by A. K. Evans
I shook my head feeling utterly disappointed before I ended, “What a waste of all that you are.”
Several minutes passed without either of us saying a word. It dawned on me that I’d pretty much dominated the conversation. Now, I wasn’t saying anything, and Holden still had nothing to say to me.
Deciding it was time to put us both out of our misery, I declared, “Well, I guess that’s it. I’ve got nothing left to say, so I’ll just say thanks for coming here so that I could get some closure on this.”
Holden’s pained expression came to mine. “Leni, sweetheart, I’m so sorry.”
My throat was so tight it hurt when I rasped, “Please don’t call me that anymore.”
Defeat came over him. I felt bad for doing that to him, but he hurt me. I was still feeling really raw.
Nodding, he stood from the couch and moved to my front door. I followed behind him as the pit in my belly grew with each step. When he made it to the door, he stopped and look back at me one last time.
I felt so consumed with heartbreak, I couldn’t even begin to react quick enough to stop him when he curled a hand behind my head and pressed a kiss to my forehead.
“Take care of yourself, Leni,” he whispered when he pulled back.
With that, he turned and walked out.
And when the door closed behind him, I realized something. Grandma was wrong. Following my heart wasn’t always the best choice.
It had been a long three weeks.
In that time, I’d done what I could to try and heal myself. The truth was, I knew Holden wasn’t going to be easy to get over. As much as I hated that he wasn’t up front with me about where he was emotionally from the beginning, I had to be honest. He was genuinely a really great guy.
And the moments I had with him that were truly special made it even harder to get over him. Because of that, I’d done what I had to do to minimize my chances of seeing him. Since my studio was still under construction, I had no choice but to continue to work out of Reece’s gym. Luckily for me, Reece hadn’t made any attempt to approach me since Holden and I broke things off. I wasn’t sure if he knew what happened or if I’d been so good about getting myself out of there immediately following my classes that he never had the opportunity to approach me.
Either way, I didn’t care. I was relieved that I hadn’t needed to have that conversation.
To help myself heal from the heartbreak, I spent a few extra days with my grandma and gave myself more time on my mat at home. I only went to Reece’s gym when I was scheduled to teach an actual class. Beyond that, I knew I’d just need some time.
So, until I managed to fully recover from my broken heart, I did my best to get up each day and find something with which to occupy my mind. And I knew that as long as I continued to do that, over time the pain would lessen and the wounds would heal.
For the time being, though, I had to push through the moments that were always a bit nerve-wracking. Like now. I had just pulled into the parking lot at Reece’s gym. It was late afternoon, and I was actually scheduled to teach two back-to-back classes. As was always the case, I was looking forward to having the extra time on the mat. But if I was being completely honest, there was the part of me that was dreading being here for the extended period of time. There was just too much opportunity for something to go wrong…like running into Holden.
As I walked through the front door, I quickly gave a nod and a wave to the employee at the front desk. I kept my eyes focused on my destination, which was the room my class was being held in.
Once I made it there, I let out a sigh of relief. I got to work on setting up the space in preparation of my class that was expected to start within the next fifteen minutes. It was no surprise that my classes lately had a heavy emphasis on heart openers. That was precisely what today’s classes were going to be as well. I needed to just find all the ways I could to open my heart and air it out. To let the dust of my failed relationship settle somewhere that I could finally find a way to sweep it away.
As I’d opened up the last of the mats and adjusted the lighting in the room, the door opened. I expected to look up and find my students walking in. Instead, it was Reece.
It seemed my lucky streak was about to end.
Reece shot me a friendly smile and greeted me, “Hey, Leni.”
I swallowed hard before I returned a solid, “Hi, Reece.”
I wanted to do my best to appear strong and unaffected. It wasn’t that I was embarrassed by my emotions or feelings, but I didn’t think it was wise to reveal it all to Reece either.
Reece stopped walking a few feet in front of me but didn’t say anything.
Starting to worry, I asked, “Is everything alright?”
Just then, the door opened and two students walked in. A look of frustration came over Reece.
“Before you leave today, would you mind stopping in my office?” he asked. “I just want to talk to you about something before you go.”
I nodded. “Sure.”
With that, he turned and started to walk away. But because I cared too much and was concerned, I called, “Reece?”
Reece stopped and turned around. “Yeah?”
“Is everything okay?” I asked, hoping he understood the meaning in my question.
After a brief pause, he confirmed, “Yes.”
I lifted my chin in acknowledgment and did my best to rid myself of the worries I had before class started.
Just two classes and I’d be able to see what Reece wanted to discuss with me.
For the next few minutes, I sat on my mat at the front of the room. I watched and waved as my students arrived but tried to focus on my breathing at the same time. The sooner I got myself into a regular breathing pattern, the sooner I’d be able to calm my nerves.
With a minute left before I was going to start my class, the door opened again and another student walked in.
Tanya.
Ugh.
The day was just getting better and better.
Ever since the first time she’d shown up to one of my classes, she made the effort to come to one weekly. Obviously, it was great for my business to have a returning student, but something about her just rubbed me the wrong way. And now it was even worse because I couldn’t even say that I had Holden.
Funny enough, it was like I’d become Tanya. The girl who wants the guy that wants nothing to do with her. Of course, my brand of Tanya didn’t come with the creepy aspect that the original did.
When she came in, her eyes came to mine and she shot me a devious smile. I didn’t know what it meant, and I really didn’t care. I just knew I did not like her at all.
A few more students trickled in behind Tanya, and everyone found a place to practice. Once my students were settled on their mats, I told them we’d be starting our practice in sukhasana, a seated yoga posture very often used for meditation. That was how I planned to get my mind right for the rest of the class.
A few minutes into that posture, I managed to clear my head of the last-minute disruptions. From that point forward through the remainder of the class, I focused only on opening my heart and releasing the hurt from it.
When class ended, my students began to file out of the room. I gave myself a thirty-minute window between the end of this class and the start of the next when I scheduled it. Realizing I had some time to take care of it now, I decided I’d quickly clean all the mats so I could run out and talk to Reece. I figured it was best for me to do it before the next class because depending on what it was, I might be able to reap the benefits of my class afterward.
I moved to my bag, snatched up my yoga mat cleaner and towel, and turned to tackle the project. No sooner did I do that when I heard, “Leni?”
I knew that voice.
And it was one I did not want to hear.
I turned around and returned, “Yes, Tanya?”
“Um, I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed today’s class,” she said.
I smiled and returned, �
��I’m happy to hear that.”
“Yeah, I actually talked to Reece. He said that your studio had been affected by the arsonist, but that once it’s rebuilt, you’ll still be staying on here part-time. I’m happy about that because I’m finding that I’ve been benefiting from the classes.”
While I had spoken to Reece about staying on after I was back in my own studio, that was before everything went down with Holden and me. Now that Holden and I were no longer together, I wasn’t sure it was the best idea for me to continue teaching at his brother’s facility. It hit me then that perhaps that was what Reece wanted to talk to me about. Maybe he wanted me to stop immediately.
Ignoring that as best I could and not wanting to give Tanya any indication of what was going on in my personal life, I replied, “That’s great. A lot of people find that as they continue to practice, there’s a lot more benefit beyond just the physical. I’m sure if you stick with it, you’ll find yourself reaping those additional rewards, too.”
“I’m sure I will, too, because I’m already noticing them,” she remarked.
Silence stretched between us for a moment, and I could tell she was hesitating with something. Eventually, she just came out with it. “I haven’t seen Holden coming in with you recently. Is everything okay?”
I knew it.
I knew from the moment she walked through the door earlier today that there was something else on her agenda. The look on her face when she first showed up was not the friendly one she tried to make it appear to be. It was all evil.
“Everything is great,” I returned, doing my best to seem cheerful. There was no way I was going to say anything that would allow her to gloat about where Holden and I stood.
She looked perplexed and doubted, “Really? That’s wonderful if that’s the case. I was worried that something had happened when I realized I hadn’t seen the two of you coming in together anymore.”
Sneaky and conniving. The two best words I could use to describe Tanya.
“Oh, yeah,” I started. “Just conflicting schedules and both of us working a lot.”
Tanya gave me a look that told me she didn’t believe me, but I honestly didn’t care.
“That’s great. Well, I’ll let you get back to work then. I guess I’ll see you next week,” she ended.
I gave her a nod before she turned and moved toward the door.
Doing my best to rid myself of the conversation with Tanya, I got back to work on the mats. As soon as I finished, I went in search of Reece.
On my way to Reece’s office, I saw Connor.
“Hey, Connor,” I greeted as I walked by and waved.
Connor looked up at me, and I immediately noticed something wasn’t right. I stopped in my tracks and moved back toward him.
“Is everything okay?” I asked.
Connor nodded, but contradicted that when he explained, “I thought about what you said, and I took your advice.”
My eyes widened in surprise. “You told my dad you weren’t happy?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s great. What did he say?” I wondered.
Connor shrugged and shared, “He is not even remotely interested in considering having me in another position within the company.”
My shoulders fell. “I’m sorry. I guess I should have been smarter than to think it would be easy to convince him.”
“Yeah, tell me about it. You would think after what happened with you, he would have a different outlook on situations like this, especially when he claims that he values me as an employee.”
I shook my head. “It’s so disappointing. I’m truly sorry to hear that it didn’t go well. What are you going to do?”
Connor smirked and offered, “It wasn’t all bad. I mean, as a consolation prize he did give me a pretty hefty raise.”
Grinning, I teased, “Well, there you go. Always looking on the bright side.”
“I try,” he insisted.
I glanced up at the clock on the wall and lamented, “I’m sorry to cut this short. I have another class starting soon, and I need to stop in and talk to Reece quick. We can catch up later if you’re still around.”
“No problem. I’ll probably be out of here before you finish, but I’ll definitely see you soon, I’m sure.”
“Sounds great. Take care, Connor.”
“You too, Leni.”
With that, I turned and continued my trek to Reece’s office. When I made it there, I found his door was open. I knocked on the jamb, and his head came up.
“I figured since I have some time before my next class that I’d stop in now to see you,” I explained the reason I was there so early.
“Oh, that’s great. Thanks. Come in and have a seat,” he urged.
I did as he asked. Once I was sitting across from him, he explained, “I just wanted to make sure everything was okay. I’ve only seen you coming in for the classes. I always thought your filming was an ongoing thing.”
“It is,” I confirmed. “But I decided to take a break from it for a little bit. I have enough content to hold me over for a little while, so it’s not an issue for me to set it aside when I need to.”
“Need?” he repeated.
I sighed. “Truthfully, I’m trying not to be here as much as I was previously. I’m only coming in to teach the classes because I’ve made the commitment. If it weren’t for those classes, I wouldn’t be here at all. I don’t know what, if anything, you know about the situation between Holden and me, but—” I got out before he cut me off.
“I know.”
I gave him a nod. “Well, then I guess you can understand that I’m trying to avoid running into him here. I’m not exactly ready for that.”
“He’s not coming in, Leni,” Reece declared.
“I’m sorry?”
“Holden told me that he wasn’t going to be in for a while,” he started. “He knows that you’re here, trying to work, and he doesn’t want to make it more difficult for you. Until your studio is back up and running, he wanted to give you the respect he felt you deserved. Once you’re back in your own space, he’ll start coming back in here. And he’ll do it at a time that you aren’t scheduled to teach a class.”
My lips parted in shock. Holden was purposely staying away so he didn’t create an uncomfortable or awkward situation for me. Or, that’s what he wanted Reece to believe.
In any other situation, I might think that his gesture was sweet. I might believe he was being a good man who wanted to make an uncomfortable situation less awkward. To anybody else, Holden would appear to be the good guy. Deep down, I didn’t believe he was a bad guy.
But this was Holden.
And experience told me this wasn’t him being a stand-up guy. This was just more of the same from him. He was hiding again.
“And here I’ve been thinking I was getting lucky every time I showed up and he wasn’t here.”
“Do you really think it’s luck?” Reece asked.
When my confusion at his question became evident, he clarified, “My brother cared about you. More than I think either of you realizes.”
“Reece, it’s not that simple.”
“I told you that you’d need to be patient with him. I told you that if you could give that to him, you’d never regret what he’d give you in return.”
My nose began to sting at everything he was saying. Of course, I knew part of what he was saying was true because I’d seen what Holden was capable of giving. The problem was that he stopped giving anything. As my breaths grew shallow, I forced out, “I don’t doubt that for a minute because I witnessed first-hand just how good Holden can give when he wants to give. But with all due respect, Reece, you need to understand that Holden stopped giving. And I can be patient. I was patient. For a long time. But if he doesn’t want to work for this at all, I can’t do it alone.”
“So, that’s it? You both just give up?”
What was he not understanding about this?
“I don’t know what you’re looking fo
r me to say. I tried. I really did. But like I already told you, I couldn’t do it alone. Holden knew what he was doing and even admitted he was purposely pushing me away. I love him, and I could have waited. But I wouldn’t do it with zero effort from him. And in the end, if I was only going to end up with half of him and his heart, I’m sorry, but I deserve better than that.”
Reece was clearly frustrated, but he took a moment and finally decided, “You’re right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten involved. It’s just that… well, he’s my brother and I know how big of a mistake he’s making.”
“It’s okay,” I assured him. “I understand you wanting to look out for him.”
“Yeah, but I should have just let it go like I did the night of the anniversary party,” he maintained.
Tilting my head to the side, I asked, “What do you mean?”
Reece cautiously advised, “You’ll probably hate me for this, so I’ll apologize in advance. I’m sorry. But with everything Holden went through with his ex, I felt it was my job to make sure he didn’t end up in a similar situation with you. You were the first woman he had a relationship with that was more than just a hookup. So, when I saw you here being friendly with the guy you used to work with, I wondered if it was something Holden should be worried about. I never said anything to him about my concerns, though. And when I saw you with my brother at the party, I knew then how much you cared about him. Even now, I’ve known for weeks that things ended between the two of you, and I can still see how much it’s hurting you.”
