Begin Again: Allie and Kaden's Story

by Mona Kasten

  Afterward, Scott was about to collapse onto the couch when he spied the picture frames on the wall above it. He whistled approvingly and stepped closer.

  “Wow, those pics are beautiful. Especially that one.” He pointed to the largest one, where I was alone at the overlook.

  “Are they from Kaden?”

  I nodded. “He left them at my door yesterday.”

  “Okay, I think I’m a bit in love now, too.”

  “They’re gorgeous, aren’t they?” Dawn agreed.

  We picked up the living room and vacuumed the spare room so it would look more presentable. The whole time, we belted out songs from musicals and danced through the apartment. I hadn’t laughed this much in a long time. It felt good. Yes, I was on the right track. Things were back on track.

  The first candidate arrived fifteen minutes early. His name was Isaac. He seemed to be studying 200 subjects at the same time and was cute in a nerdy way, with his horn-rimmed glasses and bow tie. Scott fell for him right away and made obscene gestures behind Isaac’s back, which made me smile and Dawn blush. It wasn’t long before the doorbell rang again. Soon the apartment was filled with people who strode from room to room, asked me questions, and maybe had already pictured the room fully furnished with their own stuff.

  The doorbell rang again; Dawn went to answer it while I fielded everyone’s questions about the rent, the deposit, heat, and electricity costs.

  “Allie?” Dawn called from the hallway.

  “I’ll take over,” Scott said right away, and started talking about the owner’s talented grandson.

  Meanwhile, I walked over to Dawn in the hall and stopped in my tracks.

  It was Kaden, standing in the doorway, holding a copy of the apartment ad in his hand.

  “I heard you’ve got a room to rent. I want to apply.”

  My mouth dropped open but no words came out. Instead, I focused on Kaden and let my eyes travel downward. I gasped. Next to him on the doormat was a carrying case with holes in it.

  “W—what’s that?” My eyes were wide.

  “That’s today’s present.” Kaden grinned. “But before you open it, you have to let me in to see the place with the others.”

  “No.” It was the first word that came back to me.

  “What do you mean, no?”

  “No. We can’t move in together. You—we wanted to take it slow, remember?” I stammered, backing off as he lifted the box and walked into my apartment with it. He ignored Dawn and looked only at me.

  “What was it some wise woman once said? I think it was ‘I want to see the damned room!’” He pushed past me into the living room.

  “He’s crazy,” I murmured, watching him from behind.

  “After you,” Dawn added, with a meaningful look.

  “Is this good or bad?” I asked her, but she just smiled.

  “You tell me.”

  No easy answer came to mind.

  “Is anyone here allergic to cats?” Kaden asked. “Then you’d better get outta here.”

  What the hell?

  From across the hall I watched Kaden place the box in the middle of the free bedroom. One of the girls wrinkled her nose and left, letting the door swing closed behind her. Another candidate followed her out.

  Kaden knelt on the floor and opened the carrier.

  “You’re pulling my leg,” I managed to say.

  “Shhh, you’re upsetting Spidey.” Kaden’s voice had gone soft and deep.

  “Spidey?”

  “Actually, I named him Spider-Man Junior, but Spidey sounds cuter. Come on, little one.” Kaden rubbed his fingers together and clicked his tongue.

  He couldn’t be serious.

  “Kaden,” I warned.

  “What?” He looked at me, frowning. “You always said you wanted a cat.”

  “I … what?”

  “You always told me you wanted a cat. So I thought I’d give you Spidey. Who happens to be asleep right now. Fine, be that way.” Kaden stood and brushed his hands on his jeans. “So show me around, give me the official tour.”

  All I did was stare at him. “You can’t be serious,” I said aloud what I was thinking. No filter.

  The grin faded from his face. “The apartment where I live right now is empty. I need a change of scenery. A place to start over.”

  I shook my head. He really was crazy. But okay, I could play along. “This is the room. It’s unfurnished; you’d have to get your own stuff.”

  “No problem. I have furniture.” Kaden shot back, as if he’d memorized a script. We went into the living room together; all the other candidates were hanging out while Scott told the stories behind the photos.

  “Here’s the living room,” I recited with a wave of the hand and observed how Kaden took in everything as if he were seeing it for the first time.

  “Nice photos,” he said, narrowing his eyes a bit. “I like that one up there a lot.” He pointed to the picture of me, and again all I could do was shake my head.

  The other candidates eyed Kaden curiously. He noticed and rubbed the back of his head. Then he sighed and turned to look at each of them.

  “Okay, people, let me be honest with you,” he began, walking over to the handful of guys and one woman still hanging out with Scott. He pointed at me. “I know Allie Harper. I shared an apartment with her for the last few months. And it was not easy. She is not a good roommate, despite her cute smiles and the cheap decorations strewn about here.”

  “Kaden,” I hissed.

  He lifted his hand. “No, I mean it. Allie, you’re not that good as a roommate.”

  “What are you talking about?” I put my hands on my hips. God, this was embarrassing. I wanted to tape his mouth shut.

  In the background, I noticed Dawn sit on the couch and pull Scott down with her. The candidates stood there, looking uncomfortable.

  “So first of all—you cry at every little thing. It’s true,” he turned toward the strangers in the room. “One time she started bawling when I brought her some pizza.”

  “That was just—”

  “Secondly,” he interrupted me, “she sings in the shower. Out of tune and awful.”

  “Stop it, Kaden!” My cheeks were hot, my hands clenched. “I don’t have to take this.”

  Did he really think this was the right way to convince me to let him move in?

  “Thirdly,” he continued unmoved, “she mixes fragrances that don’t match. Vanilla. Coconut. Mint. Disgusting. So it can smell like a candy factory in here day or night. It’s a recipe for a headache. Worse than a hangover.”

  “That’s not so bad,” Bow-tie Isaac interjected, with a shy smile. I answered with a grateful smile of my own.

  Kaden stepped toward him and threw sparks. “You’re not moving in under any circumstances. Particularly if you look at her like that. Make your puppy dog eyes somewhere else; shove off, dude.”

  “Kaden, you don’t get it!” My pulse was hammering in my ears. “Just because we’ve made up doesn’t mean you can come in here and hijack my search for a housemate.”

  “That’s not my intention,” he answered.

  I raised my eyebrows and folded my arms.

  “Well, actually that is what I want. But only,” he cleared his throat, “because I know we’re a good team. I don’t think you’d be better off with someone else. Besides, we really have made up, and I’ll probably be here more often now—a roommate would get on our nerves.”

  I shook my head. “You can’t just throw my plans out the window because they don’t meet your expectations,” I whispered, hoping that the others wouldn’t eavesdrop.

  Kaden stepped toward me. It almost looked like he wanted to grab me, but he let his hands drop again. “I know I messed up. Really bad. But please, Allie. Please give me a chance.”

  I sighed.
Who was I fooling?

  My eyes met Isaac’s gaze; he was looking back and forth from Kaden to me. Then he shook his head, mouthed the word “sorry” toward me and left the apartment. Another guy followed him, and we heard the door close a second time.

  “Anyone else thinking of flirting with my girlfriend?” Kaden asked.

  I froze. Dawn let out a squeak, and Scott gasped.

  “What did you call me?” I stepped toward Kaden.

  When he realized what he’d said, he didn’t seem so cocky anymore. “Actually I wanted to do this another way. I wasn’t expecting so many people. And Spidey was supposed to jump on you with a bow around his neck, and charm you off your feet. And I wanted to ask your forgiveness again and then ask you if you … Well, what’s the point?”

  “This is worse than a soap opera. I’m out,” groaned the woman, who got up and left.

  Of all the candidates only one guy remained. Confused, he looked from Kaden to me to Dawn and Scott and back.

  “Well, I have nothing against soap operas,” he ventured. When Kaden glared at him, he took a step back.

  “Aw, you’ll find another apartment. It’ll work out,” Dawn said, patting him on the shoulder. She nodded to Scott, and the two of them guided the fellow outside.

  Leaving me alone with Kaden.

  Kaden grinned and seemed pleased with the entire situation. As for me, I was still standing there in disbelief.

  “Look who woke up!” Kaden squatted and tapped lightly on the floor. A ball of red wool came bouncing out of the free bedroom. Spidey the kitten took two cautious steps forward and pressed his nose to the floor, but wouldn’t cross the threshold to the living room.

  “I checked it out with your landlady first, and took the kitty for his shots yesterday.” Kaden tried to coax the little fellow into the living room, but he seemed reluctant. Finally Kaden gave up trying and got up. “You can open the box now. Where is it?”

  All I could do was point to my bedroom door. Kaden pulled me in after him. While he plopped down in my desk chair as he always used to do, I turned toward the large box, not knowing what else to do. I tore off the packing tape and folded back the lid. My eyebrows shot up. If these were sex toys, then Kaden had sought out the most unusual ones. There were balls and feathers, plastic birds and mice. And lots of …

  “Kitty litter?” I blurted out. “You’re giving me kitty litter? That’s the special gift?”

  “Not just any kitty litter. It has the same fragrance as your awful candles.”

  Sure enough. The first bag was labeled “vanilla,” and the second “coconut.” Oh my God! I burst out laughing, so hard that tears dripped down my cheeks.

  Through the blur I noticed that Kaden had stood and moved close to me. He reached out to touch my waist. I fell silent.

  “I wanted to show you the tattoo now, and I did hope the cat would scare off the others … but I also don’t know what I was thinking with all this. To be honest, I learned a while back that it’s better not to depend on you when it comes to plans. ‘Cause you manage to make me throw all my plans and rules overboard.”

  My eyes wandered over Kaden’s face. His laugh lines, his striking features, his stubble. And his warm eyes and curved lips, which could drive me wild.

  “It was terrible with you gone, Bubbles. Everything felt wrong,” Kaden said, his voice rough. “I missed your laugh. Your ability to make me laugh. The way you make me the man I want to be.”

  “I missed you, too. But do you honestly think it makes sense to just pick up where we left off?” My hopes were high. But fear was still in my bones. I trusted Kaden, but did he trust me enough?

  “There will be dark days,” he said, as if reading my mind. “Days when I have to be reminded of how good it can be. But I promise you I’ll do everything I can to make the brighter days win out.”

  Something tickled my leg; taken by surprise, I looked down—and grinned. Spidey was sniffing at my foot. He looked like a ball of disheveled fur, with orange stripes. Kaden bent down to scratch behind his ears. Spidey began to purr.

  “So, Bubbles.” Kaden looked at me. “What will it be?”

  Crouching down to the floor, I reached out a hand to Spidey and let him sniff it. He rubbed against my hand, warming me with his gentle purring. I looked up at Kaden and smiled.

  “There will be rules.”

  Epilogue

  Three weeks later

  Frowning at my reflection in the mirror, I tugged at the sleeve of my dress.

  Kaden stepped behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. His warm hands pressed my body, and he kissed me behind the ear.

  “You’re thinking too much again,” he murmured. He let his fingers drift downward. I promptly removed them.

  “Dawn and Scott will flip out when they see it.” I lifted my right arm and Kaden rolled up the sleeve to reveal my new tattoo.

  Not broken, just bent.

  He laughed and lifted my wrist to his lips. There he planted the first kiss, and worked his way up.

  “In my opinion the whole world ought to see it,” he whispered against my skin; I caught my breath.

  “They’re going to think we’re crazy, Kaden.”

  “And they won’t be wrong,” he said, then nibbled on my neck.

  “I got a damned tattoo. Because I am crazy. Because you’re crazy—we’re both out of our minds to move in together again!” I pulled down my sleeve. “If my parents found out, they’d lose it.”

  He took a step back and let go of me. “It sounds like you’re looking for a reason for us to fail, Bubbles.”

  “It’s the truth.”

  Kaden lifted one eyebrow. “We lived together before. Why should we care what they think? It’s none of their business. It’s our business.”

  Before I could respond, he bent down and kissed me. And I lost all resistance, flinging my arms around his shoulders. He moved his mouth slowly against mine but after a few seconds I pulled myself free. If we didn’t stop now, we’d never leave this room.

  “You can’t just kiss me every time I turn around.”

  He raised an eyebrow, but his eyes were still closed. “Why not? It works so well.”

  I wanted to sock him but he pinned my arms back, laughing. Then he pulled me close again and rubbed his face in my hair.

  “No regrets, right?”

  I couldn’t look him in the eyes, he was holding me so close. So I just stroked his back. “I don’t regret a thing.”

  And I meant it from the bottom of my heart. My heart was also telling me it didn’t matter what my parents thought. Not about our apartment. Not about my tattoo. Not about Kaden.

  For the first time in my life I was truly happy. Just thinking about it almost brought me to tears.

  “Good,” answered Kaden, with an ominous tone, and before I knew it he had hoisted me over his shoulder. I yelled in a most unladylike manner and pounded his back.

  “I’m wearing a dress, Kaden! Put me down!” I cried.

  “Yeah, well the others have been waiting for us forever. And if you keep on looking for signs of the coming apocalypse of our relationship we’ll never make it out of here. So… ” He concluded with a slap on my behind. I squealed and took my revenge by pinching his side. He drew in a breath, laughing, and almost banged into the doorframe. He didn’t put me down until he had closed the bedroom door behind us. Kaden’s smug grin had earned him a serious swat on the rear. But Dawn arrived just then, interrupting my intentions with a warm hug.

  “Finally,” she sighed. Then she grabbed my arms and looked into my eyes, as if to check on the state of my soul. “Were you trying to hide from the world again?”

  I looked around our decorated living room, saw the fancy garlands and colorful string lights, gifts from Dawn after my move. The table was loaded with tasty snacks. Scott was sitting on the couch
laughing about something Micah had whispered in his ear. We’d only just met Micah today, but he already seemed like an old friend.

  Spencer was in the kitchen, debating with Monica about how long his homemade pizza should stay in the oven. Ethan was listening in, shaking his head and smiling.

  My eyes turned to Kaden, who had just grabbed a skewer with grapes from the table and was inspecting it, when I shot him a grin. With a soft meow, Spidey poked his head out from under the couch. Kaden bent down to scoop up the kitten, who by now was nearly twice as large as our TV remote. Kaden scratched him under the chin and smiled as Spidey started to purr. My heart felt both heavy and light and a familiar tingling spread from my scalp to the tips of my toes.

  “I wasn’t hiding,” I answered, meeting Dawn’s gaze. “Not anymore.”

  For so much of my life I had been hiding. Living behind a façade. All that had come to an end after I’d moved to Woodshill. I came here looking for freedom—but I’d found much more. Of course there would be dark days—there were always some of those. But at times like these, when my heart seemed so full, I knew the pain had been worth it. After all, it was through pain that I had learned to find true happiness.

  A Chat with Mona

  Although she’s never been the US, Mona Kasten set Allie and Kaden’s story in the wooded mountains of Washington state. It’s a reflection of author’s own love of nature and new-adult novels. »be« talks to Mona about music, tattoos, and Kaden White.

  Would you ever share an apartment with Kaden White? Or which of your characters would you rather live with?

  I think Kaden would be too crabby to live with in a shared apartment. Personally, I’m a very happy person, so I think Dawn would be a great roommate—we have the same sense of humor and a love for books:)

  Which song on the Begin Again playlist should every reader hear?

  Banks’ songs top the playlist for all of the “Again” books because I listened to them hundreds of times while writing; she’s my favorite singer. She’s one of those artists who deserve a lot more attention, but at the same time you kind of wish she’d stay unknown so her songs remain special. Still, I’m giving her a plug: Everyone listen to Banks! I don’t know how popular her music is in America, but here in Germany not many people are familiar with her songs. If you have a chance, definitely see her live in concert. I went in March, and it was simply magical. She’s a goddess!