was crazy. I’d make a fool of myself. On the other hand, wasn’t that the whole idea? I wanted to make it clear beyond a doubt that I wasn’t Mom’s marionette any more, and couldn’t care less what she or her so-called friends thought of me.

  “Are you ready now, or should we make another turn around the block?” asked Kaden, standing by my side, and I shook my head right away.

  Now was the time to face these people. And I wasn’t alone. Before I could think it over again, I opened the car door and got out. The air was cool but bearable. Thank goodness I’d brought my leather jacket along.

  Expensive cars were parked along the street, and guests were strolling along the driveway past the large fountain and pompous sculptures to the spotlighted entrance of our house.

  I took a moment to collect myself. As Kaden and I stepped onto the property, I tried hard to avoid the countless familiar faces, heading straight for the entrance. At some point Kaden grabbed my arm and forced me to slow to his pace. He bent toward me and murmured in my ear: “You’ll make it.”